3/09/2009
2 Weeks
Two weeks ago, we were in some pretty significant labor and being told that we would probably deliver vaginally within a couple of hours. LOL
There is a lot going on in my head, none of it appropriate to post. Since I can't ignore the pink elephant in the middle of the room, I'm going to make this one short. I can't share what is really going on, because it's not fair. So, I'll leave it at that.
Bailey is in full-blown transition mode. She is whiny, clingy, demanding and all over extremely difficult to take right now. She wants me 100% of the time and when my attention is diverted for even a few minutes, all hell breaks loose in her world. I'm exhausted by it and so thankful that she is going to daycare this morning. I honestly, have no idea how people do it who stay at home. I would, literally, lose it. In all honesty, I would probably leave. I just could not do it. If I'm ever forced to, I don't know how I am going to get it done. But anyway.
I love our daughter, more than I have words for. But I can't wait to drop her off this morning. I really can't.
Everything else is just peachy. More later when I am over this funk.
There is a lot going on in my head, none of it appropriate to post. Since I can't ignore the pink elephant in the middle of the room, I'm going to make this one short. I can't share what is really going on, because it's not fair. So, I'll leave it at that.
Bailey is in full-blown transition mode. She is whiny, clingy, demanding and all over extremely difficult to take right now. She wants me 100% of the time and when my attention is diverted for even a few minutes, all hell breaks loose in her world. I'm exhausted by it and so thankful that she is going to daycare this morning. I honestly, have no idea how people do it who stay at home. I would, literally, lose it. In all honesty, I would probably leave. I just could not do it. If I'm ever forced to, I don't know how I am going to get it done. But anyway.
I love our daughter, more than I have words for. But I can't wait to drop her off this morning. I really can't.
Everything else is just peachy. More later when I am over this funk.
3/07/2009
Almost Two Weeks
I realized today that in my desire to get the birth story written, I haven't posted anything about us or our transition to parenting two children. Silly me...or probably more appropriately...very tired me!
First - Connor is just a dream baby. He sleeps 4-5 hour stretches at night, waking to feed and then going right back down for another 3-4 hour stretch. He isn't at all finicky about his environment. He is in our room and will sleep just fine with the light on, the tv on and us talking. Doesn't phase him in the slightest.
He is breast feeding. After being relatively certain that she wouldn't, Kelly decided that she wanted to breastfeed and has had a very successful time of it. In the beginning, we suplemented with formula (for various reasons), but cut the formula completely out when we got home and Kelly's milk came in. Now, Connor feeds at the brest 95% of the time and bottle feeds pumped breast milk the rest of the time. Kelly is a milk goddess - pumping 3-5 ounces every 4 hours or so. Connor is getting plenty to eat! We haven't saved any yet, because we are trying to regulate Kelly's supply down a bit to more match his consumption. I'm not sure how long we will continue to breast feed, and shortly we will begin to freeze some for returning to work. But for now, we are just pumping what we will feed at the next feeding.
Connor is a little guy, which is a bit strange for us. Bailey was born into size 1 diapers and moved into size 2 diapers within a month. Connor is still in newborn diapers and they are just now fitting perfectly. We have relatively few clothes that actually fit him, even though we have a big supply of newborn clothes. They are just big on him. His little legs are like twigs. Bailey's were very juicy - we 3 rolls in her upper thigh and big juicy rolls on her ankles. Connor is completely different. He's just a tiny little thing.
Bailey is doing alright with the big sister thing. She adores Connor...but isn't so happy when my time gets taken away from her. If there has been a transition thing, it's been that she is much more clingy and whiny. She wants her bobo all the time and throws huge fits when I refuse. Kelly is just now integrating back into the family after the beginning of her recovery. She can finally walk and sit comfortably. Her presence is taking some of the heat of me. It's much easier on Bailey when our ratio is 1-1. I spend lots of time holding Connor when Bailey is around and so far, she is doing fine with that. I think it helps that she is still in daycare and that her routine hasn't been completely disrupted.
As for Kelly, she is doing well. It has been a long two weeks for her (on the heels of a long 3rd trimester). She is finally starting to feel "normal". Her staples are out and she is down to taking percocet every 6 hours, with 800 mg motrin alternating. She is, of course, unable to lift Bailey still (and will be unable for a long time), but she is really starting to feel a lot better.
I'm doing well too. I think that I am exhausted, but I don't really feel it. I just kind of feel like the energizer bunny. There are a million things to do and sometimes I force myself to stop doing them and take a nap. I'm so glad that I'm home right now...because I don't know what I would do if I had to work. I am looking forward to going back...but so appreciative of this time.
Speaking of napping...I got about 3 hours of sleep last night between Bailey sleeping poorly, my mom leaving at 2 AM and Connor awake in between all of that. So, I'm off to take a nap! I'll write more later...
First - Connor is just a dream baby. He sleeps 4-5 hour stretches at night, waking to feed and then going right back down for another 3-4 hour stretch. He isn't at all finicky about his environment. He is in our room and will sleep just fine with the light on, the tv on and us talking. Doesn't phase him in the slightest.
He is breast feeding. After being relatively certain that she wouldn't, Kelly decided that she wanted to breastfeed and has had a very successful time of it. In the beginning, we suplemented with formula (for various reasons), but cut the formula completely out when we got home and Kelly's milk came in. Now, Connor feeds at the brest 95% of the time and bottle feeds pumped breast milk the rest of the time. Kelly is a milk goddess - pumping 3-5 ounces every 4 hours or so. Connor is getting plenty to eat! We haven't saved any yet, because we are trying to regulate Kelly's supply down a bit to more match his consumption. I'm not sure how long we will continue to breast feed, and shortly we will begin to freeze some for returning to work. But for now, we are just pumping what we will feed at the next feeding.
Connor is a little guy, which is a bit strange for us. Bailey was born into size 1 diapers and moved into size 2 diapers within a month. Connor is still in newborn diapers and they are just now fitting perfectly. We have relatively few clothes that actually fit him, even though we have a big supply of newborn clothes. They are just big on him. His little legs are like twigs. Bailey's were very juicy - we 3 rolls in her upper thigh and big juicy rolls on her ankles. Connor is completely different. He's just a tiny little thing.
Bailey is doing alright with the big sister thing. She adores Connor...but isn't so happy when my time gets taken away from her. If there has been a transition thing, it's been that she is much more clingy and whiny. She wants her bobo all the time and throws huge fits when I refuse. Kelly is just now integrating back into the family after the beginning of her recovery. She can finally walk and sit comfortably. Her presence is taking some of the heat of me. It's much easier on Bailey when our ratio is 1-1. I spend lots of time holding Connor when Bailey is around and so far, she is doing fine with that. I think it helps that she is still in daycare and that her routine hasn't been completely disrupted.
As for Kelly, she is doing well. It has been a long two weeks for her (on the heels of a long 3rd trimester). She is finally starting to feel "normal". Her staples are out and she is down to taking percocet every 6 hours, with 800 mg motrin alternating. She is, of course, unable to lift Bailey still (and will be unable for a long time), but she is really starting to feel a lot better.
I'm doing well too. I think that I am exhausted, but I don't really feel it. I just kind of feel like the energizer bunny. There are a million things to do and sometimes I force myself to stop doing them and take a nap. I'm so glad that I'm home right now...because I don't know what I would do if I had to work. I am looking forward to going back...but so appreciative of this time.
Speaking of napping...I got about 3 hours of sleep last night between Bailey sleeping poorly, my mom leaving at 2 AM and Connor awake in between all of that. So, I'm off to take a nap! I'll write more later...
3/04/2009
The Birth Story Final Chapter
Pushing began at around 4:45 PM. I held one leg, while Kelly's Mom held the other. The first few pushes, my coaching was assisted by the nurse, but after that I got my groove and I counted for Kelly. Kelly pushed 3 times with a count to 10 each push per contractions. They were coming ever minute or so. The pressure was unbelievable for her. Every time another would come, she would grab her knees, pull back and push. I would pull one leg back, Sherry would pull the other, I would support her neck as she pushed it into her chest and start the count. She would breath once in between pushes and come right back into it.
Meanwhile, Cathy (our fantastic nurse) was opening and stretching Kelly. She was massaging her open, pushing her fingers down and giving Kelly a place to push toward. She would urge Kelly to push harder and when Kelly did, she would tell her so that Kelly would know how hard to be pushing. At one point, she opened up a container of mineral oil and began pouring it inside Kelly. She used this to keep stretching her further and further.
I do not remember many details of this because my entire focus was on Kelly. I glanced down a couple of times to see what the nurse was doing, and I remember lots of blood. I also remember thinking that they were really, really working her. But for the most part, I was focused entirely on Kelly. Breathing with her, watching her face to anticipate her contractions, making sure that she was resting between contractions, lightly touching her to relax her when I could. My voice was her guide and I wasn't so much worried about her vagina or the baby being born from it. I was focused entirely on my wife and the work she was doing.
Time passed strangely through this period. The doctor came in a couple of times and switched places with the nurse. She was feeling for Kelly's progress. After an hour, the intensity picked up. Connor wasn't really coming down as he should be, even though Kelly was pushing perfectly and with the right intensity. Dr. Riley gave us another half hour and the work continued.
When she came back, Kelly had made some very good progress. The capet (the pushed up skin from his skull) was crowning and you could see the hair on his head every time she pushed. When she was done pushing, you could still see it, but it receeded it a bit. Dr. Riley was impressed enough by the progress and encouraged by the fact that Connor was tolerating a long labor well, so she allowed us to continue pushing. We know now that she had already started the process of planning the c-section. But we'll get to that.
After another half hour of pushing, she came back. Connor was inching, very, very slowly down. We had reached the point where it was very unlikely that Connor was going to be born vaginally. There were a number of factors. The first is that Kelly, like her mother and sister, has a very narrow pelvis. Connor was, literally, stuck. The second factor was that Connor had is head slightly tilted, making the head bigger. The third was that Kelly was very, very tired at this point. We all were, but nobody more so than Kelly. She had been in latent labor for a week, active labor for 29 hours and pushing for 2. She had not slept in about 48 hours. She was absolutely exhausted.
The final straw was that Connor's heartrate began to fluxuate in dangerous ways. It didn't take long for Dr. Riley to tell us all of this and for us to agree that a c-section was the way to go. I stepped in and made this call, although Kelly agreed with me. Honestely, she was in too much pain to not agree.
They told her to stop pushing. The problem with not pushing when you have a baby, literally, stuck in your birth canal is that it hurts much, much worse to not push. Pushing relieves the pressure of the baby's head. Asking a woman in Kelly's situation to not push is very, very difficult. Kelly was literally coming up off the table at every contraction, and there was very little that we could do for her. I stood by her side, but she didn't want to be touched. She was out of her mind with pain.
The anestigiolosit was in the room within 5 minutes of making the call for a c-section. Kelly already had the epidural (it was rendered mostly ineffective at this point, but it was still in place) so all he had to do was get the medication ramped up and get her numb for the surgery. He started the injection and everything got very clinical. The nurses began to prepare. Sherry was asked to leave, as she would not be in the operating room with us. I was pushed to the side and told that I would be given instructions when they had Kelly prepared. The medication began to take some effect and they wheeled her away. Our room was right next door to the OR, so within minutes, she was wheeled in and I was left to wait.
I was given scrubs and told to put them on and stand by the door to wait. They needed to prep her and then they would come and get me. I got dressed very quickly and tried not to panick. God, it was so hard to have her wheeled away from me. So fucking hard.
It seemed like it took forever, although, I know that it didn't. They entered the OR at 7:03 PM.
After what felt like an eternity, I saw another doctor getting ready. She introduced herself as the pediatrician who would catch and care for Connor. I was so worried that I could barely acknowledge her. She didn't seem to mind. Finally, they told me it was time to come in.
If you've never been in a c-section room before, you won't understand when I say that it looked like my wife was this tiny speck in the middle of medical gear and people. I walked in and saw her laying there, all hooked up and surrounded by blue, steril paper and doctors and my first thought was that this was the woman who moments ago was blowing my mind as she worked to push our child from her body. Now, both of their lives were in the hands of the medical team. I have never felt so helpless in my life.
I reached her side and the surgery began. I stayed close to her, but we didn't talk much. She said she was a bit nauseated, but didn't say much more.
The tone in the room changed and I looked up just in time to see Connor born at 7:20 PM. He was pulled with his face toward me. I remember thinking that he looked very, very blue. He was very limp and blue. And he didn't cry. I watched and he finally made a very weak cry as they began to suction him. They transferred him to the warmer in the corner as they began to put my wife back together.
Connor barely cried in the OR. The few cries that came from him were very wet and rattly. They were weak. They doctors were working very hard on him. I kept standing up to look and saw that they had oxegyn on him at one point. Finally we couldn't stand it. I called out, asking if he was okay. I got the stock answer that he was fine, but having a bit of trouble breathing. We continued to wait for more information. This part seemed to go on and on and on. Finally, I asked Dr. Riley directly - I said, "Dr. Riley, is everything okay? I mean, is he struggling in the usual way that a c-section baby struggles or are his problems bigger?" She told me that he seemed to be having normal issues and that the problems didn't sound bigger. Of course, what did she know? She was busy putting my wife together, not tending to Connor.
They finally brought him over to us to see. We were able to kiss him for about 30 seconds. I took 2 pictures. They told us that he was going to the nursey. I asked if I could come and they told me no. They also told me that I would need to leave the OR as well. Leaving the OR was standard.
They escorted me back to the recovery room. I took of my scrubs and sat there. I don't remember how long I sat there. I remember looking around this very bright room, being completely alone, and thinking that my entire life was being worked on by two teams of doctors. The room where they should have been tending to Connor had he been born vaginally, stood empty. The remains of hours of labor were still there- the cup with ice chips. My cold cup of coffee. A few tissues. The rest of the room was empty and quiet and I was terrified.
