New Videos and Photos

Playtime with Mommy



Bath Time Fun



Peekaboo Baby



Mommy & Bailey at the Kite Festival

At the Kite Festival




Sunburned Baby


Brushing Her Teeth


Brushing Momma's Teeth


Momma & Bailey


COOKIE!!!


Love the Giraffe!


She Got My Curls


Walking


Helping Mommy


WAHOO! TAPE!

Finally!

Finally, our baby girl is getting some more teeth. Her top two teeth are pushing through. We can only assume that explains her unusual fussiness and inability to sleep comfortably. Poor baby. She's also snotty and coughing a lot right now...so maybe another cold.

10:30 last night found us waiting for the Tylenol to kick in so that we could all get some much needed sleep.

Here's to more teeth!

Orange is Her Color

Orange is emerging as Bailey's favorite color. Here are the clues:

1) Her first orange onsie the she ever owned was met with extreme excitment when she first saw it. Ooohhh and ahhhh and lots of clapping.

2) She always picks orange when presented with many colors. It is the one that she points to.

3) She says orange...or at least, the baby version of it. It's at least recognizable as an "orange" attempt.

Yellow is a strong second. She could care less about the other colors.

New Kids On The Block

My whole freakin' month has been made by the simple little statement that the New Kids on the Block are reuniting!!!!!

HOLY SHIT! Do you know how happy this makes me???

I am a total junkie. I will go to their concert, even it if sucks. I am going to get the CD's and start listening again. I lived in a room with wallpapered walls - all New Kids for year.

I'm so happy. Happy, happy, happy, happy!!!!

BRING ON MY BOYS!!!!

Sunburn

We failed. We took Bailey downtown yesterday to the Kite Festival and to see the Cherry Blossoms. And like very, very bad parents we forgot sunscreen. Thank god it was cold and she was covered from head to toe. The only thing that got burned is her face, and while it is pretty red, it's not horrible. She is acting like nothing happened - no chills, no soreness when we touch it. It appears that we got off easy on this one...lesson WELL learned, without too much pain.

Of course, we feel like shit about it. Our house is now equipped with SPF 8 for Kelly, SPF 30 for me and SPF 50 for Bailey. My face got burned too.

We had a wonderful time, though. We met up with Maverick Mama and her son (who is absolutely adorable!!!). We walked, talked and were surrounded by thousands of other people doing the same thing. Bailey got so exhausted by it that she fell asleep in her stroller, leaning over the edge, looking at the ground. Very, very cute!!!! She is such an extrovert. Loves the crowds.

It was a long day and when we got home and got Bailey down, I did all the weekly shopping and Kelly painted the guest bedroom.

Needless to say, we didn't spend a lot of time just relaxing yesterday. So far today, we've been cleaning and just hanging out. We'll go out at some point. Bailey isn't napping so she's kind of clingy.

Anyway. Enough randomness! Below are some new videos!

Walking



Our Bubbles Playing with Bubbles

Random Thoughts

I had a lot of expecations when I was on my way to becoming a Momma. I had all kinds of standards and all kinds of "rules" that would be followed. Oh yes, I was a judgemental bitch when people did things that I thought were not good for their kids.

So, first, let me just apologize to anyone who may have been subjected to one of my rants about "how it is" and "how it's going to be." All I can say is that I had no clue then. And I have a big fucking clue now.

See, what happened is that nothing happened the way I anticipated. Nothing. From the second that I got pregnant, Bailey began to dismantle my expectations and replace them with my reality. First being sick, then being sicker, than being miserable, then...on and on and on. Nothing - not one thing - has been as I expected it to be.

And I was THAT girl. You know. The one who demanded that things were going to be just as I wanted them and that I would make it fit. And further more, if you did something different or insisted that it wasn't always so easy, I was certain you were a shitty parent and that I could do it better. I admit it. I sucked.

Well...okay, maybe not. But I was mis-informed.

Now, I look at the love of our lives and I realize that, while I still may be judgemental, I've come a long, long way. I don't think feeding your kids Pop Tarts is the right thing to do. And I'm willing to say that I won't let Bailey have them. But, I can at least recognize that some parents have different battles to fight. Some parents don't care about the issue of food. Food happens to be something that I care deeply about. One lesson I've learned is that what is important to me as a parent isn't always important to the people around me. Nor should it be.

Another lesson I've learned - I'm not always right. That was a hard one for me to learn. Really hard. Still is hard to admit. But I do accept that my method of parenting isn't the best. I would argue that it is the best method for Bailey - because it has been tested, adapted, tested and readapted to fit her personality...but it's not the method of parenting that everyone should use. A coworker recently told me that I should write a book about parenting and I laughed. I realized in that moment that he couldn't tell the difference between honest knowledge and just someone willing to talk about what I know. I reminded him that I have no "insider" knowledge. That I'm just some girl with lots of opinions trying to raise our daughter. That's it. Nothing really to write about there. That I'm willing to talk about my opinions may set me out from the rest, but it doesn't validate everything that comes out of my mouth.

I've definately been wrong. I've made all kinds of mistakes in this. Kelly and I have had to have some very frank conversations when one of us acts in a way that the other isn't comfortable with. We've adjusted. We've worked together. We've fought and we've figured out what works for Bailey.

We still do. Every day we change our methods. Every day we take it one step at a time.

The biggest lesson I've learned in all of this is that nothing is ever going to be the way that I expect it to be. Most of the time, our life is going to twist and turn in the breezes of the choices that we make, the people that we are and the child that Bailey is becoming.

My goal now is simply to be flexible. To go with it. To try to understand when people make choices that I disagree with and to spend a few minutes actually thinking about their choice in their life, rather than try to rationalize their choice through my own.

Funny how parenting has changed me in some very important ways. In ways that I never expected but am truly thankful for. I think I'm a better person now...and only getting better!

New Videos

Dancing Baby Girl



"Feeding" Herself

Daycare Drama

Sometimes I wonder how it is that your average daycare provider can be so stupid.

I'm being unfair.

We've moved Bailey to just one bottle during the day. We have a feeding schedule for her. All they have to do is finish her breakfast when she arrives (we start it before we leave), then feed her lunch #1 around 11 AM, lunch #2 around 2:30 or so and give her one bottle in between the two lunches. And she can have snacks (cherrioes, graham crackers...the organic, no sugar ones that we provide) anytime she wants. And water all day. Lots of water.

For the past two days they have managed to fuck that up. They keep giving her a second bottle at 2:30 or three instead of her food. Because it is easier for them to feed her a bottle.

Well, we've set them straight. Twice now. We'll see if she get a bottle or food this afternoon. If they give her a second bottle today, I'm taking the problem to the director.

Feeling Blah

Yesterday and today I have been struck with some weird ailment. It's the same thing that Kelly and Bailey had last week. I'm not sick, but my body aches like I am. And the ever-present tummy gurgling and rushing trips to the potty. But that is it. No fever. No real sickness that would justify taking some time off work.

Anyway.

Just a couple more weeks until my friends and then my family come to visit. I'll have a total of 10 days off work, and I can't wait! I need the break.

We've weened Bailey down to three bottles a day - for a total of 22 ounces. She drinks lots of water in between and is currently eating like a horse. She must be going through another growth spurt. Or maybe it is the walking. She walks every where she goes now, so perhaps it is the increased calories being burned. She's definately getting longer - her legs are losing some of those thick rolls that have been around since her birth. She looks so much like a little girl. Her hair is getting impossible too. It's just long enough to be a pain in the ass, but not long enough yet to put up. But, oh, the curls are so sweet!

Funny, we said that we wanted a little girl with my curls and Kelly's eyes. We got her.

