Better Day

Yesterday was not the best day for us. I'll just leave it at that.

Kelly asked me to return the camcorder and "give" her a session with a lactation consultant instead. I did what she asked. We called Terri, who helped me when I was trying to figure out how to breastfeed. She asked a few pointed questions, leading us right down the road and describing Kelly's symptoms exactly. She then told us, over the phone and for free, that she was certain both Kelly and Connor have yeast infections. Kelly's got bright red rings on her nipples, extreme pain at the start of every feeding, at the end of every feeding and whenever Connor is not feeding. Connor has white stuff on his lips and tongue and patchy red, raised bumps on his bottom, right in that crevis under his scrotum.

Classic. And relatively easy to fix. According to Terri, if we can get them both on medication tomorrow (and we will), she should start feeling better and having pain-free latching by Sunday or Monday.

The relief on Kelly's face when she realized that the problem could be fixed was a beautiful thing. She was considering giving up breastfeeding yesterday and this morning...even though she and Connor have done such an amazing job so far.

So, one problem down. This should have a soothing effect on Kelly, making her feel less horrible and hopefully giving her some relief.

Things with Bailey are getting better. After our horrendous day last Sunday, I spent Monday kicking myself around and barrating myself as a parent and then I spent an hour talking to the director of her childcare center. After that, Kelly and I spent an hour talking about strategies and new ways to approach her.

And so far, so good. It really is as simple as deciding which of my battles I want to force on her and then figuring out a way to back off when she doesn't want to do something my way. I have a two-pronged approach depending on if the event in question has to happen or not.

If it does have to happen (she needs to get dressed to go to school, for instance), then I ask myself, "does this need to happen right this second, or is there some wiggle room?" I there is even 5 minutes of wiggle room, I lay off immediately and let her do things her way. So, if she want to poke about and play, I let her. I force myself to back off and I keep my tone light and playful. As soon as I get stubborn, she gets more stubborn. I always say, "let me know when you are ready..." and inevitably, she is ready within a few minutes. And she is usually extremely cooperative, because she feels like she has chosen to participate. Sometimes, I have to do this multiple times in a 10-minute period. It's almost as if she is testing me, to see if my calm is a front (it is) and if she can crack it (so far, she hasn't).

If the event doesn't need to happen and it's just something that is annoying me (she plays with her food while she eats, combining and smearing it every where), I suck it up and try to distract her. If she can't be distracted, I just put on my big girl panties and stop trying to make it all about me. And THAT is hard. Perhaps, the hardest thing I've done in the last few days.

But, it is also working and that makes me feel great! Bailey and I haven't had one screaming fit in three days. She hasn't hit me. She hasn't run away from me. She hasn't fought me in any crucial moment. She hasn't gotten mad at me and started doing all the things that annoy me all at once. In turn, I have given her the breathing room that she needs and she is thriving.

Such an easy fix...and so freakin' hard to do. It makes me feel absolutely crazy. I hate feeling like I am spending my life bending to the will of a not-even-2-year-old child...but then I remember that I'm a parent. And unfortunately, throwing my own fit just because I can't do it my way is childish. And that infuriates me, but again, I suck it up.

Feels like I'm doing a lot of sucking it up right now. I have a completely unforgiving newborn, a completely unforgiving toddler and a wife in massive transition. I spend a lot of my time biting my tongue, forgetting my needs and taking care of everyone. I also take a least one hour every day to do exactly what I want to do, and I do it without a bit of guilt. This has saved me during this time.

So anyway.

I just purchased two tickets to Maine - one for me and one for Bailey. We are taking a trip over Memorial Day weekend to spend 4 days in my home state and I absolutely can't wait!!!! It's the best thing that has happened to me since...well...since the birth of Connor! LOL