My mother in law once accused me of thinking too much. She's also accused Kelly of that same thing. I say "accused" because it really did have a negative twist to it.
I've never been offended by the comment. I do think a lot. I don't see the news and let it wash over me; I process the information, make judgement, form opinions and blend it all with any previous knowledge I may have on the subject. I then file all that information away for a day when I may need it. And often, I vocalize that process.
For those of you who have read this blog since the beginning, you're probaby well aware of the processes that I go through in any situation. My brain and my mouth seem to be connected in a way that sometimes isn't great...but more often is just the way that I move through any situation. I feel, I process, I vocalize, I complete. That seems to be my cycle.
Lately, though, I feel like I've not been able to think very much. It seems that the endless string of chores and processes of carrying for our daughter has led me to a place where my brain feels a bit like it's on auto pilot. I often don't watch the news right now. While I felt passionately about the Democratic primary season, I have lapsed into boredom with the campaign. When I read, it's crap - brain-candy books or dumb-ass celebrity magazines. I don't check CNN.com anymore - I check People.com. Hell, I don't even listen to good radio - I listen to Hot 99.5 and thump my way through every drive.
I wonder what that is about? Am I bored? I know that I am happy in my life and in my choices...but perhaps my brain is bored? I'd accept that.
The problem that I have is that I feel very little passion about the things I used to feel passion for. I used to get all excited about politics. Now, I don't give a shit. I'm disillusioned and, honestly, don't believe that huge change will occur (except in slow, gradual shifts). I don't really feel passionately about world affairs, although I feel guilty when I'm uninformed. I don't really care about the environment, except to work on making the changes that I need in order to not feel like the world's worst person (moving to cloth bags, recycling, etc.). I'm not even all that interested anymore in the whole feminist thing. I mean, I feel a pang of excitment when I see a group of radical women gathered together focused on a mission...but not enough that I want to be one of those women.
You know what I am passionate about?
Sex.
And not having it. I like that as much as the next person, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm interested in the world of perversion and sexual desire that people keep hidden. I'm interested in who is having sex, how good that sex is, why it's good, why it's not and how it effect lives. And not in the micro sense. I don't care if my neighbor is getting laid or my buddies are rocking both ends of the candle. I care about it in the aggregate. What drives us sexually as human beings? We know that sex is as essential to people as food, water, and air. How we operate within that dynamic is what interests me.
I'd love to study it. I'd love to teach it. I've thought about becoming a sex-toy dealer. You know, have sex toy parties like they have tupperware parties. But that is far more campy than I'm interested in. I don't really care to spend a bunch of time with 20-something straight girls who giggle at the sight of a dildo. I'm beyond all of that.
What I would like to do is interview people. I'd like to sit down with 1000 people and talk to them about sex - their thoughts, their feelings, their desires, their disappointments and satifactions. And then, I'd like to write about what I heard. Not in the Kinsey model of information - but in a casual, non-medical kind of way. Kind of like, did you know that of the 1000 people I talked to, 850 of them use sex toys on a regular basis?
And once I've done that, I'd love to delve deeper - into the really seedy, underground sexually deviante practices of the people around us. The stuff that many people think about, but are too scared to explore. I'd love to just blow the roof off all this convention around sex and open people up to a discussion about sex and why really matters.
The problem is that I'm not sure how to go from an MCLE & Professional Development Coordinator at a major law firm with a degree in Business and Accounting to the latest and greatest sex-expert. Anyone have any ideas?
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1 comment:
I like your idea about interviewing people. You could start with some people you know and get "referred" to other people or groups that may be willing to talk. I think I read a book that the author did something similar on a different topic and it was interesting. (I'll try and remember the book and tell you about it.) You could then write your book, using the data and anecdotal evidence you find, couple it with some cultural input about sex practices and some research on the topic (maybe even getting in touch with the people who actually did the research, in order to pick their brains). I would suggest you get into a writing workshop or find some book at B&N or at Amazon that will be a "writing guide" of sorts (how to write & research such a popular culture subject). There's my idea - you DID ask :)
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