Doula/Birthing Class Drama

I go back and forth. Initially, I was really happy with our doula. I was so excited about her that I even signed us up for the Bradley Method birthing class that she teaches. Off we went to her home, very excited, to do this class. And I had an absolutely horrible experience.

Let me just say that, while I get that ignorance comes in many forms and on many levels, I don't think that it is my job to have to deal with other people's issues with who I have made my life with. For all her wonderfulness with us as a couple while she was in her home, she really struggled with coming up with gender-neutral language while we were in the birthing class. She continually referred to the non-pregnant people as "Dads". While that may in fact be the case for the other two couples that were in the room, it's not the case for us. And no matter what else is true, I expect that my relationship and my partner and my partner's contribution to this pregnancy and to the raising of our child will be recognized. Period. There is no discussion about that. If a person cannot handle that, and cannot find it in their vocabulary to use the term "partner" or "labor coach" when talking directly to a group that includes non-heterosexual couples, then I am quite comfortable ushering them quickly out of my life.

See, this is where the line in the sand gets drawn, and it's probably a pretty good thing to get out there now. I am not a heterosexual woman and I am not a single woman. I am a very, very happily married woman. Our daughter is not going to have a mother and her partner. She is not going to have an alternative family. She is not going to have a mother and an adoptive mother. Our daughter is going to have two mothers. One of us called Momma and one called Mommy.

Language, while not important to those people who are not effected by it, is very important to me. To disregard Kelly's presence with the term "Dad" is not only offensive, it's flat out stupid. And it's a guaranteed ticket right out of our lives. No matter who you are.

The worst part about it, was that as we were all sitting there, the instructor asked the "Dads" to introduce each couple and include in the introduction the due date, the name of the doctor and the reasons why that couple was in the Bradley class. Not one of the two actual "Dads" in the room could do that. They didn't know the name of their doctor. They didn't know their child's due date. They couldn't answer the question of why they found themselves in a Bradley birthing class. These "Dads" (and I use the quotes on purpose) were unable to give even the most basic of information about their pregnant partners or their unborn children, and yet they were given a level of recognition that Kelly was denied. I mean, honestly, what did those "Dads" do to deserve the title? As far as I can tell, they fucked their wife and that's about it.

On the other hand, Kelly could stand in and speak for me in any situation. She knows all the details, all the symptoms, all the ups and downs of this pregnancy. She has been to every doctors appointment and is horrified by the suggestion that she wouldn't be there. She has supported me and has carried us through this with the might of a superhero. She's not failed me in any regard, and most importantly, she wouldn't. I am not a "pregnant wife" in this pregnancy. We are pregnant together, each holding up equally important ends of this journey. Yes, I am carrying the child, but she is carrying me. And I weigh more...both physically and mentally.

So she damn well better get the recognition and respect she deserves from those people who we are going to pay to be present at our birth.

Needless to say, we are not going with the doula. In fact, we are not going with any doula. This entire adventure has taught me two things - first, I am physically ready for this. I truly do trust myself and my bodies ability to give birth naturally and without medical intervention. I know how to breath, I know how to relax and I am not afraid. Second, my partner is the only doula I need. Kelly can calm me with a touch. Her voice relaxes me and wraps me in safety. She is the person that I look to for comfort and for encouragement. She believes that I can do this, and together, we are unbeatable.

In the end, no matter who else is present, the one person that I need to bring Bailey into this world is Kelly. She's carried us through this so far, and I have no doubt that she can carry us through it to the end. And if she can't, I can.

That's the way it has always worked for us. We've never failed each other yet...I don't suspect it'll happen during our birth.

Feeling Happy

I'm seriously happy this morning! I'm not exactly sure why (and isn't it strange that I would even look for a reason for random joy??). We have a lovely weekend. Saturday, we spent running around. We drove about an hour away for Kelly's hair appointment (there are some things that we couldn't give up when we moved to the other side of Maryland...our hair styist was one of them!). After that we headed over to my boss's home for brunch and some pile-diving in her basement. Honestly, she had all kinds of fun (and free!) baby and kids stuff that we took home with us. I love the way that baby things are handed around. Honestly, what person really needs to buy everything? With so much out there just sitting in people's basements and storage units, it's amazing that anyone would need to purchase anything new. With that said, we are picky, and will actually be purchasing quite a bit new...but that is beside the point! It was a lovely experience and some good quality visiting time! After brunch we spent some time at Great Beginnings. This was a new baby store to us. It was fun, but nothing spectacular. There really wasn't anything there that doesn't exist at Buy Buy Baby or Baby's R Us. And the prices were a little more. But it was fun to look. We bought some bottles, a bottle brush, some medical supplies for the medicine kit and some cute receiving blankets. We did a good job sticking to the list of "must haves" that we've made.

The other big news of the weekend is that we finished the painting and border in the nursery! We have moved the furniture that we do have into place. Now, we need to stain the dresser, put in the ceiling fan/light and put up the wood blind. Mom is getting us a fabulous rocker that is going to complete the look, and once that arrives, we are finished! All said, the nursery is wonderful. It's absolutely everything that we wanted. It's 100% unisex (good because we're not changing it for a LONG time) and it's a room that Bailey (and any future children) can grow into. It's big, it's open, it's bright, it's colorful and it is absolutely perfect!!!! We are both so incredibly happy to have it done. We are going to wait a couple of weeks to post pictures, because we want to finish purchasing things, and get the finishing touches done. It really is a work of art in there, and Kelly gets ALL the credit. I helped paste some border on the walls, but that's it. She's done all the painting, the trim, the decorating, the cutting, and the putting up of all the "little details". You just wait...it's awesome!!!!!

We had a great weekend. Hopefully this week will follow suit!

Back to the beginning...

It seems that the brief break between the first five months of nausea that I had is over. Over the last three weeks, I've enjoyed a relative break from feeling crappy and constantly having to monitor my food. This appears to be over.

Every time I eat, I'm nauseated. It doesn't matter what I eat, how much (or how little), what time I eat it, or how hungry or full I am at the time that I put the food into my system. My body's response to food is nausea. And it's not a quick nausea, either. It holds on. I stay sick until I'm hungry. And then I get nauseated again because I'm hungry. I can't win.

Last night, I was so hungry on the bus ride home that I vomited as soon as I got off the bus. In the parking lot, in front of everyone. It was embarrassing. But, as with many things, I don't much care. Right now, it's my reality.

I don't mean to sound like I'm bitching - I'm really not unhappy about what seems to be my fate with this pregnancy. I would walk through hell, fire and eternal damnation to bring this child into the world. I love her with a fierceness that has no words and defies description. I don't care what it does to me...in the end, the reward is worth it. I have wanted Bailey since long before Bailey was ever even a concept for me. This child was born in me and Kelly's dreams a long, long time ago. I would crawl across the floor every day in agony if that is what it meant to carry her.

BUT...I am a little bummed out. I was enjoying having some of my old favorite foods. I'm gonna be going back to eating a few tablespoons at a time, and hoping it stays down. This time around, though, I have some idea of how to do this. I'm getting better at being pregnant and managing nausea.