The Easter Bunny brought Bailey some bath toys and some "First Marks" paints. She absolutely loves the bath toys and plays when them every night. We got her some bath crayons and we had a fantastic time playing with them. Bailey couldn't figure them out. Same with the paints. She still puts everything in her mouth at least once, and wasn't really happy when she did that with the paints. Or rather, I wasn't really happy and that made her unhappy. She managed to smash the tips on the paper a couple of times creating big splotchy dots...but really, Kelly and I enjoyed ourselves more than she did. But it was fun!

ALLLLLL DAAAAA!

Have I mentioned yet that Bailey says "All Done". Except she says it kind of like "ALLLL DAAAA!". She doesn't add the "ne" to the end of the word.

But she does say it when she is all done with something, so she knows what it means. When she's all done eating, all done having her hair washed, all done sleeping, all done getting dressed, all done getting her diaper changed, all done being on the floor, all done with us not paying 100% attention to her...well...just about any time that she is all done with anything. Sometimes coupled by a squealy whine.

LOL

I have pictures and videos. I just have been a damn slacker. Tomorrow morning, I'm home with Bailey. Hopefully I'll have the time before she gets up to upload some of them.

Kelly was asked this morning by another mother at childcare how we have the time to cut up fresh fruit. She didn't say anything, but as she looked at the other two children who were being fed poptarts, she thought "How can we NOT find the time. Look at the alternative." I hate to be judgemental...but how can any parent justify feeding (or allowing their child to be fed) a fucking frosted strawberry Pop Tart for breakfast? I mean, Kelly and I are not the queens of all healthy food (that would be Susanne, actually...who makes the most incredibly healthy stuff for their little guy...) but we're sure as shit not going to let her eat juice and Pop Tarts.

Geez. And people wonder why kids have weight problems and diabetes and can't concentrate or focus. I think that Sugar 101 should be a required class for parents.

Anyway.

Speaking of food...Bailey will eat just about anything as long as you give her a fork. She'll even let you feed her while she's trying to feed herself, as long as she has a fork.

And we've started to eat at the dining room table (well, we're starting to try anyway). Time for family meals to start. She's old enough now to start to process what it means to truly be a family...and eating meals together at the table has always been a value we've held. Now is the time to get it started.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

The First 11 Months

This email is personal. Very, very personal.

I spent about an hour on the bus this morning reflecting on the first 11 months of Bailey's life and our new life as parents. It started out with thinking about getting Bailey dressed this morning and how easy it is for me now. I know just how to make her giggle, how to turn putting socks on into a "get your tootsies" game, how she likes to play peek-a-boo with the neck of her shirt and that by the time it get to her pants, we better hurry up because she's all done with getting ready. That led to thinking about holding her in my arms while she is having her first bottle and the amazing way her warm, soft body feels snuggled into the crook of my arms, her head on my shoulder.

And thinking about that reminded me of the hours of regret and fear that I felt when she was first born.

It's amazing how much has changed.

When she was first born, I would have said that all the changes we were going through SUCKED. I would have said that the differences in our relationship, the changes in me as woman and the changes demanded by an infant all sucked. And when I held that up against how much work it felt like at the time, I would have told you that I wasn't sure if it was worth it.

I'm not sure when that changed. I'm not sure when her cries stopped grating on my nerves and just become her voice. I'm not sure at what point I looked at Kelly and saw her as my wife AND Bailey's mother and didn't feel jealousy. I'm not sure when I first held her hand in bed at night, when we were both too exhausted to have sex (even though we wanted to) and didn't feel some level of anger at the way our life has changed. I can't pinpoint the moment that what used to be stopped being something that I actively missed.

But it happened.

I think that when I gave birth to Bailey, I gave birth to myself as well. I gave birth to me as a mother. And I don't go gently into anything. I'm not sure why I held the unrealistic expecation that would go gently into motherhood.

What I do know is that I can't imagine a world without my little ray of sunshine in it. I remember what our life was like before, and there are passing moments when that life seems a lot easier. But it never feels better than the life I'm living now. Not anymore. I watch Bailey go through her world, leaning on us and learning from us, and I feel like I have found my purpose. At least, my purpose for right now.

It's taken me almost a year. But finally, finally I feel normal again. I have good days, great days, bad days, okay days...but never days when I wish I could undo what I've done. Never days when I wonder what it would be like if I had made a different decision.

I wish mothering and being a wife were simple. I wish that it was predictable and that love didn't change, go through troubled times or require committement and then recommitment. I wish that I wasn't so fucking complicated all the time.

One thing is for sure, though. My girls are my world. They define the very best of who I am and what my love is capable of creating. I'm proud of myself for coming through this, even if nobody else can understand what I mean when I say "coming through it".

I love you, Kelly. And Bailey, someday when you read this, know that I love you too. With all of my heart and more.

Bailey's Cookie

Our Bailey has a new best friend. A furry, blue best friend with big eyes.

Santa brought "Cookie" for a Christmas surprise for Bailey. He mentioned as he was dropping it off that every little child should have something to hug and hold while they were in their crib. I guess he thought that she would want it for a security "blanket".

Well, up until about a week ago, Bailey pretty much ignored Cookie. I mean, she was fine with sharing the crib with Cookie, but she wasn't really attached.

All that has changed. Oh yes. Bailey LOVES her Cookie. L.O.V.E.S. When you lay her down, she snuggles Cookie in the crook of her arm and presses her face against his. She holds hims tight. When you go in to get her in the morning, she's holding Cookie.

Ahhh yes. She loves Cookie.

One rule about Cookie...he cannot leave the house. Cookie will not go on adventures with Bailey. He's an inside security "blanket". Daycare doesn't allow her to bring anything, so this rule is really just built on being practical.

Love $3 Wine

I stopped at Trader Joes this morning and picked up a couple of bottles of $3 Shiraz. I brought it back into the office and my coworker informed me that it was "$2 buck Chuck". After laughing at her, she explained to me the story...

Apparently this wine maker - Charles Shaw - bought a whole bunch of land in Napa Valley during the horrible drought they had in the 90's. He got the land for "pennies" and bought a ton of it. He cultivated it, replanted and (just as he suspected it would) the drought eventually ended. Now, he makes pretty good Napa Valley wine for dirt cheap.

And, much to my surprise, he sells it for dirt cheap. Each bottle was $2.99. You can only get it at Trader Joes in this area.

Gotta love a dude who isn't a capitalist trying to get all the money he can. And who makes a perfectly decent Friday-night Shiraz!

Bottoms UP!

275 Million Dollars

I've spent a good portion of the last few days imagining what I would do with $275 Million Dollars (that is in caps for a reason...because it seems like a proper noun to me). I have come up with my laundry list. And these ARE in a particular order...as in, what I would do first, second, third...

1) Plan (and pay for) a wildly extravegant 3-week trip to Disney World in which I rode every single ride a couple of times, dined in every restaraunt, went to every show, swam in every pool and did, well...everything.

2) Call our financial planner

3) Call Terrance (our accountant, if we ever needed one)

4) Pay off our student loans

5) Pay off our cars

6) Pay off our credit cards (although this is pretty much already done)

7) Pay off our mortgage

8) Put in my two-week notice at work (but I'd give them a month or so to replace and then stay on long enough to train my replacement)

9) Start house shopping for a beautiful 4-bedroom home somewhere within 10 miles of the city, not on any of the major commuter roads and with some semblance of a back yard (cause Kelly probably wouldn't leave her job, so we couldn't leave the DC area)

10) Start the process of selling our current home

11) Open an education/trust fund for Bailey and fund it with 500K

12) Start trying for our second baby

13) Open many investment, retirement and other wealth-protection accounts as deemed necessary

14) Hire the most fabulous gay interior decorator I can find to help us decorate our new, glorious home

15) Hire a really nice personal trainer who will kick my ass every single day until I'm skinny

16) Get a breast lift, tummy tuck, laser hair removal and all kinds of skin treatments

17) Go shopping!!!!

