It seems that the brief break between the first five months of nausea that I had is over. Over the last three weeks, I've enjoyed a relative break from feeling crappy and constantly having to monitor my food. This appears to be over.
Every time I eat, I'm nauseated. It doesn't matter what I eat, how much (or how little), what time I eat it, or how hungry or full I am at the time that I put the food into my system. My body's response to food is nausea. And it's not a quick nausea, either. It holds on. I stay sick until I'm hungry. And then I get nauseated again because I'm hungry. I can't win.
Last night, I was so hungry on the bus ride home that I vomited as soon as I got off the bus. In the parking lot, in front of everyone. It was embarrassing. But, as with many things, I don't much care. Right now, it's my reality.
I don't mean to sound like I'm bitching - I'm really not unhappy about what seems to be my fate with this pregnancy. I would walk through hell, fire and eternal damnation to bring this child into the world. I love her with a fierceness that has no words and defies description. I don't care what it does to me...in the end, the reward is worth it. I have wanted Bailey since long before Bailey was ever even a concept for me. This child was born in me and Kelly's dreams a long, long time ago. I would crawl across the floor every day in agony if that is what it meant to carry her.
BUT...I am a little bummed out. I was enjoying having some of my old favorite foods. I'm gonna be going back to eating a few tablespoons at a time, and hoping it stays down. This time around, though, I have some idea of how to do this. I'm getting better at being pregnant and managing nausea.
Only three months to go. I can do this.
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