Only three months to go. I can do this.

Birthing Class

Tonight is the first birthing class with our doula and birthing class instructor! We're very excited about it. I've done quite a bit of research about the Bradley method of birthing and have been extremely pleased with what I've read so far. Here a couple of "definitions" for those who may be unfamiliar with the style:

"The Bradley Method teaches natural childbirth and views birth as a natural process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation, and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally. The Bradley Method is a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the stress of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural breathing, relaxation, nutrition, exercise, and education."

"This method, developed by American obstetrician Robert Bradley in the late 1940s, embraces the idea that childbirth is a natural process and that, with the right preparation, most women can avoid pain medication and routine interventions during labor and birth. Proponents claim that nearly 90 percent of women who deliver vaginally using the Bradley method to do so without drugs.The program lasts 12 weeks, and is more intensive than other childbirth education classes. The Bradley philosophy says that it takes months to prepare for childbirth and parenting — mentally, physically, and emotionally — and prides itself on addressing all aspects of natural childbirth, as well as many pregnancy and postpartum issues. The course also emphasizes educating partners to be effective coaches."

Well, as you can imagine from my previous ramblings, this seems like the best choice for us. First, it focuses on the natural aspects of childbirth. I don't need to say it again, probably, but this is VERY important to me. Second, it focuses on the partner as much as the birthing woman. This methods believes very strongly that women who have strong partners by their side with the right education and get through labor more easily. Given that Kelly is my rock in everything else, I can only believe that they are right.

So, every Friday (except a couple) between now and April 27th, we will be in this course. I'm SUPER excited!

Week 27 "Dad Tip"

So this week the partner is supposed to help with scrubbing the toilet and shower and help mom reach things that are on high shelves. Okay, got it...

(Read with complete sarcasm for those who missed the earlier post regarding my opinion of "dad tips.")

Storytime

Bailey loves storytime. Honestly. I know that people say weird things about the baby inside of them all time and try to give their child emotions that we can readily understand, but I swear, she really does love it. Every night, I lay down (on my back, incidently...she LOVES that position) and Kelly and I read to her. While we read, Kelly rubs my belly. After the story, we talk to her and each other and usually spend some time giggling and snuggling. It's an incredibly cozy ritual that I can only imagine will last. Bailey seems to love it. She kicks and moves all around, making my belly look a bit like a popcorn bag in the microwave. She is almost always directly under Kelly's hand, even if she has to move to get to that spot. It seems like she can feel the heat or something. Maybe it's as simple as the light changes in that spot and she can sense that. I don't know the biology of it, but I do know that she is all about that time of the evening.

Interestingly, and perfectly, she settles right down as soon as I turn off the light. I have yet to be woken by her in the middle of the night. Sometimes she'll kick my very full bladder early in the morning, but it's usually only one kick - like she is adjusting as opposed to being fully active. She is always wide awake on the bus ride to work and through the morning. She usually calms down again in the afternoon, after lunch. The evenings are relatively calm, with some minor activity until bedtime. Then she goes nuts for about an hour. Then she's calm though the night.

It's amazing to be able to feel her that clearly.

I assume that she is moving more than that most of the time, and I just can't feel every movement yet. During the two ultrasounds, she was constantly moving, but I only felt the strongest of those movements. As we inch closer to the date of delivery and she begins to pack on the pounds, I suspect that I'll start to have less and less "down" time.

Bailey Evelyn McFadden

Yes, we broke. Well, actually, the baby decided for us. We spoke to the belly and told the baby that if he or she wanted us to know, that he or she should make it very, very obvious. The second the tech brought up the image at the ultrasound, the first thing she saw was very clear, very obvious little girl parts.

Our daughter is nothing if not determined, we've discovered.

In all honesty, we are happy to know. It doesn't matter to us what gender the child is, but it takes the pressure off me. I've always wanted a daughter. The mother/daughter relationships in my family are very strong and incredibly important. It has always been my dream to continue that with my own daughter. Kelly could care less, but really is just as delighted as I am to be able to put a name to the little love inside of me.

Now...a word of warning...we STILL do NOT want any of the obviously girly stuff. There are other girls being born on both sides of the family who have parents that love the girly stuff. Please, send your pink and ruffles to those people and not to us!!!!!! If you do send them to us, we'll be sending them on to those people anyway. We're not girly girls...we don't want to dress our infant as one.

With that said, should Bailey grow up to be a little femme princess, more power to her! We'll become versed in all things pink, frilly and girly!

Third Trimester - Week 27!

Well, I am VERY happy to report that we have moved into our third trimester! This is the home stretch, and Kelly and I are seriously happy about it. I finally got some sleep last night, and feel like a normal person today. I am so happy about that!!!!!

Not much new is happening. We're just plowing through...

Here's how our baby is going to develop this week:

Fetal development in pregnancy week 27:fetus in seventh month

Your not-so-tiny-anymore swimmer (2 pounds and about 14.5 inches long!) is slowly rotating in preparation to “head out.” Obviously, this doesn’t happen overnight, but when you start to feel an unfamiliar pressure on your cervix, you’ll know you’ve got a fully flipped baby locked and loaded for the countdown to their birthday! Even now, at the beginning of the third trimester, their little lungs are already capable of breathing air, while the pulmonary vascular system can provide sufficient gas exchange, and the central nervous system can generally regulate rhythmic breathing as well as their basal body temperature. For what it’s worth, at this point in a healthy pregnancy a premature child (with intensive care) could easily win on the show: “Survivor: The Early Years.”

And how's mom doing?

You’ve worked hard, done your research, endured a plethora of joyless symptoms and would like nothing more than to have wonder-baby on the outside. Well, dig in for the final endurance round and say hello to the familiar but not-so-lovable faces of fatigue and nausea. You guessed it, the dratted the third trimester is really a time to kick your baby-on-the-outside preparations into high gear: baby-proof the home or apartment, buy a car-seat, get a stroller, dress up the nursery and plan a space for diapering, keep mulling over possible names, and try to enjoy this time… hormone factory is once again running at full-tilt (and causing rapid hair growth), sigh…. Your (“yaaaawn”) fatigue stems from several factors, including the proverbial weight gain, shortness of breath and of course, sleep deprivation.
Yes, ladies, you’ve finally reached the infamous “live-on-the-toilet” stage. Your feet are bigger, your breasts are bigger, your belly is bigger, even your baby is bigger—and something’s gotta give. Annoyingly, nature didn’t choose your butt and instead opted to compress your bladder, which is now being completely squashed by your-super-sized-baby... all day long. So your best shot is to just accept the fact you’re going to need to urinate every 10 minutes (and if you manage to go longer, thank the good lord).
Of course breast tenderness is also very common at this phase as milk production is kicking in. Other thrilling third-trimester symptoms include more swelling (known as edema) and feeling like you live in a sweat factory as a result of increased basal body temperature. Thank your baby: this temperature increase stems from their body heat coupling with your own, which of course all adds up to one hot mama!
Just in case you don’t have enough things to stress out about: we’d like to remind you the third trimester is really a time to kick your baby-on-the-outside preparations into high gear: baby-proof the home or apartment, buy a car-seat, get a stroller, dress up the nursery and plan a space for diapering, keep mulling over possible names, and try to enjoy this time… when you’re not nauseous, constipated, running to the toilet, or just plain wiped out. (And don’t forget to get your sleep, be active, and eat well! Phew….)