18) Get Bailey into a language immersion program somehow - a school, a private tutor, something...that will teach her multiple languages

19) Start planning for where we will travel when Kelly gets some vacation time

20) Throw the wedding of my dreams during the Christmas season and fly all of our family and friends from all over the country to be a part of it

What would you do?

Back to Good

Things are better today. I don't know what was up yesterday. Just an off day, I guess.

Last night, we had a kissing circle. When I got home, I immediately snuggled Bailey and then kept her on my hip as I made my way around the house. She doesn't let you put her down when you first get home (and we don't mind). Of course, I also give my wonderful wife a kiss hello. I was holding Bailey when I kissed Kelly and she was watching intently. She usually just laughs and claps when we kiss (she likes it...LOL), but last night she decided she wanted in on the kissing action.

SO CUTE!

She went back and forth, first kissing me and then kissing Kelly. Then Kelly and I would kiss. Then it was Bailey's turn again. We did about 4 rounds of this before Bailey decided she was done. In fact, when Kelly went to kiss her again, she got a hand right to the nose. LOL!

Later, Bailey wanted to do the kissing circle again.

It's incredibly awesome how sweet and affectionate she is. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it makes me feel to know that our child wants us close to her and wants us to be affectionate with her. There are some things that cannot be described in words, and the wonderfulness of being loved by your child is one of those things.

Easter is this weekend (right???). It's funny - because Kelly and I are not religious, this holiday sort of slips by without much notice. However, I have seriously wonderful memories of Easter when I was a kid. The Easter Bunny always came, and it was so awesome. We would always go to my Grammy's house and eat ham with all the fixins'. Her house always felt like Spring to me - she would have dafodils and it was always so much fun. I just remember it being this happy, bright, exciting holiday.

So, we're going to try to do the same. We'll make a dinner (anyone interested in joining us??) and as she gets older, we'll do an easter egg hunt. The Easter Bunny will always come (even when she stops believing). When she is old enough to pick it herself, we'll get her a pretty easter dress or outfit (if she's not a dress girl).

Just a random, special day in Spring. Honestly, we should just celebrate the spring equinox, since that is really what we are doing.

Happy Thursday, everyone! Only one more day until Friday!

Off

I'm off today. Kind of bitchy. Kind of moody. Mostly just weirdly sad and feeling lonely for no reason at all. I'd like to drink milk and eat mac and cheese and watch old movies all day. I'd love to close all the blinds and ignore the world.

I'm not sure what's wrong.

Blah.

The best thing that happened was this morning when I went in to get our B Bunny up. She saw me, picked her head up off the matress, smiled and then dropped her head back down on the matress. She then proceeded to raise one arm and wave it feebily until I picked her up. LOL. Such a tired baby girl!!!

She fed herself with a fork for the first time last night. She's been having strangeness around her eating these days. She wants food, but no matter what you give her, she doesn't want it. Also, she doesn't like cheese, which just stumps me. When I'm hungry, anything with cheese will work. Just the opposite with Bailey. Anyway.

I was trying to get her to eat some spagetti with baby meatballs and she wouldn't have any of it. just didn't want it at all. Not one single bit. Refused it, in fact. Until I stripped her down, plopped her back in her high chair, gave her the container and her infant fork and let her go at it.

Cute, cute, cute! She was covered, but did a great job getting some of it into her mouth. Most of it, she just played with. But whatever. I'm going to trust the "experts" here when they say that if a child doesn't eat when food is offered it's because they are not hungry. Or another way to say it - your kid won't let herself starve. I'm not going to worry about it. We'll just keep offering her food and let her decide when and what to eat.

How's that for flexible from the world's most control-freakish woman (about some things, anyway).

I think I pissed our day care people off today. I watched one of the women put a child who was no more than 10 months old into a high chair and break up a frosted strawberry pop tart and put it on his tray. I was completely disgusted, and I couldn't help myself. I said "is that child really eating a Poptart for breakfast"?? She just looked at me and said, "yes, this is what is on the menu". I said, "don't ever, ever, ever give Bailey a pop tart, okay? It's nothing but sugar...it hardly even qualifies for dessert, much less breakfast." She looked offended.

But for god's sake. A fucking Pop Tart? And they wonder why we refuse to let her eat their food.

See what I mean. I'm off today.

The Uh-Oh Factor

I've finally figured out why I can't vote for Obama.

He gives me the "uh oh" feeling.

Just so you know, I have a VERY well-tuned "uh-oh" response. Years of sexual abuse as a child, followed by years of sexual self-abuse as a teenager perfected the response in me. I know, in my gut, when I find something shady and uncomfortable.

And I get a major "uh-oh" feeling from Obama. Just don't trust him. Can't do it. Won't vote for someone when I would recoil if they offered me their hand to shake.

Since I can't vote Republican on principal (thanks for reminding me, M & S) and I can't vote for Obama (and it sure does look like he's going to get the nod, doesn't it?), and I can't just sit out the vote (that would be completely against every principal I have), I'm going to vote for Nader (unless of course Hillary gets the nod, and then I'll rejoice).

If Nader isn't running by the time the election rolls around and my only choices are McCain or Obama, I'm writing in Kelly's grandfather. Because even if I completely disagree with his politics, I trust the man.

Anyway. Not that it matters much to anyone else, but I've been trying and trying to figure out why I can't stand Obama when everyone else seems to have bought what he's saying. I just don't buy his rhetoric (for lots of reasons, all mentioned in a previous post)...but more than that, I don't trust him. I think he's a liar and I think there is something to him that is just bad.

And the only reason - and I mean the ONLY reason - that I have for that is the "uh-oh" feeling that I get every single time I hear him speak. And if there is one thing that I trust, it's my gut.

So...We Partied

We ended up going out on Friday. Our baby girl was sound asleep the entire time and we felt like it was good. So, after putting her to bed, we showered and got ready. It felt strange to both of us to be showering and doing our hair and makeup (in my case) and putting on clothes when generally, we are undressing and getting into bed around that time.

At around 10 PM we headed out to a local bar. Karen came with us and we met a couple of our friends at the bar. A wonderful all-girl rock band was playing...a band that has a HUGE lesbian following. They apparently travel wherever this group goes, so there are "regulars" even though the bar where they are at keeps changing. We had a "reserved" table in honor of Kelly's birthday.

We had fun. Kelly drank a couple of beers (I was driving). In between sets, the DJ played hip hop club music. Some people danced. It was a good time, all told.

What struck me, though, and what Kelly and I talked about after is that not much changes in a lesbian community. My Kelly has spent a lot more time in gay bars than I have and a WHOLE LOT more time around bar-going lesbian women. All night long, she just did what she does best...she watched people and took in what was going on. And when she says "nothing changes" and "all lesbians in every bar I've ever been too always look the same", I trust her.

What I figured out, and was dismayed to realize, is that what I'm looking for, I'll never find. I've been searching for a replacement for those years when I partied with Jocelyn or Erika or Steph or Max. Years when going out was just what you did, stumbling home was fine and sleeping until noon the next day to get up and eat a greesy omlet to go back to back and sleep some more was fine. I've been looking for the days when the baby didn't wake up at 6:30 AM even if you were exhausted and when the stage coach didn't turn into a pumkin at midnight.

In other words, I've been looking for something that I'll never, ever find. And now that I've been out again, seen the same old girls looking for the same old things and dancing to the same old music and drinking the same old beer and playing the same old games, I think that I'm happy to just hang out with my good friends and my wife and drink a bottle of wine. Maybe. We'll see.

Glorious Day

This is the best day of the year. On this day, at 7:42 AM, 33 years ago, the love of my life was born and my destiny was determined.

I have no words that could possibly describe how wonderful my wife is, how much I love her or how grateful I am to whatever God or Gods exist that brought her to me. I only hope that the fudgy, chocolate cake I baked will convey how much I adore her!

;-) I love you, Kelly McFadden. You are everything to me and I am so, so happy you were born.

Sinus Infection

That's what it is. A sinus infection.

