Well, it's officially. My tummy has officially gotten in the way of our oldest "child" Pitter. When I moved in with Kelly, her oldest cat claimed me as her own. She crawls up on my chest, buries her head in my neck and is perfectly contented to stay right there. And I love her there - I've got no problems.
However, it seems that my ever-expanding tummy has gotten in her way. Last night, she paced all around my lap, trying to climb up to where she wanted to be, doing everything in her power to get me to fix it, and still was unsatified with the result.
Poor, poor Pitter. Just wait until she starts to feel the baby kick her when she's on my tummy. That ought to be quite humerous!
Kelly and I are looking forward to another long weekend. Super-long for her. It seems that the government will close for the funeral of President Ford on Tuesday, leaving her with another four day weekend. Conveniently, the border for the baby's room arrived yesterday. I can already feel a LONG weekend at Lowes (Home Depot, maybe?) picking out paint colors and the lovely, lovely sound of tape being ripped of the roll. LOL - don't get me wrong, I love it that she'll have a project. I'm going to clean while she paints, tapes and becomes a whirling dirvish of baby-room maker. BUT...it never works out very well for me. I lose my honey to her project.
Sigh. It's all for the cause. Maybe I'll join her for a while painting. Except that I hate to paint. I generally hate to do anything that is not domestic. And, while I get that painting to some is domestic, to me it is NOT! LOL!
Ah well. I'm looking forward to stroking her ego for a job very well done, bringing her fresh cold water and preparing her meals. Now THAT I am good at....LOL!
Happy New Year, everyone!
12/29/2006
12/28/2006
IT HAPPENED!
Last night, while laying in bed, Kelly felt the baby kick twice!!! The baby was very, very active immediately after I laid down. I squirmed over to Kelly and she put her hand on my belly and kind of poked me a bit. Then she just left her hand there, and she felt the baby! I felt the kick and then a few seconds later, I said "did you feel that?? The baby is right under your hand!" She was surprised, and said "That was the baby???." LOL! It was very faint to her. Not to me, though...
Then the baby kicked again, just to be sure that Kelly didn't second guess herself.
It was VERY exciting for both of us. I've been feeling her/him move for a while now, but this is the first time for my honey! I was so happy, I nearly cried.
Kelly was just astounded. And moved. And excited. It was amazing...
Now...if only the baby was ready to come out and play with us! LOL!
Then the baby kicked again, just to be sure that Kelly didn't second guess herself.
It was VERY exciting for both of us. I've been feeling her/him move for a while now, but this is the first time for my honey! I was so happy, I nearly cried.
Kelly was just astounded. And moved. And excited. It was amazing...
Now...if only the baby was ready to come out and play with us! LOL!
12/27/2006
And just like that...
...it's over!
Christmas was wonderful. Over the weekend we traveled, saw family, exchanged gifts (I got everything I wanted and a bunch of stuff I wanted, but didn't remember that I wanted...I love my wife!). The actual day of Christmas was exactly as we want it to be - calm, peaceful and fun. Yesterday (the 26th), we took down the tree and put Christmas away.
I must say, no matter how much I LOVE this holiday (and by now, I'm sure you have no doubt how much), I truly love putting it away when it's over. My house feels clean and simple again. The drama of the holiday is over and we are back to normal.
Now it's time to focus on the baby's nursery. With some of our Christmas money, we went out and purchased the border for the nursery. Next weekend, we'll spend a significant amount of time in Lowe's - selecting our chairboard, our paint colors and purchasing all the little "home improvement" things that we'll need to turn the baby's room into a bright, colorful wonderland of sleep and fun! We are considering the possibility of the floor - do we replace the carpet or just have it professionally steam cleaned? We can't decided. Price will be the biggest factor.
It's gonna be a big job, but we want to get started on it so that it's finished before I am too big to really enjoy working in there.
