Lovin' Bailey

These days, it's really easy to be Momma. Bailey and I have a schedule, she knows how to get her message across and I know how to interpret it. We've slept great the past two nights. She had another five hour stretch last night and then up to eat and back down for three. We get up early together, she eats and usually sleeps for another couple of hours. Then we are awake together.

I'm not sure if it's me or her, or a combination of both, but this has gotten so much easier. I'm just enjoying it so much more.

This afternoon, after her next bottle, we are headed to the mall. I'm going to get a magazine and a cup of coffee. If Bailey will let me sit for a while, I'll read the magazine there. If not, I'll walk with her and just enjoy being around people.

Phew...I am so glad to be out of the woods of those first few weeks. I feel like a whole new woman!!!

Here is a picture of our little love today. Check out her curls!!! This was taken right after her bath. And, yes, that is a PINK outfit she has on! We even bought it for her...

A Bit of An Explanation

For those of you who read regularly, you've probably been a bit confused by my constant talk of how bored I am and how frustrating these first few weeks have been for me. Lord knows, I spent the last nine months talking about how I couldn't wait for all of this to happen. It must seem strange that now that it has, I'm not enjoying it.

I feel like I need to explain. All human beings are multifaceted, and I am no exception. There is the part of me that is so in love with this time in my life. That blissful mother who loves to be so needed and who enjoys the tasks that come with caring for our daughter. There is also the other sides, too.

One of the parts of my personality that has plagued me since I was a kid was the side of me that needs to feel intense energy occasionally. Unless you're one of those people, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. You've probably never craved, and probably couldn't understand, the level of intensity that I'm talking about. And that's fine. But, it's a reality that part of who I am includes this need for intensity.

When I was a teenager, this translated into some serious self-destructive behavior. When I was in college, one of my best friends was the fix. Whenever I'd get in one of my moods, I'd call Jose. She and I would go out to the lesbian bar in town. This was such a trashy little dive, and the DJ wasn't great, but would play Top 40 stuff and even some of the golden oldies (think Push It by Salt 'n' Pepper!). The women who frequented this place were by and large 30+, flannel wearing, mullet haired couples looking to escape their normal lives. LOL - it was trashy. BUT...the music was so freakin' loud, you couldn't hear yourself think. The beer was seriously cheap. There was a $2 cover (who can't handle that???). And it was women - no men allowed. We would go and get shitty drunk - start the night off with lemon drop shots and then move to beer once you've reached your peak drunk. Then, Joce would grab my hand and we would dance out onto the dance floor, muscling our way into the dead center. And we would dance. All night long. The music would pulse through my feet, the smell of beer and smoke and girls was intoxicating. We would dance for hours, stopping only for more beer and the occasional bathroom break. When the bar closed, and they threw us out, we would stumble home (yep, it was stumbling distance) and pass out together. Now, don't misunderstand. Joce and I were never together, have never been lovers and wouldn't want to be. She's bi, with an emphasis on boys. But she got me. She got that need for intensity - for loud music that blew my brain to shit, and for hours of dancing that left my legs feeling like jelly and my body aching for days after. She got that, and for years, that's how I got my need for intense energy taken care of.

Well, life changes. Joce is out west and I am here. I'm a mother and a wife now, and clubbing just isn't going to happen. Even if Kelly indulged me and took me out dancing, it wouldn't be the same. I'm not a college student anymore. I can't get shitty drunk and stumble home.

Unfortunately, the need hasn't changed, but the circumstances have. I'll get it figured out. I'll find my outlet - the one that fits into my life now. I'll figure out how to meet my needs and still remain safely within the framework of the life I have worked so hard to create. The boredom comes from not having found that yet, but we're getting there. It's getting easier and easier.

I'm not one bit unhappy with my life. I am living the dream that I dreamed for years and years. How could I be unhappy? I am merely trying to put the pieces together in a way that works. So far, I'm not doing too badly.

