9/30/2008

18 Week Belly Shot & Bailey

















15 Minute Break

Our new lawyers successfully started yesterday and all the work, preparation and aggrevation paid off. It was a completely successful day. More orientation over the next couple of days, but the first day is always the most important. I think we did good.

Anyway.

First, our doctors appointment. We went in for our regular 18 week check up on Friday. The lesson of the day is never, ever schedule OB appointments in the afternoon. After waiting an hour (while Kelly got progressively hungrier and crankier), we finally met with our doctor. Actually, we met with the only male doctor in the practice. We are at one of those places where any one of our doctors may be the one on call when we deliver...we've now met them all. I was a bit apprehensive about meeting the male doctor, but he was wonderful and now we really don't care who delivers us.

The appointment was short and sweet. We heard a very healthy heartbeat. I'm guessing the number was in the high 150's. I say guessing, because when I asked him what the heart rate was his response was "It's a great heartbeat, 160 is just about average." I assume that to mean that his or her heartbeat was right up there with average. I also failed to see what the measurement was, although he did take it this time. He didn't tell us, and I didn't ask. Kelly scolded me later for that. Kelly has gained 12 pounds so far. She is right on track with the expected weight gain. She's a bit worried because 7 of those 12 pounds were gained in the past four weeks. But we continue to believe that it's because she is no longer as nauseous all the time and able to eat. And she's been craving sweets. No issues with the weight, but there you have it.

The other information to come from the appointment was a theory that seems to fit about why Kelly was having chest pains. Our doctor told us about this thing that happens when the joint that connects your breast bone and your ribs becomes inflamed. It can cause heart-attack like symptoms, but then generally just goes away. When inflamed, it hurts to breath at all because the expanding lungs push on the joint, causing it to move. It's the movement that causes the pain. It's common in pregnant women who vomit, because the vomitting can cause the inflamation. We were relieved and happy to finally have something that fits both the symptoms and the reason why it just stopped.

In other baby news, Littler Honey has become active. Kelly feels him or her at least once a day and the feelings are becoming more obvious. It's such a joy for me every time she says the baby moved. I like that. It's reassuring. Now...if only I could feel him or her. Kelly is popping quite a bit. I will be posting a "photo" post after this one with some new pictures of Bailey and the 18 weeks belly shot. It's not much different from the 16 week photo, but her belly is definately changing. She's getting fuller at the top of her belly and you can really see the definition between her "normal" tummy and the baby belly. It's really quite beautiful...

Bailey is doing very, very well. She is mimicking every word we say and usually with a high degree of accuracy. She's such a happy baby girl. She is the light of our lives. She's eating well, finally has 8 teeth and is sleeping the "right" number of hours. She's still the charmer she always was. Interestingly, she is going through a clingy phase with us. She's not really into anyone but Kelly and I and with us, she is very into being held, hugged and close. Not that we mind. There really isn't anything better than a super-huge hug from Bailey. She's a big girl...size 3T already.

Kelly and I are gearing up for potty training. Bailey is ready. All that we need to do is get onboard and start the process. She tells us when she has peed and when she has pooped. Sometimes she is wrong, but she does try to tell us. We need to make it happen. For some reason, we haven't jumped on it. Not sure why.

My final piece of update is that I wanted to share my great weekend. I have spent a lot of time recently being frustrated and putting that out there. This weekend was such a departure from that frustration that I have to share it. Everything was basically normal, except that Kelly and I were gentle and kind to one another. We loved each other the way we used to when we have all kinds of free time and no worries other than each other. We spent all of the time that Bailey was sleeping over the couple of days together, rather than working or doing chores. We watched a movie, we snuggled in bed. We talked. We hugged. It was fantastic and much needed for both of us.

And then, on Sunday, Bailey and I had a completely fantastic day together. I'm not really sure why, but we just both really enjoyed each other all day. We played in the kitchen (her in the sink, me cooking and doing food prep for the week). Kelly watched football and did little stuff here and there. And then, at the end of the day, after being cooped up inside because of rain all weekend, Bailey and I went outside to play. I pushed her on her bike and we stomped in puddles in our bare feet. When it started to rain again, we ran inside to the garage. Bailey stood looking at the rain and then took my hand and pulled me out into it. She twirled around, getting soaked, and stamped her little feet in the puddles and giggled the whole time. We played in the rain together for about 15 minutes. At the end, we were both cold and wet and my soul was brimming with joy. That girl gets to the very best places in me. It's funny, ironic, perfect that it took my daughter pulling me out in the rain and twirling around to help me find my center.

