Holding Pattern

We are still here, still existing. Kelly is still sick and we're working through it (mostly minute by minute). We're praying for the moment that this part is finished.

I'm leaving for Austin in two days. Kelly is worried sick about me being gone and having Bailey. Her Mom and Dale will be coming down to help, but Kelly is still worried. I'm the rock right now...and even though she knows that things will be fine, she worries about having me so far away.

I must say that it makes me feel vital and needed to have her worried about me being gone for two days. Every day seems like a bit of a struggle, but under all of this is the reality that Kelly and I do actually still need one another. Marriage, in so many ways, becomes a choice that we make every day after a while. I like that I can look into her beautiful blue eyes and know that I am still essential to her. It's an unspoken "I love you".

In any event, I don't want to leave, but I do want to go to my brother's wedding. I'm torn between excitement and sadness about leaving my girls. I'm ready for the break, and yet, I'd give it up if I thought that would be the right decision.

So I'll go. I'll get on that plane, fly away and maybe relax a bit. I'll wear a pretty dress and drink with grown ups and maybe do a bit of dancing. I'll spend time with my mother and my brother and my sister-in-law and my neices and nephew.

And then I'll fly back home, where my heart will be waiting for me and where I know I'll always belong.