Our Little Honey spent a good part of the weekend making him/herself known to me. I was kicked a good many times, and woken up Christmas morning by some powerful kicks right to my full bladder. As miserable as it is sometimes, I absolutely LOVE being able to feel the baby move. I just can't wait for Kelly to feel him or her as well.
The general thought from family/friends/coworkers is that I'm having a boy. We didn't find out, so we don't know. Both Kelly and I have wavered from our original stance that we thought I was carrying a boy (we've both had dreams recently about a girl baby being born). Only one friend of ours has said that she thinks we are having a girl. LOL - the baby's Nana (Kelly's mom) is so convinced that it's a boy that she addresses my belly as "Connor", our chosen name if a boy is born.
It's fun to listen as people use their old wives tales and previous pregnancy knowledge to predict gender. I find it interesting and sweet. I have very little preference. The next child, I will want to find out, because I'm set on having a girl child at some point. But for this one (because we know another is in the future), it doesn't matter. Kelly honestly doesn't have a preference. I've never known someone who really doesn't care - but she really doesn't. Amazing...
So...we are 16 weeks away from being considered full term (at 38 weeks). I am SOOO excited about how much closer we feel. We have another ultrasound on the 9th of January. I can't wait to see our baby again...
Christmas was wonderful. Over the weekend we traveled, saw family, exchanged gifts (I got everything I wanted and a bunch of stuff I wanted, but didn't remember that I wanted...I love my wife!). The actual day of Christmas was exactly as we want it to be - calm, peaceful and fun. Yesterday (the 26th), we took down the tree and put Christmas away.
I must say, no matter how much I LOVE this holiday (and by now, I'm sure you have no doubt how much), I truly love putting it away when it's over. My house feels clean and simple again. The drama of the holiday is over and we are back to normal.
Now it's time to focus on the baby's nursery. With some of our Christmas money, we went out and purchased the border for the nursery. Next weekend, we'll spend a significant amount of time in Lowe's - selecting our chairboard, our paint colors and purchasing all the little "home improvement" things that we'll need to turn the baby's room into a bright, colorful wonderland of sleep and fun! We are considering the possibility of the floor - do we replace the carpet or just have it professionally steam cleaned? We can't decided. Price will be the biggest factor.
It's gonna be a big job, but we want to get started on it so that it's finished before I am too big to really enjoy working in there.
Our Little Honey spent a good part of the weekend making him/herself known to me. I was kicked a good many times, and woken up Christmas morning by some powerful kicks right to my full bladder. As miserable as it is sometimes, I absolutely LOVE being able to feel the baby move. I just can't wait for Kelly to feel him or her as well.
The general thought from family/friends/coworkers is that I'm having a boy. We didn't find out, so we don't know. Both Kelly and I have wavered from our original stance that we thought I was carrying a boy (we've both had dreams recently about a girl baby being born). Only one friend of ours has said that she thinks we are having a girl. LOL - the baby's Nana (Kelly's mom) is so convinced that it's a boy that she addresses my belly as "Connor", our chosen name if a boy is born.
It's fun to listen as people use their old wives tales and previous pregnancy knowledge to predict gender. I find it interesting and sweet. I have very little preference. The next child, I will want to find out, because I'm set on having a girl child at some point. But for this one (because we know another is in the future), it doesn't matter. Kelly honestly doesn't have a preference. I've never known someone who really doesn't care - but she really doesn't. Amazing...
So...we are 16 weeks away from being considered full term (at 38 weeks). I am SOOO excited about how much closer we feel. We have another ultrasound on the 9th of January. I can't wait to see our baby again...
12/22/2006
Last Day
Today is my last official day of work before the holiday! My workplace is gracious enough to give us Christmas Eve off in addition to Christmas Day. But because Christmas Eve is on a Sunday, we get the Tuesday after Christmas off as well. SOOOO...a nice, long 4-day weekend is in store for my honey and me.