I did what I always do when I'm scared. I tidied. I cleaned. I waited. Eventually, I did everything I could do and I just sat in the chair and stared at the door, waiting for them to bring my wife back to me or for a doctor to come and tell me the status of Connor.
Finally, they brought Kelly in. She was very out of it, as I was after my c-section. She seemed shocked to see me there. She wanted to know why I wasn't with Connor. I told her that they wouldn't let me go to the nursery with him. I didn't know his weight or lenghth. We were just waiting.
We waited for a while before the doctor finally came in and told us what was going on. Connor had a lot of trouble breathing when he was born and they had to get his oxegyn back up. They had him under a hood. They were monitoring his heart rate, his temperture, his blood sugars. They told us that it would be a while before we could see him - they couldn't bring him back to us. She was able to tell us that he was 8 pounds, 1.5 ounces at birth. She had not had a chance to check his length yet. She indicated that I could come to the nursery whenever I wanted to see him. I, of course, went immediately.
Connor was beautiful when I saw him, although it was odd to see him under a hood. He was pink and rosy, though, and didn't look like he was having problems. He was just getting a bit of oxegyn. I was very reassured after seeing him and returned to Kelly to report.
By this time, they were getting ready to move us to the post-partum unit and out of recovery. After the move, we continued to wait. I went back and forth between our room and the nursery to see Connor. He was doing well, but they needed to see some specific signs before they released him to our room.
Finally, at around 1 AM - 6 hours after he was born, they brought him to us and Kelly was able to hold him and get to know him. Connor was fine - his earlier struggles had been completely resolved and there didn't seem to be any lasting issues.
Finally, we had our baby.
Meanwhile, Cathy (our fantastic nurse) was opening and stretching Kelly. She was massaging her open, pushing her fingers down and giving Kelly a place to push toward. She would urge Kelly to push harder and when Kelly did, she would tell her so that Kelly would know how hard to be pushing. At one point, she opened up a container of mineral oil and began pouring it inside Kelly. She used this to keep stretching her further and further.
I do not remember many details of this because my entire focus was on Kelly. I glanced down a couple of times to see what the nurse was doing, and I remember lots of blood. I also remember thinking that they were really, really working her. But for the most part, I was focused entirely on Kelly. Breathing with her, watching her face to anticipate her contractions, making sure that she was resting between contractions, lightly touching her to relax her when I could. My voice was her guide and I wasn't so much worried about her vagina or the baby being born from it. I was focused entirely on my wife and the work she was doing.
Time passed strangely through this period. The doctor came in a couple of times and switched places with the nurse. She was feeling for Kelly's progress. After an hour, the intensity picked up. Connor wasn't really coming down as he should be, even though Kelly was pushing perfectly and with the right intensity. Dr. Riley gave us another half hour and the work continued.
When she came back, Kelly had made some very good progress. The capet (the pushed up skin from his skull) was crowning and you could see the hair on his head every time she pushed. When she was done pushing, you could still see it, but it receeded it a bit. Dr. Riley was impressed enough by the progress and encouraged by the fact that Connor was tolerating a long labor well, so she allowed us to continue pushing. We know now that she had already started the process of planning the c-section. But we'll get to that.
After another half hour of pushing, she came back. Connor was inching, very, very slowly down. We had reached the point where it was very unlikely that Connor was going to be born vaginally. There were a number of factors. The first is that Kelly, like her mother and sister, has a very narrow pelvis. Connor was, literally, stuck. The second factor was that Connor had is head slightly tilted, making the head bigger. The third was that Kelly was very, very tired at this point. We all were, but nobody more so than Kelly. She had been in latent labor for a week, active labor for 29 hours and pushing for 2. She had not slept in about 48 hours. She was absolutely exhausted.
The final straw was that Connor's heartrate began to fluxuate in dangerous ways. It didn't take long for Dr. Riley to tell us all of this and for us to agree that a c-section was the way to go. I stepped in and made this call, although Kelly agreed with me. Honestely, she was in too much pain to not agree.
They told her to stop pushing. The problem with not pushing when you have a baby, literally, stuck in your birth canal is that it hurts much, much worse to not push. Pushing relieves the pressure of the baby's head. Asking a woman in Kelly's situation to not push is very, very difficult. Kelly was literally coming up off the table at every contraction, and there was very little that we could do for her. I stood by her side, but she didn't want to be touched. She was out of her mind with pain.
The anestigiolosit was in the room within 5 minutes of making the call for a c-section. Kelly already had the epidural (it was rendered mostly ineffective at this point, but it was still in place) so all he had to do was get the medication ramped up and get her numb for the surgery. He started the injection and everything got very clinical. The nurses began to prepare. Sherry was asked to leave, as she would not be in the operating room with us. I was pushed to the side and told that I would be given instructions when they had Kelly prepared. The medication began to take some effect and they wheeled her away. Our room was right next door to the OR, so within minutes, she was wheeled in and I was left to wait.
I was given scrubs and told to put them on and stand by the door to wait. They needed to prep her and then they would come and get me. I got dressed very quickly and tried not to panick. God, it was so hard to have her wheeled away from me. So fucking hard.
It seemed like it took forever, although, I know that it didn't. They entered the OR at 7:03 PM.
After what felt like an eternity, I saw another doctor getting ready. She introduced herself as the pediatrician who would catch and care for Connor. I was so worried that I could barely acknowledge her. She didn't seem to mind. Finally, they told me it was time to come in.
If you've never been in a c-section room before, you won't understand when I say that it looked like my wife was this tiny speck in the middle of medical gear and people. I walked in and saw her laying there, all hooked up and surrounded by blue, steril paper and doctors and my first thought was that this was the woman who moments ago was blowing my mind as she worked to push our child from her body. Now, both of their lives were in the hands of the medical team. I have never felt so helpless in my life.
I reached her side and the surgery began. I stayed close to her, but we didn't talk much. She said she was a bit nauseated, but didn't say much more.
The tone in the room changed and I looked up just in time to see Connor born at 7:20 PM. He was pulled with his face toward me. I remember thinking that he looked very, very blue. He was very limp and blue. And he didn't cry. I watched and he finally made a very weak cry as they began to suction him. They transferred him to the warmer in the corner as they began to put my wife back together.
Connor barely cried in the OR. The few cries that came from him were very wet and rattly. They were weak. They doctors were working very hard on him. I kept standing up to look and saw that they had oxegyn on him at one point. Finally we couldn't stand it. I called out, asking if he was okay. I got the stock answer that he was fine, but having a bit of trouble breathing. We continued to wait for more information. This part seemed to go on and on and on. Finally, I asked Dr. Riley directly - I said, "Dr. Riley, is everything okay? I mean, is he struggling in the usual way that a c-section baby struggles or are his problems bigger?" She told me that he seemed to be having normal issues and that the problems didn't sound bigger. Of course, what did she know? She was busy putting my wife together, not tending to Connor.
They finally brought him over to us to see. We were able to kiss him for about 30 seconds. I took 2 pictures. They told us that he was going to the nursey. I asked if I could come and they told me no. They also told me that I would need to leave the OR as well. Leaving the OR was standard.
They escorted me back to the recovery room. I took of my scrubs and sat there. I don't remember how long I sat there. I remember looking around this very bright room, being completely alone, and thinking that my entire life was being worked on by two teams of doctors. The room where they should have been tending to Connor had he been born vaginally, stood empty. The remains of hours of labor were still there- the cup with ice chips. My cold cup of coffee. A few tissues. The rest of the room was empty and quiet and I was terrified.
I did what I always do when I'm scared. I tidied. I cleaned. I waited. Eventually, I did everything I could do and I just sat in the chair and stared at the door, waiting for them to bring my wife back to me or for a doctor to come and tell me the status of Connor.
Finally, they brought Kelly in. She was very out of it, as I was after my c-section. She seemed shocked to see me there. She wanted to know why I wasn't with Connor. I told her that they wouldn't let me go to the nursery with him. I didn't know his weight or lenghth. We were just waiting.
We waited for a while before the doctor finally came in and told us what was going on. Connor had a lot of trouble breathing when he was born and they had to get his oxegyn back up. They had him under a hood. They were monitoring his heart rate, his temperture, his blood sugars. They told us that it would be a while before we could see him - they couldn't bring him back to us. She was able to tell us that he was 8 pounds, 1.5 ounces at birth. She had not had a chance to check his length yet. She indicated that I could come to the nursery whenever I wanted to see him. I, of course, went immediately.
Connor was beautiful when I saw him, although it was odd to see him under a hood. He was pink and rosy, though, and didn't look like he was having problems. He was just getting a bit of oxegyn. I was very reassured after seeing him and returned to Kelly to report.
By this time, they were getting ready to move us to the post-partum unit and out of recovery. After the move, we continued to wait. I went back and forth between our room and the nursery to see Connor. He was doing well, but they needed to see some specific signs before they released him to our room.
Finally, at around 1 AM - 6 hours after he was born, they brought him to us and Kelly was able to hold him and get to know him. Connor was fine - his earlier struggles had been completely resolved and there didn't seem to be any lasting issues.
Finally, we had our baby.
3/03/2009
The Birth Story Part 3
We arrived at the hospital around 2:30 in the morning. Kelly was quickly ushered into a room and given her gown. She gladly took off her clothes - they were seriously annoying her every time a contraction would hit - and got on the table. The nurse came back in to do our first check and to get us hooked up to the monitors.
The nurse was pretty rough with Kelly and when she entered her to check her, Kelly tensed up a lot. The nurse wasn't really able to get a good read, but commented that not much had changed since our doctors appointment on Thursday. We were still a loose one centimeter. She hooked us up to the monitors and left.
And so began the long part of labor. It's a hurry up and wait game and the parts where you are just quiet, waiting, are really difficult. Kelly continued to have regular contractions and they continued to get more painful. Kelly's response to pain was to get very quiet and go internal. I knew this would happen and I found myself grateful for the monitors. Rather than having to ask Kelly if she was having a contraction, I was able to watch the "TOCO" number. When it started going up, I knew one was coming. I was even able to figure out at which number she would start to feel the pain. In this way, I was able to support her in silence, with a touch of my hand. A couple of times, she asked me not to touch her. I backed off, of course and let her labor.
At around 3:30 AM, they came in to tell us that the doctor on call had decided to have us checked at 4:00 AM to see if any progress was coming from the contractions or if we should go home. They said she had a "great contraction pattern". Kelly moved to the rocking chair and continued to labor there. The rocking chair was much less painful for her than laying on her back. The contractions seemed to pick up in intensity while she was sitting. The quiet laboring continued.
At 4 AM, they came to check us. Kelly was much more relaxed this time and the nurse was much more gentle. She told us that Kelly was 4 centimeters dilated and that he was very, very low. She was certain the doctor would decide to keep us. Kelly's pain was pretty high, but still tolerable. They offered her pain medication - either through the IV or an epidural, but Kelly turned them down. For now, she would continue to labor without medication.
At 6 AM, she was in lots of pain. They had, of course, admitted her and we were excited about having gone into labor on our own. In between contractions, there was a palpable tension in the air - anticipation, excited and nervousness all in one. We found out around this time that Kelly was Strep B Positive. Strangely, we had forgotten to ask the results of the test at 36 weeks and had just assumed they would tell us if it were positive. They brought in the antibiotic and started it.
At 7 AM, the shift change had occurred and our nurse came on. Cathy was a nurse that we knew well and were very comfortable with. She checked Kelly's cervix and announced that she was 7-8 centimeters dilated! We were so excited!!! We began making jokes about being able to watch Ellen at 2 PM from the extended stay unit. Kelly also asked for an epidural at this point. She did not want to go too much further and risk not being able to have one.
The anestiologist came in quickly and they asked me to leave the room. I waited in the waiting room for what felt like forever. They called me back in when the epidural was in and the waiting began again.
The relief was immediate. Kelly was immoble, but feeling much better. They put in a catheder and we continued to wait.
At around 8:30 AM, our doctor came in to check Kelly and see where we were in the process. She did her internal and decided that the nurse had been very generous by saying 8 centimeters and that Kelly was more like a very tight 7 centimeters. Dr. Riley broke her water. She told us to sit tight and that she would be back to check in a while. That was a bit disappointing, but we took it in stride.
I went out to get a cup of coffee at this point and heard Dr. Riley saying that Kelly was 6-7 centimeters to another doctor. That sucked to hear.
We continued to labor and while there was some pressure, it really wasn't that much. We rested and waited. They came in and gave her fluid. They watched the monitors. And we waited some more.
At 10:30, Kelly was checked again. She was finally 8 centimeters! The nurse had another nurse check Kelly as well, because the doctor had second-guessed her. The second nurse agreed with the 8 centimeter measurement. But this meant that we really hadn't progressed much since 7 AM. The waiting continued.
At 11:30, Kelly's mother arrived. When she walked in, Kelly and I were dosing and trying to get some rest. We had not slept the night before and were gearing up for the real hard part of labor. Things were relatively calm at this point. There wasn't much happening. Just a lot of waiting.
They checked Kelly again right before 1 PM, and while she had not dilated much more, Connor was lower (a zero station) and her cervix was completely thinned on one side. Her contractions had started to slow down, however, so they started a pitocin drip. They wanted to get her contractions back up to every 1-2 minutes and strong so that they continued to do their job.
It sucked to watch labor start ot stall out. We really wanted to do this on our own. But, the pitocin did the job. Kelly's contractions picked back up. We began to see the dip in heartrate with every contraction. This is good because it means that the head is being squeezed with every contraction which is an indicator that he's low and getting ready.
