Apology

I have to apologies for all of you who read this blog and have been dealing with my silence in the past couple of months. I don't know how many of your are out there, but I am sorry that my usual ranting, sharing and raving has been quiet recently.

The thing of it is, my head and my heart are as active as usual. In the past few months, I have been busy in the deepest parts of my heart and the scariest areas of my head. And none of the work that I have been doing in those places is fit to be shared in a forum like this.

Because of who I am, I can't NOT share if I start to open my mouth...and so I have remained silent. As with just about everything, when something is rattling around, it consumes me and there is very little else that I see.

While the thoughts of the past few months are still in there, still rattling and causing momentary disconnections from my daily life, I have found a peace with what has been going on and I feel more comfortable to get back to my usual ranting, sharing and raving. I hope you've been patient with me through this.

Sooo...with that said, let's move on, shall we?

We are transitioning Bailey to her big girl bed. We have a twin bed on the floor of her bedroom with two side rails that my boss donated to the cause (which is great, since each one costs about $100). The first night we tried (last Friday), Bailey would have none of it. We didn't push and let her sleep in her crib after about 45 minutes of effort. When it turned negative, we stopped. We don't want her to have negative feelings about her bed. Saturday night was like a different story. We put her down, she fell asleep and stayed there all night long. At 7:30 the next morning (LATE for Bailey), we ended up waking her up. Sunday and Monday nights were a repeat of Friday. She struggled for about 45 minutes each night, until we moved her into her crib where she fell promptly to sleep.

And then last night, we had a break through. We laid her down on her bed, turned on her Neptune (a music playing, light up "crib toy" that she absolutely loves), gave her the doggy, cookie monster and rag that she must sleep with every night, let her have her binky and then left after our usual goodnights and I love yous. She was awake when we left and did not spring up out of her bed the second we made a move towards the door. She laid, snuggled into that big ass bed and fell asleep. Or at least, I assume...because we didn't hear from her again until 5 AM this morning. She woke up and needed some reassurance. I hugged her for a few minutes and then put her back in her bed. She fell back asleep until I had to wake her up for school.

Last night felt different than all the other nights. She seemed comfortable with her bed, in a way that she hasn't seemed yet. I think last night was the sweet spot and we'll have relatively smooth sailing from here. I hope anyway. This weekend, we will remove the crib and changing table entirely from her room and take away the option for her and the out for us. That will be the true test.

You might be wondering why we are transitioning her so early...and the simple fact is that while Bailey is only 19 months in age, she is much older in progression. The other reality is that we have a baby coming right around the time that she would probably start to climb out of her crib and need to transition. And we can't do it all at once. We need for Bailey to be settled in her bed and sleeping well when Connor comes home...because we will not be settled into our beds or sleeping well at that time. Bailey is ready for this...and even if it seems too soon, we know her and we know that this is the right time.

Speaking of Bailey's development...recently we have gotten a lot of comments about how advanced she is. Her teacher at school, who has been working with kids most of her adult life and she is an older woman, told me the other day that she has never worked with a child like Bailey. Another of the teachers told me that we should get her IQ tested. Everyone who comes in contact with her comments on her verbal skills and her development. Even her doctor is shocked every time we go in for our check ups.

And all of this is wonderful...and it's a bit difficult to the parent of a child that people make such a fuss about. Don't get me wrong - we are very, very proud of Bailey. We give ourselves some of the credit for her development - afterall, we have spent hours of our time giving to Bailey what we think she needs to thrive and she is thriving. We also recognize that much of this is just that Bailey is a smart kid and that she was born big, giving her a size advantage (which has translated into being placed with older kids her entire life. And older kids = better language and fine motor skills). In other words, she has always been surrounded by kids that are a few stages ahead of her...so it stands to reason that she would be a few stages ahead.

With all of that said, it's tough because the other reality is that Bailey is 19 months old. She is just a kid. Sure, she has great language development, but that doesn't mean that she always will. Right now, Bailey is potential in its purest form. She and we have made the right decisions for her so far, but that doesn't mean that we always will or that she will always be so eager to learn and develop. In other words, she might be ahead of the curve now...but that means nothing, except that she is ahead of the curve right now.

It's hard to say that, because people don't understand. They think we are being modest...and we're not. We just know that Bailey is just a child. She is a child with two very dedicated parents...and she is a child with a lifetime of choices ahead of her. Brilliance is only brilliant if it is chosen, and she will have to choose that on her own.

As for Connor, he will be who he is going to be. We have no expectations of him beyond that he will be cared for with the same love and dedication as we care for Bailey. And we hope he will thrive in that environment, whatever "thrive" means for him.

So anyway.

We have our 30 week doctor's appointment on Friday, followed by Kelly's holiday party. Wednesday morning my mom and my best friend arrive for the holidays and then it's back to life as normal!

I can't wait for Christmas this year...we have many suprises for Bailey and it's going to be incredibly festive to share Christmas with my family.