Happy Birthday, Rod

For those of you who don't know, my older brother passed away in August of 2005 from a massive drug overdose. It was an incredibly horrible and very sad experience for us as a family. Perhaps the worst part of it, though, was that one of the most incredible people I have ever known died. I spent a long time pretty angry at Rodney after his death. It's taken me a long time to forgive him and to find a place that can understand his addictions and his pain. I've come through that anger, and into a space of reflection and love where my brother is concerned. For those who knew him, he is not someone that can easily be forgotten. He was larger than life, his spirit huge and captivating. I've never known a person to so easily fit into any scene, any location and any group of people with the kind of ease that he did. Everyone loved him. They gravitated towards him. He brought light and laughter with him where ever he went.

For those of us who really knew him - knew his history and his story - he was truly magical. Rodney came through some of the worst kind of shit a person can live through. As his family, we traveled the road and took the hits with him, but as with any story - another person cannot live it for us, so in the end, it really was his experience alone.

A lot has happened since his death. I wish that Rodney could see the home that Kelly and I have created together. He would have been proud of me for that. I wish that he knew I was pregnant, and knew that he had another niece or nephew on the way. I wish deeply that our child could know him. It makes me sad beyond words that Rodney will be an unknown to the child inside of me. He'll be a story, a legend, a myth...but not a real live person.

Most of all, I hope - with all of my heart - that whatever journey he is traveling now is easier than the one that he traveled while alive in this world. I know he is out there in some form and that he checks back in now and then. Some days I wish I could talk to him, and other days I know that he already knows what I would have said.

Happy Birthday, big brother. Wherever you are, whatever your form, and whatever your journey - know that you are not forgotten and that you are still loved deeply by all of us here on earth.

Lots of News

First - take a look at our ticker! We have 100 DAYS to go! Tomorrow, we will officially be in double digits. I am beyond excited. Every day brings more growth, and now I can feel it. Our Little Honey moves alot...and I mean A LOT. I feel him/her constantly, and while I absolutely love that, I also recognize that 100 days from now, it's not gonna feel so pleasant anymore. But, for now, I can't bitch about it. It's amazing.

We met with a doula last night in our home. I can say only that she was absolutely amazing. In all the ways that we need her, she can provide us the support that we need. We hired her on the spot. She is an older woman who has been a practicing doula since 1988. She's attended 335 births, so she's got the experience that we wanted. She was extraordinarily comfortable and easy to be with. She brought with her a calming presence...which is just what we'll need as we navigate birth without medication or medical intervention. Many people don't understand how important this is to me. I DO NOT want this experience to be lost in medicine. People have said a million times to me "just wait...you'll change your mind." And while I can't say that I won't, I can say that we have now done everything we can to put the tools in place that will get us through it without the drugs. I want to remember this as the greatest day of my life (next to the day that I met the love of my life...). I want to feel it. I want to be in the moment and part of it. When I push our child out of my body, I want to be a part of every second, every moment. Our doula will help us do that. Acting as a support to Kelly and I, she will provide that extra touch that the nursing staff and doctors cannot.

Additionally, we have signed up for her birthing class. We will be one of two other couples (for a total of six of us). The course teaches the Bradley Method of childbirth, which stresses natural, partner-coached birthing as the primary birth method. Here's a link if you want more information: http://www.bradleybirth.com/. In fact, they say that of over 200,000 Bradley-trained couples, 86% of them have spontaneous, natural, vaginal deliveries. Which is what I want. I will not induce unless there is a medical reason for it...and going two weeks longer than my due date is NOT a medical reason...unless the baby is in danger.

I want this enough to work really hard to get it. I know that many of our loyal readers (LOL) don't understand, but I can't stress enough that this is something that has been ingrained in me since childhood. It's something I have always wanted for myself. I'm not afraid of childbirth - at least, not more than the next first-time mother. But I do believe that my body has the ability to do this on it's own. And with my amazing partner by my side, and now our doula, I have no doubt that I can get through this without drugs, without intervention and with an experience that I will remember until the day that I die.

So...other than that, the weekend was tame. We had a wonderful, wonderful time hanging out at M&S's home on Saturday night. I just love hanging out with other lesbian couples who are forging through with thier lives. It's comfortable and easy. Kelly and I don't have to hide our affection for each other and we don't have to "explain" the differences constantly. It's just easy, fun and safe. I love our friends dearly!

And, of course, the absolutely FABULOUS news of Hillary running broke this weekend. I am so happy that I can't even begin to talk about it yet. Needless to say, my vote is decided in the primaries and if she can make it through the primaries, I'll be on her team fighting to get her in office. In fact, if I can find the time between raising a child, being a wife, commuting and working, I will volunteer my efforts. Bless her for putting herself out there for all women and all democrats. We NEED a voice like hers.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Another Day

Here was are...another Friday. After today, I only have 14 more work weeks!

I contemplated not coming to work today. I woke up not feeling very good. Kind of blah. I vomited after eating, and then fell asleep while watching the news. Weird.

But, I showered and made it here. Today is an easy day and a stupid one to waste on a sick day. Kelly and I have dentist appointments this afternoon, so we are leaving at 2. My boss is out of town, so that will lighten the load. Plus it's Friday. Everything slows down on Friday.

I'm stuggling here at work. Not with my job...and not with the depression that plagued me before. What I'm struggling with is feeling competant. Let's face it, my standards for myself are astronomically high. I REALLY pride myself on being very, very good at my job and at making things happen with remarkable efficiency and organization. Wouldn't you know it, though, it turns out that I'm not much different than any other pregant woman. I am distracted, plain and simple. Add to that distraction the biological reality of my brain temporarily shrinking, and I'm jsut not working up to my standards.

Now, let me be fair. NOBODY here at my job has made any comments and I've not gotten in trouble in any way. But it feels shitty to me, because I know that I'm only at about 80% right now. And that number is quickly falling. Honestly, I just don't much care to work right now. I want to stare at my moving belly. I want to prepare for the baby's arrival. I want to do just about anything except sit in front of a computer monitor and toil the day away.

I know that it's okay and normal. I don't blame myself for being human. But I'm struggling with feeling like I deserve the raise and the promotion that I just got.

Sigh. The problem with being a perfectionist is that nobody is perfect. And the hardest person in the world to have to answer to is myself.

Taking it Slow...

Last night, I went to bed exhuasted and slept all through the night (except for one pee break that I barely remember). I woke up exhausted. This is all quite normal for me and follows the pattern. Our little honey has been very active in the last couple of days, now we'll go through a less active spell and I'll be exhausted. I think these are periods of intense growth and development. I could be wrong, but it helps me to think of it as a pattern. Makes the exhaustion easier to deal with.

The only problem with exhaustion is that it makes me queasy on the bus. If I'm feeling good, the bus ride isn't a problem anymore. But, when I come home at night exhausted, I struggle with my nausea. It makes it difficult.