They continued to check Kelly and had her start rotating sides to thin areas of the cervix that were still thicker. He was low and she was dilated to 9 centimeters by around 3:30 PM. At 5 PM, they announced that was ready to go. The doctor came in and checked her and saw some problems with her cervix - there was a lip. She asked Kelly to push and was able to slip the lip backwards. She didn't see any reason not to start pushing.
Kelly's epidural had become mostly ineffective by now. The pressure of having Connor's head so low really caused a great deal of pain. She was back to breathing through every contraction and was exhausted and irritable. Being able to start pushing made us both very, very happy. We were ready for our baby.
(final chapter to come!)
The nurse was pretty rough with Kelly and when she entered her to check her, Kelly tensed up a lot. The nurse wasn't really able to get a good read, but commented that not much had changed since our doctors appointment on Thursday. We were still a loose one centimeter. She hooked us up to the monitors and left.
And so began the long part of labor. It's a hurry up and wait game and the parts where you are just quiet, waiting, are really difficult. Kelly continued to have regular contractions and they continued to get more painful. Kelly's response to pain was to get very quiet and go internal. I knew this would happen and I found myself grateful for the monitors. Rather than having to ask Kelly if she was having a contraction, I was able to watch the "TOCO" number. When it started going up, I knew one was coming. I was even able to figure out at which number she would start to feel the pain. In this way, I was able to support her in silence, with a touch of my hand. A couple of times, she asked me not to touch her. I backed off, of course and let her labor.
At around 3:30 AM, they came in to tell us that the doctor on call had decided to have us checked at 4:00 AM to see if any progress was coming from the contractions or if we should go home. They said she had a "great contraction pattern". Kelly moved to the rocking chair and continued to labor there. The rocking chair was much less painful for her than laying on her back. The contractions seemed to pick up in intensity while she was sitting. The quiet laboring continued.
At 4 AM, they came to check us. Kelly was much more relaxed this time and the nurse was much more gentle. She told us that Kelly was 4 centimeters dilated and that he was very, very low. She was certain the doctor would decide to keep us. Kelly's pain was pretty high, but still tolerable. They offered her pain medication - either through the IV or an epidural, but Kelly turned them down. For now, she would continue to labor without medication.
At 6 AM, she was in lots of pain. They had, of course, admitted her and we were excited about having gone into labor on our own. In between contractions, there was a palpable tension in the air - anticipation, excited and nervousness all in one. We found out around this time that Kelly was Strep B Positive. Strangely, we had forgotten to ask the results of the test at 36 weeks and had just assumed they would tell us if it were positive. They brought in the antibiotic and started it.
At 7 AM, the shift change had occurred and our nurse came on. Cathy was a nurse that we knew well and were very comfortable with. She checked Kelly's cervix and announced that she was 7-8 centimeters dilated! We were so excited!!! We began making jokes about being able to watch Ellen at 2 PM from the extended stay unit. Kelly also asked for an epidural at this point. She did not want to go too much further and risk not being able to have one.
The anestiologist came in quickly and they asked me to leave the room. I waited in the waiting room for what felt like forever. They called me back in when the epidural was in and the waiting began again.
The relief was immediate. Kelly was immoble, but feeling much better. They put in a catheder and we continued to wait.
At around 8:30 AM, our doctor came in to check Kelly and see where we were in the process. She did her internal and decided that the nurse had been very generous by saying 8 centimeters and that Kelly was more like a very tight 7 centimeters. Dr. Riley broke her water. She told us to sit tight and that she would be back to check in a while. That was a bit disappointing, but we took it in stride.
I went out to get a cup of coffee at this point and heard Dr. Riley saying that Kelly was 6-7 centimeters to another doctor. That sucked to hear.
We continued to labor and while there was some pressure, it really wasn't that much. We rested and waited. They came in and gave her fluid. They watched the monitors. And we waited some more.
At 10:30, Kelly was checked again. She was finally 8 centimeters! The nurse had another nurse check Kelly as well, because the doctor had second-guessed her. The second nurse agreed with the 8 centimeter measurement. But this meant that we really hadn't progressed much since 7 AM. The waiting continued.
At 11:30, Kelly's mother arrived. When she walked in, Kelly and I were dosing and trying to get some rest. We had not slept the night before and were gearing up for the real hard part of labor. Things were relatively calm at this point. There wasn't much happening. Just a lot of waiting.
They checked Kelly again right before 1 PM, and while she had not dilated much more, Connor was lower (a zero station) and her cervix was completely thinned on one side. Her contractions had started to slow down, however, so they started a pitocin drip. They wanted to get her contractions back up to every 1-2 minutes and strong so that they continued to do their job.
It sucked to watch labor start ot stall out. We really wanted to do this on our own. But, the pitocin did the job. Kelly's contractions picked back up. We began to see the dip in heartrate with every contraction. This is good because it means that the head is being squeezed with every contraction which is an indicator that he's low and getting ready.
They continued to check Kelly and had her start rotating sides to thin areas of the cervix that were still thicker. He was low and she was dilated to 9 centimeters by around 3:30 PM. At 5 PM, they announced that was ready to go. The doctor came in and checked her and saw some problems with her cervix - there was a lip. She asked Kelly to push and was able to slip the lip backwards. She didn't see any reason not to start pushing.
Kelly's epidural had become mostly ineffective by now. The pressure of having Connor's head so low really caused a great deal of pain. She was back to breathing through every contraction and was exhausted and irritable. Being able to start pushing made us both very, very happy. We were ready for our baby.
(final chapter to come!)
3/02/2009
The Birth Story Part 2
Kelly woke up from her nap on Sunday, February 22 at 2:30 PM, after having fairly regular contractions through the entire nap.
The contractions were strong, causing her to pause in her talking. She could still talk through them, but they were very uncomfortable. She described the pain as an intense burning - similar to a very, very strong period cramp.
They were coming every 10-15 minutes. Occasionally, there would be a longer pause, but that was rare. Every hour or so, we would time three or four of them to see exactly how far apart they were, but they never reached the point that we felt we needed to measure them all. I should also point out that all of these contractions were accompanied by lots and lots of bloody show. Of course, we had been having bloody show all week, so this didn't really excite us. For the most part, we just hung out and tried to ignore what was happening. Both of us were kind of wary and refused to believe that we were actually in labor. We had been so disappointed the entire week and didn't want to have that happen again.
Bailey stuck pretty close to Kelly all day on Sunday. Sunday evening, though, a very different thing happened. Bailey clung to Kelly's side, wanting to be near here constantly. She sat right beside her, snuggled under a blanket and read books. She wanted long hugs and lots of Kelly's attention. This is odd because quite the opposite was happening for the few months before then. Bailey has been kind of stand-offish toward Kelly.
That was the point that all three of us - Mom, Kelly and I - began to wonder if this was real. Kids have an intuitive way of knowing what is happening.
Still, the progression of the contractions did not change, and Kelly and I went to bed. Around 10:00 PM, Kelly kicked me out of bed. She was having the same contractions she had been having all day. Painful, full contractions every 10 minutes. She would have one and then fall asleep waiting for the next one. She was curled up around her pillow, working through each one. I was exhausted and was sleeping hard...and snoring. She couldn't take it - she needed to be able to sleep in between the contractions. So she woke me up and sent me downstairs to sleep on the couch. I wasn't happy, but know enough not to mess with a pregnant woman...and I suspected she was in labor. This was the first time that she had laid down and the contractions had not gone away. But they did not increase in frequency. We were not sure what was happening, but with the contractions every 10-12 minutes apart, we felt sure that we were not in labor enough to need to call or go to the hospital. I took my phone and told her to call me if anything changed and went down to sleep on the couch.
I slept fitfully, listening for the creek on the floor that would indicate that was walking around upstairs. It was hard for me to know that she was in pain upstairs, but I also knew that she needed to be able to rest between the contractions and that my snoring was preventing that. The best way for me to support her through what I suspected was early labor was to let her go through it alone.
At 1:00 AM, Kelly finally called me and I went upstairs. She was having very strong contactions - she was unable to talk through them - and they were lasting about a minute each. They had a distinct starting point, peak and then went away. They were like waves. But they were still only coming every 10 minutes. Her bloody show had changed, though, becoming bright red. We decided to call the birthing center and find out what they thought. I made the call and the nurse on duty indicated that she thought we should come in. She put us through to the doctor on call (not our doctor!!!). He thought it sounded like we should come in as well and at least be checked to see what was going on.
Kelly got up and took a long shower. She needed to feel clean, just in case. I used the time to get our stuff together and I woke my mom up. She took the baby monitor and made me a strong cup of coffee. Kelly was trying to be stoic about the whole thing and kept saying that we would probably be sent home. At this point, I knew better. After being on her feet for 15 minutes, Kelly's contractions started coming rapidly. As in, every 2-3 minutes. And they were strong and painful. They didn't stop and she couldn't talk through them. She really needed to breath through them and focus her concentration. I think she probably knew that this was it, although she wouldn't say that.
We hustled a bit faster once the contractions increased in frequency so quickly. I commented at one point that I wasn't interested in delivering a baby, so we needed to get to the hospital.
It was a surreal trip to the hospital for me. I remember thinking that we were very possibly going in to have our son and that I was about to coach my wife through childbirth. I had lots of thoughts, broken by Kelly's ragged breathing and my own concentration as I brought her safely in to the hospital. It seemed that I was wide awake, but I could feel the exhaustion already. I remember being worried about the exhaustion - we were going into labor very, very tired.
(more to come!)
The contractions were strong, causing her to pause in her talking. She could still talk through them, but they were very uncomfortable. She described the pain as an intense burning - similar to a very, very strong period cramp.
They were coming every 10-15 minutes. Occasionally, there would be a longer pause, but that was rare. Every hour or so, we would time three or four of them to see exactly how far apart they were, but they never reached the point that we felt we needed to measure them all. I should also point out that all of these contractions were accompanied by lots and lots of bloody show. Of course, we had been having bloody show all week, so this didn't really excite us. For the most part, we just hung out and tried to ignore what was happening. Both of us were kind of wary and refused to believe that we were actually in labor. We had been so disappointed the entire week and didn't want to have that happen again.
Bailey stuck pretty close to Kelly all day on Sunday. Sunday evening, though, a very different thing happened. Bailey clung to Kelly's side, wanting to be near here constantly. She sat right beside her, snuggled under a blanket and read books. She wanted long hugs and lots of Kelly's attention. This is odd because quite the opposite was happening for the few months before then. Bailey has been kind of stand-offish toward Kelly.
That was the point that all three of us - Mom, Kelly and I - began to wonder if this was real. Kids have an intuitive way of knowing what is happening.
Still, the progression of the contractions did not change, and Kelly and I went to bed. Around 10:00 PM, Kelly kicked me out of bed. She was having the same contractions she had been having all day. Painful, full contractions every 10 minutes. She would have one and then fall asleep waiting for the next one. She was curled up around her pillow, working through each one. I was exhausted and was sleeping hard...and snoring. She couldn't take it - she needed to be able to sleep in between the contractions. So she woke me up and sent me downstairs to sleep on the couch. I wasn't happy, but know enough not to mess with a pregnant woman...and I suspected she was in labor. This was the first time that she had laid down and the contractions had not gone away. But they did not increase in frequency. We were not sure what was happening, but with the contractions every 10-12 minutes apart, we felt sure that we were not in labor enough to need to call or go to the hospital. I took my phone and told her to call me if anything changed and went down to sleep on the couch.
I slept fitfully, listening for the creek on the floor that would indicate that was walking around upstairs. It was hard for me to know that she was in pain upstairs, but I also knew that she needed to be able to rest between the contractions and that my snoring was preventing that. The best way for me to support her through what I suspected was early labor was to let her go through it alone.
At 1:00 AM, Kelly finally called me and I went upstairs. She was having very strong contactions - she was unable to talk through them - and they were lasting about a minute each. They had a distinct starting point, peak and then went away. They were like waves. But they were still only coming every 10 minutes. Her bloody show had changed, though, becoming bright red. We decided to call the birthing center and find out what they thought. I made the call and the nurse on duty indicated that she thought we should come in. She put us through to the doctor on call (not our doctor!!!). He thought it sounded like we should come in as well and at least be checked to see what was going on.
Kelly got up and took a long shower. She needed to feel clean, just in case. I used the time to get our stuff together and I woke my mom up. She took the baby monitor and made me a strong cup of coffee. Kelly was trying to be stoic about the whole thing and kept saying that we would probably be sent home. At this point, I knew better. After being on her feet for 15 minutes, Kelly's contractions started coming rapidly. As in, every 2-3 minutes. And they were strong and painful. They didn't stop and she couldn't talk through them. She really needed to breath through them and focus her concentration. I think she probably knew that this was it, although she wouldn't say that.
We hustled a bit faster once the contractions increased in frequency so quickly. I commented at one point that I wasn't interested in delivering a baby, so we needed to get to the hospital.
It was a surreal trip to the hospital for me. I remember thinking that we were very possibly going in to have our son and that I was about to coach my wife through childbirth. I had lots of thoughts, broken by Kelly's ragged breathing and my own concentration as I brought her safely in to the hospital. It seemed that I was wide awake, but I could feel the exhaustion already. I remember being worried about the exhaustion - we were going into labor very, very tired.
(more to come!)
3/01/2009
The Birth Story Part 1
Many apologies for the lack of posting the last week. I realized that when Bailey was born, I was posting like crazy with pictures and thoughts...this time is different. But I'll talk more about that in throuh the birth story! I'll be breaking this down into a couple of different posts, because it is already 10:30 at night and I have to get to sleep soon!
So...on to our birth journey.