9/29/2008

I'll Write More Later

Today is the big day - 25 new laywers starting today. I've got lots to update you all on - doctor's appointments, Kelly's chest pains, dancing in the rain with our wonderful daughter and an absolutely luxurious, fantastic, no-work, all play, love my wife kind of weekend.

I'll write more later. I promise! For now, I'm off to orient 25 newbies.

9/23/2008

Rage On, Dear Friends

Sorry it's been a while since I've written. Seems like time warps sometimes.

Since I've last written, Our Littler Honey has made what seems like tremendous growth. Kelly's tummy has just popped right out there. She is still wearing pretty big and baggy clothes, so when seen by normal people, she looks "slightly" pregnant. She could still pass if you didn't look for a long time. But with her clothes off...dear lord, people! Her little tummy is not little anymore. It pops right out. She is carrying very low, but starting to fill out in the top part of her belly. Her belly button has become hollow - you can see all the way to the bottom and the sides are flat instead of creased. Her belly is smooth and by the evening, the skin is quite tight. She is beautiful naked, and while I wouldn't share that vision with anyone, I kind of wish that people could see her. She has a beautiful pregnant body.

She is still sick and still on Zofran every six hours. We keep waiting for the sickness to stop, but it really hasn't. With that said, it is much, much more manageable than it was in the early stages. The only time that she vomits is in the morning and that is becoming rare. Perhaps once or twice a week. She is nauseated a lot, though. I think she is afraid to come off the Zofran. Eventually our doctors will just pull her off and that will be that. But for now, the Zofran comforts her and prevents serious nausea.

She is emotionally exhuasted from the effort of being pregnant. Being sick for three months straight, every single day, is rough. I think she's reached the when-the-fuck-will-this-be-over stage. And we still have a long way to go.

We have our next doctor's appointment on Friday. Our regular 4-week check up. Hopefully all will be well and we'll hear a healthy heartbeat. There is certainly no reason to suspect otherwise, but that heartbeat is damn comforting.

Kelly hasn't felt the baby kick since the first time. It's still pretty early for that, though, so we are not worried. Besides, it's only exciting the first 100 kicks or so...LOL!

The 20-week ultrasound is in about 2 1/2 weeks. We super-anxious about it. We haven't seen the baby since he or she was a tiny blob with a heartbeat. It will be nice to see a human-esque image. More importantly, if all goes well, we will have a name to put with the baby once it is over. That seems like such an important thing this time around. We both can't wait.

Bailey is now able to say both of the names that we have selected. It's really funny. She rolls them around in her mouth and some version of them comes on out. She's super cute about it. The other day, she came up to me and patted my belly and said "baby". We've been doing that with Kelly's belly for a couple of months now. She's obviously confused about the concept, but it is still cute. It's going to be funny to see how she reacts to the newborn. LOL. Funny or not...

Everything else is status quo. It will be nice when life slows down a bit and the holidays come. We are very much looking forward to the holidays this year...

9/18/2008

Perspective

Just a bit of perspective - yesterday was a rough day. Obviously. But I wouldn't want anyone (Kelly included) to think that I'm not happy overall or satisfied with my life. I am, but there are days when I can't see the forest for the trees. I get lost in the every day crap and forget that I'm actually happy where I am.

The problem is that "happy" is an overall term. So I can be both happy with my life and miserable in the moment. Sometimes, I'm both happy in the moment and happy in my life. Overall, things are good.

I have a great friend who emailed yesterday and reminded me not to get stuck in the always/never trap. In other words the "it's always going to be this way, things will never change." I do get stuck there sometimes, although I think that I keep some perspective most of the time.

Things are not really different today. All the same needs are there and the same reality of not getting those needs met is still there. Maybe it's sleep deprevation, but I don't feel nearly as fatal about it today. It's all perspective, I guess.

9/17/2008

It's Midnight

It's midnight and I am blogging because I need to do something before calling it a night.

Turns out I did make it home in time for the bath. Here is how it happened:

Over the past few days, Kelly has been having weird pain in her chest. Not in her lungs. Nothing that could be easily described or explained away. After three days (two of which the pain was pretty severe), she decided to go to the hospital. She went without me this morning, assuring me that she was just being silly and that they would tell her it was gas and send her home. Being as stressed as I was, I accepted that answer.

She called me at 2:30 and told me that I would need to pick Bailey up. They had done an EKG, lots of blood work testing her gall bladder, liver and for clots. Because she is pregnant and cannot do a CAT Scan to check for blood clots in her chest, they had to do an ultrasound on her legs to see if there was any sign there.