101 Things To Do

Today is jam packed, and it hasn't even really started yet! Bailey slept for a five hour stretch for the first time last night. I don't suspect that it will continue to happen, but it was really nice this one time. She was up at 1 to eat, then back down until 3:30. I fed her again at 4 AM and then she went back down. I slept for another hour or so, but then woke up to see Kelly off to work.

We were out for a lot of the day yesterday, so none of the picking up got done. Today, I'm going to spend lots of time puttering around the house. It's gonna be a "wear-Bailey" day, because she's already showing some serious signs of clingyness. Not that I mind.

We are settling in. I'm learning her and can now almost always predict what the cries mean. I know how to calm her, how to comfort her, how to entertain her, when she wants to eat, when she needs to be held and when she needs to be left alone. It makes it easier.

She's enraptured by Kelly. Perhaps its because Kelly is gone all day - but Bailey gets so excited to look at her face. She tracks Kelly around the room with her eyes. It makes my heart melt to watch the two of them gaze adoringly at each other. I'm not sure which one adore the other more...LOL! The evenings are really nice because Bailey gets to spend some time with her Mommy, Mommy gets her Bailey fix and I get my time away from baby-duty. The only struggle is squeezing in time for us to just be a couple.

But even that definition has begun to adapt. Last night, Kelly fed me pudding because I was feeding Bailey. It was, perhaps, one of the sweetest, most intimate moments we've had in a long time. It was fun. Silly. Sweet. Simple, much needed "couple-time".

So, we're all getting there. It's taken us four weeks, but we've found our groove. The days are easier, the nights are easier and our rhythm is back. Phew!

Pictures

This was right before we left for the hospital!

This is me now - about 35 pounds lighter!

Our Little Honey (Thanks M&S for the great gift!)

Playing with her mirror
This is EXACTLY how her Mommy sleeps at night...LOL

Baby Danny!

Congratulations, M&S on the birth of your little baby boy!!! Kelly and I are so excited, and are so looking forward to playdates and camping trips for years to come!!! Looking forward to the birth story, but take this time to rest and enjoy the first days! We'll see you tonight!

In other news, Bailey seems to have turned a small corner. She's sleeping pretty regularly at night - waking every three to four hours for a feeding (which is around twice a night). The extended hours of sleep have allowed both Kelly and I to actually get some rest that is restorative, as opposed to just surviving.

Also, Bailey can now be "entertained". She gets all excited looking at herself in her Sassy mirror and her playmat will actually hold her attention for about five minutes. Of course, our faces are her favorite, and she's begun tracking us when we walk away. Last night, she fixated on Kelly and nearly broke her neck trying to keep her in her line of sight when Kelly walked away. Very sweet!

She's also beginning to show preferences. For instance, she doesn't much like to be on her back. She's a side or a belly sleeper and is fast learning how to get herself into those positions. She rolls to her side every night, and this morning actually made it into her tummy. She doesn't much like to fall asleep, though, and often fights it with everything she's got. She has figured out how to fling her pacifier from her mouth using her fingers and when she's just about asleep, she will do this. Of course, losing the pacifier is enough to cause a meltdown. It's a vicious cycle.

Another thing is that she doesn't like to be held all that often. Sometimes she'll fall asleep in my arms, but more often than not, she wants to be left alone. The key here is that it has to be while she is already asleep, or very, very close to it. If she's even partially awake and you walk away from her, she gets very, very upset.

LOL - she's our doll. I truly love her with every fiber of my being, and I am so relieved that she is beginning to show some signs of coming out of these first difficult weeks. When the hard stuff is balanced out with the good, it's so much easier to take.

I'm still extremely bored, and my brain feels like a bad jello mold, but I'm adapting. Wine helps, but I've been trying to be careful with that. There is lots of alcoholism in my family and I don't want to deal with my frustration with alcohol. I'm just not a great infant-Momma. Well, let me rephrase that - I think I do a great job taking care of Bailey and being her Momma...but I am bored by it. Some people are just enraptured by small infants. Turns out, I'm not one of them. I adore her, and I live for those moments that are so precious they make my heart hurt...but I am really looking forward to more interaction.

