Coming Out...Every Day

One of the "joys" of being a lesbian parent is the constant education of the people around us.

A few days ago, on the playground, we found ourselves in the situation of explaining (gently) that Bailey had two Moms to one of the parents on the playground. Another time recently, I had to explain to a woman that I was Momma when she asked me who I was if not "Mommy". I had been talking to Bailey about the fact that Mommy was at home. And then, just this evening, I was sitting beside a nice woman at the mall playground while trying to run some energy out of Bailey and she asked me if I was Bailey's grandmother. I think she must have seen the horrified and confused look on my face (I was busy trying to decide if I was really so tired that I looked like my daughter's grandmother and contemplating changing my no-makeup on the weekend policy), because she followed up her comment by explaining that she had heard me saying that Mommy was at home. I felt like I was in a difficult situation. I mean no disrespect, but the woman was older and she did not speak English very well. I mentioned, quietly and without any fanfare that I was Momma and that Mommy was at home. She just couldn't get her mind around it. I watch the confusion and the questions that ran through her mind. I waited for follow up questions. They didn't come, though. She just kind of smiled and then went back to watching her children. I'm not sure if she got it, but I am grateful that she didn't try to make me explain in the middle of a crowded mall play area.

See, I don't have any issues with my family and I don't mind that there are many people who don't get it. The thing is, though, is that coming out is really hard to do when you don't know what the response is going to be. The last thing in the world that I want is for Bailey to witness me coming out to a stranger and her seeing discrimination against us. I fear this, even though it rarely happens. Most people just roll with it. Even if you know they disagree with it. Kelly and I are always polite and we don't give people the opportunity to "debate" with us. We just are what we are and as people brush up against our world, they figure it out.

But it's hard. It's hard to constantly have to explain.

I think that is why I prefer to be in the company of gay people...or people that I know already and who are just cool (regardless of orientation). I just hate the feeling of constant vaulnerability that comes with coming out constantly. It is important, it's important to be visable and to not hide. But it's not easy doing constant education of the people around us. Not easy at all.