Christmas Eve Playing

Cute Videos

Playing Piano With Danny



High Chair Talking

Just Some Random Cuteness

Couple of very cute things that I wanted to point out -

1) Bailey mastered crawling this weekend!!!! She has it figured out finally and is not afraid to use her tricks to get where she wants to go and get what she wants. Currently, she's obsessed with the cat food. We're going to try to keep it out and just watch her and keep her from it. After all, the kitties need to eat too! Besides, it won't take too many bites of cat food for her to decide that it's not all that interesting anyway...

2) M&S got us a small tapestry with four kitties on it when they were in Peru. We hung it in our hallway upstairs. Every night, as we are leaving the bathroom with Bailey all swadled up from her bath, we stop and count the kitties and talk about the different colors of the kitties. Immediately after that, we count the three sheep that hang on her bedroom door (compliments of Grammie and Andrea!). Bailey loves this routine so much!!!

3) Finally - Bailey is really becoming extremely vocal these days. She just gabs on and on. She looks right at us sometimes and just talks and talks. She knows exactly what she is saying...we just don't understand it yet! It's amazing...

Christmas

Okay - well, I've tried to upload a bunch of videos and for whatever reason, I've not been able to make it work. I'll keep trying and eventually, I'll get it!

Christmas was wonderful!!! Our trip to West Virginia was nice - it was wonderful to see family and for Bailey to have some time with her Nana. We ended up making the drive there and back in one day, so we were exhausted by the time we actually got home. Bailey, of course, slept the entire way back home. We just didn't want to repeat the hotel nightmare that we had experienced in Hershey.

After that, it was just relaxing all weekend long. Sunday and Christmas Eve were spent just hanging out. We took Bailey out a couple of times and even braved the mall on Christmas Eve! Poor Bailey...she just gets so bored when she is stuck at home alone with us!

Our first Christmas Eve as parents was wonderful! When Santa came, he introduced himself (not that we needed an introduction) and congratulated us on such a beautiful daughter. He then proceeded to fill us in on the secret parent/santa code and how it all works once you have children. It was quite facinating and incredibly exciting!

After that, Kelly and I headed to bed. I was up super early the next morning but waited to get up until Kelly was ready. Actually - I woke her up before she was ready, but whatever. We had about an hour to do our stockings before Bailey woke up. In future years, we'll all do it together (or Bailey will get up before us and do hers), but this year was special.

Kelly has spent the last month hinting that something wonderful is going to happen for Christmas. She's dropped hints and left little clues. I've gotten more and more excited as Christmas has gotten closer.

In the bottom toe of my stocking, after reading an incredible love note (the details of which, I won't share...LOL), I found a beautiful five-stone diamond anniversary band. It is absolutely stunning and I am so happy!!! Kelly couldn't have picked a more perfect ring for me (it's exactly my style) and she couldn't have presented it in a better way. Thank you, honey...I love you!!!

Once Bailey finally woke up, we did our usual tradition of eating cinnomon rolls and orange juice before opening presents. Karen came over to share in the festivities of Bailey's first Christmas. And Bailey was a champ!!! She tore at the paper and kept at it until all the gifts were opened. There were a few times that she got overwhelmed and needed to be comforted...but over all, she did great!!! There was tons of stuff from us and from Santa, so it was a busy morning for her.

After presents were opened, B went down for a nap. She ended up sleeping for 3 1/2 hours!!!!! Talk about exhuasted! This, from a girl who doesn't nap...

The rest of the day we just relaxed and watched a movie and got ready for the week to begin. It was a lovely holiday!

Tormenting Camryn (isn't Camryn sweet???)

With Aunt TT at Nana's house

Bailey really loves her Nana!

After Santa Visited

What is it???

It's a...It's a...hmmmm...what is it???

Hehehe...I am the Christmas DEVIL!

My Perfect Girls

The Ring

Domestic Bliss

This morning, I was up at 4 AM. I made two pans of brownies (they were the ready-made kind, though), one pan of cookies (again...ready made), two pies (fully from scratch), and two loafs of banana bread (from scratch). After cleaning the kitchen for the last time and getting all the dishes washed, I took a look around.

The family room was sparkling...with Bailey's toy's piled neatly. The mantle was shining with Christmas lights and garland. The cards were hung along the columns. The Christmas tree was lit and looking so festive with all the packages surrounding the bottom. There was a the food that I had created for Kelly's party - all festively packaged and ready to go with green tissue paper and festive wrappings. The house was quiet and peaceful with Bailey still sleeping. It was clean and calm. I took a deep breath and realized that I felt a calm feeling that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Domestic bliss doesn't happen often with a baby...but when it does, it's a wonderful feeling.

Then, I looked at the clock and realized it was only 7 AM. I made some more coffee. PHEW!!!

Sick...Again

I apologize for the delay in posting...Bailey came down with a bronchial infection that hit on Monday evening and I've been racing with time every since. Unfortunately, this was the worst possible week to need to be out of work...and Kelly couldn't help. She absolutely couldn't miss work. So, Bailey and I spent two very miserable days on Tuesday and Wednesday trying to get her better (there isn't much that could be done). Finally, today, I was back at work...but with three days worth of work to do.

I am scheduled off tomorrow...and while I probably shouldn't take the day, I'm going to! I need a day just to enjoy the holiday bustle.

Kelly's office Christmas party is tomorrow. They have a very fun event where everyone brings their children. It's potluck style. There will be almost 30 adults and close to 10 children present this year. We all sit around and eat and hang out and then play games. Of course, a Chinese gift exchange is done. We are giving chocolate covered pretzels. LOL - what else could we do with a $10 limit???

This is the first year that I will be at the party for the entire event. I usually go for lunch and then have to get back to work. Given that I took the day off to bring Bailey in, I'll be there for the entire event! I'm very much looking forward to it!

Tomorrow morning, I'm making a pecan and a pumpkin pie for our family gathering in West Virginia on Saturday. We have gifts for all the kids from Bailey and are very, very much looking forward to seeing little Camryn (Bailey's cousin that was born 3 weeks before her). Of course, we can't wait to see everyone else too...but especially Camryn!