Enough of that. Bailey has been bathed for the day. I'm waiting until she crashes out, then it's my turn. This afternoon we are driving into DC to visit M&S and see their new little boy. I'm not sure what is going to come in between. We'll see...

Killing Time

It's 6:40 in the morning. Kelly is off getting us bagels at Panera Bread (to kill a craving she's having for a French Toast bagel with Hazelnut cream cheese!). I'm up, ready to go downstairs and make a cup of coffee...but Bailey is still sound asleep. I'm torn between picking her up and risking waking her, and my coffee. So far, the coffee is losing...

Bailey is still struggling. Yesterday, she cried for over an hour before each feeding. We were trying to get her on a schedule to help her sleep better, but she's not handling it very well. We've decided to back off on the scheduling thing. Both because it's not working, and because it's very hard to listen to her cry for so long. It's difficult on the head and on the heart.

I think that we've pretty much decided to scrap all philosophies we've had up to this point and work with Bailey's needs. I cringe at that - I'm a woman of order. But, Bailey seems to not work well within the framework of order and schedules. Maybe that's because she's young. Maybe it's her personality. Maybe it's just because. But, we need to be able to parent her, and that means flexibility. I'm much more able to adapt to her needs than she is to mine.

Last night, she slept great. She was in our bed, not in her cosleeper. She slept for three and a half hours, woke up and ate 4 ounces, then crashed back out for another four hours. She woke back up, ate 5 ounces and is sleeping again.

The proof is in the pudding, as they say.

Bored

It's interesting - I haven't been bored in years! I mean, really bored. Caring for an infant is very time consuming and requires lots of tasks...but it doesn't challenge my brain to think. It's not hard to change diapers or warm bottles. These tasks, while the necessary acts of love and care for our daughter, are simple and easy to do.

My brain has been left idle...never a good thing. I'm too tired to read much and TV is just more stupid for my brain.

I've created a MySpace page. This is in direct relationship to my boredom. Honestly, in all the years of being online, I've not gotten into these big online databases of people. I've dabbled a couple of times, but never really gotten into it.

But, now, I need to think about something other than parenting. While Bailey sleeps, I can search people. I can read interesting bits about other people's lives.

It's silly, I know. But right now, it provides my head with something other than parenting. Until I can get back to work and start using my brain again, this will have to do.

Dramatic Improvements

Yesterday, after my meltdown, Bailey and I ended up having a great day. After getting showered, I put her in our sling and wore her all day. She slept for approximately nine hours, waking only twice - once to eat and be changed and spend 20 minutes being naked, and the other to be changed.

I spent that time cleaning, listening to music, dancing around our bedroom, emailing friends and occasionally kissing Miss. Bailey's head. When Kelly got home, I went and picked up some Merlot and drank the entire bottle (except for the glass that Kelly had). Funny, it didn't make me drunk...just took the edge off. Kelly took care of Bailey. Then, last night, after feeding her two extra ounces of formula right before it was time to sleep, Bailey spent two and half hours sleeping in her co-sleeper (NOT ON ME!!!). When she woke up, it was time for her regular feeding. Five ounces later, she curled right back up into her co-sleeper for a another two hour stretch! When she woke up, I just pulled her over onto my chest and we both fell right back asleep for another two hours.

HOT DAMN! THIS I can deal with...LOL!

We woke up at five this morning. I brought her downstairs, where she fell back asleep after eating. I called my Mom and we talked for an hour and a half. I put Bailey in her swing, and she slept there for over an hour - giving Kelly and I time to eat breakfast and for Kelly to get showered. I woke her up to get her ready for the day - changed and in fresh clothes. Kelly is feeding her as I type this and I'm headed for the shower.

I know that this has been kind of long, but I just had to share how happy I am that there were serious improvements yesterday and today! I'm off for a couple of hours to see Pirates at 11 AM. I can't wait to sit in the dark theater and watch Captain Jack Sparrow take on the world! I can't wait to have popcorn and to be alone for just a couple of hours.

More importantly, I'm actually looking forward to coming back and spending the rest of the weekend with my wife and our child!

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone!!!