It really started about two weeks ago (a week before Connor's birth) when Kelly began some pretty significant pre-labor. For about a week, Kelly would have regular contractions each night for 2-3 hours. These contractions were real - painful and regular. They came with a steady rhythm. The first night, we were super excited. We got out our stop watch and little notebook and started timing. We got more and more hopeful that maybe something was starting. And then we did the next test to see if it was real labor - we laid down. And it stopped. For a week, every night we would have a long cluster of contractions that stopped as soon as we laid down.
By Thursday, February 19, Kelly and I were just worn out and extremely tired and frustrated. Kelly was in lots of pain all the time. Connor was very low and grinding against her cervix. The only thing that we held on to was the hope that all the false labor was leading to something and that we would get really good news when we went in for our 39 week doctor's appointment. We had rescheduled that for late in the afternoon on the 19th. We arrived at the appointment excited and very nervous that we would be told that not much has happened through the entire long week of false labor.
And we were right. After checking her cervix, our doctor told Kelly that her entire week of false labor had thinned her cervix to 90% (it was 80% the week before), but that we were still a very loose one centimeter dilated. The only news that was really good was that he was very low (a -1 station) and that her bag of waters was "bulging". We went home frustrated after having Kelly's membranes stripped again.
Friday, February 20 came and went with more of the same, except that it felt a bit different. The intensity had picked up. It was my last day at work, and I spent the day feeling strange about being so far away from Kelly. I knew that she would call me if anything changed, but it still seemed like I should be there. Nothing was physically different, but everything felt different. Friday night was more of the same - except that a couple of times through the night, Kelly woke up to some very painful contractions. This had happened on and off already, though, so we took very little comfort from it.
Saturday, February 21 was much the same as the previous days. My mom arrived in the early evening, though, which brought us a level of comfort we had not had before. We were carrying a lot of stress regarding what we were going to do if we went into labor before my Mom was here. Her arrival took away that last remaining stressor. It also made the wait that much more unbearable. We were, literally, watching and waiting for the one contraction that would break the water or change things. It didn't happen.
Sunday, February 22 began in much the same way, except the contractions were much more rhythmic and frequent. They didn't really follow the same pattern, in that they were happening in the morning with a much higher intensity than before. We still didn't put any faith in it, though. By this point, Kelly and I were completely exhausted by the entire process. Not so much physically, but mentally. We felt like it was never going to happen.
I should say here that all of this was occuring at the same time that we had a looming induction date on Monday, February 23. We knew that it would end. We knew we had a date.
But Kelly was really worried about the induction. She did not want to have to take cervidil or pitocin. She did not want to have to wonder if we pushed Connor out too quickly. She really just wanted to go into labor on her own and not have any doubt that this was the time for Connor to be born. So we carried around much of the same stress that we would have if we didn't have an induction date, with a bit of a ticking clock in our ears. We didn't want to have to be induced.
So, back to Sunday. At around noon on Sunday, Kelly took a nap. She was so tired and my Mom was here to help me, so she came upstairs and crashed out. She reports that through her nap, she was woken regularly with contractions, but that she slept pretty good anyway. She slept for 2 1/2 hours and woke up at 2:30 PM.
This is the point that we have decided real labor began...
(more to come!)
So...on to our birth journey.
It really started about two weeks ago (a week before Connor's birth) when Kelly began some pretty significant pre-labor. For about a week, Kelly would have regular contractions each night for 2-3 hours. These contractions were real - painful and regular. They came with a steady rhythm. The first night, we were super excited. We got out our stop watch and little notebook and started timing. We got more and more hopeful that maybe something was starting. And then we did the next test to see if it was real labor - we laid down. And it stopped. For a week, every night we would have a long cluster of contractions that stopped as soon as we laid down.
By Thursday, February 19, Kelly and I were just worn out and extremely tired and frustrated. Kelly was in lots of pain all the time. Connor was very low and grinding against her cervix. The only thing that we held on to was the hope that all the false labor was leading to something and that we would get really good news when we went in for our 39 week doctor's appointment. We had rescheduled that for late in the afternoon on the 19th. We arrived at the appointment excited and very nervous that we would be told that not much has happened through the entire long week of false labor.
And we were right. After checking her cervix, our doctor told Kelly that her entire week of false labor had thinned her cervix to 90% (it was 80% the week before), but that we were still a very loose one centimeter dilated. The only news that was really good was that he was very low (a -1 station) and that her bag of waters was "bulging". We went home frustrated after having Kelly's membranes stripped again.
Friday, February 20 came and went with more of the same, except that it felt a bit different. The intensity had picked up. It was my last day at work, and I spent the day feeling strange about being so far away from Kelly. I knew that she would call me if anything changed, but it still seemed like I should be there. Nothing was physically different, but everything felt different. Friday night was more of the same - except that a couple of times through the night, Kelly woke up to some very painful contractions. This had happened on and off already, though, so we took very little comfort from it.
Saturday, February 21 was much the same as the previous days. My mom arrived in the early evening, though, which brought us a level of comfort we had not had before. We were carrying a lot of stress regarding what we were going to do if we went into labor before my Mom was here. Her arrival took away that last remaining stressor. It also made the wait that much more unbearable. We were, literally, watching and waiting for the one contraction that would break the water or change things. It didn't happen.
Sunday, February 22 began in much the same way, except the contractions were much more rhythmic and frequent. They didn't really follow the same pattern, in that they were happening in the morning with a much higher intensity than before. We still didn't put any faith in it, though. By this point, Kelly and I were completely exhausted by the entire process. Not so much physically, but mentally. We felt like it was never going to happen.
I should say here that all of this was occuring at the same time that we had a looming induction date on Monday, February 23. We knew that it would end. We knew we had a date.
But Kelly was really worried about the induction. She did not want to have to take cervidil or pitocin. She did not want to have to wonder if we pushed Connor out too quickly. She really just wanted to go into labor on her own and not have any doubt that this was the time for Connor to be born. So we carried around much of the same stress that we would have if we didn't have an induction date, with a bit of a ticking clock in our ears. We didn't want to have to be induced.
So, back to Sunday. At around noon on Sunday, Kelly took a nap. She was so tired and my Mom was here to help me, so she came upstairs and crashed out. She reports that through her nap, she was woken regularly with contractions, but that she slept pretty good anyway. She slept for 2 1/2 hours and woke up at 2:30 PM.
This is the point that we have decided real labor began...
(more to come!)
2/25/2009
Nothing More Beautiful
I have never seen anything more beautiful than this photo. I love you, Kelly and Connor.
Welcome Connor!
Connor Patrick McFadden was born on February 23, 2009 at 7:20 PM. He weighed 8 Pounds, 1 Ounce at birth and is 19 inches long. He and his Mommy worked very, very hard in 29 hours of labor, with two hours of intense pushing...but in the end a c-section was needed to bring him into the world. We are all doing well. The birth story to follow...
2/20/2009
Last Day of Work - 4 More Days
We had our doctor's appointment yesterday and all I can say is that Kelly and I walked out of there feeling very discouraged.
She has gone from 70% effacement to 80% effacement. She is still a "loose 1" centimeter dialated. The doctor tried very hard to get a second finger in and in the end said that it was such a "tight 2" that she still was going to record it as a loose 1. Connor has dropped a bit lower - recording at a -1 station. He's been here before, though.
So, all told, our week of every-night contractions really didn't net us much. Our doctor stripped Kelly's membranes again, leaving her in a near constant state of pain that started about two hours after we left the hospital and didn't stop through the night. She's almost constantly crampy, she's sore, she's discouraged and she just wants this to stop.
The only good news was that her bag of waters is "bulging". This doesn't mean much, but it is better than nothing. She really could go at any time - as soon as that water breaks, we're on. But that could just a likely not happen.
So cervidil is a must - we'll be admitted on Monday night. We probably won't sleep much Monday night, which is fantastic preparation for the pitocin that will start at 7 AM on Tuesday morning.
We went to bed last night discouraged, frustrated and very tired. Both of us are sort of lost in our own frustrations. Kelly really wanted me to stay home with her today, but I just can't do it. I need to give my job the respect that they are giving me - in other words, I can't take a day off unless I need to. Especially when it is the last day that I'll be in the office for eight weeks. I know that she was very frustrated when I left this morning, which left me feeling frustrated and guilty.
Our mothers arrive tomorrow. I am so looking forward to having the grandparents around. I'm tired. I'm weary through to my very core, and I need for something to lighten up, just for a few minutes. With the grandmothers around, at least I will be able to decrease my full focus on Bailey a bit and begin to give some attention to the other areas of my life. At least, until Tuesday. I don't know - it just feels like their arrival is bringing a cool, calming breath of fresh air.
So, we continue to wait and every pain that Kelly has, every contraction, every pulling, every "lightning bolt" through her vagina leaves her feeling more anxious and more discouraged.
I can't wait for Monday.
She has gone from 70% effacement to 80% effacement. She is still a "loose 1" centimeter dialated. The doctor tried very hard to get a second finger in and in the end said that it was such a "tight 2" that she still was going to record it as a loose 1. Connor has dropped a bit lower - recording at a -1 station. He's been here before, though.
So, all told, our week of every-night contractions really didn't net us much. Our doctor stripped Kelly's membranes again, leaving her in a near constant state of pain that started about two hours after we left the hospital and didn't stop through the night. She's almost constantly crampy, she's sore, she's discouraged and she just wants this to stop.
The only good news was that her bag of waters is "bulging". This doesn't mean much, but it is better than nothing. She really could go at any time - as soon as that water breaks, we're on. But that could just a likely not happen.
So cervidil is a must - we'll be admitted on Monday night. We probably won't sleep much Monday night, which is fantastic preparation for the pitocin that will start at 7 AM on Tuesday morning.
We went to bed last night discouraged, frustrated and very tired. Both of us are sort of lost in our own frustrations. Kelly really wanted me to stay home with her today, but I just can't do it. I need to give my job the respect that they are giving me - in other words, I can't take a day off unless I need to. Especially when it is the last day that I'll be in the office for eight weeks. I know that she was very frustrated when I left this morning, which left me feeling frustrated and guilty.
Our mothers arrive tomorrow. I am so looking forward to having the grandparents around. I'm tired. I'm weary through to my very core, and I need for something to lighten up, just for a few minutes. With the grandmothers around, at least I will be able to decrease my full focus on Bailey a bit and begin to give some attention to the other areas of my life. At least, until Tuesday. I don't know - it just feels like their arrival is bringing a cool, calming breath of fresh air.
So, we continue to wait and every pain that Kelly has, every contraction, every pulling, every "lightning bolt" through her vagina leaves her feeling more anxious and more discouraged.
I can't wait for Monday.
2/19/2009
To Work Or Not...5 Days and Counting
For the first time in months, I slept in our bed last night. I've mentioned that I've been in the guest bedroom for a while, for two reasons. Kelly wakes up constantly and I snore...so when she tries to get back to sleep, it's nearly impossible. The other reason is that Bailey has been restless the last few months, so I keep the monitor and limit the number of times Kelly is woken up to her body, rather than a restless toddler.
But we're pulling closer in a way that can only indicate that labor is near. Kelly needed me last night to be near her, and I needed to be there. She had three or four very powerful contractions through the night, after another evening of false labor that stopped when she layed down. She woke up this morning to more contractions, lots of cramps and sharp, shooting pains. I hung around about a half hour longer than usual, because I'm worried about being so far away. I keep telling myself that I'm only a 45 minute drive home, and that if her water breaks or if she goes into real labor, I can get there quickly.
I'm not reassured, though.
Kelly's anxiety is going up as each new round of contractions get harder. She's having fears of the epidural not working or any one of the reasons why she may not be able to get one. She is counting on the relief. She has never wanted to birth vaginally without pain medication and her worst fear is that she won't have a choice. As her anxiety goes up, my need to protect her does to. There is nothing more difficult right now than knowing that my role is to support, but that I can't take it away. I can't carry her pain, her fear, her frustration. It's very hard.
So here I am at work, my mind completely numb to the job that is before me. I don't care about the prep for my leave. I don't care about anything that I have to do here. What I care about, and my entire focus, is at home having contractions that go nowhere. I know that she wishes I were there with her, but she also knows that I need to be here. There are relatively few provisions made for people who are not pregnant prior to delivery.
We have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Our regular Friday appointment was rescheduled. That will give us more information about what this past week of contractions has meant. For Kelly's sake, I hope that she has made progress. She has commented many times that she will be devestated if all of this has netted nothing. So we'll see. If Kelly continues to be in this much pain through tonight, I will not work tomorrow. I can't be this far away from her.
Even if I can't do anything to relieve the pain, having me close to her comforts her. Today, I will be wrapping up my job in preparation. Uggg. I wish I were home.
But we're pulling closer in a way that can only indicate that labor is near. Kelly needed me last night to be near her, and I needed to be there. She had three or four very powerful contractions through the night, after another evening of false labor that stopped when she layed down. She woke up this morning to more contractions, lots of cramps and sharp, shooting pains. I hung around about a half hour longer than usual, because I'm worried about being so far away. I keep telling myself that I'm only a 45 minute drive home, and that if her water breaks or if she goes into real labor, I can get there quickly.
I'm not reassured, though.
Kelly's anxiety is going up as each new round of contractions get harder. She's having fears of the epidural not working or any one of the reasons why she may not be able to get one. She is counting on the relief. She has never wanted to birth vaginally without pain medication and her worst fear is that she won't have a choice. As her anxiety goes up, my need to protect her does to. There is nothing more difficult right now than knowing that my role is to support, but that I can't take it away. I can't carry her pain, her fear, her frustration. It's very hard.
So here I am at work, my mind completely numb to the job that is before me. I don't care about the prep for my leave. I don't care about anything that I have to do here. What I care about, and my entire focus, is at home having contractions that go nowhere. I know that she wishes I were there with her, but she also knows that I need to be here. There are relatively few provisions made for people who are not pregnant prior to delivery.