Her doctor says that sinus infections often become ear infections, so "lets put her on antibiotics for a couple of days" just to prevent that.

Preventative antibiotics.

Honest to fucking god.

I hate today.

Still Sick

Kelly is at home with Bailey today. When B woke up her temp was 100.4 (not really a temp). Kelly gave her some Tylenol just to be safe since it went up to 102.6 last night. About an hour an a half later, she took her temp again it had gone UP to 100.9 inspite of the Tylenol.

I think it's pretty clear that she's not feeling great.

I got to work today at 5:45 AM. I'll be leaving early to relieve my honey of sick-baby duty. I doubt we're going out tonight, but I guess you never know.

Kelly's calling the doctor now. We'll see if they want to see B or just let it work its way through on its own. I'm a wait and see type of girl...but Kelly gets nervous.

Here's hoping it's nothing. I'm not so keen on antibiotics and don't want Bailey on them for a THIRD time. We'll see.

Another Fever

As we speak, Kelly is currently rescuing Bailey from daycare with another 101.9 fever. Or at least, that is what it was when they called us. Maybe higher now, maybe lower.

Go figure. This would happen the day before we were planning to go out and party for the first time in...well...ever. We've never been to a bar before. And we have plans and friends and a band and KELLY'S 33rd BIRTHDAY to celebrate.

But, alas. It doesn't look like it's going to happen.

Go figure.

Well...That Didn't Change.

I always wondered when I was not a parent how I would respond to my own kid being whiny. I hated it when the kids were not mine. You could take the sweetest, most wonderful, most lovely child and the second they started whining, I checked out. All done. HATED IT. Absolutely despised it.

In fact, on rare occasions, it made me irrationally angry.

So I always wondered if it would be different when it was my own sweet, wonderful, lovely kid being whiny.

Turns out, it isn't any different at all. I still hate it. With every fiber of my being.

The only thing that has saved me from diving head first into the first oncoming bus is knowing that right now, whining is the only way she has of expressing her displeasure. If she simply babbles, I won't get that she needs something...in fact, would think the babbling is cute. Whining lets me know, quickly, that she is hungry, unhappy, tired, needing a new diaper...whatever.

Knowing that doesn't make me like the whining any more, or despise it any less...but it does provide some level of understanding. I try to coax her into responding differently. For instance, when she wants to be picked up, she'll tug at my legs and whine. I alway finish what I'm doing (as much as I may understand her communicating, I'm absolutely NOT going to immediately respond to bad behavior...and whining is bad.) and then I look down at her and ask her if she wants to come up. I'll hold my hands out like she does and say "Up? Do you want to come up?"

Sometimes she's mimicks me. Sometimes she ignores me and cries harder. The clock is often an indicator as to which it'll be.

In any event, she gets a free pass for right now. As soon as she has words and can use them, my response to whining is going to, "Oh, I'm sorry, Bailey. I can't understand when you don't use your words."

And that's it. Because MAN...I HATE the whining. HATE IT!

THAT'S Customer Service

This morning, I arrived at the bus stop to board my bus for the city. It was my morning to take Bailey to daycare, so I was getting on the 8:04 AM bus. The driver of this bus has the extremely annoying habit of pulling up to the stop in a way that requires everyone standing in line to take about 10 steps backwards, directly into the road. We always complain. To the point that the driver gets on the microphone and says "If you don't like the way I pull up, feel free to take another bus."

Never mind that it's just not safe to stand in the middle of the road with all the crazy ass drivers around.

So, this morning, I arrived as usually and there were three officials from the Maryland Department of Transportation there taking questions and comments. There were a whole circle of people standing around talking to them, so I just got into line and figured I'd address my concerns later (or not at all). However, sure enough, the driver pulled up like he always did.

As I was standing in the middle of the road, one of the MTA guys walked by doing a headcount. I politely asked if there was some way that the driver could go around like all the other drivers do. He said, "well, there are really no regulations about this. Sometimes a driver just pulls up this way." I said that I realized that, but this is a safety concern. In fact my exact words were "Hmmm...I wonder how fast a regulation will be created when a person waiting for the bus gets hit by a car driving too fast because the bus driver makes us stand in the road."

A little sarcastic, I know.

BUT...the MTA official looks at me, completely straight-faced and said "At least it's a low-traffic area."

LOL - now if that isn't a perfect example of 21st century customer service, I don't know what is. Lordy.

New Videos

Trapped!



Sorting Laundry

Wedding Band

We've finally purchased Kelly a beautiful wedding band. Since we were married in 2005, we have been wearing posie rings that we purchased on a Christmas trip to Colonial Williamsburg. They are made of sterling silver and are quite lovely. We've always known that we would buy each other rings that were a little more "substantial" when we could afford it and (most importantly) when we found the "right" rings.

We kept going back and forth about whether we wanted to have the same rings or different. What it came down to in the end is that I wanted diamonds and, while she did too, not with the same bling that I wanted.

Kelly bought me a beautiful diamond band for Christmas this year. While she was shopping for it, she found a ring that she loved for herself...but when we went back to purchase it, they had sold it and didn't have another!!! So we've been looking. Trying to find something similar that Kelly loves as much as that one.

We never found it.

Yesterday, on a whim, we stopped in at the jewlery store and wouldn't you know it...they HAD THE RING! After about 10 minutes of thinking, we decided to buy it. It's absolutely beautiful...and so incredibly Kelly. It's a feminine ring, without being girly. It's beautiful, without being showy. It's shiny without being flashy. It's diamonds, without being blingy. It's perfect.

I'll get some pictures of our rings tonight and post them soon!

Worth Thinking About

Wow. Another quote that I just have to post. I read this on another blog and just had to post it here. What an amazing truth this is.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. It's where roots grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom has fallen from the branches, you find that this is one tree and not two.

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Very Emotional

We've had a new development with our B Bubbles. She has become over-the-top emotional.

Telling her no is cause for a serious hurt-feelings meltdown. For example, yesterday, she wanted to play with the DVD player. I, of of course, firmly told her no a couple of times. When that didn't work (she ignored me), I put my lunch down and went over to the DVD player, spun her around and moved her away to another toy.

WELL. This prompted a sobbing breakdown with real tears and big hiccups and all kinds of emotion. And she did this like 20 times yesterday...whenever she didn't get her way.

Another new thing - she wines constantly. If she is not happy with how something is, she wines at it or about it until it is fixed or until she finds a new way to do whatever she is doing.

Our solution to both of these terrible developments?

Ignore her. With the big sobs, we just direct her away from whatever we are telling her no about and engage her with something else. And a hug usually helps. But no coddling. No affirmations in any way that her behavior is netting her something. And the whining. Well. The whining just gets categorically ignored.

Now, more than ever, I thank god that Kelly and I are a strong couple. It's been nice to be able to look at her and hand Bailey off without a word when I'm ready to snap. I hope I've been as helpful to her.

Happy Monday everyone! I'm going to wake our B up and get started with this day!

Sweet Spring and Other Thoughts

No matter when it happens, I love Spring.

Growing up, I would have absolutely killed for Spring to show her gentle head in early March. I remember, all too clearly, how hard March is in Maine. I remember wanting...REALLY REALLY wanting the snow piles to blocking everything, for the endless snow glare to quit. I remember being so freakin' frustrated by the constant road spray of dirt and grit (very few people in this world know about my ridiculous obsession with a clean windshield). More than anything, it's just old. The need to SEE something other than snow is huge and winter still has a strong grip.

Spring in the Mid Atlantic is nothing like Spring in the Northeast...partly because winter is not the same. Winter here doesn't happen...at least not in my definition of winter. No snow (or very few "storms"...most of which drop an inch and shut the roads down with some ice). It's not even very cold by cold standards. Sure, there are days...but only days. Not months at a time.