Here's the basic plan: tonight, we pack. And sleep. And enjoy that freedom feeling that you always get when you are right at the start of a long weekend and there is very little left to do. (I made our final trip to Walmart this morning at 6:30 AM in order to save my sanity tonight and avoid the crowd). Tomorrow morning we will rise, eat breakfast and hit the road towards West Virginia. We'll probably stop and try to see some people along the way (Tiffany, Steph - any plans tomorrow around noon or so???). Then off to my sister-in-law's home. We'll spend the afternoon there, and then I'm going to try to talk everyone into heading out to On the Border for some good pretend-mexican food. We might also stop by my mother-in-law's home and help her get ready for the party that she is hosting tomorrow. No need for her to do it all on her own when we can pitch in and help out! Saturday night will be spent in a hotel...
Sunday morning will come and we'll head over to my sister-in-law's early for Christmas Eve morning with Kelly's nephew. I'm a little sad that we won't be there first thing - for the last couple of years, Josh and I have gotten up really early together (my favorite time for any Christmas celebration). But Josh is a teenager now, and I'm not sure that he's still into it. Remember when you grew out of it? (I don't remember, because I never did...LOL!). After that, I hope to spend some quality time with Kelly's grandparents, and again offer our assistant to Kelly's mom getting ready for the party.
After the party (think lots of family and pizza!!!), we'll be headed home. Christmas Eve will find us sitting by our tree (wishing we could drink LOTS of red wine) and trying to wait till Christmas morning to open presents. We'll probably end up in bed early...and up again early on Christmas morning. After the round of phone calls to my family, we'll spend the rest of the day hanging out in our PJ's and enjoying the gifts that Santa brought. Hopefully a couple of our neighboors will stop by. I'm going to make a small dinner of sorts for us.
It will be a quiet, peaceful and relaxing holiday.
Let me be the first to say that I CAN NOT wait until we have little kids running around. The only reason that I would ever brave a third pregnancy would be to have more children running around on Christmas morning (among other things). We are going to create so many traditions and memories around the holidays. There is so much that I am going to do during this time of the year. I can't wait.
So...we'll enjoy this last year as childless people. Next year...let the games begin!
Here's the basic plan: tonight, we pack. And sleep. And enjoy that freedom feeling that you always get when you are right at the start of a long weekend and there is very little left to do. (I made our final trip to Walmart this morning at 6:30 AM in order to save my sanity tonight and avoid the crowd). Tomorrow morning we will rise, eat breakfast and hit the road towards West Virginia. We'll probably stop and try to see some people along the way (Tiffany, Steph - any plans tomorrow around noon or so???). Then off to my sister-in-law's home. We'll spend the afternoon there, and then I'm going to try to talk everyone into heading out to On the Border for some good pretend-mexican food. We might also stop by my mother-in-law's home and help her get ready for the party that she is hosting tomorrow. No need for her to do it all on her own when we can pitch in and help out! Saturday night will be spent in a hotel...
Sunday morning will come and we'll head over to my sister-in-law's early for Christmas Eve morning with Kelly's nephew. I'm a little sad that we won't be there first thing - for the last couple of years, Josh and I have gotten up really early together (my favorite time for any Christmas celebration). But Josh is a teenager now, and I'm not sure that he's still into it. Remember when you grew out of it? (I don't remember, because I never did...LOL!). After that, I hope to spend some quality time with Kelly's grandparents, and again offer our assistant to Kelly's mom getting ready for the party.
After the party (think lots of family and pizza!!!), we'll be headed home. Christmas Eve will find us sitting by our tree (wishing we could drink LOTS of red wine) and trying to wait till Christmas morning to open presents. We'll probably end up in bed early...and up again early on Christmas morning. After the round of phone calls to my family, we'll spend the rest of the day hanging out in our PJ's and enjoying the gifts that Santa brought. Hopefully a couple of our neighboors will stop by. I'm going to make a small dinner of sorts for us.
It will be a quiet, peaceful and relaxing holiday.
