Last Day of Work - 4 More Days

We had our doctor's appointment yesterday and all I can say is that Kelly and I walked out of there feeling very discouraged.

She has gone from 70% effacement to 80% effacement. She is still a "loose 1" centimeter dialated. The doctor tried very hard to get a second finger in and in the end said that it was such a "tight 2" that she still was going to record it as a loose 1. Connor has dropped a bit lower - recording at a -1 station. He's been here before, though.

So, all told, our week of every-night contractions really didn't net us much. Our doctor stripped Kelly's membranes again, leaving her in a near constant state of pain that started about two hours after we left the hospital and didn't stop through the night. She's almost constantly crampy, she's sore, she's discouraged and she just wants this to stop.

The only good news was that her bag of waters is "bulging". This doesn't mean much, but it is better than nothing. She really could go at any time - as soon as that water breaks, we're on. But that could just a likely not happen.

So cervidil is a must - we'll be admitted on Monday night. We probably won't sleep much Monday night, which is fantastic preparation for the pitocin that will start at 7 AM on Tuesday morning.

We went to bed last night discouraged, frustrated and very tired. Both of us are sort of lost in our own frustrations. Kelly really wanted me to stay home with her today, but I just can't do it. I need to give my job the respect that they are giving me - in other words, I can't take a day off unless I need to. Especially when it is the last day that I'll be in the office for eight weeks. I know that she was very frustrated when I left this morning, which left me feeling frustrated and guilty.

Our mothers arrive tomorrow. I am so looking forward to having the grandparents around. I'm tired. I'm weary through to my very core, and I need for something to lighten up, just for a few minutes. With the grandmothers around, at least I will be able to decrease my full focus on Bailey a bit and begin to give some attention to the other areas of my life. At least, until Tuesday. I don't know - it just feels like their arrival is bringing a cool, calming breath of fresh air.

So, we continue to wait and every pain that Kelly has, every contraction, every pulling, every "lightning bolt" through her vagina leaves her feeling more anxious and more discouraged.

I can't wait for Monday.