So when Spring comes, it comes in seemingly overnight. You wake up in the morning, as I did yesterday, and hear on the news that the temps will be in the high 60's or low 70's. So, rather than wearing your fleece (if you're me), you wear a sweatshirt...or nothing. Yesterday, walking to the bus stop at 5 PM, my sweatshirt was wrapped around my waist and I was basking in the late afternoon sun and gentle breezes...enjoying 70-degree weather. The beautiful bushes by the Sculpture Garden are starting to bloom (they are evergreen bushes, but in the spring and summer they get large white blossoms that just keep coming...I SO wish I knew what they were...I'd love to plant some). Kelly and I noticed over the weekend that many of the trees in our area are pink already - the blossoms not yet open, but definitely showing. The trees are budding.

It's spring. And even if Spring comes on the heals of a non-winter...I still love it. I love the freshness, the newness, the desire to get out of the house and be outside. I love opening the windows and cleaning and feeling like the winter is being blown away on a warm breeze. I love renewal.

Now, Spring is also a constant reminder that in just a few months it is going to be so flippin' hot in this area that I want to die. But I try to ignore that. Spring is lovely.

I blogged last night in a hurry about Bailey walking. Can you believe that she's walking??? It might be one of the first real moments that I've had where I feel like my baby is making her first steps out of my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but seriously. My boss says all the time that from the moment of birth, parenting is all about letting your children go. That the bulk of the job is loving someone so much that you love them enough to let go.

I think that's true. True in a way that I never would have understood until Bailey came to join us. I was joking with Bailey one night last week - telling her that although she may be her Mommy's favorite girl (she is...LOL), that one day Kelly would kick her out but I'd get to stay. We laugh a lot in our house about Kelly's incredible love for Bailey. Not laugh in a funny way...it's a sweet joking thing. Never in my life have I seen two people love each other the way that Kelly and Bailey do. It is a pure, pure love that has no dingy spots...nothing has tarnished it yet. Because of my early experiences with parenting, I don't have that. Inevitably, Bailey's first few months will always be connected for me to the most difficult person time in my life. Of course, that has nothing to do with Bailey...but I can't remember those months without remembering how deeply depressed I was and how much I struggled. Kelly doesn't have that with Bailey. She remembers my struggle and how it effected her...but her connection to Bailey was and still is pure. Like white light...just the perfect combination of love, adoration and sweetness.

And Bailey loves Kelly the same way. I am much less gentle with Bailey (as I am with most things in life). Of course, Bailey adores me too. But not like she adores her Mommy.

Anyway - what was the point? Oh right...letting go. I wonder at times about how we are going to be as Bailey gets older. Kelly has often joked that Bailey is not allowed to date until she's 18. And she can't have sex until she's 25 (if ever). On the other hand, we are both pretty insistent that once Bailey reaches the end of high school - it's on and out (unless she's got a job, is paying rent or going to college). But I wonder. My love is such a hard ass...until she's not. And with Bailey, she's not.

All these thoughts started because of Bailey walking. Walking is such an adult thing to do. It's what allows us to move forward, move away from, and go in our own direction. It's hard for me to think about Bailey choosing a life that could be far away from us...even though I made that choice. It's hard for me to conceive that a day will come when Bailey doesn't need us to provide her food, her shelter, her connection to the world. I know that I don't have to start thinking about these things yet, but in some ways, I think I have to. At least in the abstract. I feel like I have to envision my life as separate from Bailey's in some ways. Rather than seeing the job of parenting as molding her into something, I feel like I have to look at it as being one of her guides as she makes her way through the world.

That old song - "hold on loosely, but don't let go." Something like that. Because someday, if we do our jobs right, she will leave. She will walk away from us. She will take our hearts, that now live with her, and she will make her way in this world. And that direction, her path, could lead her thousands of miles away. It could take her to places and to experiences that we can't even conceive of. It could mean that we only see her occasionally. And I have to be ready for that. So that when she does go, I'm okay with her leaving. So that I have had years of preparing myself for the heartbreak and the incredible joy at seeing her be her own woman.

And the other side of that coin is that I don't want to define myself as nothing more than Bailey's mother. Because when Bailey doesn't need an active mother anymore...when we are parenting an adult child instead of a kid, who will we be if all we've been for years is her mother? I remind myself all the time that, no matter how huge the job feels, Kelly and I are people outside of parenting. We had a life before Bailey, and we'll have a life after Bailey. So the other side of parenting, I think, is to continue to grow and raise MYSELF. And I think that job is equally as important as the work of raising Bailey.

I'm rambling. I'm thinking a lot today. Seeing her walk struck a cord with me. She's not a helpless baby. She's a child. A girl who will one day be a woman who will one day have a life that is not all about me and Kelly. Perhaps this is the first of many inevitable feelings of loss that I will have as she grows up and out and away. How can I feel so much joy and excitement about something that also makes me feel so sad?

We Have a Toddler

It's official - Bailey is now walking. Tonight, for the first time, she took multiple (as in 6-7) consecutive steps. Not only that, she stopped in the middle, caught her balance and then kept going. And she did this multiple times tonight.

What was EVEN better...she chose to walk when she could have crawled to me just as easily.

Oh yes...we have a walker. At 10 months old!!!

New Vidoes

Letter Destruction



Momma Comes Home



Lunch Time

Super Excited!!!

So I'm super excited today!!! I just found out yesterday that one of my dearest and oldest friends from high school is coming down to visit us in April!

Katie and I met during a time in our lives when we were both struggling to figure out what kind of women we were going to be. In fact, the night we met was when me, Steph and Andrea sort of crashed a little party that was happening at an old abandoned train station. The LoveShack we called it. That was also the night that I met Elijah and some other folks who ended up becoming pretty good friends through those years.

Katie was always one of the best of them. You know how in any group of hell-raising teens there are always a couple that you know are just going to "make it". No matter what else, I knew that Katie was one of those.

But before we got to that point, man, we raised some hell together! We had so much fun (and a couple of times, we didn't have quite as much fun...LOL). She and I were very close through most of that time, but our brief courtship with being badasses ended in a crash and burn event at Logan Airport in Boston. My one and only time in jail was spent with her and Stacey.

LOL - we grew up and like most old friends from high school, we lost touch for a while. During that time, she had a baby, fell in love with Jeremy (who was a guy in our little crazy group of friends) and got married. They have another daughter together now. And Katie did just what we all knew she would...she got into school, kicked ass and is now living a great life.

Amazingly, our friendship has endured through all this time.

And now..SHE IS COMING TO VISIT!!! And Jeremy may come too, which would just make everything so freakin' wonderful!!!!! They are also going to bring their oldest daughter with them...which will make it lots of fun while we sight see and catch up on old times. They will finally get to meet my Kelly and our Bailey.

I'm so happy!!! I've so needed some reconnection to my past. This is one of the people who knew me before I was the woman that I am today.

I cannot wait! I can't wait to see her, to hug her, to catch up, to show her around my city, to have her in my house, to be near her...but mostly, to just have a good time with someone that doesn't need me to pretend to be someone I'm not.

I love you, Katie!!! I can't wait...absolutely CAN NOT wait to see you!!!!

All is Forgiven

I was kinda mean to Kelly in my last post. I offer my apologies...

The thing is, I don't have anything against her desire to NOT go out. I mean, she spent lots of years doing the bar thing every night. While she was doing that, I was in high school. LOL.

Seriously, though, that is one of the biggest differences about us. I was always right on the "right" track. I never took time off from school - went straight into college from high school and then directly into grad school. After I dropped out of grad school, I was living with Kelly and we were busy being real adults. I never really got a chance to just party and enjoy myself.

On the other hand, Kelly did all that. She spent a couple of years before buckling down in college just working and partying. She's spent more time in gay bars than she would probably care to admit and she certainly doesn't find any humor or excitment in the drama of it all. Honestly, she's just over it.

And I get that. I do. I understand it from her perspective and I respect that she doesn't want to party with me.