We'll spend Saturday night in Morgantown (keep your fingers crossed that we don't have another hotel nightmare!!!) and then we're back home for a quiet and peaceful Christmas eve and Christmas day. Kelly has been especially mysterious about what Santa is bringing me this year, so I can't wait for Christmas morning!!! I think that it's gonna be good...

She always gives great surprises. I'm not so good at that part...but I try to be festive, so maybe that is my gift.

I promise lots of pictures of our holiday adventures and stories when we return! I expect that tomorrow will be crazy busy, and then we're off! Have a wonderful final weekend before Santa arrives!!!

She Crawls

Yesterday is the official first day of Bailey's crawling career. She's been working so hard to get it figured out and we've been trying to give her lots of floor time (both with and without us). Last night, as I was folding clothes and Kelly was sifting through some work stuff, Bailey was playing on the floor. She really wanted to check out the heater vent (in our home, these don't get hot!). I was sort of watching her, but not really paying attention when I realized that she had actually crawled forward 4-5 paces! She was at the heater vent and quite proud of herself!!!

We've got all the thing we need to baby-proof. We've been working on it slowly, but steadily. Now it's time to finish it up.

B is also teething again. And she has a cold. We think the two go hand in hand. She's been sleeping alright, but it takes her a while to fall asleep. Every time she starts to drift off, she coughs and wakes herself up. Then she whines because she woke herself up. Then she drifts off. It's a wretched cycle.

Of course, because she's more tired and doesn't feel great, she wants me to hold her all night. She'll fall into her near-sleep state and I'll put her in her crib (we try not to hold her until she falls asleep). As soon as her head hits the crib, she's awake and pissed off that I would even think about leaving her. She has to cry herself to sleep.

Man, it sucks walking away from her. I know that it's for the best. She needs to learn to sleep on her own, and most importantly, to fall asleep on her own. But damn. It makes me feel horrible!!!!! Especially because she is so warm and snuggly and droopy...LOL!

On a funnier note - I was wrapping a christmas gift yesterday and Bailey was "helping". She was so excited about the wrapping paper as I was pulling it off the roll that she went all rigid and just shook and screamed.

I haven't laughed that hard in a while!

We spent some time this weekend with our dear friends Monica and Susanne and Danny. I just have to say, once again, that Danny is such a sweet little boy!!!! Oh my lord. Bailey is sweet - sweet when she smiles at you, sweet when she giggles. But when Bailey gets excited, she slams her arms around, screams, tries to yank your glasses off, head bangs. LOL - she's anything but gentle, in other words. Danny, on the the other hand, is just as snuggly as teddy bear and so cute it hurts. He's got the sweetest little smile and his eyes are so expressive!

Anyway - I really enjoyed spending some time with them - both to catch up with some adults and to have some time enjoying another infant!!! Thanks, M&S, for hosting!

I think that is it for now. It's going to be a long week. There is lots to do at work, Kelly is absolutely swamped at her job and I'm on Bailey duty for the drop off and pick up all week. But, I am taking Friday off, and we get Monday and Tuesday off...so it'll be a nice long weekend.

I can't wait for Santa!!!

Holiday Happiness

It's been far to long since my last Top 10 List...so here goes:

The Ten Things About Christmas that Make Me the Happiest This Year

10) Watching random people in the city walk by with Santa hats on their heads.

9) Laughing at the people who sing Christmas carols loudly as if nobody can hear them (I'm one of these people).

8) All of the lights, wreaths, strings of garland and holiday music that is just everywhere!

7) Being at the mall to entertain Bailey and laughing at the frantic shopping that is taking place, knowing that I got all of mine done two weeks ago.

6) Finally, finally being done with our Christmas cards and having the satisfaction of knowing that even having a new baby didn't keep us from our annual homemade card tradition.

5) Thinking about Christmas morning with a hot cup of coffee, some fresh baked cinnamon rolls, my stuffed stocking and sitting with Bailey while she plays with the paper and we try to encourage her to play with her gifts.

4) Knowing that I'll be spending at least a few days of this holiday season surrounded by my in-law side of the family and enjoying the craziness that comes with lots of people, a couple of kids and christmas presents.

3) Turning the Christmas tree on at 4:30 every morning and enjoying the way that the lights bounce off our hardwood floors.

2) The super-huge, corporate Christmas bonus that will help drag us out of the debt created by creating Bailey.

And finally...the number one joy for me this Christmas....

1) The traditions that Kelly and I hold so dear that will one day be so important to Bailey one day.

Uncharted Territory

I have never, ever known a love like this. Ever.

I love Kelly from the deepest parts of my heart. I would die for her if that meant that I could save her life. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for her. There is no limit to the love that I have, and it's 10 years strong.

But the love that I feel for Bailey has no equal.

For the the first 6 months of Bailey's life, I didn't feel love like this. I am now educated enough about the effects of post partum to know that my lack of deep connection to Bailey was not my fault. It took me three months to seek help, but when I did, things started to heal. It took three months for the post partum to stop and I have now been without Prozac for 4 weeks.

Clarity has come about quite a bit. The biggest piece of clarity is about my relationship with Kelly. In a word, I was so jealous. Jealous of Bailey and the love that I saw her getting from Kelly.

It sounds horrible, even to me...and I now understand it. It is another part of our story, though, and one that I'm not willing to hide from. I didn't understand what Kelly was feeling when Bailey was born, because I wasn't able to feel much of anything. I was numb. Kelly was feeling what I am now lucky enough to feel.

If you're a parent, you're probably nodding and understanding without my description what I am about to say. I can now understand what people were talking about when they said it was all worth it. I can understand what it feels like to have everything else in my life come after Bailey. I miss her when I'm not with her and the kind of joy that I feel when I am with her is unequaled. Honestly, I've never felt this way. Ever.

Let me paint a picture for you so that maybe you can understand the journey to this point.

