Not The End of Days

I prepared for Connor like a person with post traumatic stress syndrom prepares for the reemergence of the original trauma. I was ready for a repeat of what I went through with Bailey - not just in the sense of having an intense child, but on a personal level. I was prepared to get myself through the worst possible scenario, and not screw up either of my children or my marriage.

I was prepared to survive.

What I never, ever expected to have happen would be to thrive. I just didn't expect this.

Bringing Connor into our family has felt like the most natural thing in the world to me. That is not to say that coordinating the logistics have not been difficult. Or that we haven't struggled in moments while we figure out a new baby. But all told, this has been easy. For me.

Connor is such a dream baby. He is calm, easy going and sleeps well. He and his Mommy are muddling through the difficult early stages of breastfeeding, but all in all they are doing a great job. There have been very few moments of difficulty for me - emotionally or physically. I just feel like I have the ability to do this and that it has come so much easier this time.

I wonder if it is because I am not the birth mother. If Kelly were writing this, what would she say diffently? I know that she is struggling right now. We are up against very little sleep and that doesn't work for her. Her emotions are a bit out of whack right now, and that is tough for her. And breast feeding is anything but easy and she is struggling with making it work.

I think her story would be very different.

But I am absolutely delighted to report that the end of days has not come to our house. In fact, the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming.

Thank god.