I Wonder

I wonder if anyone has ever admitted that they just don't like being the mother to an infant. I am so completely frustrated this morning. Bailey has slept like shit for the past two days. She cries if she's not in our arms and if there is not a pinky in her mouth. She won't take a pacifier. She won't sleep in any other location.

My body hurts. My head hurts. Every fiber of my being is just tired and truly sick of being the person that spends 24 hours a day with her.

I love our daughter, I do. I'm just so fucking exhausted and tired of trying to figure out which of her needs I'm not meeting at the current moment.

Right now, she's sobbing in her swinging chair. She's safe, she's strapped in. I had to walk away. She woke up screaming. In my ear. It was enough to make me start crying immediately. I changed her. She screamed. I walked, rocked, and gave her my pinky. Still, screaming. I talked, cooed and tried not to sob in her ear. Screaming, screaming, screaming.

So, I took the advice of everyone and just put her down. She's not hurt, but Momma needs five. I'm going to get her bath ready and then take one myself. Hopefully she'll be calm for that. Then, we're driving in to town to see Mommy for lunch. She'll sleep in the car, and I need to see my wife before I go fucking insane.

Kelly can always comfort me when nothing else can.