When Bailey was born, I was sick. Not just postpartum sick - but actually physically sick. I had lost nearly 2/3 of the blood in my body. My birth experience was NOTHING like I had wanted it to be. I was unable to breast feed. Bailey was huge and holding her for hours hurt so bad. I was weak, I was constantly tired from the lack of blood and the lack of sleep. I was confused because I never felt that rush of love that every mother talks about. I honestly believed that I was a failure - because I couldn't have a vaginal birth, because I couldn't breast feed, because I couldn't stop Bailey from crying...but mostly because I couldn't shake the thought that I had made the worst mistake of my life. We were alone. We had no family around to help us. Kelly was trying to care of me, care of a newborn and prepare herself to go back to work after three weeks. We didn't eat properly, we didn't sleep properly and just when things started to even out a little, Bailey developed colic. When Kelly went back to work, I was alone with Bailey. All day long. I was still weak from my surgery and loss of blood. I was loopy from the pain killers that I was still on. I was constipated from the massive doses of iron that they kept me on to help replenish my blood loss. Bailey was miserable and in pain and nothing that I did could help. When Kelly got home, she was immediately thrown into dealing with me and caring for Bailey. We had no time to just be in peace. We had nobody to come over and take Bailey for a few hours to let us reconnect. We were getting very little feedback from anyone about how we were doing, because we didn't have anyone around. Our relationship suffered from lack of care, from the frustration we were both feeling with our inability to cope and from my inability to adjust to our new world. I constantly felt trapped, scared, alone and more often than not, I hated that I had become a parent.

And this went on for three months without reprieve. Without a break. Without stopping. Without even the slightest indication from internal or external sources that it would somehow, some day, feel different.

Worse yet, we were one of a set of three in our area that had children within the same time period. Our friend, Olivia, had given birth 10 weeks prior. And her birth experience was anything but easy. And yet, she seemed to love her child, love parenting and be acclimating like a champion. 6 weeks afer Bailey was born, our dear friends Monica and Susanne welcomed their child into the world. And again, we watched as they breastfed without problem and turned their lives into a wonderful place for their son.

Even worse still, my brother and his wife had a child. My sister-in-law and her husband welcomed their daughter. Both families seemed relatively unscathed by the adjustments, even when it was difficult.

Now, I am not stupid enough to believe that it was easy for anyone. It is always a huge transition to bring a child into a family. But none of them seemed to hate their child. They would all talk about how it was tough...but worth it. I saw the couples pulling together to make it work, rather than pulling away from each other. I listened as each told me about the family they had coming over or flying in to help out.

And I compared myself and just sunk deeper. Daily, I had to watch my wife fall in love with our child and I had to wonder what the hell was wrong with me. Why did I want to cry with relief when she was taken from my arms? Why did I sob at night while I was holding her and trying to sing her to sleep? Why did the touch of her hands or the sound of her cries make me cringe? Why did every dream I had of my birth experience and her infancy prove to be false? Why did my wife never look at me? Why was I all alone?

And the biggest question of all...the unanswerable question that left me contemplating suicide one morning...how could I make this stop?

Turns out human beings can only take so much before they crack under it all, and I cracked. I broke apart into tiny shards of the person that I was and lost my fucking mind for a while.

Meanwhile, it still never stopped. I have never felt so hopeless in my entire life.

I can understand a lot now. Kelly never stopped seeing me...but she could only carry so much. She was working full time, learning how to be a mother for the first time, carrying the entire load of my emotional baggage. She was tired. Like I just said, one person can only carry so much. She rightly chose to carry Bailey. And all that failure I was feeling was a chemical imbalance created by pregnancy hormones. I can see that now. I can understand now. But, boy, I didn't understand then.

It's taken about 4 months - but I am well on my way to healed. Kelly and I are doing okay. We've survived a lot in our love and we survived this too. And as for Bailey, well...it seems that while I might have thought I was fucking her up...I was wrong. She's a wonderful, smart, affectionate child. I wish that everyone could know her as we do. And as for me...well, things are better. Not perfect...but then, they never were. I can thrive with a little too much stress and a bit to little sleep.

I can finally say that as difficult as some days are, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I can finally say that with my heart...not just my mouth.

Food Vidoes

Moments Like This

I have these moments when I rush into the childcare center and race down the hall and scramble to put my shoe booties on and dart into Bailey's classroom just so that I scoop her up and smell her. I bury my nose in her neck and smell her sweet baby girl smell and everything is perfect.

This afternoon when I got her she smiled the sweetest, most gentle smile and put her hands on each of my cheeks and pulled my face to hers. She put her lips on mine and then pulled back and smiled. She did that four times. On the fourth baby kiss, I couldn't help the tears that welled up in my eyes.

I am so blessed.

Miss. Babbling Independence

It's official. Bailey is going through her first "independence" stage. She pushes you away when you hold her too close for too long. She wants to be carried face out so that she can see her world. She hates it when things are done for her. She doesn't want to be fed, she want to pick up her food on her own and eat it. She's not mastered the forward crawl yet, but she can get anywhere she wants to go using other methods. She can take herself from a laying position to a sitting position to on her hands and knees and then back again all by herself.

She is Miss. Independence. She's got this covered, thank you very much.

The funniest thing is that she asserts her rights to be her own person in the funniest ways. If she doesn't like something that is happening to her, she doesn't outright try to stop you. She is subversive. For instance - she hates it when I put lotion on her face after her bath. Well, rather than just try to bat my hands away (which would be the obvious thing to do), she pulls her feet to her mouth and chews on her toes, creating a nearly impossible obstacle to get around. And amazingly, as soon as I'm done trying to lotion her face, her feet hold no more interest for her. Subversive. And smart. She's definitely smart.

She's also become an excessive babbler. She makes all kinds of sounds and they are flowing out of her mouth in a near constant stream. She makes sounds that sound sound like "okay", "mama", "no", and "all done". And of course, there are lots of sounds that just sound like sounds. It's funny because she's learning about how to use tone and emphasis in her use of language. When she's looking at something new, the sounds that come out of her mouth sound questioning and full of confusion. When she doesn't want something anymore, she sounds determined (or frustrated...LOL). When she's happy, she blends her sounds with squeals and hand clapping. A couple of times now, Kelly and I have just stared in wonder as she has an entire conversation with herself or her toys. We don't understand her, but it's clear that she is "talking" rather than just making noise.

