Another Day

Here was are...another Friday. After today, I only have 14 more work weeks!

I contemplated not coming to work today. I woke up not feeling very good. Kind of blah. I vomited after eating, and then fell asleep while watching the news. Weird.

But, I showered and made it here. Today is an easy day and a stupid one to waste on a sick day. Kelly and I have dentist appointments this afternoon, so we are leaving at 2. My boss is out of town, so that will lighten the load. Plus it's Friday. Everything slows down on Friday.

I'm stuggling here at work. Not with my job...and not with the depression that plagued me before. What I'm struggling with is feeling competant. Let's face it, my standards for myself are astronomically high. I REALLY pride myself on being very, very good at my job and at making things happen with remarkable efficiency and organization. Wouldn't you know it, though, it turns out that I'm not much different than any other pregant woman. I am distracted, plain and simple. Add to that distraction the biological reality of my brain temporarily shrinking, and I'm jsut not working up to my standards.

Now, let me be fair. NOBODY here at my job has made any comments and I've not gotten in trouble in any way. But it feels shitty to me, because I know that I'm only at about 80% right now. And that number is quickly falling. Honestly, I just don't much care to work right now. I want to stare at my moving belly. I want to prepare for the baby's arrival. I want to do just about anything except sit in front of a computer monitor and toil the day away.

I know that it's okay and normal. I don't blame myself for being human. But I'm struggling with feeling like I deserve the raise and the promotion that I just got.

Sigh. The problem with being a perfectionist is that nobody is perfect. And the hardest person in the world to have to answer to is myself.