We have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. Our regular Friday appointment was rescheduled. That will give us more information about what this past week of contractions has meant. For Kelly's sake, I hope that she has made progress. She has commented many times that she will be devestated if all of this has netted nothing. So we'll see. If Kelly continues to be in this much pain through tonight, I will not work tomorrow. I can't be this far away from her.
Even if I can't do anything to relieve the pain, having me close to her comforts her. Today, I will be wrapping up my job in preparation. Uggg. I wish I were home.
2/18/2009
9 Days or 6 Days...
9 Days by the ticker...6 days (counting today) until we are admitted to the hospital and the induction begins. We're likely 7 days away from his birth.
We're tired and ready and excited. Kelly had another round of 2 1/2 hour contractions that were both painful and regular last night. Again, they stopped. This morning, she woke up crampy and having lots of BH contractions. If this shit is practice, her uterus is going to be the strongest uterus ever. Hell.
I'm back at work today and this is the last place I want to be. To make it worse, I forgot my cell phone at home. What kind of wife forgets her cell phone when her wife could go into labor at any point? Hell.
I'm ready to be done with this and have our baby. We're ready to move on and get to the business of raising two children.
Bailey is hanging in there, but showing the effects of having two very distracted mothers. It's hard to stay focused on her all the time. We are doing our best, and right now, that's just gotta be good enough.
2/17/2009
Nothing New
I wish that I had more news, but I don't. We are still waiting. Kelly has had on and off contractions for days now - some powerful, some just the usual BH. Nothing that has stopped her in her tracks.
We had our usual round of testing yesterday and all is well. We had the final ultrasound before the induction. We may go this week, we may not. One thing is certain...next Monday we check into the hospital and we won't be leaving until we have our son!
I leave you with 37 and 38 week belly shots. We can't see much of a difference, but at this point, that is normal. She's big, though...measuring 40 weeks at her 38 week appointment. Here's to a healthy Connor!
37 Weeks
We had our usual round of testing yesterday and all is well. We had the final ultrasound before the induction. We may go this week, we may not. One thing is certain...next Monday we check into the hospital and we won't be leaving until we have our son!
I leave you with 37 and 38 week belly shots. We can't see much of a difference, but at this point, that is normal. She's big, though...measuring 40 weeks at her 38 week appointment. Here's to a healthy Connor!
37 Weeks
38 Weeks
2/15/2009
12 Days...and Waiting
Friday's appointment went well. At the time, Kelly was a "loose one" centimeter dilated and 70% effaced. Our doctor stripped Kelly's membranes. We also scheduled our induction date. We will begin the induction process with cervidil on February 23 at 4:00 PM, with Pitocin following the next morning.
Since that time, Kelly has lost her mucus plug (on Saturday morning) and has been experiencing some irregular (and sometimes regular) contractions that are coupled with quite a bit of pain. While we both fully recognize that none of this means that we're in labor yet...it does seem like things are happening.
I am still thinking that we'll go into labor tomorrow. For a few minutes, I thought it would be tonight...but as soon as Kelly laid down, the contractions stopped. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe we'll go all week and need to be induced. We shall see.
For now, we will continue the light walking and occassional breat-pumping. We'll encourage it along as we can and see what happens.
Since that time, Kelly has lost her mucus plug (on Saturday morning) and has been experiencing some irregular (and sometimes regular) contractions that are coupled with quite a bit of pain. While we both fully recognize that none of this means that we're in labor yet...it does seem like things are happening.
I am still thinking that we'll go into labor tomorrow. For a few minutes, I thought it would be tonight...but as soon as Kelly laid down, the contractions stopped. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe we'll go all week and need to be induced. We shall see.
For now, we will continue the light walking and occassional breat-pumping. We'll encourage it along as we can and see what happens.
2/12/2009
15 Days
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
We both had an irritated night, which led to stupid argumenents and an eventually storming off by Kelly to our bedroom where she went to sleep. I retired for the night in the guest room. Not a great night.
But, we woke up this morning and both of us seemed determined to leave it in yesterday. Which makes it a good Thursday.
Tonight we read "Week 39" in our baby book. We read the week ahead because that is what will be happening.
Tomorrow is our 38 week check up and the day that we will scheduled our final induction date. We are both anxious to see what, if anything, the contractions have been doing to Kelly's cervix.
I have this feeling that we won't be pregnant on Monday. I've had it since yesterday morning. While I expected it to go away, it has not. Intuition or hope...I'm not sure. We'll see. It'll be nice to have a date.
Connor's "nursery" in our room is super, super cute. We have everything ready. We put his swing downstairs yesterday. Bailey pointedly ignored it. His car seat is ready. We have a couple of things to order and then, we're done. Bring him on!
Bailey knows something is up and is reacting strongly. She is very, very clingly to me and seeks me out if I am out of her sight for more than 10 minutes. She is reverting back a bit - begging for her "bobo" as soon as we walk through the door. Part of that is that she is nursing a low grade cold and not feeling great. But the other part of that is that she is sensing our anxiousness and anticipation. I'm sure she has figured out that big change is coming, even if she doesn't know what that big change is. More than ever, I am thankful that my job is giving me 8 weeks off. Bailey is going to need the attention and with two of us at home, we can divide and conquer in ways that we could not if I had to work.
So we wait.
We both had an irritated night, which led to stupid argumenents and an eventually storming off by Kelly to our bedroom where she went to sleep. I retired for the night in the guest room. Not a great night.
But, we woke up this morning and both of us seemed determined to leave it in yesterday. Which makes it a good Thursday.
Tonight we read "Week 39" in our baby book. We read the week ahead because that is what will be happening.
Tomorrow is our 38 week check up and the day that we will scheduled our final induction date. We are both anxious to see what, if anything, the contractions have been doing to Kelly's cervix.
I have this feeling that we won't be pregnant on Monday. I've had it since yesterday morning. While I expected it to go away, it has not. Intuition or hope...I'm not sure. We'll see. It'll be nice to have a date.
Connor's "nursery" in our room is super, super cute. We have everything ready. We put his swing downstairs yesterday. Bailey pointedly ignored it. His car seat is ready. We have a couple of things to order and then, we're done. Bring him on!
Bailey knows something is up and is reacting strongly. She is very, very clingly to me and seeks me out if I am out of her sight for more than 10 minutes. She is reverting back a bit - begging for her "bobo" as soon as we walk through the door. Part of that is that she is nursing a low grade cold and not feeling great. But the other part of that is that she is sensing our anxiousness and anticipation. I'm sure she has figured out that big change is coming, even if she doesn't know what that big change is. More than ever, I am thankful that my job is giving me 8 weeks off. Bailey is going to need the attention and with two of us at home, we can divide and conquer in ways that we could not if I had to work.
So we wait.
2/11/2009
16 Days
The countdown continues.
This morning I woke up feeling very anxious about the last remaining preparations. I bombarded Kelly the second she woke up with the things that need to get finished. The list is relatively short and doesn't include anything difficult. Here it is:
1) Wash and put together all the fabric covers (for the carseat, the swing, the bouncy chair)
2) Get batteries for all the things that play music or light up.
3) Get a couple more quilted pack n' play sheets.
4) Get a moby wrap.
5) Prep the guest room for our guests.
6) Install the second car seat base in my car.
See. Not much. And nothing that can't be accomplished in like 20 minutes. But still.
So on the way the work, I got to thinking about everything that I still need to do to prep for an 8 week leave at work. And that is when I realized that the stress I was feeling had everything to do with my work prep and really nothing to do with my home prep. We are ready for Connor to come home...but I'm not ready to leave work. There are all kinds of things still to do and I need to finalize my instruction sheet. Without an assistant, my coworker is going to be taking on a lot. I'm putting my "babies" in the hands of other people...and while I know that they are completely capable of making sure that my work gets done on time, I am still nervous. I take a lot of pride in having my job completed and in doing a damn-near-perfect job. I am really good at what I do. It's one of the areas in my life where I don't have to second guess myself. I've never gotten a review that wasn't perfect or very, very close to perfect. So handing things off is tough for me.
I didn't have this problem when I went on leave last time, because I didn't give a shit. I was 9 months pregnant and wanted to be all done. I was HAPPY that I didn't have to think about it for 3 months. This time around, I'm experiencing some serious stress about it.
But, I'll work through it and when I walk through the doors for the last time, I will refocus all of my energy on Kelly, Connor and Bailey. I know what is important.
But, I think I may need to throw my blackberry away while I'm on leave. I think it might be more stressful to have access to my work email. We'll see.
Speaking of work, my coworkers threw me a baby shower yesterday! It is our only baby shower this time around. Most people are kind of ambivalent about this baby. It's been a bit hard on us...there really hasn't been much recognition. I say this, not to make anyone feel bad, but to underscore how nice it was to have the shower yesterday. We got a ton of really cute little baby clothes and a beautiful basket to put diapers, wipes and other essentials in. It's perfect, because we were looking for something just like that!
On the topic of recognition - please don't think that we are unhappy with our family and friends. We're not. But, the thing is, while this is a second child...it is Kelly's first pregnancy. I know that we are unique...with a new baby following so closely behind the first, we don't need anything. And we're far away from our family and friends (most of them, anyway). But still. Kelly's kind of felt like she's been overlooked - as if it doesn't really matter that we're pregnant. Part of that is hormonal and part of that is that this is often how it is in our life. I put myself out there in a big way - through this blog and just through my normal life. I make people a part of my head, of my heart and what is important to me. Kelly sort of blends into the background in many ways, for most people. She isn't out there or as open as I am. It is easy to overlook her in the tornado that is me and Bailey. I understand that better than anyone.
But, she IS pregnant. And this is her first pregnancy. And it's very important to her, in ways that she can't express. To have it be overlooked has been tough on her.
I didn't mean to go off on that. I really didn't. And again, I don't mean for this to make any people or group of people feel bad. But it is the reality. I also don't need any excuses from people. I know everyone's situation and that is all good. We're not upset or angry or even hurt. It's just a reality, and we get that.
Enough of that.
We're inching closer. Friday will be the day that we set the induction date. Kelly had her first "painful" contraction last night. She's had lots and lots of contractions that feel like menstral cramps, some more uncomfortable than others. But nothing that she would classify as painful. Until last night. Just one. And it was very, very quick. It's the tale of things to come...
This morning I woke up feeling very anxious about the last remaining preparations. I bombarded Kelly the second she woke up with the things that need to get finished. The list is relatively short and doesn't include anything difficult. Here it is:
1) Wash and put together all the fabric covers (for the carseat, the swing, the bouncy chair)
2) Get batteries for all the things that play music or light up.
3) Get a couple more quilted pack n' play sheets.
4) Get a moby wrap.
5) Prep the guest room for our guests.
6) Install the second car seat base in my car.
See. Not much. And nothing that can't be accomplished in like 20 minutes. But still.
So on the way the work, I got to thinking about everything that I still need to do to prep for an 8 week leave at work. And that is when I realized that the stress I was feeling had everything to do with my work prep and really nothing to do with my home prep. We are ready for Connor to come home...but I'm not ready to leave work. There are all kinds of things still to do and I need to finalize my instruction sheet. Without an assistant, my coworker is going to be taking on a lot. I'm putting my "babies" in the hands of other people...and while I know that they are completely capable of making sure that my work gets done on time, I am still nervous. I take a lot of pride in having my job completed and in doing a damn-near-perfect job. I am really good at what I do. It's one of the areas in my life where I don't have to second guess myself. I've never gotten a review that wasn't perfect or very, very close to perfect. So handing things off is tough for me.
I didn't have this problem when I went on leave last time, because I didn't give a shit. I was 9 months pregnant and wanted to be all done. I was HAPPY that I didn't have to think about it for 3 months. This time around, I'm experiencing some serious stress about it.
But, I'll work through it and when I walk through the doors for the last time, I will refocus all of my energy on Kelly, Connor and Bailey. I know what is important.
But, I think I may need to throw my blackberry away while I'm on leave. I think it might be more stressful to have access to my work email. We'll see.
Speaking of work, my coworkers threw me a baby shower yesterday! It is our only baby shower this time around. Most people are kind of ambivalent about this baby. It's been a bit hard on us...there really hasn't been much recognition. I say this, not to make anyone feel bad, but to underscore how nice it was to have the shower yesterday. We got a ton of really cute little baby clothes and a beautiful basket to put diapers, wipes and other essentials in. It's perfect, because we were looking for something just like that!
On the topic of recognition - please don't think that we are unhappy with our family and friends. We're not. But, the thing is, while this is a second child...it is Kelly's first pregnancy. I know that we are unique...with a new baby following so closely behind the first, we don't need anything. And we're far away from our family and friends (most of them, anyway). But still. Kelly's kind of felt like she's been overlooked - as if it doesn't really matter that we're pregnant. Part of that is hormonal and part of that is that this is often how it is in our life. I put myself out there in a big way - through this blog and just through my normal life. I make people a part of my head, of my heart and what is important to me. Kelly sort of blends into the background in many ways, for most people. She isn't out there or as open as I am. It is easy to overlook her in the tornado that is me and Bailey. I understand that better than anyone.
But, she IS pregnant. And this is her first pregnancy. And it's very important to her, in ways that she can't express. To have it be overlooked has been tough on her.
I didn't mean to go off on that. I really didn't. And again, I don't mean for this to make any people or group of people feel bad. But it is the reality. I also don't need any excuses from people. I know everyone's situation and that is all good. We're not upset or angry or even hurt. It's just a reality, and we get that.
Enough of that.
We're inching closer. Friday will be the day that we set the induction date. Kelly had her first "painful" contraction last night. She's had lots and lots of contractions that feel like menstral cramps, some more uncomfortable than others. But nothing that she would classify as painful. Until last night. Just one. And it was very, very quick. It's the tale of things to come...