It's incredible to watch her grow like this. Absolutely incredible.

My Message to Kelly

I know that in the last year or so, things have been more difficult than they have been at other times in our relationship. I know that I've been really antsy lately and that you take the brunt of my frustration. I know that I've been short and snippy and bitchy and sometimes just rude. I know that there are some things I wish I could take back, some words I wish I could unsay and some nights I wish I could just shut myself up.

What I want you to know is that my antsiness, my need to shake the cage of my life is not about you. You are not the problem. You are my love, my heart and my soul. I couldn't be Mikki without you and I wouldn't even want to try.

I'm just finding myself again. I thought that being a mother was going to seal the deal for me. That I would find the truth that I had been seeking for so long and that I would never want for anything again. As with everything with this experience of parenting, I was wrong. I am still seeking. What you never, ever have to worry about is that I'm seeking something other than you. I'm not. I love you. It is as simple and as complex as that.

I will find my connection again. I will keep looking until I've found that loud crazy outlet that allows my voice to be heard again. Perhaps it's that becoming a mother has brought me back to understanding my feminist roots. Maybe it's that I'm finally feeling a passion again that I haven't felt since my early college years when I shaved my head and tried to change the world. The world has changed around me. The dynamic has changed and my options are all different.

Be patient with me. I know that a lot of this is unfair to you. I know that you wish I were a little more calm, a little more settled. Someday, maybe I will be. For now, I'm doing the only thing I know to do. I'm stumbling along this path of our life, loving you and our child and creating myself.

Snowin' in Maine

My mom tells me that it is snowing in Maine right now. I purposely have kept the news off, not wanting to hear about the winter weather that is sweeping across the nation, but just missing DC. We are getting rain. Cold December rain.

If you've never lived in a place where it snows regularly, you have no idea what I'm missing. I miss the silence of newly fallen snow. I miss the crisp whiteness that makes your eyes water. I miss the smell. The smell of the air before it snows and the smell of the snow on the ground. I miss the way that a vast expanse of unbroken snow looks. I miss driving down the road after a fresh snow and seeing snow mobile tracks in the fields beside the road. I miss the way that the birds fling the snow around, and their little tracks that they make on the railings.

I miss bundling up too much and then unwinding my scarf and feeling the cold on my cheeks. I miss the way that hot chocolate or hot coffee tastes when it is being sipped in truly cold air. I miss the silly snowmen that little kids build. I miss trying to make snowballs when the snow is really just powder. I miss shoveling the snow and how it never fails to amaze me just how much work shoveling really is. I miss driving in the snowstorms with Andrea. That wonderful sense of danger (are we going to slide off the road???) blended perfectly with the comfort that if anyone can drive well in snow, it's Andrea.

I miss how perfectly cozy snow days feel. I miss the little gift that mother nature gives you when a foot and a half of snow falls on a Sunday night through mid-day on Monday. I miss the way that cars start to venture out in the afternoon and the water browness of the roads. I miss navigating the sidewalks before everyone has gotten out to shovel and the icy little trails that are made in the snow by many feet traversing the same place.

I miss red cardinals and the incredibly festive feeling of looking at Christmas lights through fresh snow. I miss my mom and my brothers and the way that we used to play in the snow when we were kids. I miss making snow angels and I so sad that Bailey will have such a different perspective of snow.

It is not often that I miss my birth home. Not often that I wish I were still in Maine. But today, I do. Today, it is snowing there and raining here...and I'd rather be there.

This Sums It Up...

Sleigh bells ringing,
Choir singing,
Wonder what old Santa's bringing
It's the warm and fuzzy time of year

Snowflakes fall
The temp is dropping
Families out together shoppin'
It's the warm and fuzzy time of year

Elves are working over time
Making all our toys
Reindeer hooves on all the roofs
Of good little girls and boys

Big old cups of steamy cider
Fall asleep by a cozy fire
It's the warm and fuzzy time of year

Elves are working over time
Making all our toys
Reindeer hooves on all the roofs
Of good little girls and boys

Big old cups of steamy cider
Fall asleep by a cozy fire
It's the warm and fuzzy time of year
It's the warm and fuzzy time of year

Santa's on his way...

(I love how Billy Gilman has managed to wrap music around the feeling of the holidays!)

One More Thing...

Bailey is now sleeping through the night, in her own room. It was a very, very easy transition.

B has been sleeping in her crib for about three months now. Up until a week and a half ago, that crib was in our room, right next to our bed. At night, we would have to sneak into the room and avoid the creaks in the floors and do everything in the dark and then whisper so quietly in bed that we barely heard each other. And still, she woke up. Every little peep out of her caused me to jump up. I was constantly reinserting the binky into her mouth and checking to make sure that her little fusses didn't turn into all out wails that would wake us all up for hours.

Turns out, all that maintenance was wasted time.

After our trip to Hershey, when Bailey didn't sleep AT ALL in the hotel, we dropped her off at daycare and feverishly moved her into her own room. Our exhausted minds didn't give a shit if she cried all night long - we were going to get some rest in our bed, in our room and WITHOUT being constantly woken up. 6 and a half months was long enough.

(One side note - Bailey is not a breast fed child, and hasn't been eating at night for a long time. She goes to sleep around 7 and doesn't need to eat again until sometime between 6 and 7:30 when she wakes up.)

That night, we wore her out with a little help from Karen (who walked her around and around our house...yep, Bailey is up on her feet regularly!). By the time it was bed, B Bear could barely keep her eyes open. I cuddled her, gave her a bottle and then when the bottle was done, I held her to my chest. She laid her head down on my shoulder, wrapped her fingers into my hair, sucked on her binky and fell fast asleep. When I heard her snoring, I brought her to the crib, laid her down and covered her up. After that, I left the room.

The first few nights were difficult. Around 3, Bailey would wake up and freak out. I could only take listening to her scream for about 45 minutes before I would go hold her until she went back to sleep.