All of that is mild though, compared to the first five months of this pregnancy. I'm actually feeling very good these days. I just take it slow and listen when I need to slow it down even more. It's all good.

Well, I should get in the shower. I'm going to try to make it to work by 8:30...

Week 26...and more!

Okay - you may have noticed that I've gone from week 24 to week 26. I promise you that I'm not going crazy...I was just a little confused last week. The way that it works is that as of today, I have completed a full 25 weeks of pregnancy. For the next seven days, I'll be working through my 26th week. So, while Kelly and I will say that I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I'm actually further along than that (by mere days). Why do you care, you may be asking.

BECAUSE OF MY NEW WEEKLY TRADITION!

I'm going to be posting the information for week 26 today, so that you all know what is happening during this lovely, lovely week of transformation! Only one more week to go until I'm in my third trimester!!! WOO HOOO!!!! OH...and the italicized additions to the weekly progress below are mine. I just can't help but interject every now and then...

One more thing (cause I have lots to say today...). I am in love with my new body. If I haven't mentioned that yet, I though it was important to say. Many, many women think they are "fat" during pregnancy. I was "fat" before, so I don't have to deal with that drama. Much more important than that, I think my new curves are incredibly sexy. I can't speak for Kelly, but I suspect that she agrees. I feel more womanly than I ever have. Not even just in my body, just in my heart and mind as well. I love to rub my hands over my belly, feel our child kick and know that the power to comfort, soothe and calm rests in my hands. People are more drawn to me. They are attracted to my smile, but also to what I think is a new calm that I exude. It's an interesting tranformation. I've gone from being a generally cute dyke with lots of curves, to being a woman...in the truest sense of that word. In the same ways that babies (whether they were hers or not) used to curl up on my mother's breasts and fall right asleep, I have the same energy. My restlessness has been calmed (for now). I just feel at peace. And sexy. Like I've never felt before.

With that said, let's get busy exploring what'll happen this week!

Weeks of Pregnancy Completed: 25

Weeks Until I'm Full-Term (37 weeks): 13

Weeks Until our Due Date (May 2st): 15

Fetal development in pregnancy week 26:fetus in sixth month

At long last, your little swimmer can see the womb! Your miracle’s little eyelids have finally separated (they were fused closed previously) and they’re probably having their first moments of sight as you read this (or maybe it already happened while you were brushing your teeth or watching Oprah or something). In addition to seeing their little studio in your belly, they’ve recently acquired the ability to say “yes” and “no” in rudimentary sign language as they can now move their head back and forth. This is also the time where your little super star’s head hair is starting to grow (actually, our little honey alread has some as evidenced by the 4D pictures from last week!)! A cute little cowlick or two may be springing into position right now, getting ready for years of cute-but-stubborn bed-head. Also, their toenails have grown in and you little raisin continues to slowly pile up fat beneath their still-loose skin. Most importantly, brain tissue and neurons are all developing at a rapid pace, increasing their (genius-level?) brain activity and will continue to function at accelerated levels for the first seven to eight years of childhood!

And how's mom doing?

This is the final week of your second trimester (thanks heavens for that!). As you’ve probably already heard about it plenty, we won’t go on and on about constipation. But if you’re curious why you’ve got to put up with this much-less-than-fun blockage, it’s basically because you’re producing higher levels of progesterone—which can relax muscle tissue throughout your entire body, including the G.I. tract—which ultimately slows digestion down… waaaay down. Not to fear, there are plenty of natural remedies for the joys of constipation, including: increasing your standard fiber intake with fruits and veggies, oatmeal, or whole grains (such as millet, rye and wheat) (let me just interject here...I eat an Activia yogurt every single morning. It's small, not many calories and has five grams of protien. More importantly, it keeps the bowels moving. Like clockwork. About 10 minutes after I've finished eating it. It works. I hate to be graphic, but for all you other pregnant ladies...this stuff REALLY does work. And it's calcium. And protein. Vanilla is the best) . Another way to get things moving "down there" is to get yourself moving! If you haven’t been very active, try putting some time walking or swimming. Increasing your general activity levels often inspires a bowel movement without requiring a suppository. Many women also experience restless and jittery legs during the second half of pregnancy. It’s a common condition known as Restless Leg Syndrome (or RLS—not a very creative name). Cutting out caffeine (yeah, right), stretching your calf muscles slowly, and some nice and deep muscle massages (are you listening, love???) are generally effective ways to help deal with RLS.

Another Milestone

On Sunday, I decided that what I need (and what our Little Honey needed) was a soak in our big tub with lots of bubbles and luke-warm water. I hate hot water...LOL. I hate everything hot. I'm constantly hot these days, so I was looking for something to cool me off!

Anyway.

I took my bottle of ice water, my book (I've recently discovered the local library...YES!!!) and myself and began a long session of bath soaking. About 20 minutes into the bath, with the bubbles starting to disappear and the air getting pretty cold, I felt our little honey start to kick. My hands were resting on my protruding tummy, holding the book at the time. Interestingly, the book bounced at the same time that I felt the kick. Hmmm. This is new. So, I put the book down and started watching. Sure enough, no more than a few seconds later, another strong kick came...accompanied by a visual show! I was able to see my belly jump around as our little honey kicked me!

I quickly called to Kelly, who was on the phone with her sister. She came running (I forget that she worries about me more these days). I pointed to my tummy and mouthed for her to watch. Little Honey didn't disapoint. No more than a few seconds later, the baby kicked again...and my belly jumped along with her. Kelly smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen and then just sat and watched. When the baby would calm down, Kelly would pour water on my tummy and the baby would spring back to action!

It was just awesome.

Yet another milestone in our developing child's life.

For A

It's Saturday, and I'm sitting here at my home computer posting. LOL - this is for you, A!

We had a great day today. We took a Baby Care class from 9-4:30 (with a one hour lunch break). During this class we got CPR and First Aid Certified for Infants and Children through the Red Cross. God willing, we will never have to use the training. That was the morning. In the afternoon, we went over all manner of taking care of baby. We talked about bathing, Apgar scores and what they test, what the hospital experience is like (the who, what, when, where and why of the things they do), and self-care things...like what we are all going to do to take care of yourself.

It was a great class. It was also funny. The instructor couldn't figure out who Kelly was. She would talk in terms of Mom and Dad...and then stutter and say "partner". When we went around the room and all said how we were going to self-care for ourselves, she asked each couple "What about you, Mom? What about you, Dad?" When she came to Kelly and I, she said "And what about you? And how about you?". LOL - even though I was OBVIOUSLY the one pregnant, I still didn't get the "Mom". It's amusing to see how peopel deal with our family unit.

We try to make it obvious to people, but sometimes it's just too hard for them to get their minds around it. Sometimes, I think it is just pure discomfort or wierdness about the correct way to address us. "Mom" is such an exclusive term in our society - meant for the person who gives birth or the woman who adopts the child. Kelly will actually fall under this second literal category (as she will adopt the child), but my presence will always confuse people. If I gave birth, aren't I the Mom? LOL. It's kind of funny, really.