2/10/2009
17 Days
Been a few days...but there isn't much new to add. Kelly's got another bios-scan today. We are anxiously awaiting news about the amount of fluid. If it's high, we'll likely be induced in the next couple of days.
We are holding steady...not much going on other than being pregnant and waiting for Connor.
I'll keep you posted.
We are holding steady...not much going on other than being pregnant and waiting for Connor.
I'll keep you posted.
2/06/2009
21 Days
The Friday appointment went well...everything is right on track. Kelly's cervix is a "tight one" and soft. Connor is still at a -1 station. In other words...it's going to be a while.
Interestingly, her weekly sono showed a slightly elevated amount of amniotic fluid. Our doctor told us that this could be because of any number of things and that it really isn't a big deal. The "acceptable" scale tops out at 20 and Kelly's fluid measured 20.6...so right there. There is nothing for concern, but if the ultrasound finds that her fluid has increased on Tuesday, they will do the induction.
Increased fluid can be from something as simple as the baby just recently urinated, or it can be from something as horrible as Connor not being able to swallow. Of course, since this is the first time this has shown up as a potential "something to watch", it really isn't all that concerning. We'll see what is going on when we have the ultrasound on Tuesday.
Other than that, we continue to wait.
Interestingly, her weekly sono showed a slightly elevated amount of amniotic fluid. Our doctor told us that this could be because of any number of things and that it really isn't a big deal. The "acceptable" scale tops out at 20 and Kelly's fluid measured 20.6...so right there. There is nothing for concern, but if the ultrasound finds that her fluid has increased on Tuesday, they will do the induction.
Increased fluid can be from something as simple as the baby just recently urinated, or it can be from something as horrible as Connor not being able to swallow. Of course, since this is the first time this has shown up as a potential "something to watch", it really isn't all that concerning. We'll see what is going on when we have the ultrasound on Tuesday.
Other than that, we continue to wait.
2/05/2009
22 Days
Not much to say today. Not much has changed since yesterday. Still swamped at work, still waiting for Connor to be born, still the same pre-labor signs with nothing else.
Tomorrow is the internal check. That will hopefully give us some new information. If not, we're 2 weeks an a couple days away from induction.
Friday is going to kick my ass. Kelly's appointment in the morning, my annual exam with the same doctor right after, a physical with blood work at noon (I have to get a letter of good health from my family doctor for the adoption file), a standard get-more-meds meeting with my psychiatrist (have I mentioned that I'm on meds?...hmmm...may have forgotten to mention that), and then a trip to Children's Hospital to have the infant car seat installed in the Honda. We tried so hard to do it ourselves (we've done it now many times with Bailey's seat) but couldn't get it right. So off I go.
It'll be a full day...but at least I won't be at work.
I'll blog tomorrow night with news about the internal exam (hers, not mine...LOL!).
Happy Thursday.
Tomorrow is the internal check. That will hopefully give us some new information. If not, we're 2 weeks an a couple days away from induction.
Friday is going to kick my ass. Kelly's appointment in the morning, my annual exam with the same doctor right after, a physical with blood work at noon (I have to get a letter of good health from my family doctor for the adoption file), a standard get-more-meds meeting with my psychiatrist (have I mentioned that I'm on meds?...hmmm...may have forgotten to mention that), and then a trip to Children's Hospital to have the infant car seat installed in the Honda. We tried so hard to do it ourselves (we've done it now many times with Bailey's seat) but couldn't get it right. So off I go.
It'll be a full day...but at least I won't be at work.
I'll blog tomorrow night with news about the internal exam (hers, not mine...LOL!).
Happy Thursday.
2/04/2009
23 Days...and No Time
23 days (18-19 really) and counting. I'm fucking slammed at work and it just keeps piling on. So far, I've not lost my mind, but I reserve the right to lose it any point. I can't wait for leave.
You know it's sad when you are praying for the birth of your child just to get a break from work.
Congrats to our good friends Irina and Anika! They now have a little baby boy, Gregory, born on February 2nd at around 8 PM. All three are doing well and he came in at 7 pounds and 20 inches long!
Connor, now it's your turn little guy!
The non-stress test and ultrasound yesterday were great. The technician told Kelly that Connor was "very, very low"...which is awesome! Kelly has had the pressure pains which she has been told are responses from the cervix doing its thing almost constantly. Anytime she stands up or walks, she has contractions (some with discomfort, some without) and the sharp shooting cervix pains. We really, really hope to get some good news about progress at our Friday check up. Keep your fingers crossed...we are ready for our son to be born!
So, back to the grind. I have looming deadlines and a limited time to get them complete. I hope to leave for my leave with nothing "undone". It's a futile effort, but being the dedicated employee that I am, I'll keep pushing toward that goal.
You know it's sad when you are praying for the birth of your child just to get a break from work.
Congrats to our good friends Irina and Anika! They now have a little baby boy, Gregory, born on February 2nd at around 8 PM. All three are doing well and he came in at 7 pounds and 20 inches long!
Connor, now it's your turn little guy!
The non-stress test and ultrasound yesterday were great. The technician told Kelly that Connor was "very, very low"...which is awesome! Kelly has had the pressure pains which she has been told are responses from the cervix doing its thing almost constantly. Anytime she stands up or walks, she has contractions (some with discomfort, some without) and the sharp shooting cervix pains. We really, really hope to get some good news about progress at our Friday check up. Keep your fingers crossed...we are ready for our son to be born!
So, back to the grind. I have looming deadlines and a limited time to get them complete. I hope to leave for my leave with nothing "undone". It's a futile effort, but being the dedicated employee that I am, I'll keep pushing toward that goal.
2/03/2009
24 Days...and Pissy Moods
The countdown says 24 days...but with our promised induction if we go to 39 weeks, we are really only 19 or 20 days (depending on if they induce on 22nd or 23rd). That's not so bad. It still feels like forever, but I think we're hanging in there. Kelly is not sleeping very much these days. We'd like to talk to her body and explain that while she has never birthed a child, she already has one...so there is no need for the biological function of sleepless night before birth to prepare for the sleepless nights after birth.
Poor girl. She's tired. Very, very tired.
Bailey is doing well. Yesterday marked her first day in the 2-year old room full time. She has adjusted beautifully, but is struggling a bit with the set nap time. In the toddler room, they always went to bed right after lunch and then the kids slept as long as they wanted to. In her new room, they wake them up at 2:30 PM. Bailey doesn't like to be woken up, her teacher reports.
She had potty time 3 times yesterday at school. She is now wearing pull ups exclusively, except at bedtime. Since she is still in her crib and she can't open her door yet, the potty at night is still her diaper. She also sat on the potty twice at home last night. So far, she has never actually gone on the potty...but she is very happy to sit there. She is especially happy to be able to have a "paper towel" (her name for toilet paper) and be able to wipe herself. She gets very excited about this.
We have an Elmo Potty Time video that she is in love with. We have given in to the DVD Gods and let her watch some of her videos while we prepare dinner every night. On the flip side, she is eating better and we all eat together as a family...so that is a trade off, right? I digress.
She loves her Elmo Potty Time video and last night she decided that her Elmo needed to sit on the potty. It was very cute. She tells him what to do and then gets frustrated with him when he can't "sit up" on his own. I have to work hard not to laugh at her.
We've got low expectations for now. She is 21 months old. If she is potty trained by the time she is 27 months, we'll be happy. With the "peer pressure" at school, it will happen quickly.
We also got schooled by her new teacher. Apparently Bailey always spills her cup at lunch. They don't use sippy cups at school. We've been, admittedly, lazy regarding the cup. It's just been easier to not let her spill it. But we were scolded by her teacher and now it's time to suck it up and clean it up if it spills. Last night at dinner, she has a cup...and didn't spill.
The other thing that her teacher would like for her to stop using is her pacifier when she's sleeping. While I understand that this is probably the next step, we put our foot down about this. Bailey is going through a zillion changes right now - potty training, new room at daycare, and the biggest of all...and new brother. We are not taking away her bobo, which is a HUGE source of comfort to her, for a while. She only has it when she is falling asleep. I'm just not concerned yet. Maybe in another 6 months, we'll force the issue. But not now.
Yesterday also marked the first day of dance class for Bailey. There is a great instructor who comes into the daycare and does a class for the 2-year old room. Bailey's first day was yesterday. The instructor sent videos of the class and it seems that Bailey had a fantastic time. For $25 a class, she had better! It's so much money to be spending on a kid who isn't even 2 yet...but we decided that she loves dancing and music so much that we would let her. If she has a great time, we'll keep it up. If we can afford it.
One more thing about Bailey - she is a comedian. Last night, I needed to cut Bailey's finger nails. She hates this process and just cried and cried and threw a fit and then cried some more and then finally complied. While she was sitting there complying, she was sobbing and trying to pull her hands away. It took 20 minutes longer than it needed to. I was very patient, though...because she obviously didn't want it done. So when I finally finished, I stood her up and started the process of calming her down. I was sitting on the floor with her while she was crying and being a drama queen. I was quietly asking her what she needed. "Bailey, honey, calm down, use your words and tell me what you need." After about 3 minutes of this, she kind of stopped crying hysterically and then said in her best full-blown whine, "I need cake".
LOL - my response was to laugh and in my head I'm thinking, "Oh honey...don't we all."
So, initially I was going to write about my pissy mood. I've been in one since I woke up. But that story just made me laugh again, so maybe it's not such a bad day after all.
Poor girl. She's tired. Very, very tired.
Bailey is doing well. Yesterday marked her first day in the 2-year old room full time. She has adjusted beautifully, but is struggling a bit with the set nap time. In the toddler room, they always went to bed right after lunch and then the kids slept as long as they wanted to. In her new room, they wake them up at 2:30 PM. Bailey doesn't like to be woken up, her teacher reports.
She had potty time 3 times yesterday at school. She is now wearing pull ups exclusively, except at bedtime. Since she is still in her crib and she can't open her door yet, the potty at night is still her diaper. She also sat on the potty twice at home last night. So far, she has never actually gone on the potty...but she is very happy to sit there. She is especially happy to be able to have a "paper towel" (her name for toilet paper) and be able to wipe herself. She gets very excited about this.
We have an Elmo Potty Time video that she is in love with. We have given in to the DVD Gods and let her watch some of her videos while we prepare dinner every night. On the flip side, she is eating better and we all eat together as a family...so that is a trade off, right? I digress.
She loves her Elmo Potty Time video and last night she decided that her Elmo needed to sit on the potty. It was very cute. She tells him what to do and then gets frustrated with him when he can't "sit up" on his own. I have to work hard not to laugh at her.
We've got low expectations for now. She is 21 months old. If she is potty trained by the time she is 27 months, we'll be happy. With the "peer pressure" at school, it will happen quickly.
We also got schooled by her new teacher. Apparently Bailey always spills her cup at lunch. They don't use sippy cups at school. We've been, admittedly, lazy regarding the cup. It's just been easier to not let her spill it. But we were scolded by her teacher and now it's time to suck it up and clean it up if it spills. Last night at dinner, she has a cup...and didn't spill.
The other thing that her teacher would like for her to stop using is her pacifier when she's sleeping. While I understand that this is probably the next step, we put our foot down about this. Bailey is going through a zillion changes right now - potty training, new room at daycare, and the biggest of all...and new brother. We are not taking away her bobo, which is a HUGE source of comfort to her, for a while. She only has it when she is falling asleep. I'm just not concerned yet. Maybe in another 6 months, we'll force the issue. But not now.
Yesterday also marked the first day of dance class for Bailey. There is a great instructor who comes into the daycare and does a class for the 2-year old room. Bailey's first day was yesterday. The instructor sent videos of the class and it seems that Bailey had a fantastic time. For $25 a class, she had better! It's so much money to be spending on a kid who isn't even 2 yet...but we decided that she loves dancing and music so much that we would let her. If she has a great time, we'll keep it up. If we can afford it.
One more thing about Bailey - she is a comedian. Last night, I needed to cut Bailey's finger nails. She hates this process and just cried and cried and threw a fit and then cried some more and then finally complied. While she was sitting there complying, she was sobbing and trying to pull her hands away. It took 20 minutes longer than it needed to. I was very patient, though...because she obviously didn't want it done. So when I finally finished, I stood her up and started the process of calming her down. I was sitting on the floor with her while she was crying and being a drama queen. I was quietly asking her what she needed. "Bailey, honey, calm down, use your words and tell me what you need." After about 3 minutes of this, she kind of stopped crying hysterically and then said in her best full-blown whine, "I need cake".
LOL - my response was to laugh and in my head I'm thinking, "Oh honey...don't we all."
So, initially I was going to write about my pissy mood. I've been in one since I woke up. But that story just made me laugh again, so maybe it's not such a bad day after all.
2/02/2009
A Letter To Me
Mikki -
It's almost that time again, my dear. That time when the world stops moving as you know it, time warps into this weird place where it drips by during the night and moves at light speed during the day. You and Kelly are preparing to re-enter the fourth trimester...the most difficult of them all. So from your sane, not-so-sleep deprived brain, I have a few reminders for you.
1) Having a new baby is hard. Really, it's nothing but hard. Remember that.
2) Sleep deprevation is the oldest and greatest form of torture and you don't respond very well to it. Expect that this period of time is going to suck.
3) Remember that Bailey doesn't get this. She didn't ask to have a new baby brother and will be just as shocked by it all as you will. Be gentle when she stops sleeping.
4) Kelly is not the enemy and just because she is there does not justify taking out your frustration on her. She is your partner in this.
5) This time will be different. You don't know this child yet. Give yourself time to learn to love him.
6) Post partum depression will effect you again. Not quite sure how it will manifest, but be aware that you will likely not escape it again.