Then, one night, I just got over it. She cried a lot that night. That was the worst night. But the next night, and every night after that, Bailey has slept through the night. She wakes up and fusses for a few minutes every now and then, but she always puts herself back to sleep. She is able to find her binky in the night and has perfected reinserting it into her mouth on her own. Now that we've created a pattern, I have a standing rule of a half hour. If Bailey were to ever cry for longer than a half hour without falling back asleep, I'll go in and check on her. So far, in 10 days, that hasn't had to happen.

And, it's a dream. Kelly and I actually get to talk like normal adults. Our room is our own again. We sleep peacefully. We can laugh and play in bed. We can shower with the door open in the morning without the light bothering anyone. We can get dressed in our bedroom instead of the hot, steamy bathroom. We can talk. Have I mentioned that? We can actually use our voices like normal human adults and have a conversation.

There really are some awesome benefits to having your child get older. It's sad to lose those incredibly needy infant days (for some people, anyway...not really for me, though...but that is a different blog), but it sure is nice to gain back some of that Independence that comes with having an older child.

It's just been wonderful!

She's Trying...

Our Bailey is trying SO HARD to crawl. She gets up on all fours and rocks back and forth. She crawls backwards, but she can't put it all together and move forward yet. Eventually, she just gives up, flops on her belly and fusses while waving her arms and legs back and forth.

I laugh at her.

Does that make me a horrible mother???

I also get down on the floor and encourage her to come to me and clap when she moves and I try to give her incentives to make it happen. Any day now we are going to have a crawling child.

I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Speaking of clapping...she now claps her hands when she is given something that she likes. It's the absolute sweetest thing in the entire world! Since she's been old enough to focus on us, we have clapped while saying "yeaaaaa!!!!". Now, she does it too. So sweet.

Finally - Bailey clearly says "Mum mum mum mum" when she is distressed. She won't say it on command and she doesn't mimic us when we say it to her. But when she is nervous or sad or upset about something she clearly says it while looking at us (she doesn't seem to decipher which one of us is Mom...which is GREAT!). It's usually combined with her burying her head in our necks or rubbing her eyes.

Super sweet.

I can't believe that she is almost 7 months old. How the hell did that happen????

Bad, Bad Blogger!

I know, I know...I'm a bad blogger! It's amazing how much less time I have now that I'm actually raising a child!

So...during our Christmas kick-off weekend (which was absolutely wonderful...except for the rain...LOL), Bailey didn't sleep. Well, she did...but barely. About three broken hours each night. We were in the hotel with her and it was absolutely exhausting. Kelly and I had even gotten a suite in hopes that it would help her sleep. No such luck. So, after we got home, we moved her into her room!

Yes, you hear right...Bailey is now sleeping in Bailey's very own bedroom and Momma and Mommy have ADULT SPACE again!!!!! Seriously, it's wonderful. The really good news is that the transition for Bailey was very, very easy. We've had no long crying fits. No crazy nights of not sleeping while she cries it out in her room. For the most part, she wakes up and fusses...but then puts her self back to sleep. She goes to bed around 7:30 or 8 PM and sleeps until around 6:30 or 7 AM. Meanwhile, Kelly and I get to be adults for a little bit after she's gone to bed for the night. Being a slave to the binky is over...

It's been an absolutely excellent transition!

That was Monday night. On Tuesday, we brought our B to childcare for part of the day and put up the Christmas tree!!! Remember, this year is the first year that I was willing to go with a fake Christmas tree (last year was so traumatic and I have a horrible fear of the house and Bailey burning up in a tree fire). Well, this is what it looked like right out of the box:

Not the best. Kelly and I were both a little worried. As you can see here, we spent hours (literally) opening up branches and fluffing the tree. Honestly, I had no idea how much work it was to make an artificial tree look good!

Well, all our hard work paid off - because here is what it looked like fluffed up and then after it was decorated!

Bailey loves the tree...but honestly, the tree is no match for the stuffed animals and the Santa with a jingly bell that sits on the couch by the tree.My favorite from this year's christmas decorations is our new stockings...and the fact that there are three of them this year!!!

Then, it was Wednesday and time to start preparing for Thanksging! But, before we did that, we went and got our first ever round of family pictures taken! Here are just a few of them:

Bailey did a great job with her first round of photos. She got kind of tired of the guy who was making wierd faces at her...but all told. she did great. And I think we got some really good pictures!

After a much needed nap (for Bailey, anyway), it was time to start making pies! I made the first one...

Bailey helped me with the second one:

The third one got made while she was in bed, and finally the pies were done!

After the pies were prepared, Kelly and I went to bed! We hosted Thanksgiving this year, and I was going to spend Thanksgiving morning preparing my first ever solo Thanksgiving dinner.

PHEW. I had absolutely NO IDEA how much work goes into making a full dinner like that. It was insane. I spend hours...literally...hours...prepping, cleaning up, cooking, cleaning up, preparing, cleaning up and then juggling everything to have it all on the table at once. It was wonderful...but I had no idea how much work it was!!! I think it turned out alright, though:

The icing on the cake of a very wonderful day was that there was a beautiful rainbow right after dinner! It was magical!

The rest of our vacation was spent recuperating and actually getting ourselves ready to go back to work. We were low-key and just enjoyed each other and our time together.

In some other new - Bailey is now has two teeth on the bottom. She is going through a major growth spurt right now and eating more than she ever has. She is not yet crawling, but it is definately close. She's doing everything but actually crawl at this point. At some point, she's just going to do it and then...boy...it's going to be fun.

I'll leave you with this cutie phot of Miss. B in her winter snowsuit. It's a high-loft fleece suit from LL Bean and it just may be the best thing we've purchased in a long, long time. It's warm, snuggly and easy to put on and take off.

It's perfect!

Pictures!!!!

SANTA!

Her spoon was so much fun!!!

Kelly and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups...a dreamy combination!Rudolph!

A Big Tree in Chocolate World

Bailey loved the lights at the National Christmas Center

She touched a lot!

