Tough Few Days

I have to write this post gently, because Kelly isn't into sharing and this involves her as much as it does me. So forgive me if it is short on details and not up to my usual bare-it-all writing.

Kelly and I are struggling. Not as parents, but as a couple. I think that we have found the path that will lead us back to the light, but we're still very much groping in the dark. There are a million reasons, some logical and some not. We're both tired, physically and mentally. We're emotionally wrung out. We have no time, for ourselves, for each other. We are very little more than just two people who are completing a never-ending list of tasks before sitting and staring blankly at the dishes or the computer or the TV before falling into bed and sleeping the sleep of the ehausted before waking up and doing it all over again.

We can see the signs and we know that we can't let this happen. But we're both too tired to stop it.

So, this is the pink elephant in the room that I haven't been talking about and haven't been writing about. It's difficult to admit to marital struggles when everyone else seems to be doing just peachy. It's difficult to say it out loud and give it more power than it might already have. It's difficult to look at my love and realize that I'm not losing her because of any shortage of love, but because of exhaustion and weariness and the relentless pounding of life.

And then, there are a couple of seconds every now and then that I look into Kelly's eyes and I remind myself that we can, we will...we have to...make it through this and find the other side. Because my heart, my soul, my life...everything that I love the most about me would shatter without her.

So there we are. The kids are good and we are going to West Virginia this weekend to see Kelly's family and enjoy a birthday party and Easter Egg hunt. I am excited about the change of pace and seeing new faces. I'm not so much looking forward to two kids in a hotel room. Benadryl will be my friend where Bailey is concerned. LOL - is it wrong to drug your kid to ensure that she sleeps? Even if it is wrong, I don't care. I am going to do it anyway.

The adoption paperwork has all been gathered and submitted to the court. $2000 later, we are just waiting for the court date where the judge will sign the document that will make Connor legally my child. So much money for such an important formality. Of course, it's worth it.

The court date will either be April 24 (my 30th birthday) or May 22. If it's May 22, I will have to push back my scheduled vacation to Maine - instead of arriving on Thursday and leaving Monday, I will have to arrive on Saturday and leave Tuesday or Wednesday. We'll see. I'm hoping we'll make the April date and I won't have to worry about it. But if we don't, there isn't anything I can do...and your adoption hearing isn't something you can just reschedule.

Connor is laying in his swing, starting to wake up. Bailey just came over the monitor, starting to wake up. She'll go back to sleep. He probably won't. I need more coffee.