7) You are not super-woman. This time around, actually try to act like you're human. Pass the baby off when you need a break. Take a nap when it is offered. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
8) Forgive yourself daily.
9) Call your mother often.
10) When you have the chance to hug Kelly without a child in your arms, do it. You've missed her. Show her that.
11) Fuck the little things like dishes and grocery shopping and healthy meals. Fuck vacuming. Fuck it all. Just get through this period of time.
12) Enjoy the moments when it is all perfect.
13) Celebrate the little victories.
14) Remember that what feels like a deep, dark hole is just exhaustion.
15) When you need to, put on your Ipod and rock out.
Finally, Mikki, remember that the world will start rotating again. It will. Time will become normal once more and you'll look back on the exhaustion and forget what it felt like. "Normal" will have a new meaning and now matter how lost you and Kelly get, you will find each other again.
It will all be different, but not bad. Just different. Go with it. Breathe. Relax a bit. Try to enjoy it and don't beat yourself up if you can't. No matter how awful you feel and how much of a failure you think you are, you are not. If you need proof, just look at Bailey.
And if all else fails, hang on by your fingernails and know that eventually, this will feel comfortable again at some point.
It's almost that time again, my dear. That time when the world stops moving as you know it, time warps into this weird place where it drips by during the night and moves at light speed during the day. You and Kelly are preparing to re-enter the fourth trimester...the most difficult of them all. So from your sane, not-so-sleep deprived brain, I have a few reminders for you.
1) Having a new baby is hard. Really, it's nothing but hard. Remember that.
2) Sleep deprevation is the oldest and greatest form of torture and you don't respond very well to it. Expect that this period of time is going to suck.
3) Remember that Bailey doesn't get this. She didn't ask to have a new baby brother and will be just as shocked by it all as you will. Be gentle when she stops sleeping.
4) Kelly is not the enemy and just because she is there does not justify taking out your frustration on her. She is your partner in this.
5) This time will be different. You don't know this child yet. Give yourself time to learn to love him.
6) Post partum depression will effect you again. Not quite sure how it will manifest, but be aware that you will likely not escape it again.
7) You are not super-woman. This time around, actually try to act like you're human. Pass the baby off when you need a break. Take a nap when it is offered. Stop trying to be everything to everyone.
8) Forgive yourself daily.
9) Call your mother often.
10) When you have the chance to hug Kelly without a child in your arms, do it. You've missed her. Show her that.
11) Fuck the little things like dishes and grocery shopping and healthy meals. Fuck vacuming. Fuck it all. Just get through this period of time.
12) Enjoy the moments when it is all perfect.
13) Celebrate the little victories.
14) Remember that what feels like a deep, dark hole is just exhaustion.
15) When you need to, put on your Ipod and rock out.
Finally, Mikki, remember that the world will start rotating again. It will. Time will become normal once more and you'll look back on the exhaustion and forget what it felt like. "Normal" will have a new meaning and now matter how lost you and Kelly get, you will find each other again.
It will all be different, but not bad. Just different. Go with it. Breathe. Relax a bit. Try to enjoy it and don't beat yourself up if you can't. No matter how awful you feel and how much of a failure you think you are, you are not. If you need proof, just look at Bailey.
And if all else fails, hang on by your fingernails and know that eventually, this will feel comfortable again at some point.
1/31/2009
27 Days...and less
Friday's appointment didn't go so well. Kelly's blood pressure is back up where it was when they first put us on bedrest. This doesn't really change anything, but it's not really what we want to see. Kelly's cervix is softening, but still long and completely closed. Connor is at a -1 station, which is still quite high.
At 36 weeks, that is to be expected. She is right on track.
But the blood pressure, the headaches that come and go and the swelling are all signs that this part of pregnancy is not great for her. So far, no urine spill over and so we stay pregnant.
Our doctor told us that they would not let us go past 39 weeks. If we go in for our 39 week appointment on February 20th and are still pregnant, they will induce. Of course, if anything changes between now and then (either in a good, ohmigod, here comes Connor way or in a shit, your blood pressure spiked kind of way), they will induce him sooner.
Still no talk of a c-section. Which is good.
Kelly is contracting regularly - her braxton hicks are coming about every 10 minutes and have been consitently. She is not having real contractions 5-10 times a day, depending on the day and how active she is. They are very short and very irregular and are (obviously) not yet having an effect. But still. That is kind of cool.
We won't go into her emotional state right now...but suffice to say, she's all done with being pregnant. ALL DONE.
I have a lot of thoughts in my head - there is a lot I want to post. Right now, Bailey is sleeping for the night and Kelly is taking a bath. I'm not really feeling like being deep or thoughtful. I'm just tired today.
Maybe tomorrow.
At 36 weeks, that is to be expected. She is right on track.
But the blood pressure, the headaches that come and go and the swelling are all signs that this part of pregnancy is not great for her. So far, no urine spill over and so we stay pregnant.
Our doctor told us that they would not let us go past 39 weeks. If we go in for our 39 week appointment on February 20th and are still pregnant, they will induce. Of course, if anything changes between now and then (either in a good, ohmigod, here comes Connor way or in a shit, your blood pressure spiked kind of way), they will induce him sooner.
Still no talk of a c-section. Which is good.
Kelly is contracting regularly - her braxton hicks are coming about every 10 minutes and have been consitently. She is not having real contractions 5-10 times a day, depending on the day and how active she is. They are very short and very irregular and are (obviously) not yet having an effect. But still. That is kind of cool.
We won't go into her emotional state right now...but suffice to say, she's all done with being pregnant. ALL DONE.
I have a lot of thoughts in my head - there is a lot I want to post. Right now, Bailey is sleeping for the night and Kelly is taking a bath. I'm not really feeling like being deep or thoughtful. I'm just tired today.
Maybe tomorrow.
1/29/2009
29 Days and Potty Training
We're in the 20's! It is so close, and yet so far away. Nothing new to report. We wait.
And while we wait, potty training has begun in earnest in the McFadden house. Bailey officially moves into the 2-year old room at school on Monday. During this week of "transition" she has spent nearly all day, every day in the room. She is SOOOO much happier. We have had some recent shifts, with all of her friends moving up to the 2 year old room before she did. That was because she was moved into the toddler room early, from the infant room. She's always been moved about 3 months before she was "supposed" to. We had to fight a bit to get her moved, but in the end we won the battle. Let's face it, with the new wave of young toddlers just moved into the toddler room when the older ones were moved to the twos room, she was running LAPS around the young kids. Not only does she dwarf them in size, but seriously, she was bored. She needs to be stimulated and learning. In the two room, they have a curriculum and all kinds of stuff. And in just the three days that she has spent in the room, her attitude about school has completely changed. She is super-excited to be there again.
AND...now we can start potty training. They have a regular bathroom time in the twos. Bailey will begin wearing pullups tonight, exclusively. She already tells us when she needs to go pee and sits on the potty happily. So far, she has never actually gone potty on the toilet, but she's getting there. Last night she peed on the floor 3 times. No worries, though, it was her first night without a diaper in the evening. It was frustrating for us, but we worked hard not to let her know it. She's ready and we're ready to work with her.
I'll keep you posted.
And while we wait, potty training has begun in earnest in the McFadden house. Bailey officially moves into the 2-year old room at school on Monday. During this week of "transition" she has spent nearly all day, every day in the room. She is SOOOO much happier. We have had some recent shifts, with all of her friends moving up to the 2 year old room before she did. That was because she was moved into the toddler room early, from the infant room. She's always been moved about 3 months before she was "supposed" to. We had to fight a bit to get her moved, but in the end we won the battle. Let's face it, with the new wave of young toddlers just moved into the toddler room when the older ones were moved to the twos room, she was running LAPS around the young kids. Not only does she dwarf them in size, but seriously, she was bored. She needs to be stimulated and learning. In the two room, they have a curriculum and all kinds of stuff. And in just the three days that she has spent in the room, her attitude about school has completely changed. She is super-excited to be there again.
AND...now we can start potty training. They have a regular bathroom time in the twos. Bailey will begin wearing pullups tonight, exclusively. She already tells us when she needs to go pee and sits on the potty happily. So far, she has never actually gone potty on the toilet, but she's getting there. Last night she peed on the floor 3 times. No worries, though, it was her first night without a diaper in the evening. It was frustrating for us, but we worked hard not to let her know it. She's ready and we're ready to work with her.
I'll keep you posted.
1/28/2009
30 Days
Non-stress test and ultrasound went fine yesterday. Kelly's blood pressure was perfect, so no worries there. They were able to see her cervix and there is no change yet. This is good (he's still early) and bad (because we're sick of being pregnant). In any event, both Mommy and Connor are healthy and that is all that matters.
Below are the 34 week and 35 week photos. 34 week photo is first, 35 week photo second. Can you see her dropping??
Below are the 34 week and 35 week photos. 34 week photo is first, 35 week photo second. Can you see her dropping??
1/27/2009
31 Days
Connor Watch reports not much new today. We managed to get the load of blankets/towels/sheets into the washer, but not the dryer. Kelly will get that today. Kelly has a non-stress test and ultrasound scan of Connor today. Unlucky me has to miss it, because work requires that I be here. And I'm saving as much time as I can. This will be the first significant appointment I've missed. In fact, I've only ever missed one non-stress test (on Friday). This will be the second and the first bio-scan ultrasound.
Sometimes I hate my job.
Snow is finally falling in our region. The commute in to work was fine. The commute home is going to suck in a major way. And I'm not being overly sarcastic here. The fuckers in this town absolutely CAN NOT drive when any kind of precipitation is falling. Hell, traffic slows down 30 mph when it RAINS. You can imagine what happens when there is snow, sleet and freezing rain in the forcast. It's a nightmare.
But, at least it's finally snowing. This will make the first snowfall of the year here in DC. Literally - the first inch of snow. Insanity, I say.
On an unrelated and exciting in a watching a train wreck kind of way - the building next to my office is currently burning to the ground. I spent about a half hour this morning watching from my boss's 14th floor window, looking down on the firemen creating holes in the roof (we assume vents??) and watching the flames shoot out of the windows in the alley. They assured us that our building was not in jeapordy and that they had the fire completely under control. So, I watched in facination as these very, very brave souls did there work. It was kind of cool.
Now, onto more work for me! I'll update with the non-stress test and ultasound results. Sorry, no pictures. I forgot the camera at home. We actually have 2 rounds of belly shots to share. I'm such a picture-slacker.
Sometimes I hate my job.
Snow is finally falling in our region. The commute in to work was fine. The commute home is going to suck in a major way. And I'm not being overly sarcastic here. The fuckers in this town absolutely CAN NOT drive when any kind of precipitation is falling. Hell, traffic slows down 30 mph when it RAINS. You can imagine what happens when there is snow, sleet and freezing rain in the forcast. It's a nightmare.
But, at least it's finally snowing. This will make the first snowfall of the year here in DC. Literally - the first inch of snow. Insanity, I say.
On an unrelated and exciting in a watching a train wreck kind of way - the building next to my office is currently burning to the ground. I spent about a half hour this morning watching from my boss's 14th floor window, looking down on the firemen creating holes in the roof (we assume vents??) and watching the flames shoot out of the windows in the alley. They assured us that our building was not in jeapordy and that they had the fire completely under control. So, I watched in facination as these very, very brave souls did there work. It was kind of cool.
Now, onto more work for me! I'll update with the non-stress test and ultasound results. Sorry, no pictures. I forgot the camera at home. We actually have 2 rounds of belly shots to share. I'm such a picture-slacker.
1/26/2009
Connor Watch 2009
So, as we near the end of this pregnancy, I have decided to start Connor Watch 2009. Check back often (and I promise I'll post a belly shot tomorrow).
This weekend, Kelly started having real contractions. She's been having Braxton Hicks contractions for many, many weeks. This weekend, 5 or so of them were accompanied by sharp pains for the first time. Of course, they were very far apart and mean absolutely nothing in terms of when we'll go into labor. But it's a start.
Connor is head down and doing his thing. He is pushing heavily on Kelly's cervix, as evidenced by the sharp pains that start in her very lower tummy and shoot down through her vagina. She's been trying to explain them to me, but because Bailey never engaged, I have no basis for comparison. On Friday, our doctor described them perfectly, making Kelly feel much better. He's still moving a lot and doesn't seem to be super huge. Kelly's measurement dropped from our top number of 35 centimeters to 34 last week. This is, of course, very normal now that Connor is head down and getting lower.
A couple of other festive details - Kelly's nipples are super dark, making them "targets" for Connor when he is born. Kelly will probably breastfeed a bit in the hospital so that Connor gets the colostrum, but she has pretty much decided that she will not breastfeed after. Connor will be a formula-fed baby. There are lots of reasons and we know all the arguments that "breast is best". But we also know that Bailey was a formula fed baby and did not get sick any more than breast fed babies and is certainly not lagging behind in any kind of development. We're just not concerned and breast feeding requires a level of committment that we're just not willing to give. With a toddler at home, we're just not doing it. So...for those of you who feel strongly that we are making the wrong decision, keep it to yourself! We're happy, comfortable and satified with our choice. With that said, Kelly's breasts now leak if pulled back. Isn't that fun??? LOL
Kelly's at 34.4 pounds gained. She hasn't gained weight in the last couple of weeks (which is also normal). LOL - leave it to Kelly to come within .6 pounds of the "recommended" weight gain.
We have organized all of Connor's things. The only thing left to do is wash the clothes and blankets and then hang and fold them. Connor is living in our room for at least the first 6-7 months. Even if he begins sleeping through the night, we can't transition him to his own room until Bailey transitions to her bed. So far, that is not happening. We set up the pack 'n play, laid the diapers, shampoo and body lotion in the pack 'n play and made piles of laundry. His bottles are downstairs, ready to be santitized. We have a ton of hangers ready to hang his sleepers and other clothes in our closet. He's got so many clothes - all of Bailey's old things and tons and tons of donations. This weekend, I made our first purchase of baby clothes and that was just because the onsie was cute. We need nothing. We have everything that we could ever need through his first year of life.
