The First Day

It's funny, but Kelly's first day back at work held more signficance for me than Connor's first day at school.  I guess it's because having a child in childcare is sort of old-hat to me.  Having a wife, who just biologically had a child, back to work is not.  

In any event, it went well.  The day was long - we calculated that we both went at a dead sprint for 17 hours yesterday.  Without stopping.  It was long, it was lots of work and it was dirty.  But it worked.  This schedule that we keep is insane.  

Kelly, rightfully, asked the question last night "how long can we honestly keep this up?"  The answer that I gave her then is "as long as we have to"....because we don't have any other options.  We work really hard for everything that we have.  In that respect, we are not that different than any other couple with two very young children.  It aint easy...but it's also not a surprise that it's not easy.

I have a friend that I see every day here at work.  She and her husband have been married a couple of years and they live the very average life of a relatively newly married couple without children.  Lately, she's been grilling me about being a mom and how we make it work.  She asks me all kinds of questions - about our relationship, the time, the downtime and how to manage it all.  I am honest...to a fault.  I think it sucks that so many people gloss over raising children.  I know that for some people it's really easy.  I know that some people have these super easy schedules, ideal arragnements and are more than happy to put their relationships 2nd (or third or fourth).  Some people really do make it look easy.

But I've done a lot of polling myself over the last two years.  I've sought some truth and some reflection of my experience...and I've found it.  Most people who do this, struggle.  Most people find the balancing act difficult and most people find their marriages to be a pale shadow of what they were before children.  

I'm not going to gloss it over.  

She asks me if it's worth it.  And the easy answer is that of course it's worth it.  I mean, look, we love our children.  Bailey and Connor are the best parts of us and they are the reason we do it all.  But "worth" and "challenge" are not the same thing.  It is very worth it.  And it's fucking hard.  Both things exist at the same time, in equal proportions.

Maybe when they are gone, we're close to retirement and things seem so calm and quiet again, we'll remember these times and want some of it back.  I suspect we will.  I have no doubt that this will be some of the best times we have with our children - when they are still so in love with us.  We'll remember it all...but you can bet your ass I'll be honest about what it was too.  It is work.  It is a labor of love...