Lessons Learned

Time for a new lessons learned post.  Bailey's party was fantastic and I'll post pictures soon.  Everyone is doing just fine (aside from a never-ending yeast problem that is so frustrating I don't want to talk about it).

Lesson #1: Just stop having expectations.  Of anything, or anyone.  Just stop.  

Lesson #2: Never, ever say that both kids are sleeping out loud.  If you do, one of them will wake up.

Lesson #3: Don't try to have sex.  See above, second sentence.

Lesson #4: Poop diapers never end and are never fun.

Lesson #5: It's okay to not like parenting sometimes.  It's even okay to go whole stretches of time where you don't like parenting.  

Lesson #6: Your kids will reflect you.  No matter what you do or how hard you try to hide what is happening in your life.  They see it and will reflect it.  Period.

Lesson #7: It never ends.  Don't expect it to (see #1).  Even when you get a "break" you're still a parent.  You can't escape it and trying to will just frustrate you.

Lesson #8: Everything, everything, everything changes.  

Lesson #9: Just when you think you've figured out the changes, it changes again.  See #1.

Lesson #10: Go ahead, swear if you want to.  What's the worse that can happen?

Lesson #11: Inevitably, someone thinks you're doing it wrong.  Fuck them.

Lesson #12: Stop comparing your kids to other kids.  Just stop.  Eventually, you will find the fault in your kids and that sucks.  So don't go looking for it.

Lesson #13: People are staring at you in the store when your kids loses his or her cool or you lose your cool with them.  Accept it.  See #11.

Lesson #14: Get a good pediatrician.  One that is responsive.  You need them more often than you think you do.

Lesson #15: Your first instinct is probably the right one, even if it goes against everything you've ever said about parenting.  See #1.

Lesson #16: When in doubt, blame it on the exhaustion.  Most of the time, this is an accurate assignment of blame.

Lesson #17: It goes without saying that you understand your parents more than ever when you become a parent yourself.

Lesson #18: Puke doesn't smell any better when it dries on your clothes.  Inevitably, you will smell like puke a lot.

Lesson #19: Your pets become your pets when the kids show up.  It's just a fact of life.  They will eventually get used to it.

Lesson #20: Try to come up with a plausible answer when your friends ask you if would go back and choose to not have children if you could.  They will ask, if you're honest, and inevitably you won't be able to answer.  How could you possibly answer that completely pointless question?