BUT. (there is always a 'but', isn't there?)

The problem that I have is that I don't have friends that go out anymore. My Joce is in New Mexico. My Max is in New York. My Erika is in Maine. My Rodney is not with us anymore. The people in my life who REALLY know how to rock and have a good time are not around me. And I don't want to go out alone.

First, it's lonely. Second, I don't want to deal with anyone who may see me as fresh meat (I may be being optomistic here, but you never know...some one may find me attractive). Third, it's just not safe to walk around the streets of DC by yourself on a Saturday night. I do have to think about my safety. Because while I want to dance, I don't want to be mugged, raped or worse to make it happen.

So, when what I hear from Kelly is "nope, sorry"...I just get pissed off, because I'm not sure what my other options are except to just stay home. Which, as I think I established yesterday, isn't an option.

See where the frustration comes from?

So anyway. My momma - who is a wicked fun lady is gonna go dancing with me in April while they are here. I'm excited about that! We've been out once or twice before together and always had a great time. It always makes me laugh...because we dance the same! Hehehehe...

Anyone interested in going with us? Or going out before then? (Karen, this is directed at you. I KNOW you know how to party hard!).

So, honey, I'm sorry I was so mean. And I do understand. I hope you understand where I'm coming from too. I love you.

Up and Down and All Around

So, my lovely wife has refused to take me dancing. "I HATE bars...it's all about breeding and sex." Lest I start to sound bitter (I am), I'll leave it at this:

I NEED to go out and dance. Need it. It's not a want. It's not a "oh shucks, I'm bored" thing. I need it. Need, need, need. So. I need someone or someones to go with me. I want to go to this lesbian bar downtown. It's a women-only place (or at least, men need escorts). I'm not into going to a bar with a bunch of boys trying to get laid and I'm not into the gay-boy scene. I just want to be surrounded by women, drink a couple of martinis and a couple of beers and just dance. Dance until I'm exhausted and tired and until my brain shuts down for a few fucking hours and gives me some GODDAMN HEAD SPACE.

Anyone interested?

Not to apply any pressure, but if no one is coming, I'm going alone. By myself. In to Southeast DC. On a Saturday night. Alone. To dance. Because it's what I need.

That's the down.

The up is that I took today off and declared it Momma Mental Health Day. I took myself to IHOP for breakfast and then I went shopping. Alone. Just me and a credit card. And low and behold, I found myself 8 new shirts, a couple of summer tanks and a new pair of jeans! It was a TOTALLY successful trip and made me feel like a million bucks (until I got in the car and heard some dance music...which reminded me that I'm trying to not hate my wife right now).

I digress.

I've never had a more successful shopping trip! I stepped outside of my comfort zone (think plain or striped button downs, or plain tee shirts) and got some stuff with color, designs and that is actually styled. I might have to think about what I wear rather than blindly grab a pair of pants and a shirt, but I'm proud of myself.

I'm actually excited about doing the fashion show for Kelly tonight!

I'm even more excited that now I have something to wear dancing. (insert bitter laugh)

That about sums it up for now. B Bear is lovely - she finally had a good night's sleep last night and woke up giggling in her crib. Nothing makes me quite as happy as hearing our daughter's tinkling little laugh. I'm going to make curry turkey and broccoli for dinner tonight. My kitchen's clean. Those are good things.

Enough for now. Happy Wednesday, everyone!

She Doesn't Know It Yet...

But, my baby is taking me dancing! Momma seriously needs to let loose a little...shake my groove thang...bust a move...whatever the fuck you want to call it, Momma needs to do it.

We're going to Phase 1. It looks a lot like the little bar I used to raise hell in when I was in college. I gotta dance. I gotta drink. I gotta feel sexy and get sweaty.

And I need a designated driver (hence, Kelly).

AND...who else would I want to dance for? I mean honestly? I can't go dancing without my sexy wife with me!

Not sure when...maybe a week or two from now? I've gotta at least let the idea sink in...LOL...and find a babysitter!

Clothes and Mommy's Birthday

Once again, I'm having a clothes crisis. Not because I've grown out of or into a bunch of clothes, but just because I absolutely hate everything I own.

Anyone who knows me know that I hate shopping and I think spending money on clothes is stupid. I don't hold anything against anyone who feels different (in fact, I'm married to a woman who values nice clothes ALOT). I just don't want to put the time or the energy into finding nice clothes. And I don't want to pay for them. I'm a klutz and a mess and I'll just ruin them with stains or something.

This probably all goes back to having been a fat kid when there were very few fat-kid clothing options. And I'm not exactly stylish. Never have been. I can't match clothes at all - so I rely on all of my shirts matching all of my pants so that no matter what I select, it works. Perhaps not perfect, but passably. I own two pairs of work shoes - one brown and one black. On the weekend, I wear the one pair of jeans I own over and over again and then wash them through the week for the next weekend. During my pregnancy, I owned three pairs of maternity pants - one black and one tan for work and one pair of jeans for the weekend.

I buy Walmart/Target or clearance rack shirts. Why spend money on something that I'll stain anyway? Honestly? Also, I hate shopping. I hate it that fat-girl clothes are always stretchy (because that is what fat girls want...something that clings to their fat). I hate it that fat girl shirts are always too long - I'm not ashamed of my ass...If I wanted to cover it, I would.

Occasionally, however, I have a fit like I did this morning. I pulled all the clothes out of my closet that I don't wear (most of them) and that don't fit (some of them) or that are older than three years (quite a few of them) and threw them all on the bed. What I can donate, I will. Everything else (most of my clothes have rips or stains or something that will make them undesirable) will get thrown away. Hanging in my closet right now are 5 work shirts, 3 pairs of work pants, 5-6 beater tee shirts that I'll wear on the weekend, and one shirt that I bought for Valentine's day a couple of years ago. That's it.

Kelly and I have a date to (soon, I hope) take the day off work, bring Bailey to daycare and go outlet shopping.

Here's the best part of my wife - she can shop like a demon. She is a CRAZY shopper. She will pour through racks and racks of clothing and pull out the three things that I might actually wear. I will also pick clothes that are too big or too small (thus becoming extremely discouraged, extremely quickly)...but not Kelly. She can pick out a shirt that will fit me, that will look good and that is cheap every single time. The woman has talent.

I abhor shopping. I hate it. But Kelly makes it tolerable and the outlet malls make me feel less guilty about spending a couple hundred dollars on clothes. Because, after all, I do have a professional job and I do actually have to wear clothes that are somewhat nice to work.

Enough of that.

Kelly's birthday is just around the corner. My baby is going to be 33. Once again, I'm confronted with the maddening dilemma of what to get her. I always pick out shitty gifts for her. She's the shopper (as I've already established). To make it worse, I also have to take Bailey shopping for Kelly. Uggg. Any suggestions for gifts for the woman who needs nothing, wants very few things that are within my price range and what she does want, she wants to pick out herself? Something other than a gift card and a smack on the ass?

Lordy. I hate shopping.

Steps and Baby Love

Our Bailey is a walker. She has now taken multiple steps on her own multiple times. The first reported steps were at daycare, but since then (that was on Tuesday the 19th), she's taken several steps for both of us. Deliberate steps...not accidental ones. She will still always choose crawling as her means of transportation, but not for long. Her little legs are so cute.

Bailey's been a bundle of baby love recently. She just seems to be happy and comfortable in her world. Her schedule is predictable, she gets lots of time with each of us individually and together, she is sleeping great at night (between 10 1/2 and 11 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time), and she is getting lots of of yummy, healthy food. She is growing, learning and moving rapidly toward her first birthday.