I remember once talking to some other women in my Women's Studies program during college about how being an out lesbian means you are a constant educator. You have to constantly be willing to come up against other people's perceptions and work to change them. The only other option is to be bitter (something both Kelly and I have gone through and come out of). I can never hope to change this world if I am not willing to help it change.

With that said, if that woman had in any way disrespected or disregarded Kelly, she would have had to deal with one seriously pissed of lesbian Momma. But she didn't. She just didn't know how to address us. We'll work through that with people.

The more visable we are, and the less willing we are to change our visability because of other's fears, the more likely we are to change the world around us. People eventually catch on.

All in all, it was a great day. I'm glad to be back home and I'm glad that this weekend is three days long. I'm looking forward to going to bed and to getting up tomorrow and finishing the nursery.

Congatulations M&A on your butterfly flutters! I'm SO happy for you both...

A New Tradition - Week 24

As of two days ago, we were officially 24 weeks pregnant. I know it's a little late in the game to start a new tracking method, but I've been bored today and have found a GREAT and funny little weekly guide to what is happening in my body. So, I'm going to insitute a weekly posting that will occur every Wednesday and update you as to what has happened during that week. So, for instance, this 24 week entry is showing you what was COMPLETED as of Wednesday. We are working on completing week 25, so I will post that week next Wednesday. Make sense?

So...here you go:

Week 24: Breathe baby, breathe!

Fetal development in pregnancy week 24: fetus in sixth month
This is another big week for your smaller-than-life magic growing baby! Just take a look at the checklist for this week: 1) ears—done; 2) fingernails—done; 3) (if you have a boy) testicles—taking their 3-4 day trip from the abdominal wall to the scrotum; and 4) lungs walls—secreting “surfactant”. What’s that? Well, surfactant is sort of what it sounds like: a surface-activated fat whose main purpose is to assist the air sacs (their little lungs) during inflation (as in: filling with air, not getting more expensive). Just in case you’re curious, your submerged baby is still breathing in amniotic fluid, preparing and rehearsing the lungs an oxygen-filled life outside the womb. By the end of this week, your child is around 2 lbs and 14 inches long—perhaps a little more plump, but isn't anywhere near their full baby-fatted cute-self. Most of the cutesy “filling out” is coming up in that long awaited (and slightly dreaded?) third trimester. Woo-hoo! Get ready!

And how's mom doing?
Your little one is moving (spinning, kicking, pirouetting, shimmying, and maybe even doing a bit of the Can-Can) so much these days that if you invite your friends and/or family to touch your belly there’s a good chance they’ll get a milder sample of what you’ve been experiencing . You’ve may have We recommend taking the belly-touching calmly and if it really offends you, just say something like: “I just fell in a large vat of anthrax.” experienced the oddity that is strangers who feel a protruding pregnant belly is public property and a silent invitation for belly touching. We recommend taking the belly-touching calmly and if it really offends you, just say something like: “I just fell in a large vat of anthrax.” Or perhaps something a little less aggressive, like, “Please, at the very least, ask me before touching my body.” Still, there are many women enjoy sharing this touching ritual with others—so find your comfort zone and good luck with the rest.
Scary stuff you should be aware of: The danger of getting preeclampsia (a.k.a. Toxemia) during pregnancy is higher and is characterized by significant swelling of the hands and face, excessive weight gain, blurry vision with severe headaches or abdominal pain. (Obviously, swelling is common during pregnancy, but should be monitored closely, and sudden ongoing swelling to the hands and face could be a concern. Talk with your physician for more information.) Preeclampsia can also be diagnosed by high blood pressure and the presence of certain proteins in your urine. Again, high blood pressure alone does not mean you are affected, but it might be something you and your physician will want to/need to monitor throughout. Preeclampsia can prevent the placenta from receiving enough blood, thus depriving your baby of essential nutrients and lower oxygen levels, possibly resulting in low birth weights and other problems. There are several websites dedicated to preeclampsia education such as: http://www.preeclampsia.org/.

Doula?

Well, after much discussion about the concept of a doula, Kelly and I have decided to embark on finding out more information. LOL. I know that sounds funny, but we honestly don't know much about what a doula does, or how practical it is for what we need.

Basically, our situation is that our families are far away. Our mothers will come running when we go into labor, but the closest is 4 hours away (Kelly's mom). My mom is 12 hours away. And, while it would be wonderful to think that they will take off at the first contraction, we all know that false labor is a very real possibility and we'll need to be sure that we are REALLY in labor before we have them jumping into vehicles to get here.

What all that means is that we stand the very real possibility of going through the labor and delivery process without any support other than each other, our doctor and the nursing staff. Which isn't a bad thing. BUT...I wonder if a doula would take some of the guess-work out of it. I would love to go through labor medication free. I no longer can say that will happen 100%. This pregnancy has been enough to prove to me that my tolerance levels and my control over the process are very different than what I expected. But, if there were a trained professional there to help us find more comfortable positions, to massage me, to be my support through that...and equally as important...to be Kelly's support, I think we might find some benefit.

So. We are going to embark on finding out more information. I'm going to set up some meetings. Do some more research. Figure out how it all works, what services they provide and if it's a practical applicaton for us.

Does anyone out there have experience with doula's? Know anything that might be helpful to us as we begin this part of the journey?

Dad Tip

Each Wednesday marks our little honey's weekly birthday and we start a new week of the pregnancy. So each Tuesday night, we read from our pregnancy book to learn what will be happening with baby and Mamma during the upcoming week of development. With each reading the books author includes a "Dad Tip." These tips are things such as asking the momma to include him in scheduling the doctor appointments so that he can attend or to help her out with heavy lifting around the house. This weeks tip was to help the momma out with the shopping. I expected it to be suggesting to actually DO the shopping. Instead, it went on to suggest that he go to the store with her and "push the cart." HUH?!?! Are these the standards that we hold men to in our society?!?! ...Don't answer that. ~Kelly

Love My Wife

It an interesting thing for me to watch Kelly fall in love with our baby. Last night, I was just sitting on the couch, with my belly uncovered. I enjoy the cold air on it, and I like to feel the baby move. It's still easier to feel without clothes.

So, there I was, just hanging out, watching the news and rubbing my belly. Kelly came over and plopped down in front of me and started to talk to and kiss my belly. The connection she feels to our child growing inside of me makes me love her in a way that I never thought possible.

I've always loved Kelly - that much is obvious. But to watch her fall in love with our child brings on emotions for me that have no name and no description and no equal. Just when I thought I loved her a deeply as I could, I discovered that there was a whole part of my heart and soul I had never ventured into.

I am truly the luckiest woman in the world.

Can't Stop Staring

Since 1:43 Tuesday afternoon (note the time on the later of the two 4D ultrasound pictures below), I have not been able to do anything else...I stare at our little Bailey/Conner constantly (or at least 15 hours of the day - 24 hours/day less 8 hours sleep and 1 hour miscellaneous). Other parents talk about how difficult it is to sleep or do anything else once the baby is born because you never want to stop looking at the precious bundle of joy. Mikki and I were lucky enough to get a sneak peek of what our little honey looks like, so it feels as though that process is getting started early for us.