Let me be the first to say that I CAN NOT wait until we have little kids running around. The only reason that I would ever brave a third pregnancy would be to have more children running around on Christmas morning (among other things). We are going to create so many traditions and memories around the holidays. There is so much that I am going to do during this time of the year. I can't wait.
So...we'll enjoy this last year as childless people. Next year...let the games begin!
12/21/2006
Christmas Tree!
Here is our lovely Christmas tree, and another shot of us sitting in front of it. (Kelly figured out the timer thing...LOL!)
21 Week Baby Bump
Okay - so this is actually me at 21 weeks and 1 day...but close enough!
It's AMAZING how much I've grown in only two weeks!!!! No wonder I'm so tired all the time...
Positively Chipper
Amazingly, I have come through my round of the "tummy sickness" and feel positively wonderful! I actually feel happy, comfortable and in no way weird. My head doesn't hurt, I'm not too hungry, I don't have to use the rest room, I'm not tired, my belly is not wierd or upset, I have seemingly boundless energy.
It's already 8:15 in the morning and I've been up since 4 AM. I've been at work since 6:45 AM. No one else is here and four of my six co-workers are out until the new year. I've not seen the other two yet, and if this trend holds, I'm going to have a SERIOUSLY productive day today and tomorrow (and for the three days I'm in next week).
THIS is what Mikki feels like. I LOVE it that I have this much energy right now. I love it that I'm not feeling "pregnant". God, I live for these days. It seems like just when I catch my breath, I'm kicked back down. I keep waiting for it to let up (as everyone seems to think it will), but so far, I've not been that lucky. I will do everything I can to harness the good energy that is being created right now and let it carry me forward. Hopefully it will stick. And if it doesn't, hopefully I will remember what it feels like when I'm feeling bad.
I'm so full of love and happiness today. Last night, Kelly read my mind. I was feeling all bluesy and sad. Very self-destructive feelings for me. I was hating myself for being so "weak" and for not being able to handle pregnancy like my mother and my grandmother before me. I was feeling sad about my family being so far away for the holidays when I had pictured a very different event. I was feeling like a slacker for missing another day of work. I was generally feeling shitty.
But, Kelly always knows what I need. She really does. It's not like I tell her, she just figures it out. She cuddled me all night last night. We sat on the couch, our limbs entwined just talking, laughing, kissing and being close. She knows just how to touch my very soul and bring me back to a happy place. The most safe, most comfortable place that I know is in her arms. When I need to be reminded that I'm good enough to be loved, and that I'm making okay choices and that it's okay for me to be less than perfect, she is who reminds me. With her easy love and her seemingly endless stores of comfort, she makes everything okay.
So, I slept well after that. I woke up this morning feeling good. I'm incredibly excited about the holidays approaching. I'm looking forward to spending another holiday with the in-laws. I love the drive (hours spent singing with my Kelly and talking about the random things that pop into our heads).
All is well today.
It's already 8:15 in the morning and I've been up since 4 AM. I've been at work since 6:45 AM. No one else is here and four of my six co-workers are out until the new year. I've not seen the other two yet, and if this trend holds, I'm going to have a SERIOUSLY productive day today and tomorrow (and for the three days I'm in next week).
THIS is what Mikki feels like. I LOVE it that I have this much energy right now. I love it that I'm not feeling "pregnant". God, I live for these days. It seems like just when I catch my breath, I'm kicked back down. I keep waiting for it to let up (as everyone seems to think it will), but so far, I've not been that lucky. I will do everything I can to harness the good energy that is being created right now and let it carry me forward. Hopefully it will stick. And if it doesn't, hopefully I will remember what it feels like when I'm feeling bad.
I'm so full of love and happiness today. Last night, Kelly read my mind. I was feeling all bluesy and sad. Very self-destructive feelings for me. I was hating myself for being so "weak" and for not being able to handle pregnancy like my mother and my grandmother before me. I was feeling sad about my family being so far away for the holidays when I had pictured a very different event. I was feeling like a slacker for missing another day of work. I was generally feeling shitty.