Speaking of food. Every morning, we drop Bailey off at daycare. We start the day by putting her in one of the high chairs and getting her started on breakfast. We do the same thing every day (our girl likes her schedule). Usually breakfast is a bunch of fresh fruit and a blueberry waffle (one of the Kashi kinds with lots of fiber and protein). Sometimes it's cereal, but not often. We are starting to give her some egg...but it's hard to bring egg to daycare. Anyway. Usually fresh fruit salad (comprised of sliced fresh blueberries, fresh strawberries, apples that we've boiled slightly to soften them up, pears that have been boiled slightly and sometimes raspberries or blackberries). Every day there are a couple of other children there at the same time, being fed by the childcare folks. As far as I can tell, no other parents of the pre-toddlers make their children food like we do. The facility provides breakfast, lunch and snacks...we just don't like what they serve or how the prepare it. We recently learned that they cook their carrots in a sugar water solution to get the kids to eat them. NOT what we want Bailey to be eating. So we have strict rules in place that she is not to be fed ANYTHING that we don't provide. Never. Nothing. I digress...anyway - so these other kids are being fed. Want to know what they are eating?? Graham crackers and fruit loops. Seriously. That is their morning breakfast. Have you ever looked at the ingredient list in regular graham crackers and fruit loops? The amount of sugar alone that these children are eating to start their day is HORRIBLE. And usually, it's accompanied by juice. JUICE!!! Which might as well be soda it is so horrible.

Anyway - every morning, the daycare providers say, "Bailey, you are so lucky." One day, the father of one of the other children saw me putting the fresh fruit on Bailey's tray and asked me if I actually cut the fruit up myself. LOL. After I answered "yes" he commented that it just takes so much time.

*sigh*

Here's my rant - you bet it takes time. Kelly and I barely see each other through the week. We work split shifts so that Bailey spends as little time in childcare as possible. The person who is at home in the evening is tasked with making her food for the next day, making dinner, hand-washing bottles, picking up, entertaining the child and getting our lunches for the next day ready. It's fucking work. Our day beings at 4:00 AM just so that we get a few minutes of personal space before everything else starts. We commute constantly.

BUT...here's the thing. This is what we signed up for. I am not going to feed my kid a bunch of shit just because it's convenient. I'm not going to cut corners and be okay with fucking up her schedule just because my life is busy. It's not about me. It's not about Kelly. It's about raising Bailey and doing our very best with what we have to offer.

So...yes, it takes a while to cut up the fruit. Every Sunday I spend a couple of hours cutting broccoli, carrots and cauliflower and getting it steamed for her. So that she'll have fresh veggies to take with her to daycare each day. You bet it's work. It's lots of work. But I do it because I'm a good mother and because Bailey deserve that.

And man, I'd feel like shit if I knew that Bailey was being fed graham crackers and fruit loops.

This Struck Me

Kelly bought me a desk calendar for Christmas of "Wild Words from Wild Women". Today's quote struck me. I think every person who is in love should think about it...

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing." ~Anais Nin

A Couple of Videos and New Pictures

Normal Daytime Playing



Normal Nighttime Playing

New Blog Template

Just wanted something new...what do you think?

Ho Hum

Life is pretty normal right now - not much to report.

Bailey has hit another plateu - not much new on the development front. She had a rough night on Monday, but other than that, everything is fine. She's still eating enough for two babies, but seems to be growing normally. Walking is just around the corner - every day she gets closer.

She's all about trying the food that we are eating...which is interesting given that she only has two bottom teeth on the front. The other day, I cut up tiny, tiny pieces of the curry turkey I had made and she had some while we ate. I think it makes her feel like a big girl to be able to eat the food that we are eating.

We've noticed a new behavioral issue that we're working on. You know how Bailey has always been a "slapper". She hits everything when she's excited or happy. Well, now, that has turned into hitting when she's frustrated. Each time she does it, we hold both her wrists and firmly tell her no and then redirect her. Problem is, she thinks it's a game. She literally laughs every time we do it. Usually right in our faces. We are being consistant and as she gets a little older, the consequences will increase. We'll never hit her...but timeouts will be used liberally.

Other than that, nothing new. We're just trucking along!

Trying SO Hard!

Our Bubbles is trying so hard to walk. She stands on her own regularly now - without holding on to anything. She's also gotten advanced enough that she can do other things while standing on her own (like dance, bounce, clap her hands, squat to pick things up). And she knows the basic principle. When she's holding onto our finger (just one hand is necessary), she will lunge forward and do the drunken baby walk.

She's very wobbly and just not confident enough. But it's coming. Soon. We're thinking within the next month, she should have gotten it mastered. As with everything else, we haven't pushed her...we're just encouraging and letting her do her own thing. We both wait with baited breath every time we're hanging out with her for those first few real steps.

She's recently gone through a major growth spurt. Let me give you a basic understanding of how much food she's eating right now:

Breakfast #1: 6 oz formula, half a Kashi blueberry waffle, half cup of berries (or apples, peaches, strawberries or banana)

Breakfast #2 (hour or so later): rest of blueberry waffle, more fruit

Mid-morning snack: 6 oz formula

Lunch #1: 6 oz formula, 3/4 of container of Pasta Pickups - Chicken & veggie ravioli, 6 meat sticks (chicken or turkey), 1/2 cup of broccoli

Lunch #2: rest of pasta pickups, leftover fruit from breakfast, couple handfuls of puffs, cheerios

Afternoon Snack: 6 oz formula

Dinner: 1/2 cup of peas or carrots, 6 meat sticks (or a veggie burger or beans), fruit (if she wants it), 3-5 oz soy milk

Right before bed: 6-8 oz formula.

That's a lot, isn't it??? Except that she is not gaining a bunch of weight. In fact, her weight has completely stabilized and she is exactly where she is supposed to be. I guess I would be worried if she was gaining weight rapidly, but she is not.

The thing is, we don't force her or deny her food. We offer her what we are willing to let her have. She eats tons of veggies. She gets fresh (we prepare it ourselves) fruits and lots and lots of veggies every day. We let her eat the meat sticks (because it is just pure chicken or turkey packed together). We've agreed to start weening her from her bottle when she's 10 months old. We'll begin by replacing one or two with soy milk. Or maybe, we'll start putting everything in a sippy cup, but give her the same amount. Who knows. We'll figure it out and go with what is right at the time.

For now, we are just sitting back and watching her grow. She's working so hard and learning things all the time. We love just hanging out with her, sitting on the floor and watching her discover.

We've talked about how sometimes it feels like we are wasting time. We spend every evening on the floor with her, interacting, reading, playing, dancing, singing and talking. We don't talk baby-talk, and sometimes we just ignore her. But we're down there with her and we get to watch her as she discovers things over and over again. Sometimes, the time crunch gets the best of us (by us, I mean me, of course).

But then, I remember that Bailey is already almost 10 months old. She is growing up so fast. And I refuse to say that the dishes being done is more important that this time with her. It's hard work sometimes, to prioritize. It really is. I like the order. I want my house clean. I don't like dishes or dirty counter tops. I can't stand clutter. And very simply, sometimes the decision to be made is to deal with those things and have time with our daughter or take care of those things and wonder what I'm missing when Kelly and Bailey break into peals of laughter in the family room. I choose them. And the dishes are still done, most of the time...LOL!

Wow - this post is like my mind recently - darting in and out of random thoughts constantly. Every day moves at warp speed. It only slows down in the moments when I'm with my girls, sitting on the family room floor, listening to Bailey's favorite music, dancing, laughing, being crawled over, watching Kelly over the top of Bailey's head and seeing that my life is truly a gift.

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Barack, HIllary & Politics in General

To the extent that anyone gives a shit, I have to voice my opinion about the current democratic party and what I see happening. I come at this with some education, but honestly, this is just my opinion and feel free (and I'd love it) to disagree with me.

So, I don't honestly understand everyone's fascination with Barack Oboma. I remember listening to him speak at the Democratic Convention four years ago (Kelly and I were watching it together) and we both commented on what an amazing, charismatic speaker he is. And what a political powerhouse he is going to be. And how what he says is important - it has a place in our party and in our politics. I don't want, and would never, discount the man's ability to uplift and energize...something the Democrats sorely need.

