16 Days

The countdown continues.

This morning I woke up feeling very anxious about the last remaining preparations. I bombarded Kelly the second she woke up with the things that need to get finished. The list is relatively short and doesn't include anything difficult. Here it is:
1) Wash and put together all the fabric covers (for the carseat, the swing, the bouncy chair)
2) Get batteries for all the things that play music or light up.
3) Get a couple more quilted pack n' play sheets.
4) Get a moby wrap.
5) Prep the guest room for our guests.
6) Install the second car seat base in my car.

See. Not much. And nothing that can't be accomplished in like 20 minutes. But still.

So on the way the work, I got to thinking about everything that I still need to do to prep for an 8 week leave at work. And that is when I realized that the stress I was feeling had everything to do with my work prep and really nothing to do with my home prep. We are ready for Connor to come home...but I'm not ready to leave work. There are all kinds of things still to do and I need to finalize my instruction sheet. Without an assistant, my coworker is going to be taking on a lot. I'm putting my "babies" in the hands of other people...and while I know that they are completely capable of making sure that my work gets done on time, I am still nervous. I take a lot of pride in having my job completed and in doing a damn-near-perfect job. I am really good at what I do. It's one of the areas in my life where I don't have to second guess myself. I've never gotten a review that wasn't perfect or very, very close to perfect. So handing things off is tough for me.

I didn't have this problem when I went on leave last time, because I didn't give a shit. I was 9 months pregnant and wanted to be all done. I was HAPPY that I didn't have to think about it for 3 months. This time around, I'm experiencing some serious stress about it.

But, I'll work through it and when I walk through the doors for the last time, I will refocus all of my energy on Kelly, Connor and Bailey. I know what is important.

But, I think I may need to throw my blackberry away while I'm on leave. I think it might be more stressful to have access to my work email. We'll see.

Speaking of work, my coworkers threw me a baby shower yesterday! It is our only baby shower this time around. Most people are kind of ambivalent about this baby. It's been a bit hard on us...there really hasn't been much recognition. I say this, not to make anyone feel bad, but to underscore how nice it was to have the shower yesterday. We got a ton of really cute little baby clothes and a beautiful basket to put diapers, wipes and other essentials in. It's perfect, because we were looking for something just like that!

On the topic of recognition - please don't think that we are unhappy with our family and friends. We're not. But, the thing is, while this is a second child...it is Kelly's first pregnancy. I know that we are unique...with a new baby following so closely behind the first, we don't need anything. And we're far away from our family and friends (most of them, anyway). But still. Kelly's kind of felt like she's been overlooked - as if it doesn't really matter that we're pregnant. Part of that is hormonal and part of that is that this is often how it is in our life. I put myself out there in a big way - through this blog and just through my normal life. I make people a part of my head, of my heart and what is important to me. Kelly sort of blends into the background in many ways, for most people. She isn't out there or as open as I am. It is easy to overlook her in the tornado that is me and Bailey. I understand that better than anyone.

But, she IS pregnant. And this is her first pregnancy. And it's very important to her, in ways that she can't express. To have it be overlooked has been tough on her.

I didn't mean to go off on that. I really didn't. And again, I don't mean for this to make any people or group of people feel bad. But it is the reality. I also don't need any excuses from people. I know everyone's situation and that is all good. We're not upset or angry or even hurt. It's just a reality, and we get that.

Enough of that.

We're inching closer. Friday will be the day that we set the induction date. Kelly had her first "painful" contraction last night. She's had lots and lots of contractions that feel like menstral cramps, some more uncomfortable than others. But nothing that she would classify as painful. Until last night. Just one. And it was very, very quick. It's the tale of things to come...