And Then

And then, she takes a bath, eats and spend some time cuddled up on my chest. She lets out this very satisfied, full baby burp and curls into my neck, wrapping her fingers in my hair. She falls asleep, her breathing even and deep. She sighs and groans quietly in her sleep, adjusting every now and then to get closer.

I find myself sitting there stroking her back, with my nose pressed into her baby soft hair, smelling the sweet lavender soap and the smell that is uniquely Bailey. My body relaxes, my headache begins to fade away (with the help of 4 Advil), and suddenly everything that seemed so wrong just a half hour ago is back into it's proper place.

This is so intense. More intense than falling in love. More intense than the skydiving I did when I was 20. More intense than moving to DC, alone, in 3 days. More intense than anything I've ever done, ever conceived of, ever even dreamed that I could be a part of.

Don't think too harshly of me. I'm learning. I'm trying. I'm easily frustrated, and overly exhausted. I keep telling myself that being annoyed with Bailey doesn't make me a bad Momma. That venting my frustration is not a bad thing, but rather the only thing that will help me get through it.

Problem is, like with everything in my life, I wanted to be perfect at this. I wanted to be a perfect mother. I wanted this to be the happiest time of my life. I wanted this role to be THE role that I had been waiting to play.

Turns out, again, that I'm human. And I'm just a woman. Struggling through, trying to figure out how to be a Momma to a little girl blessed with all my stubbornness and all my emotional need to be close to the people I love.

I'm glad it's a three day weekend. I'm glad that I'm going to take a couple of hours and go be alone and see Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm glad that my relationship with Kelly is so strong that we can put it on autopilot for a while and not worry about its health. I'm glad that I'm going to pick up a bottle of wine for tonight.

I'm glad that I've been in enough therapy in my life to know that I need to say this shit out loud, rather than let it eat me up inside.

I'm glad that I'm strong enough to admit that I'm not perfect and mature enough to learn how to adapt.

I'm blessed that my wife loves me in spite of all of this shit...and I suspect even loves me more because of it.

More than anything, I'm truly grateful that right now, in this moment, Bailey is sound asleep on our bed and I'm going to take a shower, shave my legs and listen to nothing but the sound of running water.

I Wonder

I wonder if anyone has ever admitted that they just don't like being the mother to an infant. I am so completely frustrated this morning. Bailey has slept like shit for the past two days. She cries if she's not in our arms and if there is not a pinky in her mouth. She won't take a pacifier. She won't sleep in any other location.

My body hurts. My head hurts. Every fiber of my being is just tired and truly sick of being the person that spends 24 hours a day with her.

I love our daughter, I do. I'm just so fucking exhausted and tired of trying to figure out which of her needs I'm not meeting at the current moment.

Right now, she's sobbing in her swinging chair. She's safe, she's strapped in. I had to walk away. She woke up screaming. In my ear. It was enough to make me start crying immediately. I changed her. She screamed. I walked, rocked, and gave her my pinky. Still, screaming. I talked, cooed and tried not to sob in her ear. Screaming, screaming, screaming.

So, I took the advice of everyone and just put her down. She's not hurt, but Momma needs five. I'm going to get her bath ready and then take one myself. Hopefully she'll be calm for that. Then, we're driving in to town to see Mommy for lunch. She'll sleep in the car, and I need to see my wife before I go fucking insane.

Kelly can always comfort me when nothing else can.

Super Cute Video

Lessons Learned

Over the past three weeks, I've learned a whole lot. I was giggling this morning looking at pictures of us in the hospital. We knew nothing!!!! Not that we know a whole lot more now, but the crash course that is early parenting has taught us something...

1) No matter when she last peed, Bailey will inevitably pee again as soon as her diaper is taken off.

2) There is nothing on TV at 3 AM in the morning except "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway"...and I'm not very interested in that show.

3) Sometimes, Bailey just doesn't want to be held.

4) There is no size standardization in infant clothes. It's weird.

5) EVERYBODY has an opinion about EVERYTHING. And everyone thinks that we want to hear it.