What I take a major issue with is how it seems like many people in our party are just jumping on his party line and not looking below it.

(An aside here - having studied politics in college and in graduate school, I do understand that many, many people are sheep when it comes to political thought and just follow the herd. I don't understand that, and can think of very few things that are more dangerous...but I do get it).

Anyway. Back to my original thought. Barack is running on a message of change (we can be the change we seek, yes we can...blah, blah, blah). And while I LOVE the sentiment and really respect his ability to uplift the people...the hard, cold reality is that WHAT HE IS SAYING IS UNREALISTIC. He cannot (and I truly mean CANNOT) walk into the White House on day one and make radical changes in the government and in how the government makes decisions. As a nation, we have processes in place that actively PREVENT him from doing that (the whole seperation of powers thing for those of you who don't know). Seriously - one man cannot effectively change the face of our government by himself and just because he wants to. It doesn't work that...and we should all be damn happy that it doesn't (spend a couple of minutes thinking about the repercussion if one person truly could change everything just because he or she didn't like it).

Now, here is where my experience in politics changes some thing for me. First of all, the reason that I'm not a staffer right now on the hill is because I learned a lot during my graduate program in Legislative Affairs. I learned that in real life, politics is a lot less political than it seems. In order to make ANYTHING work on the hill, you've got to be able to work with everyone (on both sides of the isle) and you have to know how to deal. You have to know how to bargain, to negotiate and to compromise. If you don't, nothing happens. You hit stalemate. I found this out and realized that I could never be in politics - because I cannot work with Republicans. Honestly. That's why I changed my entire carreer objective. Because I couldn't be objective.

Now, put it all together and you can understand why I am not in love with Barack. First - what he's saying he will do cannot happen. He cannot walk in there all cowboy like (think W, here) and force the government to operate in a way that would please him. Second, without the skills (and we all know that skills are gained through experience) to create the kinds of coalitions that he'll need, it's unlikely that he'll be able to make real change at all.

That's why I'm supporting Hillary. She's not fancy. She's not a great speaker. She's a woman who is percieved as a bitch. She doesn't manage to spout rhetoric in a way that makes people believe her (an essential quality in a good politician), and in many ways, she's just cold and distant.

But. She's got experience. She's got years, and years, and years of experience in Washington. Whether you like the lady or not, she's know how Washington works and she knows how to get shit through an incredibly complicated political system. She is not promising earth-shattering change. Because she knows she (and nobody else) can deliver. What she is saying is that she's got 25 years of history, of coalition building and of actual, hard-earned experience with the best and the worst of our political system. And all of that comes with her on day one.
And, she's got Bill. And love him or loathe him...the man is one of the world's most talented coalition builders. He's a foriegn policy genious. And honestly, we need to mend some foriegn fences. W fucked us up pretty bad.

Hillary is my candidate. She is NOT the person who most closely aligns with my political philosophy. She's far to moderate for my liking. She doesn't support gay marriage (none of the candidates left do, though).

But she knows the game. And right now, after 8 years of a stumbling fucking idiot in office who made us look bad, I'm voting for a little finese. I'm looking for someone who can actually make our nation powerful again....not just strong.

Voting...

Gonna go vote with Bailey tonight. We are supporting Hillary. For some reason, I'm super excited about bringing Bailey and introducing her to the action of democracy. I can't wait until she's older and we can talk about the issues.

What a cool thing...to wonder what your child will believe and to think about how our actions, thoughts and beliefs will effect her.

For now, all I can say is GO HILLARY!!!! You've got this lesbian family behind you.

The Stuff Of Life

Seems like it's been forever since I blogged. There really hasn't been that much going on...just normal, keep us running like crazy girls life.

Kelly was sick for most of last week. The awful flu that everyone seems to be getting hit her. Miraculously, it's missed me. Bailey ended up sick last week with a nasty cough that turned into a mild ear infection. She's just now finishing up the antibiotics. I wonder if that kept her from getting Kelly's flu? Not sure what kept me from the flu. Hopefully my luck holds.

On Saturday night, we celebrated Valentine's Day a little early with a childless trip to the Melting Pot (our all-time favorite place to eat!). It's a fondue restaraunt and we had fiesta cheese (a spicy mexican cheese fondue) to start, followed by pork tenderloin and twin lobster tails and then finished off with a white and milk chocolate swirled fondue. The whole meal is an experience that takes about 2 1/2 hours (if you do it right and enjoy yourself). We had a wonderful, wonderful time just sitting together and talking. It's been a while since we could do that without one of us distracted by Bailey or without us having to do something else (dinner, picking up, making lunches, prepping bottles, going to bed).

It was wonderful...and something we'll do again.

So, while we were out, Bailey stayed with her unofficial third mother, Karen. Karen has been our hero and a constant presence in Bailey's life since she was conceived. Whenever we need some advice or someone to help, Karen has been here, without fail. So, it goes without saying that we were comfortable with her having Bailey for a couple of hours. Of course, we worried just like any new parents leaving their baby for the first time. We fussed over her and made sure she had way to much of everything. I think that probably went a little overboard by writing and signing a medical release...but you know...you never know!!!

Needless to say, Bailey had an absolutely fantastic time. She hung out with Karen and Karen's good friend Carol. There were three teenage girls around, lots of good music and tons of energy devoted to spoiling Bailey. B absolutely thrives in high-energy environments and had an amazing time. In fact, when we arrived, she barely acknowledged us (which is exactly what we want to see when you leave our Bailey).

Now that we've gotten our feet wet, you can bet that Kelly and I will have a few more date nights. It was so wonderful. And after 9 months, it was exactly what we needed.

Thank you, Karen, for making it possible and making us feel so comfortable. And for loving our Bailey so much.

Playing With The Camera


Dancing Girl


The World's Most Wonderful Valentine


What??

Dirty Girl

My Reason For Living

Deep Blue, Need-You Eyes

Our Dear, Dear Friends Monica & Susanne with Their Darling Baby, Danny

Tired, Tired Girl

Flying With Miss. Karen

She Speaks

Yes, it finally happened. Bailey spoke her first easily understandable, obviously associated words last night. She also took a step. But that was more of an accident.

In the bath last night, as she was laying back on her cushion and I was washing her hair, she reached up and touched my lips and said "Momma" three or four times. It was clear. She wasn't babbling "mamamamama"..it was a clear "Momma" then a pause. Then again. Then one more time. On the third one, she smiled.

I looked at Kelly, Kelly looked at me and I said, "Well, I think that qualifies as the first word, right?". She smiled that beautiful smile of hers and said, "I think so."

It's official.

The steps - I was just playing with B right before her bath. Kelly was sitting on the floor next to her. I stood her up, just because she's been doing that a lot on her own recently. She just stands there and does other stuff (like eating broccoli...another new thing). Anyway. I stood her up and she took a step forward. Just like she's been doing it her whole life.

Kelly and I again shared that incredulous look. That look that says, "shit...did you just see that???" She immediately dropped to her knees after that step and took off crawling...so we're not counting it as the first official walking steps...but she's closer. Much, much closer...

Go, B, go!

9 Month Checkup

B Bear had her 9 month check up this morning. Kelly very, very happily reported that she didn't have to have any shots today (none again until the 1 year). I usually do these appointments, but Kelly took her today...and didn't have to deal with shots! Go figure, huh?

Anyway - she's 22.5 pounds and 29 inches long. They say that she is going to be "big girl". She's gonna be tall. Her weight is plateuing, which is perfect and her height and head are both getting bigger. Just as it should be.

Developmentally, she is at or above all the milestones.

All in all, we have a very healthy little baby girl! Or big baby girl, as the case may be...LOL!

The only sad news is that her cold from last week has settled into her ears and she has a mild ear infection. Kelly picked up a prescription on her way to daycare and that should take care of it. Poor baby girl...