Happy Family in Santa's Workshop!

My Beautiful Girls!

In The Candy Store (it's actually a set in a VERY cool place...)

A very Merry Mikki

Kelly and Scrooge...LOL - how appropriate!

Her jeans are so cute!!!

What a cutie! Pink goes well with jeans...

Tired, tired, tired...

My beautiful Momma and Miss. B

Grammy Love

Grammy and Bailey

I don't understand...

Do this:



YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT
Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!



YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH This is pretty neat. DON'T CHEATBY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read ... Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.



1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)



2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)



3. Add 5



4. Multiply it by 50



5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757... If you haven't, add 1756.


6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born. You should have a three digit number. The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.) The next two numbers are YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!!!)



Okay - so, this worked for me. Did it for you?



I know that there is a genius out there who can explain this...how do these number games work????

Sickness...and Christmas

The plague effected us all. I got it in Monday morning and spent Monday and Tuesday out of commission. Kelly got it Monday night and spent yesterday out of commission. Bailey is finally starting to feel better...but none of us are eating much. What goes in comes out again...far to quickly and with far too much liquidity. (sorry for the description...but it's truly not fun).

However, this weekend is our annual Kick-Off-The-Holidays event! Every year we do something...even if it is small...to kick off the holidays. This year we are packing up our baby and going to Hershey, PA to enjoy their Candy Cane Lane, Breakfast with Santa and other fun, festive stuff. Bailey will love the crowds...

After that, we are off for the entire Thanksgiving week. We are going to put up our Christmas tree on Tuesday, make pies on Wednesday, host Thanksgiving on Thursday and SHOP black Friday on Friday...

It's gonna be a fun week...

I have great pictures of Bailey and her Grammy to post...just haven't gotten around to it. I promise I will soon, though!

Bunches of New

This weekend was lots and lots of fun. Poor Miss. B spent Saturday night vomiting everything she had in her belly and then finally fell asleep exhausted on her Mommy's chest. Sunday morning, she seemed alright...but 8 ounces later, she vomited everything onto me and our bed. Poor, poor baby...

She spent the rest of the day drinking half strength formula in tiny amounts and sleeping. We tried to keep her playing to a minimum. Honestly, it wasn't hard...she just was so under the weather. She wanted to spend most of her time in our arms.

Last night, she fell asleep in my arms after having a nice long bath and some half strength formula. She slept through the night, only waking a couple of times for her binky.

She was up super early, and Kelly reports that she had extreme diareha that went up the back, up the front and all over. It was GROSS!!! And this is the first time that this has happened. After that, she was extremely fussy for a couple of hours. Kelly told me that her second tooth is finally pushing through...which explains the fussiness and the pain.

So, everything is working against our little girl. She's just struggling right now. Lots and lots of Mommy and Momma hugs are in order and we are just doing what we can to cuddle and love her through it. Whoever said that teething SUCKS...well...they knew exactly what they were talking about!

On and Off

So, she slept with us on Wednesday night, but last night had another great all night sleep-fest. In fact, she's still sleeping now. I have to wake her up in just a minute.

Not sure what the new routine is all about. We're working on letting her get it worked out on her own. It's hard. I hate to hear her cry.

Anyway.

Yesterday she was enjoying a teething biscuit in her high chair while I was cleaning up the kitchen and prepping the bottles. She was literally five feet away from me. She had been going at her biscuit for about 15 minutes when I heard her start to cough. I looked over and saw that she wasn't coughing...she was choking. Within seconds I had rushed to her and, using the skills I learned in our baby first aid class, pulled the obstruction from her throat.

What had happened was that the biscuit had gotten soft enough for her to break if apart with her gums. A small piece broke off and lodged itself in her throat.

Needless to say, I'm extremely happy that I had both the knowledge of what to do (although, it was kind of common sense) and that it wasn't a bigger issue. We now have a rule that, until she actually has real teeth, we'll be taking the biscuits away after 10-15 minutes!

Bad Momma

I've had my first official "bad Momma" moment.

Bailey's horrible temper the last couple of days and her extreme clingyness was completely related to the fact that her first tooth popped through yesterday.

*sigh*

Needless to say, I didn't wage war on my daughter. Instead, I cuddled her and congratulated her on her new tooth and kicked myself over and over again.

After the normal routine, Bailey slept beautifully in her crib all night long, waking only twice. She was easily settled in seconds with a gentle touch and her binky. She slept for 12 hours.

War

It's war in our house. We're fighting for the bed.

Bailey slept with us for one night. ONE NIGHT. And now, she won't sleep in her crib.

Her very, very, very, VERY tired Momma and Mommy are fighting back. Tonight, her crib is being moved from our bedroom into her bedroom. She will be put to bed at her usual time. We will do the usual routine. We will lay her down and we will love on her and we will give her the binky and we will snuggle her.

After that - we will NOT go into her room. We will NOT be slaves to the binky. We will NOT get up with her constantly. She WILL scream herself to sleep if that is what she insists on doing.

One thing is for sure - Momma's will is just as strong as Miss. Bailey's. She's about to learn that.

Happy Halloween!

Our Little Devil

Grass...hmmmmm...

My Angel and My Devil...you decide who is who...

Question

So, I like to think that Kelly and I are pretty good about not catering to Miss. B at every moment of the day. You know, we like to be just a little moderate.

The one thing that we do is get up at night and put the binky back in her mouth when it falls out. I've been reading (and have been told) that this isn't a good thing. I'm interested in what people think...

YES...this is your ONE chance to give us a little SOLICITED advice!

Kelly and Miss. B

Now that we are almost six months into this parenting thing, there are a couple of observations that I have to make.

First, Kelly and Bailey are SO SIMILAR!!! Really. Sure, Bailey may look like me and she may have my temperment, but her Mommy is her hero and it shows. Bailey just lights up when Kelly is around. In fact, she smiles and giggles at her in a way that is just amazing. Even in the little things it's obvious...like, they both play with their hair the same way. At night, we all snuggle on the bed. I hold Bailey while I am giving her a final bottle. She's usually very tired at this point, having just come out of a warm bath and being snuggled in her PJ's. She curls up into my arms and Kelly curls up beside me. The last few nights, I have watched them and they both just lay back and run their fingers through their hair as they space out. Kelly saw me watching the other night and noticed that I was trying not to laugh. She saw what was happening and got the most beautiful smile on her face.