6) The biggest tragedy in Bailey's life is when her pacifier falls out of her mouth before she is fully asleep.

7) Or when she can't eat immediately.

8) Sex is just never going to happen again. How do second babies get made????

9) Being a human mattress isn't so bad.

10) Watching a child fall asleep is the most wonderful experience in the world.

11) Formula-fed babies do NOT always sleep better.

12) Formula-fed babies have HORRIBLY stinky poop.

13) Formula is really freakin' expensive.

14) Never say never. "I'll never..." doesn't work. You WILL when push comes to shove and you're exhausted...

15) Everyone will remember all the things you said you were never going to do...and laugh at you when you do them.

16) Don't waste your money on stimulating toys...all your baby really needs is a ceiling fan (the giant mobile in the sky) and an old striped tee shirt you haven't worn in years.

17) While Bailey's attention span is only about a minute, this doesn't apply to wanting to be held, wanting to be fed or needing to be changed. She can carry on about those things for HOURS.

18) When push comes to shove, I can type in lots of weird positions.

19) Holding Bailey for hours hurts.

20) Any song that mentions a child is reason to cry.

21) Crying while trying to drive is not safe.

22) I never realized that I would fall in love with Kelly over and over again every time I see her with our child.

23) Sometimes being Momma sucks.

24) Bailey can go from sound asleep in my arms to wide awake and pissed off in the time it takes for me to walk her to the bed to lay her down.

25) On those rare occasions when she does sleep independently, I have to fight myself not to pick her up.

26) The vacuum cleaner really does NOT wake up sleeping children. It's amazing.

27) Eating one-handed isn't all that difficult with a little practice.

28) The only good show on television during the day is Ellen...

29) Unfortunately, I know WAY TOO MUCH about Days of Our Lives.

30) And last but not least, pregnancy hormones become birth hormones...and now they seem to be shifting to parenting hormones. How in the hell can just looking at our daughter make me see her and imagine her first day of kindergarten, her high school graduation, her first date, her prom, her wedding...and how can all these things make me feel like it's all moving too fast???

Missing Mikki

Having a child is truly wonderful. Bailey is a joy - even when she's been screaming for hours and is absolutely miserable. I love being Momma. I love sharing this experience with my partner. Most importantly, I wouldn't trade it or change it for anything.

With that said, in the last couple of days, I've been missing Mikki. I'm Momma now...all the time. My identity is completely wrapped up in that of our daughter - I am not able to separate myself from her needs or extricate myself from her shadow.

I know that this is normal. Hell, it's even good. I know that parenting is about letting go of yourself in part and making way for the life of your child. But I'm grieving the loss of my freedom a bit. I have some of that restlessness that I used to get in college. That need for excitement and energy.

If I could, I would go out dancing. I'd love to just lose myself in loud music for a few minutes. I'd love to feel sexy, and dance with my wife. I'd love to drink just a little too much, and come home and sleep for 12 hours after. There is part of me aching for the freedom of being childless.

I'm sure this is normal. In fact, I'd feel weird if I wasn't feeling it. I mean, after all, there is always loss inside great gain. All aspects of human emotion exist, and they must coexist or we are not truly feeling the experience. I can both love this life that I'm living right now, and miss the one that I have given up in order to be where I am.

I know that this is the extreme time. We'll find a way to incorporate who we "used" to be into our new identities of Mommy and Momma. Right now, our child is very young and needs constant attention. Eventually, it won't be that extreme. Eventually, our bed will be ours again and not a family sleeping arrangement. Eventually, Bailey will be old enough to spend a couple of hours away from us and we'll do something that reminds me of who I was before I was Momma.

I'm not unhappy. I'm just acknowledging that within this incredible experience, there is some loss.

The First Outing

Yesterday, Bailey and I took a long trip into town! I was needing some adult interaction and boy, did I get it! We started at Kelly's office, where Bailey was swarmed by Kelly's coworkers. I felt bad, because Bailey needed to eat and be changed almost as soon as we got there. Plus, she was kind of fussy.