We have decided to start reading Bailey/Conner bed time stories each night. Currently we only own Good Night Moon and Good Night Maine, so we plan to alternate between the two. I just purchased Donald Trumps new book Why We Want You Two Be Rich, maybe I'll start reading that aloud and teaching fiscal responsibility early via subliminal messages. JUST KIDDING!!! For all those who think they know me well enough to actually think I would do that...try again! I'll wait until s/he is at least able to speak before I purchase his/her first 10 key calculator. (That's another joke.)

But seriously, it's now been two days since the 4D and I still feel speechless. I'm realizing what it means when people say their heart is over flowing. The only thing I have left to wish for is a healthy delivery and a long life. ~Kelly

Blogger Guilt

This morning was absolutely crazy. From start to right now - I've been running like a chicken with my head cut off and haven't stopped. I'm just now beginning to work through how busy I actually am - I've been dealing with crisis all morning. I've only begun to touch the pile of what needs to be done. Uggg.

So. I wasn't going to blog. I was like - hell - if I'm this busy, it can wait.

And then I started to feel guilty. I'm not exactly sure who all is out there reading this, but I feel as though I have to blog or I've let you all down. Whoever "you" are.

All is good, by the way. The baby is bouncing all around right now. It's awesome. I love the feeling of the baby moving. It reminds me that s/he is in there and growing strong. It's comforting and relaxing.

Other than that, I am finding that I am less and less interested in anything that doesn't involve the baby. My world is all about the baby and Kelly right now. I'm not sure how I am going to continue to focus for the next 16 weeks. I have to try...but gosh.

Anyway. I've spent enough time blogging. My other duties are calling and somewhere in all of this craziness, I have to eat and make it to the bathroom. Sigh. I can't wait for maternity leave. Three whole months where my entire job is to focus on the baby. WOO HOO!

Our Little Honey in 4D

Because I know that is what you all really want to see, here are the pictures of our Little Honey in 4D!

Now...for the details:

It was a PERFECT day!!! Our first appointment (our regular monthly checkup) was at 10:40. We spent some time at Borders before going in, enjoying a cup of coffee and looking at the children's books. We found one incredible one called "Unstoppable Me". We are going to be getting this book ASAP and reading it to our child as often as possible. It's pretty incredible. Anyway, off to the appointment, where (predictably) it was running a bit late. I was weighed - four more pounds gained for a total of 8 pounds during my pregnancy so far! My blood pressure was good. I got the "orange drink" for the glucose test next visit (in February). I actually chose the "punch" version - so mine is pink...but whatever. Then, we listened to the heartbeat. It was a thumping 165! Everything is good - the doctor had nothing bad to report from the ultrasound last time, except that I had to go back (not a bad thing by OUR standards!). All is good - I'm progressing exactly as I should and there is nothing to alarm anyone.

So, after that appointment, we went to IHOP for lunch. We are just in love with their pancakes! We ate and I guzzled some apple juice and water so that my bladder would be full for the follow up ultrasound at 1 PM. We went directly to the the radiology center after lunch and waited for a few minutes. We were brought back and the real fun began! Our Little Honey at 24 weeks was so incredible!!!!! The pictures above are just a tiny sample of all that we saw. At the beginning, the baby was moving all around. The tech kept commenting that s/he was keeping her busy trying to get shots. They specifically needed to get good shots of the heart and spine. The heart posed no problem at all - the baby was laying in such a way that the pictures were easy to get. It was awesome to see that little heart thumping away (FYI - the heartbeat had gone down to 151 during this appointment...perfectly normal and within the range). While the tech was getting the heart shots, she informed us that Little Honey had the hiccups. FINALLY - I was able to confirm that what I had been feeling was hiccups!!!! Now I know for sure that when I feel that rhythmic feeling, it's the baby with hiccups!!!

But the shots there were really important were the shots with the baby laying with his/her head toward my spine, and his/her spine facing up! They needed to see that the spine was fine. But, Little Honey had his/her own ideas about that. Obviously, s/he was very comfortable laying face up and didn't want to move. So, the tech decided to "play" a little. She took out the wand and began the 4D. Now, let me just point out that Kelly and I had decided not to request a 4D ultrasound for a many reasons. We were (mistakenly) under the impression that we would automatically see the gender. Also, our insurance doesn't cover it if it's not medically necessary. BUT, because this was new technology for this group and for our tech in particular, she was just "playing" to see what she could come up with! And let me say, it was INCREDIBLE!!!! The pictures above are just what she "snapped". While we were watching in 4D, the baby began to suck his/her thumb. Then, s/he pulled the thumb out of his/her mouth. But obviously missed it when it was out, because s/he tried to put it back in. Coordination is obviously not completely developed yet, because as s/he was bringing the thumb back to his/her mouth, the baby stuck out his/her tongue!!!! Kelly said "was that the baby's tounge????" LOL - it was very, very sweet.

So, back to the problem at hand. We still needed those spine shots. The tech called in another tech who did some pushing and prodding and talked about how much the baby was moving, but not flipping. I couldn't help but laugh. LOL - we've obviously got a stubborn little soul in there. The tech asked me to go to the bathroom and "give a little squeeze" to try and make the baby move. So, into the bathroom I went. While I was in there, I poked and prodded (quite hard, actually) my belly with my fingertips right under the baby. And I laughed and explained that as much as I loved seeing our little honey on screen, that it was very important to get good pictures. So, move little love, move!!!! I went and laid back down and sure enough, the baby was in the exact position they needed. They took their pictures of the spine (all is good) and then finished up. Kelly and I were giggling the entire time about Our Little Honey. Obviously, s/he is stubborn...but we're gonna be able to figure it out. LOL - we are stubborn too!

A couple of thoughts about the experience:

1) The techs confirmed that the gender they had selected in the first time was 100% accurate. Apparently, Little Honey gave them a dead-on clear shot of his/her anatomy. At this point in development, there is no doubt when the shot is as clear as Little Honey's was. They assured us that this didn's mean it was a a boy - it's as easy for them to tell a girl at this point as it is for a boy (given a clear shot). So. We didn't find out. BUT, they know for sure. Let the guessing games begin...

2) If you take a look at the photo, you'll see that our little baby has a (nearly) full head of dark hair already. I have always dreamed of having a baby that had my curls and Kelly's hair color. It seems that we've got Kelly's color!!! Very, very dark (nearly black). When I saw that on the screen, it made me cry. This child, who is such a crucial part of us is truly going to look like BOTH of us. I couldn't be happier. (I know, I know...the first round of hair falls out...BUT...at this stage, it's dark!).

3) We have gotten REALLY lucky with our ultrasounds. The first was over an hour and the tech showed and explained everything. We saw all the organs, all the bones, all the important things. She was fun, friendly and had NO problem with us as a couple. Our second ultrasound was about 45 minutes. Again, the two women were amazing and fun. They gave us some free time with the 4D machine. We are so lucky to have had such a phenomenal experience!