I immediately jumped into the car and headed to the hospital. When I arrived, she was sitting and waiting for the results. About 20 minutes after I got there, the doctor came in and told her that everything was clear. It's not a clot, she has no heart issues, there isn't really anything to explain it. So they sent her home with a warning to watch the signs.

We had a lovely evening with Bailey and then I got to work. The clock is about to strike midnight and I am going to bed. In 4 hours my alarm is going to go off to greet me (kick me) into a new day.

Hopefully a better one than today has been.

How I Really Feel

Today, I'm stressed. Very. Stressed. I shouldn't be taking the time out of my day to write this post, and yet I am. I need the breather from what I'm doing. So here I am. Typing and stressing.

So here is the thing. What I want to be doing right now is screaming at the top of my lungs.

This morning, as I was driving to work (yes driving...because once again the fucking bus didn't have enough seats and I couldn't wait any longer for the next bus). So as I was driving, I was listening to Pink. Very, very loudly. And I realized that I was bombing down the road, driving at 80-90 miles per hour, weaving in and out of traffic. I was, in fact, driving like a fucking maniac. All the while I was praying that the cops didn't see me and make me more late. And as I'm doing this, I'm realizing that I will not be able to leave work tonight before 7-8 PM (if I'm lucky) and that means that I won't be able to see my daughter or my wife before they go to bed. And I'll come home to a messy house, with dishes to do. I'll walk in exhausted, wanting nothing more than to sit out on my front porch and smoke a joint (there, I said it) and drink a beer. And I won't do either of those things. Instead, I'll do the dishes, clean up, scoop the poop, prep Bailey and Kelly's meals for tomorrow, and maybe watch 5 minutes of late-night news. Around 11:30 or so, I'll drag myself into bed, exhausted from a day that started at 5:30 this morning and my alarm will go off at 4 AM tomorrow. And I won't have hugged my daughter. I won't have participated in her bath. I won't have loved my wife.

So I was thinking about all of this, bombing down the road to a job I don't want to be at right now, and wondering who the fuck I'm supposed to get everything done. I mean, really. How? How am I supposed to be everything to everybody? And who the fuck is anyone to me? I mean, honestly, if I'm not taking care of me and nobody else is taking care of me (this is not to snap at Kelly, she's pregnant. She's off the hook, but it does leave me high and dry), then how I am supposed to get my needs met.

What I need is a break. A real fucking break. No work. No commute. No Bailey. No Kelly. No noise. No thought. No needs that I can or can't meet. No chores. No dishes. No cats. No bills and plans for the future. Nothing. Me. Alone. By the ocean. For at least a day. I need a chance to regroup, recenter, rejuvenate my very, very tired self.

And what I was really thinking as I was crazy-driving this morning is that no matter how much I may need it, I'm not going to get it. Because my needs are not important right now. And even if they are important, they are secondary to everyone else's needs and I just have to fucking deal with it.

9/14/2008

Littler Honey Update

This morning, at 5:30 AM, Kelly felt Littler Honey move for the first time! Bailey had woken up (incidentally with a fever) and I had gone into her room to tend to her. When I came back in into our bedroom to let Kelly know that Bailey had a fever, she told me that she has just felt the baby for the first time. She was resting herself backwards on a pile of pillow and blankets, so her belly was kind of stretched out at the time. She felt the feeling directly below her belly button. She described it as the same feeling that you have when you get those involuntary eye twitches. Very light, very faint, but very distinct.

AMAZING!!!! Now...I just have to wait until it's my turn to feel our Littler Honey.

Here is a 16 week belly shot. Just for comparison purposes, I've put the 14 weeks pregnancy shot in there. This is why my love has been so exhausted she can't think straight.

This was Kelly on August 29th (at just a few days past 14 weeks).



And this is Kelly today (at just a few days past 16 weeks).

9/12/2008

16 Weeks!

We've made it 16 weeks!!! We are 24 weeks away from this pregnancy being over (hopefully). 24 weeks away from holding our Littler Honey. 24 weeks away from introducing the person who will have the most significant impact on Bailey's young life yet. 24 weeks from becoming a ratio of 1-1 instead of 2-1. 24 weeks away from mind-blowing exhaustion and soul crushing happiness. 24 weeks from the jumping off point for the rest of our lives. 24 weeks from moving beyond the baby-planning and baby-making phase of our life. 24 weeks until we are a family of 4...just as we've always dreamed.

And only 28 days away from knowing if the little life inside of my beautiful wife's body is a little boy or girl.