After about an hour and 10 minutes, Bailey and I headed over to my office. My coworkers had ordered lunch and we all hung out in a conference room for a couple of hours. Bailey was a dream! She slept for a long time, and then when we couldn't stand it anymore, she was passed around. She would squirm for a few minutes and then fall sound asleep in the arms of whoever was holding her!

I spent some time in my boss's office, feeding her again and changing her. I met with our benefits person and finalized the details of my leave. Then it was back to Kelly's office to meet her and head home!

All told, it was a great day...much needed. Bailey was overstimulated by the end of it, and slept like shit last night...but it was worth it. Momma needed a day out...

Three Weeks Old!

Our Bailey is three weeks old today!!!! It seems absolutely unreal that she is that old...and at the same time, I keep wondering how it could only have been three weeks ago that she was born. There was a life before Bailey????

I've thought about how I can best keep everyone informed of Bailey's progress, and I figured that just the same way that I did with the pregnancy, I'll do an update each week. I'll let you know what changes have occurred and of any cool developmental milestones. Hopefully this well help our families and friends stay up to date. It's so hard being so far away from everyone...

So...here goes:

Last week on Thursday, Bailey weighed 10 pounds, 12 ounces. I'm sure she has gained weight since then, but I don't know how much. She's bigger, though! We had switched to size two diapers, but have since gone back to size one. The size two were just too big on her, and we were worried about leakage.

Yesterday, during her first outing to DC, Bailey's cord finally fell off. We were starting to get worried! All of the the beautiful hair that Bailey was born with is still on her head...although it's starting to look a little thin in some spots. Her eyes are still a deep, deep blue...just like her Mommy. Her face is beginning to smooth out, and the scrunched up, newborn look is starting to disappear. Her lips get fuller by the day - much to the delight of her Mommy. She has super long eyelashes and her skin is smooth and creamy looking.

Developmentally, it seems that Bailey is having a lot more alert time than in previous weeks. She wakes up wanting to eat, but after eating, she's generally alert and happy for about an hour. This is wonderful during the day...not so great at night.

Speaking of night - Bailey is not a great sleeper. She likes to be held while she's sleeping and so far, our attempts to break her of that are not really working. She'll go down, but she's right back up a few minutes later. During the night, when we can get her down in her co-sleeper, she'll only sleep about two hours before waking and wanting to be up and held. So...we're working on that. It's an ongoing project.

Finally, there couldn't be a more adored child. Bailey's Mommy and Momma are in love with her, and every day brings deeper and deeper love. It's a pretty cool thing...

Our Love at Three Weeks! (And One of the Kitties...Highly Suspicious!)

Missing Mommy

Yesterday morning, Bailey was completely "off". She didn't sleep for almost five hours...wouldn't go down for her nap and was very difficult to comfort. I kept wondering what was up, and then all of a sudden it dawned on me! Every morning since we have been home from the hospital, Kelly takes the morning shift. I do the night, so when we wake up, Kelly does the morning. But Kelly went back to work.

Bailey was missing her!!! Kelly and I have very different styles of holding and talking to Bailey. I'm much more matter-of-fact. Kelly is far more gentle. There is no doubt that Bailey could sense the change...and it threw her off!!!

Sweet...very sweet.

Here's a couple new pictures of Miss. Bailey!

This is what TIRED looks like!

Just Chillin' With Mommy!

Recommendation

I love to sing to Bailey. I've become quite fond of singing "You Are My Sunshine" to her. I also sing "Leaving on a Jetplane" and "Puff the Magic Dragon", as my mother did to me when I was a child. I've also added "Bobby McGee"...arguably one of the greatest all time songs by one of the greatest all time artists...in my opinion!

BUT...these are not really kids songs. They are not upbeat for the most part. They are not fun and silly and don't cause you to want to dance and sing around the room. Which is what music is supposed to do!

So, drawing back into my childhood, I remembered a cassette that my mom got for us. It came with a book of the lyrics and I remember loving every single song and singing just as loud as I could every time I played the cassette...which was often (much to my brothers' misery).

