Kelly and I were talking this morning about when she heads back to work on Monday. I'm a little worried because I'll be Bailey's primary care giver at that point. We have shared the load up until now. For instance, right now, Bailey is downstairs with Kelly. I'm posting and then going to take a half hour for a shower. More importantly, I'm getting downtime away from Bailey's needs. I recognize how important this downtime is. Not only am I learning from watching friends be single parents, but I'm also learning because when I DON'T get the time, I want to go crazy.
Case in point - last night, Bailey struggled to get to bed. We started trying to make it happen around 9 PM. I didn't realize how much I needed to be able to put her down and not be touched for a while until she refused to lay down no matter what we did. She wanted to be held, rocked until she was in a dead sleep and nothing else would do. I eventually ended up laying her between my legs on the bed and crying while Bailey screamed and flailed her arms. Kelly came to the rescue, being able to take her away from me and give her the rocking comfort that she needed. Most importantly, Kelly wasn't as frustrated as I was and was able to calm Bailey. I just kept upsetting her with my upset energy.
So, I'm a little apprehensive about Kelly going back to work. I love our child and I love caring for her, but I love my space as well. We have agreed that the evenings when Kelly gets home from work are mine. That will be her time to bond with Bailey and care for her, while I get some space away from her. I'll also be responsible for feeding us, but that's what I love to do...so that is not a chore.
Also, we discovered that Kelly's boss's wife is a WONDERFUL caregiver of children and is more than willing to take Bailey for a while. We are planning a night out once Bailey hits the one month mark, and I am planning to see if I can set up a couple of hours each week where Bailey goes to visit. This will give me some "me" time and will give Bailey some interaction with other people. Also, without family around, we must rely on our friends. This is one person who can help out. Along with our dear neighbor Karen and her daughter, we are feeling extremely blessed by the people who have surrounded us with love and support. It's hard to have a baby without family around.
I'm off to shower...and to enjoy a few more minutes of Mikki-time before I become Momma again...
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2 comments:
did i tell y'all how much we love you lately? let me tell you again - WE LOVE YOU and are here for ALL three of you. this phase too 'shall pass' - you're on the normal track so don't freak out. you will be able to handle it - i've seen you in action and KNOW that you WILL. you'll look back in a couple of months and think 'dang, we worried for nothing.' AND, again, i don't care what time it is - CALL ME if you get to that point. I MEAN IT! don't have me come over there with a can of "whoop $ss!" i know where you live!!! one luv ~ k
It is possible and very important as a single mama to take time for myself each day. It's true that I can't turn over any of his basic care to anyone else each day, but I'm learning how to manage all the aspects of my life. I have to be creative...like when I'm taking my shower with him sitting in his chair next to me I am sometimes just quiet and enjoy the shower. I also make it a point to have a cup of tea (or coffee) when he takes his morning nap. I also enlist friends to come over to "play with the baby" Then I take the opportunity to take care of myself. And sometimes he wants a little time to play without me in his face...ya know we all need a little space every once in awhile....when that happens I set him up in the same room and do my own projects. You will do just fantastic.
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