Kelly said yesterday that she is just so anxious to know this time around. Last time we were much more calm about it - if we decided to know, fine. If not, fine. This time, we are chomping at the bit to put a name to the child we are growing.

This weekend is the county fair in our area. We are both looking forward to bringing Bailey and enjoying the fall festivities! We are going to do a bit of shopping, see the animals, play some games and eat some yummy fair-food. Kelly has already claimed that she will be eating fair french fries. I'm not sure what my treat will be. The first year we went, I was pregnant and ate a bunch of everything. The second year, Bailey was tiny, tiny, tiny and I carried her around in the sling all day. I think I ate fried dough. Why it matters, I don't know...but I always associate the fair with yummy fried food!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

9/09/2008

Our Littler Honey

In other news...

Our Littler Honey is growing fast and furious if Kelly's belly and her sickness, exhaustion and moodiness are any indication. Her belly is definately showing now. She is still hiding behind clothes for the most part - you can see a bit when she's dressed, but not like when she is naked. When she is naked, she has the quintessential pregnant woman body. Her belly is smooth and round, her back starting to bow and her boobs are HUGE! LOL - my baby was always a small, never have to wear a bra kind of boob girl. Now, she is definately not. Her breasts shock her...and they delight me (even though they are off limits...LOL)! It's wonderful to see her usually skinny body take on the curves of motherhood. I think it's beautiful.

She is perpetually exhausted and can't seem to get enough sleep. This is par for the course, obviously, but it doesn't make it any easier. I got to sleep through my pregnacy. Kelly doesn't have that luxury. She's exhausted and sleeps hard when she finally gets to bed. But it's never early enough and never long enough. I try to let her sleep in on the weekends, but she wakes up and then knows that Bailey is up so she gets up too. Sleeping in is just not an option these days.

Her sickness is still a factor. The vomitting has mostly stopped, except for this morning. She was particularly queasy this morning and actually puked. She spends much of her time nauseated still, but not usually followed by vomitting. She's still on Zofran every 6 hours, but we're starting to think about pushing it back. We'll see how the next four weeks go.

I think that food is the biggest drama right now. She is hungry a lot but nothing ever sounds good. It's hard for her, because in her pre-pregnancy life if she was hungry but couldn't come up with something to eat, she just wouldn't eat. In fact, she kept her weight to a tiny 125 or less all through college using this method. LOL - I make that sound like a weight technique, but it really isn't. She would just not want to deal with food and so she wouldn't.

Well, of course, that isn't an option right now. She has to eat. But food that five minutes ago sounded good now doesn't. It's still very, very touch and go. She'll can force food in, but if it is the wrong food, she'll just get sick.

She's hit the depressed wall about food. The thought of having to deal with it has brought her to tears more than once. I try to take the pain out of it by having multiple options prepared and ready to go, but that is hard all the time. We are trying not to spend a bunch of money eating out, but whatever works. Kelly hates the topic.

As for the emotional side of things...well, Kelly is typical. She's moody and then she's not. She's emotional and then she's not. She clings then she doesn't. She cries at blips of movies that she sees, even when she doesn't know the plot or anything. Country songs make her cry. She is overwhelmed by everything sometimes. She doesn't want to go anywhere, doesn't want to do anything...but she's bored. The things that she used to take in stride annoy the shit out of her. In short - she's pregnant and hard to deal with and wonderful all at the same time.

The only shocking thing about this is the contrast from how she is when she's no pregnant. My honey is not an overtly emotional person. She is extremely emotional in many ways, but she doesn't exactly put that out there. Now, she can't help but put it out there. It's just where she is at. I love it some days and I hate it other days...just like any partner of a pregnant woman.

So...what does all of this mean? I think it means that Littler Honey is doing exactly what she or he needs to be doing right now...sucking all of his/her Mommy's resources, producing hormones that make his/her Mommy kinda crazy and growing like a weed! Grow baby grow!

Diaper Rash

Mommy and Momma are on the war path today.

Last night, when I got home, Bailey pooped and I changed her. Not such big news, huh? Except that as I started to change her, she screamed in pain and began kicking me , thrusting away from me and sobbing hysterically. She was slathered in diaper rash cream and poop, so there was no choice but to push forward and get her cleaned up. I enlisted Kelly's help. She had to pin her shoulders down and hold Bailey's head in between her knees while I pinned her legs back with one hand and proceded to clean her as gently as I could. No amuont of gentleness helps, though, when you are in that much pain.

Bailey had a raging diaper rash, all over her cha cha, in the crack of her bum and along the cheeks of her bum.