I decided to find it for Bailey. If you're looking for some seriously high-energy, wonderful, wonderful music for children...this is it. And it has the rewards to prove it. It's KidsSongs - sung by Nancy Cassidy.

You won't be disappointed...

Thumb Sucker

I sucked my thumb until I was 12 years old. LOL - this is not a secret that I like to share, but it's true. Of course, the older I got, the more taboo the sucking got...so it dwindled down to just night time sucking. Eventually, I stopped.

It seems that our Bailey is also going to be a thumb sucker. She's not even three weeks old yet, and she's already found her thumb and uses it to do some self-soothing. This morning, just a few minutes ago, she was fussy. I'm trying to hold her off on eating...she's been demanding lots and lots of food without schedule. We need to make sure that she gets on a schedule and the only way to do that is to hold her off. So, no food yet. I want to make sure she's good and hungry before I feed her this morning.

So anyway, she was playing in her bouncy chair but then got bored. She started fussing, so I picked her up and put her on my chest (one of her favorite positions). She flung herself to the side, as she often does, and promptly put her thumb into her mouth and began madly sucking. She sucked and sucked and then fell sound asleep. She's sleeping now.

This is the part where I'm supposed to put her down. We're trying really hard to get her used to sleeping away from other people. In nine weeks she starts child care, where she will spend a significant amount of the day sleeping in a crib...NOT in someone's arms. I know that it seems far away, but I don't want to make that transition harder on her by not having her get used to sleeping independently. Sigh. But this is when I WANT to hold her. She's so sweet and cuddly. Oh well. Down she goes. It's better for all of us.

This morning I tried a size two diaper on her. It fit. Just a couple of days ago, it was way too big. Today, it's a little big, but looks so much more comfortable than the size one. Also, last night we put her in a size three months sleeper. Again...a little big, but still more comfy than the 0-3 months size.

Good god, our baby is, quite literally, growing up. It's wonderful...and frustrating. I'm just now starting to wake up from the fog of the first couple of weeks. I'm glad we've taken a bunch of pictures...she's changing before our very eyes.

Now...if only I could convince her to sleep more than 2 hours at a stretch at night...

The Stripes

Bailey is going through a developmental and growth spurt! This morning she ate 5 ounces of formula before she would calm down!!!! She's been eating between 3-4 ounces for the past couple of days, but we've noticed that she's not sleeping as long and doesn't seem as satisfied. We decided to try a little more and she ate it all!!!! This must be the start of the famous three-week growth spurt!!!

Also, our Miss. Bailey is enraptured by stripes. Particularly the ones on her bouncy chair. She lays in the chair and all she wants to do is stare at the stripes on the fabric. Kelly has this old tee shirt that is bright, primary color stripes. We happened to have it on the bed one day and realized that Bailey was staring at it intently. Since then, we've put it in front of her a couple of times and each time she'll spend 20 minutes or so just staring, waving her arms and legs.

It's pretty cool to see her going through these changes. This is the easy, easy part of parenting...

Things We Don't Know

Kelly and I are very informed people. By that, I mean that we spend lots of time researching whatever it is that we are doing. Having a child has not escaped the endless scrutiny of books, internet research, advice seeking and more fact finding. We knew each developmental milestone while Bailey was in utero...even if those were not always accurate (they are averages after all)!

I think that we are like that because it allows for some level of control over an unpredictable world. One of the core similarities between Kelly and I is our need for predictability and stability. We value these things in our life above most other things (other than love and affection). So having as many facts as possible when we embark on anything is important to us.

With that said, in the past two and a half weeks of whirlwind living...trying to figure out what parenting means for us and how Bailey operates...we've realized that we have done almost no research. We've relied heavily on the advice of others...doctors, nurses, family, friends...and of course on our instincts. But not on books. Not on the internet.

We've decided to rectify that problem today. We are going to spend some time at one of the local bookstores today and find a book about a baby's first year. We're looking for developmental milestones (when exactly does the average baby roll over???), and for the subtle cues that we can watch for as Bailey grows.

Of course, relying too heavily on these things is not good. And we know that. We just like to be prepared...