Second observation - what I expected didn't happen. LOL - that's loaded and it's very true...but what I'm actually talking about is in the way that we parent. I really did expect that I would be the easy one (the "nurturer" as my mother-in-law put it). But that isn't what happened. Honestly, Kelly is the person that Bailey needs when she needs to be calm and relax. She is the easy going, light-hearted one with Bailey. Don't get me wrong, Bailey and I snuggle and love each other all the time. But for Kelly and Bailey, it's a sacred thing.

Third observation - I apparently can't dress Bailey. Kelly hates my clothing choices for her! LOL - yesterday, I put her in a gray onsie with a pair of orange sweatpants. She made fun of me!!!! I thought it looked fine. LOL - there is no doubt that I am NOT the most fashion focused girl and I would even call myself tacky. But I didn't realize it was THAT bad...LOL!

Fourth observation - Bailey loves playing in her high chair with non-toys. In fact, this is the only thing that will keep her occupied for longer than 10 minutes. Put the girl in her high chair with some wooden spoons, some condiment cups, some measuring cups and measuring spoons and she is a seriously happy girl! She'll pick one up, spend some time tasting it and then put it down and select another. She just keeps picking up a different item when she is bored with the first one. I think she likes that she can see what is happening in the house - she is "tall" enough to see what is going on, but has something to do with her hands.

Final observation - our little girl has a shoe fetish. She really does. Of course, she's had interest in her feet and toes the way that any little baby does. But during the weekend that her Nana and Pappy Dale were in town, she literally spent a long time licking Pappy Dale's sneakers. Gross, I know...but have you ever tried to stop a determined infant from doing something? We thought it was just a weird fluke...but last weekend she attacked little Danny's shoes with the same frenzy. In order to get her to leave his feet alone, we had to give her one of her new sneakers. She spent about a half hour eating the shoe. LOL - the girl has a shoe fetish.

Danny

One other thing...yesterday our dear friends M&S came down to watch the Patriots slaughter the Skins and they, of course, brought their little boy, Danny.

Now, I have spent lots of time being very happy and proud of Bailey...but I just have to say that Danny is one of the sweetest little guys I have EVER met. He is such a laid back, gentle baby with the most infectous smile. He is just so sweet. I had the distinct pleasure of being able to hold him while he just hung out, sucking on his little thumb and chillin'.

Absolutely adorable!!!!!!

Anyway...I was just thinking about him and his Mommy and Mama. Thought I'd share!

Party In Our Bed at 11:30 PM

Yep, that's right. There was a party in our bed at 11:30 PM last night. It lasted until 2:30 AM. Isn't that awesome???

LOL - our cherub baby woke up at 11:30 for some unknown reason. After a couple of binky attempts, I pulled her out of her crib and changed and fed her. This will usually knock her out cold. Not so last night. She fussed. She rolled. She cried. She rolled. She fussed some more. Kelly got up and snuggled her for a while. Usually, this will have the effect of sleeping drugs on Bailey...it has ALWAYS worked in the past. Not so last night. She was quiet for about 20 minutes. We both thought that Kelly had worked her magic again. And then...can you guess it??? She cried. She rolled. She fussed.

I got up and turned on her mobile...the music will often calm her and give her something to look at. This will often lead to sleep. Nope. Not last night.

Finally, we just got up. We turned on the light and let her play on the bed for about a half hour. We tried hard to be mad, but it's really difficult when she's smiling and laughing and looking so sweet and snuggly in her fleece PJ's. I mean, honestly.

After a while, we decided it was bedtime again. I laid her back down and she fussed and cried. We decided to feed her again. She ate about half her bottle and then FINALLY crashed out.

Three hours. It took three hours for all of this to occur.

It goes without saying that Kelly and I are absolutely exhausted today.

All Good

Sometimes joy just comes around and takes hold. The three of us are all doing so well right now. Maybe it is the approaching holidays. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's just that we needed a little easy happiness and so it's come around. Whatever the reason, I am grateful.

Bailey is making leaps and bounds in her development. She's really just becoming a little girl rather than a baby. The "one-hand" rule has been implemented in our house. One hand must be on the baby at all times, unless she is already on the floor. She is so wiggly and squirmy. Now that she can roll in all directions and can scoot on her back, nothing is sacred. Bailey can get what she wants and with her determined attitude, she will.

Last night, while Kelly was getting her bath ready, she decided she wanted the trash bag that I was about to put her dirty diaper in. She was on one side of our king-sized bed. I turned around for one second (literally) to put something in the trash and when I turned back around she had rolled to the other side of the bed and had the garbage bag in her mouth. LOL - so...no back turning, no leaving her alone, no quick trips to the bathroom while she hangs out on the floor. Bailey is mobile and Mommy and Momma are on notice!

Kelly and I are both doing really well. Kelly is working really hard right now as she learns her new job and jumps in with both feet. She's putting in lots of hours and is still checking her blackberry from home. It's actually quite cute. She probably wouldn't agree...she doesn't like to bring her work home with her...but I think there is something really funny (sexy?) about her checking her email before bed. LOL! Honestly, she's doing a great job. She got her evaluation and just rocked. She's good at what she does and I'm so proud of her. I'm glad that she is getting the recognition that she deserves for the work that she is doing. It makes me proud...

As for me, things are status quo. I feel so much better than I did a month ago. The problem with being an over-emotional drama queen (yes, I'll admit it) is that I often have to hit rock bottom to be able to bounce back. I was hoping that Prozac would be the cure-all...but as with anything in life, a little pill didn't fix it all. It has helped, but it has also taken some mental healing for me to come back to myself. The last six months have been tough, but I made it through and that is all that matters. I've come out on the other side of postpartum armed with lots of knowledge about how my body reacts to all those hormones and about how difficult it can truly get. I may not be able to prevent depression with the next child, but at least I'll be able to recognize the feelings and signs before they become so horrible.