All that is left is to have the car seat bases installed in our cars. I am going to undertake that this weekend. Then, it will just be a matter of pulling out the toys as he is ready for them (which will be a while). We tried to explain to Bailey that the pack 'n play would be Connor's bed, but she doesn't get it. She will, though. Eventually.
We are, in no way, prepared for the sleepless nights, the sleep depravation and the insanity of the "fourth trimester". We see it coming, but you just can't prepare. It's just a matter of attacking it when it comes and getting through it. We have the benefit of both of us home for 8 weeks and then Kelly home for 4 more after that. 2 parents home will help. I'm not sure how much, but at least we can tag-team Connor and allow the other to get some sleep. I don't know if that will actually work or if that is a pipe-dream.
What we do know is that Bailey will remain in child care through the entire time we are home. Other than the weekends, she will be in school from around 7:30 or 8 AM and won't come home until 4 or so. We will be more relaxed with her schedule, of course (like letting her sleep until she wakes up) and maybe not as rigid with bedtime as we are now. But for the most part, we are going to keep her on her schedule so that we are not dealing with her adjusting to more changes than she has to. Since I am the only one who can comfort her at night, I will still be doing the late nights with Bailey. We fully expect that she will have some trauma around the new baby coming home with us. Since her sleep is ALWAYS the first thing effected when she is struggling with something, I think we'll probably have a couple weeks (months?) of rough nights. And then, with Connor in our room, we will both be woken up by him. Which is another reason why we are formula feeding. It's just easier in the middle of the night and takes the full weight off Kelly. We can share that duty as well.
So anyway. We are ready in terms of what we need. We could have Connor tomorrow and we would be prepared to bring him home. I don't think anything prepares you for the shock of having a new baby. And there is really nothing we can do to prepare Bailey. We can only prepare for what we think will happen and trust ourselves to get through the unexpected.
Connor Watch 2009 has begun.
This weekend, Kelly started having real contractions. She's been having Braxton Hicks contractions for many, many weeks. This weekend, 5 or so of them were accompanied by sharp pains for the first time. Of course, they were very far apart and mean absolutely nothing in terms of when we'll go into labor. But it's a start.
Connor is head down and doing his thing. He is pushing heavily on Kelly's cervix, as evidenced by the sharp pains that start in her very lower tummy and shoot down through her vagina. She's been trying to explain them to me, but because Bailey never engaged, I have no basis for comparison. On Friday, our doctor described them perfectly, making Kelly feel much better. He's still moving a lot and doesn't seem to be super huge. Kelly's measurement dropped from our top number of 35 centimeters to 34 last week. This is, of course, very normal now that Connor is head down and getting lower.
A couple of other festive details - Kelly's nipples are super dark, making them "targets" for Connor when he is born. Kelly will probably breastfeed a bit in the hospital so that Connor gets the colostrum, but she has pretty much decided that she will not breastfeed after. Connor will be a formula-fed baby. There are lots of reasons and we know all the arguments that "breast is best". But we also know that Bailey was a formula fed baby and did not get sick any more than breast fed babies and is certainly not lagging behind in any kind of development. We're just not concerned and breast feeding requires a level of committment that we're just not willing to give. With a toddler at home, we're just not doing it. So...for those of you who feel strongly that we are making the wrong decision, keep it to yourself! We're happy, comfortable and satified with our choice. With that said, Kelly's breasts now leak if pulled back. Isn't that fun??? LOL
Kelly's at 34.4 pounds gained. She hasn't gained weight in the last couple of weeks (which is also normal). LOL - leave it to Kelly to come within .6 pounds of the "recommended" weight gain.
We have organized all of Connor's things. The only thing left to do is wash the clothes and blankets and then hang and fold them. Connor is living in our room for at least the first 6-7 months. Even if he begins sleeping through the night, we can't transition him to his own room until Bailey transitions to her bed. So far, that is not happening. We set up the pack 'n play, laid the diapers, shampoo and body lotion in the pack 'n play and made piles of laundry. His bottles are downstairs, ready to be santitized. We have a ton of hangers ready to hang his sleepers and other clothes in our closet. He's got so many clothes - all of Bailey's old things and tons and tons of donations. This weekend, I made our first purchase of baby clothes and that was just because the onsie was cute. We need nothing. We have everything that we could ever need through his first year of life.
All that is left is to have the car seat bases installed in our cars. I am going to undertake that this weekend. Then, it will just be a matter of pulling out the toys as he is ready for them (which will be a while). We tried to explain to Bailey that the pack 'n play would be Connor's bed, but she doesn't get it. She will, though. Eventually.
We are, in no way, prepared for the sleepless nights, the sleep depravation and the insanity of the "fourth trimester". We see it coming, but you just can't prepare. It's just a matter of attacking it when it comes and getting through it. We have the benefit of both of us home for 8 weeks and then Kelly home for 4 more after that. 2 parents home will help. I'm not sure how much, but at least we can tag-team Connor and allow the other to get some sleep. I don't know if that will actually work or if that is a pipe-dream.
What we do know is that Bailey will remain in child care through the entire time we are home. Other than the weekends, she will be in school from around 7:30 or 8 AM and won't come home until 4 or so. We will be more relaxed with her schedule, of course (like letting her sleep until she wakes up) and maybe not as rigid with bedtime as we are now. But for the most part, we are going to keep her on her schedule so that we are not dealing with her adjusting to more changes than she has to. Since I am the only one who can comfort her at night, I will still be doing the late nights with Bailey. We fully expect that she will have some trauma around the new baby coming home with us. Since her sleep is ALWAYS the first thing effected when she is struggling with something, I think we'll probably have a couple weeks (months?) of rough nights. And then, with Connor in our room, we will both be woken up by him. Which is another reason why we are formula feeding. It's just easier in the middle of the night and takes the full weight off Kelly. We can share that duty as well.
So anyway. We are ready in terms of what we need. We could have Connor tomorrow and we would be prepared to bring him home. I don't think anything prepares you for the shock of having a new baby. And there is really nothing we can do to prepare Bailey. We can only prepare for what we think will happen and trust ourselves to get through the unexpected.
Connor Watch 2009 has begun.
1/22/2009
Random Thought For the Day
I was thinking this morning as I was driving into work that I wasn't nearly as excited as everyone else about Obama's inauguration. I'm certain that I am not the only one out there, but boy, watching that covereage on Tuesday you would never have known it. I'm just not on the Obama train. I like to think of myself as supportive (I did vote for him) and loyal (I voted for him because I'm a democrat and I felt like I needed to support my party).
But I was very, very annoyed at the cost of the innauguration. Given that most of the people who read this blog are avid supporters and probably would argue this point with me until I'm dead, I'll just leave it by saying that "sacrifice" comes in lots of ways. $171 million dollars is a lot to pay for one day.
Kelly, rightly I suspect, pointed out that he probably had nothing to do it with it. Even if he had said "keep it cheap", it's not really his to decide. It's for the people who supported him. I get that. I disagree with it, but I get it. On a second note, Kelly wondered out loud how much revenue the city generated (and Virginia and Maryland for that matter) by the huge festivities.
She's probably right.
I just didn't like the optics of it.
So while I watched the coverage much of the day and watched the oath and watched the speech and caught much of the parade, I wasn't all that interested. I was moved in moment (who couldn't be?), but for the most part the emotion of the day was disinterest and a bit of disgust.
The random thought I had on the way to work this morning was "isn't that fantastic?" Seriously. I live in a country where I can be disinterested and even a bit disgusted by the government because I know that the transfer of power will happen peacefully and completely. I trust that I will wake up tomorrow and my government will still function. I can completely disagree with the politics (I don't...but I could if I wanted to) and I would still know that my country was not going to collapse around me.
THAT is democracy and it's the single factor that makes me feel loyal to our country.
That's my random thought of the day.
But I was very, very annoyed at the cost of the innauguration. Given that most of the people who read this blog are avid supporters and probably would argue this point with me until I'm dead, I'll just leave it by saying that "sacrifice" comes in lots of ways. $171 million dollars is a lot to pay for one day.
Kelly, rightly I suspect, pointed out that he probably had nothing to do it with it. Even if he had said "keep it cheap", it's not really his to decide. It's for the people who supported him. I get that. I disagree with it, but I get it. On a second note, Kelly wondered out loud how much revenue the city generated (and Virginia and Maryland for that matter) by the huge festivities.
She's probably right.
I just didn't like the optics of it.
So while I watched the coverage much of the day and watched the oath and watched the speech and caught much of the parade, I wasn't all that interested. I was moved in moment (who couldn't be?), but for the most part the emotion of the day was disinterest and a bit of disgust.
The random thought I had on the way to work this morning was "isn't that fantastic?" Seriously. I live in a country where I can be disinterested and even a bit disgusted by the government because I know that the transfer of power will happen peacefully and completely. I trust that I will wake up tomorrow and my government will still function. I can completely disagree with the politics (I don't...but I could if I wanted to) and I would still know that my country was not going to collapse around me.
THAT is democracy and it's the single factor that makes me feel loyal to our country.
That's my random thought of the day.
1/21/2009
Gonna Be Okay...For Today
Yesterday's hopsital stay resulted in very good results. Kelly's blood pressure is down where is should be, the non stress test was perfect and the bio scan ultrasound showed nothing but a healthy Connor.
We'll keep what we are doing with the bed rest and hope it continues to work.
My job is fantastic and are letting me do 6:30 AM - 3:00 PM days every day until leave. This will help tremendously. I will go back to doing that three days a week when I get back from leave, with two later days. God love my boss for being willing (and able) to work with me.
Kelly is being allowed to telecommute the rest of her pregnancy. This works, because it keeps her occupied and keeps her laying down.
Now...two more weeks and two days and Connor can come whenever he feels like it!
We'll keep what we are doing with the bed rest and hope it continues to work.
My job is fantastic and are letting me do 6:30 AM - 3:00 PM days every day until leave. This will help tremendously. I will go back to doing that three days a week when I get back from leave, with two later days. God love my boss for being willing (and able) to work with me.
Kelly is being allowed to telecommute the rest of her pregnancy. This works, because it keeps her occupied and keeps her laying down.
Now...two more weeks and two days and Connor can come whenever he feels like it!
1/20/2009
More Hospital Time
This time, it's controlled though. One of the conditions of Kelly's release from the hospital and the control of her blood pressure is that she go into the hospital every four days for a period of monitoring. If all is well they will send us home on bedrest. We have no idea what will happen if all is not well. We are going with optimism.
In any event, we will be watching the Inaugural parade from a hospital bed this afternoon. Hopefully, Kelly's blood pressure will be normal or not very high. Hopefully they will tell us that we don't need to come in again. Hopefully all the "scare" will be taken out and will be replaced by boredom as we realize that we'll be pregnant for a while longer and it's going to be a while before Connor makes his appearance.
We are excited to be going in, in one respect - it allows us to pepper our doctors and nurses with questions. Everyone makes fun of us because we have questions all the time. We want to know if "bedrest" means laying on her left side constantly or if sitting up sometimes is okay. We want to know how much time needs to be spent laying down. We want to know what exactly will happen if Connor has to be delivered early and what the cutoff is for having him sent to Children's Hospital in downtown DC. We want to know a lot. We like answers.
We were joking yesterday that we're going to be like an eye doctor with our questions. We'll put out the alternatives and say "better 1, or better 2" and let them answer. LOL
Of course, we realize how ridiculous we are and we accept that there are no certainties. But we like to ask anyway. It makes our doctors laugh...and it lets them know that we are paying attention and are interested in the mundane.
Now it's time to get Bailey up and prepare for the day. I have another day off - with Bailey in daycare. I am going to do some grocery shopping this morning. When the stores open, I am going to go purchase the cookbook that I found yesterday (the line was too long when I tried to purchase it yesterday) and then take the car to get the oil changed. Then to Kelly's boss's home to drop off some work. Then to the hospital with my love.
Not exactly a relaxing day off...but a day to myself, at least!
In any event, we will be watching the Inaugural parade from a hospital bed this afternoon. Hopefully, Kelly's blood pressure will be normal or not very high. Hopefully they will tell us that we don't need to come in again. Hopefully all the "scare" will be taken out and will be replaced by boredom as we realize that we'll be pregnant for a while longer and it's going to be a while before Connor makes his appearance.
We are excited to be going in, in one respect - it allows us to pepper our doctors and nurses with questions. Everyone makes fun of us because we have questions all the time. We want to know if "bedrest" means laying on her left side constantly or if sitting up sometimes is okay. We want to know how much time needs to be spent laying down. We want to know what exactly will happen if Connor has to be delivered early and what the cutoff is for having him sent to Children's Hospital in downtown DC. We want to know a lot. We like answers.
We were joking yesterday that we're going to be like an eye doctor with our questions. We'll put out the alternatives and say "better 1, or better 2" and let them answer. LOL
Of course, we realize how ridiculous we are and we accept that there are no certainties. But we like to ask anyway. It makes our doctors laugh...and it lets them know that we are paying attention and are interested in the mundane.
Now it's time to get Bailey up and prepare for the day. I have another day off - with Bailey in daycare. I am going to do some grocery shopping this morning. When the stores open, I am going to go purchase the cookbook that I found yesterday (the line was too long when I tried to purchase it yesterday) and then take the car to get the oil changed. Then to Kelly's boss's home to drop off some work. Then to the hospital with my love.
Not exactly a relaxing day off...but a day to myself, at least!
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