But, Kelly always knows what I need. She really does. It's not like I tell her, she just figures it out. She cuddled me all night last night. We sat on the couch, our limbs entwined just talking, laughing, kissing and being close. She knows just how to touch my very soul and bring me back to a happy place. The most safe, most comfortable place that I know is in her arms. When I need to be reminded that I'm good enough to be loved, and that I'm making okay choices and that it's okay for me to be less than perfect, she is who reminds me. With her easy love and her seemingly endless stores of comfort, she makes everything okay.
So, I slept well after that. I woke up this morning feeling good. I'm incredibly excited about the holidays approaching. I'm looking forward to spending another holiday with the in-laws. I love the drive (hours spent singing with my Kelly and talking about the random things that pop into our heads).
All is well today.
12/20/2006
"Feeling it accutely"
So, this morning I woke up to a very weird belly and a distinct inability to keep anything in my belly. It goes in my mouth and then comes right back out a few minutes later from another place. Not pretty. I'm at home today. The bitch of it all is that I feel okay - I'm not feeling sick, but I can't eat. And when I do it's not good.
And because I'm pregnant, I have to eat. So. There you have it.
I called my doctor just to let them know that I've been sick a lot lately. Nothing major - no major fevers, no major loss of body fluids (until today), nothing really to worry about. Just constantly unwell. The response I got back was a question. They asked how I felt before I was pregnant - how often was I sick, etc? I explained that I was very rarely ill and almost never had problems with feeling tired or worn out. Then, they told me that I was probably just feeling the normal pains and discomforts of pregnancy accutely - because of the contrast to my usual good health. The additional weight isn't helping either. And I'm not really enjoying healthy food lately. I try - but when I have to choke down food to feed my appetite, it's hard for me to pick the "leafy greens".
But, I'm going to try harder. Perhaps I just need to invade my body with nothing but good health and some excersise. While things are so slow at work, I'll use my lunch break and walk for a bit.
What I do know is that once this child is born, I am getting back to my usual healthy self. Honestly, I don't care about my weight so much. I was always able to do whatever I want. I was extremely flexible, had a high endurance for excersise and ate well. Whether I weight 140 or 230 while those things are true is irrelevant...as long as those thing remain true. Right now, they are not. When this is over, I'm getting back to me. I figure, I'll have about two months to really focus on it while I'm home with the baby...and then I'll keep it up with our gym at work.
I'm tired of feeling like I have a parasite eating at me.
And because I'm pregnant, I have to eat. So. There you have it.
I called my doctor just to let them know that I've been sick a lot lately. Nothing major - no major fevers, no major loss of body fluids (until today), nothing really to worry about. Just constantly unwell. The response I got back was a question. They asked how I felt before I was pregnant - how often was I sick, etc? I explained that I was very rarely ill and almost never had problems with feeling tired or worn out. Then, they told me that I was probably just feeling the normal pains and discomforts of pregnancy accutely - because of the contrast to my usual good health. The additional weight isn't helping either. And I'm not really enjoying healthy food lately. I try - but when I have to choke down food to feed my appetite, it's hard for me to pick the "leafy greens".
But, I'm going to try harder. Perhaps I just need to invade my body with nothing but good health and some excersise. While things are so slow at work, I'll use my lunch break and walk for a bit.
What I do know is that once this child is born, I am getting back to my usual healthy self. Honestly, I don't care about my weight so much. I was always able to do whatever I want. I was extremely flexible, had a high endurance for excersise and ate well. Whether I weight 140 or 230 while those things are true is irrelevant...as long as those thing remain true. Right now, they are not. When this is over, I'm getting back to me. I figure, I'll have about two months to really focus on it while I'm home with the baby...and then I'll keep it up with our gym at work.
I'm tired of feeling like I have a parasite eating at me.