So, all told, this has been just incredible. We are so happy to know that the baby is healthy and growing normally. All signs are pointing to a good pregnancy and a healthy Momma at this point. This is our last ultrasound, assuming that we stay healthy, so keep your fingers crossed!!!

Weekend??

The problem with the holidays is that the extraordinarily long weekends make the weekends that follow seem very short. I blinked and it was time to get up this morning for work. Crazy.

However, we got lots and lots done and actually enjoyed ourselves. This is surprising in some ways, because since pregnancy has begun, my weekends consist of sleeping and getting ready for another week. That means that we don't really get to spend time just hanging out together. In between naps, there is laundry, shopping, vacuming and all the other chores that really need to get done.

But this weekend, we seemed to do all of that AND find time to hang out together. On Saturday, we had a festive good time fighting the crowds at Ikea. We really don't much like Ikea, but we have found that the similiest solution to relativley cheap furniture needs can usually be found there. We purchased a $15 TV stand to replace our big older one from Ikea. See, we are rearranging a bit. I'll save all the gory details for another time, but we needed to move the TV into a smaller area and we needed a small stand. We found exactly what we were looking for. In addition, we found some vibrant primary (and other) colored picture frames. We are going to fill these frames with geometric black and white designs to complete the baby's room. We also found some very cool brightly colored throws for the baby's room. After Ikea, we stopped at Lowes and picked out the ceiling fan/lamp that will replace the yucky brass one in the baby's room. As you guessed it...this is brightly colored in primary colors!

We are absolutely in love with the baby's room. It is coming together exactly was we pictured it, and it's exactly what we wanted. We were never comfortable with the concept of a "baby" room...because baby's grow up very quickly. As a nod to the fact that we are not wealthy, we wanted to create a space that will grow with our child (and be suitable for the next). We have managed to do just that. The room has a very child-like feel, but isn't in any way pastel or baby-like. It's very comfortable, and just screams for blocks and crayons to be scattered on the floor. Just what we wanted.

There is still lots of work to be done in the room, but I promise, when it's finished I'll post many pictures for all of you!

Anyway - that was all on Saturday. On Sunday, I tackled the grocery store and Target, while Kelly did the floors. And did she ever do the floors! I love my partner. See, I'm a surface cleaner. I wipe and make things look good. Kelly cleans. Truly. She got down on her hands and knees with a scouring pad and scrubbed the hell out of our kitchen floor. I'm telling you, it looks completely new. It's amazing. She scrubbed all the cracks, were the cabinets meet the floor and dug out all the grime and gore. Not only did the house smell like the amazing scent of Pine Sol when I walked in...but it looked fabulous! She also reorganized our little pantry (the only closet downstairs) and made it a workable space. She's just fabulous.

We spent Sunday afternoon with Kelly watching the football games and filing, while I cooked. I made a homemade spaghetti sauce, a mexican fiesta casserole, stuffed peppers and a tray of spinach and ricotta lasagna rolls. We have meals prepared for the week - which REALLY goes a long way to ensuring that we eat healthy, lowfat meals. I mean, let's face it, I'm not going to come home at 6 PM after work and make stuffed peppers, or a homemade sauce. I'm going to pick something up - something with full fat ingredients, tons of added fat and unneccesary ingredients. Meal preparation is something that I did before I got pregant, and was one of my most favorite ways of caring for my partner and myself. It's also the first that that went when I started to get nauseated by food.

I am so incredibly happy that I was able to do that again this weekend! It makes me feel more like the woman that I am used to being. I was lovely to be in the kitchen, while Kelly was sitting in the chair, drinking a beer and watching a football game. Traditional...yes. But also very, very comforting to me. I like being a domestic goddess!

And there is something pretty cool about being in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnany! LOL!

So...all in all, it was a very good weekend. We slept well, we enjoyed each other and I felt pretty good all weekend. I'll take it.

Tomorrow is our 24 week ultrasound and doctor's visit. I'll post in the afternoon. We have ink, so I should be able to get the beastly scanner up, and will scan the sonogram pictures for you! Till then!

Pictures Posted!

Be sure to scroll down - as promised, I posted pictures of the Best Christmas Gift of 2006 and my 23 Week Baby Bump. I also posted a cute photo of another of our babies...

All is good. I am struggling through sleep these days. It seems that no matter what position I am in, I'm not comfortable. The only position I was ever comfortable in before was either flat on my back or on my belly. Neither option is available to me for long periods of time. The baby will still tolerate a little bit of pressure on my tummy, but it doesn't take long until s/he begins to kick and carry on (impossible to sleep through). My back isn't an option because they say it's not safe (although it doesn't make me sick anymore) and because I snore REALLY loudly in that position (impossible for Kelly to sleep through). So, my side it is. But that's not comfortable. My hands and arms fall asleep.

And, if I have managed to get comfortable and actually fall asleep, I am woken by the newest of all sensations...the constant need to pee.

This is actually a new thing for me. I've not had any major pee crisis during this pregnancy until now. But in the last couple of weeks, the baby has grown a lot and is now sitting directly on my bladder. Not only that, s/he has the strength to kick my bladder and make it felt. All of this leaves me rushing to the potty constantly (like every 20-30 minutes). Which is a problem when I'm trying to get some sleep.

Oh well...the joys of it all. I really don't mind. This is so much better (and managable) then being sick all the time. At least I feel human (sort of). I can keep Kelly fed, which is a bonus for me. Most nights, I even have the energy to rub her back until she falls asleep (a cherished ritual for us that has taken a back burner since the pregnancy started). All in all, I think that I'm going to survive the next four months. And it's about time that this become moderately enjoyable! I've been waiting for those wonderful days of pregnancy that everyone said would come. Well...here they are (I think).

LOL - and even if it goes away, I don't care. I love our baby. I love that I can carry our baby. And I'm willing to be as miserably sick and tired and frusterated as it takes to carry this baby until she or he is ready to make his or her grand entrance into our world.

23 Week Baby Bump

Just for a comparison, let's start with how I looked at 19 weeks:

Not so bad. The baby was coming along nicely. I was happy - my belly had finally started to "pop".

Now...let's take a look at the 23 week photo (taken two days ago on Wednesday when I actually was 23 weeks!).

Holy hell is all I can say. No wonder I've been so tired. It's EXHAUSTING to grow this much in 4 weeks. Truly exhausting. My body is working overtime.

Sigh. I can't even pretend to be upset about it, though. It's AWESOME to feel Our Little Honey kick me and move around and be present in our lives in an active way. Very cool. Grow, little honey, grow!

Our Baby...a little early...

Ah yes. So, we had to move the furniture around in the baby's room while Kelly is madly working to finish the walls. Prior to moving the crib, there was no way that our cats could get into it - the jump was too far and there was nothing around it that allowed them to climb. BUT, when we moved the crib into the center of the room, and pushed the changing table right next to it, we began noticing fine blond hairs in the crib.

Hmmm. A mystery.

Kelly, sneaky girl that she is, crept upstairs one day and discovered that we had our baby a little early! Apparently, unsatified with not being the youngest in the house anymore, Boo Boo has decided to take over the nursery.

Rest assured, all the linens will be washed a couple of times before the baby actually spends any time in the nursery, and all the furniture will be bleached down. And it will all be moved back to it's kitty free location...