The thing is, this happened last Monday too. It took us all week to get the rash gone and then over the weekend, it went away completely. We took strident measures all week (hounding the daycare) and making sure that she stayed dry. So, you can imagine how pissed off we were that she shows up after one day at daycare with a diaper rash so bad that two adults had to restrain her while cleaning her up.

We are pissed.

Bailey has very, very sensitive skin. As such, we have some pretty strict diaper policies. We don't use wipes when she pees. Pee is sterile and until it hits open air, it's perfectly fine. So there is no need to wipe every time she pees. Instead, we fan her dry, to make sure that she is not left wet and put on a new diaper. We've been doing this since the day she was born and it works. When we do use wipes, we use 7th Generation wipes and as few as possible. Then, we fan her dry so that she is not left wet with the stuff on the wipes. We change her a lot, and always immediately after she poops. Of course, we are not perfect and we've screwed up occasionally. But she has never, ever gotten diaper rash this bad on our watch. In fact, she's never gotten a "rash" on our watch at all - maybe a little redness when she poops more than once or twice a day.

At daycare, they have a two-hour policy. They change her every two hours. Period. So, if she poops 15 minutes after she has been changed, we have absolutely NO confidence that they are not just leaving her in that poopy diaper until her diaper-timer has run out. And even if that isn't the case, obviously something isn't right. She gets this rash when she goes to daycare.

So, we're on the war path. We're doing a conference call with the director this morning and we're going to lay in on hot and heavy.

Because if I have to watch my child suffer like that again tonight, I will pull her ass out of that fucking daycare...and they certainly DO NOT want to deal with me that pissed off.

9/05/2008

14 Week Baby Bump


Our Littler Honey at 14 Weeks. Not much difference from the last picture! My "pop" happened between 19 and 21 weeks last time. We'll see when Kelly's "pop" happens.

TGIF

This has been a long, hard week. Work is picking up like crazy as both Kelly and I are headed into our busy seasons. I had a cold all weekend, that was at its worst yesterday. It seems to have broken up some overnight. There has been lots of head-down, nose-to-the-grindstone work this week and not much else.

With that said, Bailey is doing magnificent. Her latest roster of words includes slide, water, book, outside, bike, rock, birdy, blue, doggie, cat, and a bunch of others that escape me at 5:59 AM. Her vocabulary really is huge and there is never any trouble communicating with her. She even tells us when she has gone poop or pee. We're thinking that means that we need to start working the potty. *sigh* Why do I have a block about the potty??? I guess that is another blog.

Kelly and Littler Honey are doing alright. The sickness has become sporadic, rather than constant. It is still intense when it comes, but Kelly is finally feeling good enough to not say that she feels horrible all the time. Littler Honey is 15 weeks today! We are 3/4 of the way through the first half. Or, as Kelly just said, we are five weeks away from being halfway there.

We have our 20-week ultrasound scheduled for October 10th at 8:30 in the morning. We will know if our Littler Honey is a boy or a girl at that time...if we are lucky. LOL - watch, just because we want to know this time, our baby will be shy and we won't find out!

I shouldn't jinx us that way.

No big plans for the weekend. With the rain, I suspect we'll spend quite a bit of time at the indoor pool. It's a great way to get some of the energy out...and it's beneficial all around! But first, we have to get through this crazy Friday.

9/02/2008

Middle Class Squeeze

Kelly and I realized last night that we fall right in the middle of the middle-class vice that is squeezing everyone. And it pisses us off.

We make good money, all told. We both have good jobs and our combined income is certainly not too shabby. Especially for two girls who are 29 and 33. With that said, we can't seem to put it all together in a way that makes sense. I don't want to bitch about our finances - because that would make Kelly uncomfortable - but we are both frustrated.

So, we're making some cuts. We have this triple play internet, phone and digital cable package that is a hold over from when I was on maternity leave. We're getting rid of it. We're getting rid of our at-home internet connection and phone entirely. We don't need a home phone - we both have cell phones and everyone knows those numbers. Call us on them. We're getting rid of the internet, because there isn't anything we can't do at work. We spend most of our time at work anyway. And we don't need the expense of at home internet service right now when we barely use it. Kelly is never online at home, and I don't need to be.

As for cable, we're stepping back down to our $16 a month plan. It'll give us the basics and that is all we need.

We're getting rid of other stuff too. Time to trim back down and make it all work.

Anyway - that has been on my mind.

This weekend was lovely. We had a fantastic time at the Renaissance Festival and Watkins Park. Bailey and I went swimming twice. We hung out with M&S and their sweet, sweet Danny. We spent time reconnecting and I cooked. I made a fantastic pork loin and turkey breast. Yummy!