It's just another lesson in my life, and I'll take it and grow from it.

So that is how we're doing! Bailey is going to be six months in a week. Six months old. How did that happen????? It's just amazing. Anyway. Have a great weekend everyone!

Happy, Happy...

Joy, Joy!!

I'm so happy today! I can't wait to get home and love my baby girl and give my honey a kiss. This has been a long, drawn out week and I'm ready for it to be over!!!!

I love you, Kelly and Bailey! I'll be home soon!

Commuting Hell

The last couple of days here in DC have been horrible!!!

First, let me say that we are finally getting rain. This is the first measurable rain that we've gotten since April (literally) and the drought conditions are horrible. Many people (farmers in particular) are seriously hurting for water. So, from that perspective, I'm glad that it is raining.

But, holy hell!!!!! Kelly and I have spent approximately 2-3 hours EACH WAY commuting. Not only is this ridiculously frustrating...it's horrible for the time we get to spend with Bailey. Add that to the fact that we are both incredibly busy right now and you can see...we have a perfect storm. Poor Kelly hasn't gotten home the last two nights before 7:30. Last night it was 8:15. Both nights, Bailey was already bathed and having her final bottle. Kelly was able to hug her and put her down, but that is it. It's been very hard on both of them. To make it all worse, Kelly had to work this past weekend, so she didn't get to spend any time with her on Saturday either.

Poor girls! They miss each other. Seriously. Last night, Bailey kept staring at the spot where Kelly sits during her bath, looking for her. It broke my heart!!!!

This weekend is looking normal. Kelly may have to work, but I'm not sure. Either way, Bailey and I will be doing the grocery shopping and cleaning the house together. It's our weekend routine. I'm going to do lots of cooking again this weekend.

Next week is going to be fabulous! My mom (Grammy) is coming to visit. She's flying in on Thursday and we'll have her all weekend and then bring her back to the airport (maybe) on Monday. We may decide to keep her...we'll see... ;-)

That's all for now. We're praying to the commute gods that tonight is a bit easier. Pray for us!

Feeling Good

It feels so good to be loved. I am so lucky. I can't believe that I have spent the last couple of months wishing that my life were different.

What I can say is that post partum deppression is very real. It's horrible and it's debilitating and it made me fucking crazy. Prozac helped at first, but it didn't cure it all.

All my love to my partner. Kelly, I don't know what I would do without you. Honestly, I can't thank you enough for standing by my side when I didn't deserve it and for loving me even if I was a fucking shit. You are the best. Seriously, the best partner a woman could ask for. My love is yours forever.

Phew. I feel like I'm finally coming out of the dregs of depression and shaking off the last six months. God, it's been rough for me. Finally, finally, finally, I feel normal again.

It's good to be back.

Happiness Is...

...having the bottles washed, labeled for tomorrow, dinner waiting to go in the oven, dishes done, house cleaned, and five minutes to yourself...all before 5:30 PM.

...laughing so hard with your love in bed at night that you worry your snorting will wake the baby and then falling alseep in each other's arms with smiles on your faces as you listen to the comforting sound of each other's heart beats.

...the sweet joy of watching your child light up when her Mommy walks through the door and knowing that, in that moment, nothing could make her happier.

...knowing that no matter how tough life may get, there is one woman inthis world who will always have my back.

...finally understanding what the love of a child feels like.

Have a happy day, everyone. I know I am...

Some New Stuff

Okay - I've got about 10 seconds...so let's see...

Bailey now responds to her name! It's seriously the cutest thing in the entire world! When you say her name, she stops what she is doing and looks all around for the source of her name. When she finds the person who was speaking to her, she usually smiles or gives some other form of acknowledgement. Really, really cute...

She's also figured out how to "crawl" on her back. This is a brand new development - as of just a couple of days ago and was really only perfected last night. She's been on her belly for some time, but is unable to move forward (except in very small bursts). Well, as a precursor to crawling, she is figuring out how to do the inch-worm along the floor on her back. It's very, very cute...and at some point, we'll get it on video.

Hmmm...what else...OH...she's eating solid foods regularly! She has cereal and fruit in the morning at day care and then veggies at night with us. She's a big fan of everything...pretty much, there isn't a food that she doesn't like. In fact, when she sees her bottle these days, she gets so excited. A couple of times, she's actually drooled!!!

She's starting to laugh, finally. Miss. B has always been kind of serious. It takes quite a bit to make her smile (unless you are her Mommy...and then she doesn't stop smiling!). But recently, it's almost like she's figured out that she can laugh. It's not a "real" laugh...pretty much it's just a loud exhalation of air, coupled with a smile. But it's deliberate and it's in response to something she finds funny.

She's such a determined little girl. When she finds something she wants, so doesn't stop until she gets it. Our glasses are a prime example. My lord. She just won't leave them alone. We are working on stopping her from doing the slimy-finger grab, but it hasn't sunk in yet. We're not going to yell or hit her, so it takes a bit of work. Every time she does it, we grab her hand and calmly say "Bailey, stop" while removing her hands from our glasses. She looks at us and will stop for a while...but she always comes back. It's an interesting dilema...because we're not going to try to discipline a 5 1/2 month old child. She just doesn't understand that yet. So...we are working on it and eventually, she'll get it...

I think that's all the major changes...

New Bailey Pics

There are new videos of her on YouTube as well!! Go check 'em out!

We've had many new developments...but alas...I don't have time to talk about them because Bailey is awake and it's only 6:30. She's been up since 5:30. This is one of the lovely new developments...

She's bored with sitting on my lap, not being allowed to play with the keyboard. Time to take her downstairs and give her some cereal and a bottle. More later...

One of the many new sleeping positions

Smurf Feet!

With her Pappy Dale

LOL - they sit the same way...

Another new sleeping position...our sleeping beauty!

Is there anything cuter than naked girl pictures???

Contemplating each other...

Playing with the fishes...while she is supposed to be napping...