I have always tried to be honest on this blog, but sometimes it's hard to admit the truth of things. Kelly and I are struggling so much in this parenting thing. The combination of ridiculous work commutes, children and absolutely no help has us down. Kelly is still recovering from pregnancy and post partum. She's still breastfeeding and pumping almost 20 ounces a day. She's exhausted and her hormones are not back to normal. I'm just starting a new job, which is good, but ads this whole new level of stress and anxiety.
Bailey and Kelly are struggling in their relationship right now. Bailey requires a very, very strong guide to keep her in line. She doesn't respond to subtly or calm. She responds to loud and demanding. She responds to someone who takes no shit and loves just as hard. In short, she responds to the extremes on either end, and Kelly is not extreme in any way. She runs in the middle. And so Bailey just rolls right over her, ignores her and generally makes her life miserable. I think I make it worse, because I try to make it easier on Kelly and so I take the brunt of caring for Bailey. But that just reinforces Bailey's behavior and undermines Kelly.
We can see the problem, but don't have the energy to fix it. It's just easier to conquer and divide - and so we end up with hers and hers children - rather than parenting both equally.
We really are struggling. I'd love to post all kinds of fun, cute little stories and pictures. Yes, of course, those wonderful moments exists. But they feel buried under trying to just make it through every day.
Meanwhile, Kelly and I have never been further away from each other. There just isn't time to maintain us. And while we keep trying to tie our boats together, it feels like we're just slipping apart. And again, we're powerless and lack any energy to fix it.
I keep telling myself that we'll get through this and it will get easier. But that feels like empty words to me. I feel like I'm staring down the black hole of another toddler and the three or four years it's going to take for this to be done feels like forever.
We're struggling. Can you tell?
4 comments:
Hi Mikki and Kelly. Yes, it's clear that you guys are going through a very demanding time in your lives. But you will get through it--one step at a time. Talk to you soon. You guys around this weekend? Drop a note offline??? -Monica
Hope it gets easier soon!
-Kate
Mikki and Kelly,
Oh how I would love to be there and give you guys some help. It is so hard to be a big girl and carry such heavy responsibilities and not have time for the two of you.
As a 65 year old, I can guarantee you that this time will pass so quickly and in years ahead you will look back and be so glad you stuck it out and made it through.
Mikki, if you can, try and let some things go so you can give yourself a little break now and then. You carry so much on your shoulders.
Kelly, you are doing a magnificent job giving Connor your milk and so much energy. It is worth it and it will make a difference in his health. Keep it up, girl.
You two can do this. You are in the always and never part of child rearing--it will always be like this, it will never get better.
But, it won't always be this way and it gets way better.
Hang in there and love yourselves and each other as much as you can.
Karen
it is hard and don't feel bad or alone. we all have struggles with raising 2 small children. our days aren't all sunshine and smiles either. it will get easier. {{{hugs}}}
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