But, it's a damn cute picture and made for more than a few laughs...

Best Christmas Gift of 2006

As promised, here is a photo of the best Christmas Gift of 2006. This piece was hand-made by Dale. Dale is Kelly's stepfather and will be Pappy Dale to Our Little Honey when s/he is born. We are absolutely in love with this wine rack! Not only is it beautiful and useful, but it was a gift from the heart from someone who very much loves (and knows) us. It's the perfect gift.

Thank you very, very much Dale (And Nana for sacrificing your husband for so long while he toiled away at this gift!). We really appreciate it and we love you!

Hypocrite?

Okay, so I am faced with a dilemma and am interested in how many other parents have had to deal with this. It seems that what's good for the gander is not so good for the gander's child. Let me explain.

I love the latest hip hop music. You know, the trashy stuff that talks about nothing but sex and pimps and ho's. The kind that disrespects women, and treats sex as if it's something that should be taken lightly by everyone (kids included). The music that completely trashes on the concept of being your own person, and instead encourages (and markets itself) to young people who really don't know how to decipher the hidden meanings (if there are any). Hell, I even like Eminem (quite possibly the worst offender of them all...have you ever actually listened to what the guy is saying???).

I love it. I love listening to it. Loudly. I like the sexy edge it has. I like the rhythm of the music. I love the shock value associated with it. See, I love the "underbelly" emotions of society. Let's face it - we are not all pure and innocent. We don't all spend our time on the correct side of political correctness. The underbelly emotions, where music taps into the heat, the drama and the energy of sexual innuendo is...well...for lack of a better word...HOT. It's exciting. It's got an energy to it that nothing else has.

BUT...then I think about my child. This is the same type of music that my child will be exposed to. So I stop, and I listen to what is being said and the message that is being sent. And I am absolutely horrified by the thought that I would ever allow my child to listen to music like that. Good Lord. It's horrible music when I put it in context. I would never want a daughter of mine to believe that she should be bent over and spanked for sexual pleasure (the lyrics to a popular song right now). More importantly, I would never want a son of my to think it was okay to bend a woman over and spank her (unless of course it's done in an adult, mutually-consenting environment, of course...but that hardly seems to apply when talking about young teenagers).

So. That makes me a hypocrite, right? I mean, I love it for myself (because I can understand the context, and I'm not trying to develop a healthy sense of self), but I abhor it for my child.

Not pretty...and definitely a dilemma.

Slacker

Okay, so I'm a slacker. I didn't get all the photos that I said I would. I have very good excuses, though. I got out the camera and took a couple of great photos of the Christmas Gift of the Year. I came upstairs to put the ink in the printer (that was the missing part to make my scanner work...don't ask...outdated technology!). Well, turns out I needed the color cartridge as well as the black cartridge. So. I got stopped. I didn't scan the 20 week ultrasound pictures. I didn't upload the Christmas Gift of the Year pictures, because this morning I was too busy dealing with the fact that our sink was STILL leaking, despite the fact that a plumber came out yesterday and "fixed" the leak and replaced the garbage disposal. Problem is, he created another leak in a different part of the pipes. So, my kitchen is still destroyed with the multiple chemical products on the floor, my sink is still leaking and I wasn't sure if I would need to stay home to wait for the plumber to come back (at their expense, of course). So...getting the belly shot this morning wasn't on my list of priority.

With all that said, I have EVERY intention of getting the belly shot tonight when I get home. The photos will not get scanned until this weekend (we'll pick up ink during our weekly errand routine).

Seems silly, though, because next week on Tuesday, we get ANOTHER ultrasound!!!! WOOHOO! This one is because they were unable to get the shot that they needed of the baby's spine, with the baby facing down and the spine up. We opted out of the 3-D ultrasound (the insurance will not cover it unless it's medically necessary), but it'll still be cool to see the baby 4 weeks older. We'll be one day away from the 24-week mark. This will likely be the last ultrasound that we'll recieve (God willing...ultrasounds that late mean something is wrong), so we're excited.

Nothing new to report with the baby. S/he is still moving a lot. Kelly usually feels her/him once a day when I'm laying down to go to bed. S/he is very active at that time. I'm starting to feel the differences between the "roll" and a kick. It's interesting.

I've have some weird feelings of panic recently. Nothing serious, just itty tiny moments of apprehension when I think about the fact that life is forever changed. It's not regret or anything like that...more like fear of the unknown. Forever more, we are parents to this child (and hopefully to other children). The comfy little world that we've built up and the stable (and sometimes selfish) routines will change and be altered over and over again to meet the needs of our child. I'm not worried about our ability to do that, to love each other through it, or to find a way to adapt when it all feels impossible. I've just had a few minutes here and there of apprehension.

It's interesting. I wonder if this is normal, or if this is a Mikki-thing.

Long Weekend

What a lovely, lovely long weekend it was! There seems to be lots that happend, but then, it was very relaxing.

On the 30th, Kelly and I shared a wonderful meal at the Melting Pot with M&S. It was absolutely divine! I have been craving the Melting Pot for some time now and my honey treated me to a dinner out. I was so, so happy!!! It was great to spend time with good friends and enjoy the baby conversation. I love that we are pregnant together, and that we are going to have babies that are virtually the same age. It makes it less scary somehow.

On the 31st, we did very little. Or rather, I did very little. Kelly spent the weekend working on the nursery, and she has done an AMAZING job. I'll post pictures as soon as it's finished (probably next weekend). We're very excited about it.

Speaking of pictures, tomorrow I'm going to be posting quite a few. I have FINALLY gotten the necessary part to make our scanner work again, so I will post the 20 week ultrasound photos of our little honey. Also, I'm going to take 23 week baby bump photos and will post those. Finally, we have a decided winner in the "Best Holiday Gift Given" category and I'll post a picture of that gift! So...tomorrow should be good fun!

The baby is doing well. S/he is growing, growing, growing. My belly has transformed seemingly overnight. Honestly, I feel almost like it's fake sometimes. This round thing that pokes out from body. But I love it. It's amazing to feel the roundness and to feel the baby move. Kelly has felt him/her many times now and we have a good time poking and proding and trying to get him/her to move for us. I feel the most movement when I'm on my back, and when I'm the most calm. Basically, trying to fall asleep. On the other hand, when I'm laying on my right side, the baby quiets right down. S/he loves tha position. Needless to say, that's the position I sleep in most frequently.

I've been feeling marvelous for about 2 weeks now. I've have some pretty severe exhaustion, but that doesn't count. Other than needing to sleep, I feel great. I have lots of energy (when I'm awake!) and do not feel sick. I am able to make it through my days and still have the energy to come home and make my honey dinner and still clean up the kitchen after. These things are VERY important to me, and it's nice to have the energy to do it all. I'm not back up to my Wonder Woman status, but at least I don't feel inadequate (Kelly would be pissed to hear my call myself that...).

So...back to work for me today. I'm happy that the craziness of the holidays are over and ready now to focus all my energy on getting ready to give birth and have a baby in our lives. I'm very excited about all of it!