12/19/2006
Sickness Has Struck
Amazingly enough, this time it's NOT me. My honey is at home right now, hopefully still sleeping, with a very, very sore throat. She's been fighting illness for a couple of days now, and it appears that she has lost the battle. I wish that I could skip work and just take care of her. I hate it when she's sick and I'm not at home. BUT, she's a big girl and will be just fine. Besides, BooBoo will be very happy to sit on her lap and keep her warm.
All else is going as usual. The baby is fine - nothing new. I'm feeling the movement more and more, though, and that's cool. I can't wait for Kelly to feel the baby. That's the next "big" milestone for me...
Christmas is coming...soon. I can't wait! There are lots of little surprises under our tree and more to come. Santa always comes to our house, and he brings lots and lots of goodies!
Okay - off to the races for another day!
All else is going as usual. The baby is fine - nothing new. I'm feeling the movement more and more, though, and that's cool. I can't wait for Kelly to feel the baby. That's the next "big" milestone for me...
Christmas is coming...soon. I can't wait! There are lots of little surprises under our tree and more to come. Santa always comes to our house, and he brings lots and lots of goodies!
Okay - off to the races for another day!
12/18/2006
I love this...
...or not. Sigh. It was another longish weekend. We had a wonderful time on Saturday evening and Sunday morning with Kelly's mom and stepdad. It was nice to have company, and they brought us something. I can't say anything more because we promised...but I will elaborate as soon as I can.
After they left, I realized that I was feeling like hell. I spent two hours on the couch watching old episodes of Queer as Folk and then went upstairs to shower. After showering, I fell asleep for a little bit. Then, back downstairs. I finally found some energy around 5:30 last night...but was still in bed by 8 PM.
I wonder if I will ever feel like myself again.
By all accounts, the baby is growing as s/he should. My belly gets more and more swollen by the day. I swear that I grow overnight. It's amazing. When I sit down, my belly button doesn't hide anymore. This probably is a new concept for those of you who are thin, but if you're a larger person, you know what I mean. My belly button has taken on a whole new look, too. It's interesting. Overall, I'm round and obviously pregnant. My belly doesn't ever fade into the background anymore, and I only have five work shirts that still fit. After the holiday, Kelly and I are going to hit some sales and get some new shirts for me. Ugg. I hate shopping. Actually, I loathe it. I'd rather be beaten with a spiked belt (yes, I really hate it that bad).
I find that I can't keep my hands off my belly these days. Ever since the 20 week ultrasound, I find that I'm drawn to the baby. I want to touch him or her all the time. It's funny because I almost feel as though the baby needs the comfort...when I understand that it's really me who needs it. I also want Kelly to touch the baby more and more. She's spent more time with her hands on my belly, talking to our child and enjoying the roundness of my tummy. It's new...and it's really cool. It's almost like active parenting - we are engaged with the little life inside of me. We need to start expanding our children's book collection - so that we can read to the little honey. And I should probably start listening to "lighter" music. I"m still prone to crank up the hip hop station and dance while I drive. LOL - our little honey is going to come out rocking...
Not much more to report. I'll write again tomorrow...
After they left, I realized that I was feeling like hell. I spent two hours on the couch watching old episodes of Queer as Folk and then went upstairs to shower. After showering, I fell asleep for a little bit. Then, back downstairs. I finally found some energy around 5:30 last night...but was still in bed by 8 PM.
I wonder if I will ever feel like myself again.
By all accounts, the baby is growing as s/he should. My belly gets more and more swollen by the day. I swear that I grow overnight. It's amazing. When I sit down, my belly button doesn't hide anymore. This probably is a new concept for those of you who are thin, but if you're a larger person, you know what I mean. My belly button has taken on a whole new look, too. It's interesting. Overall, I'm round and obviously pregnant. My belly doesn't ever fade into the background anymore, and I only have five work shirts that still fit. After the holiday, Kelly and I are going to hit some sales and get some new shirts for me. Ugg. I hate shopping. Actually, I loathe it. I'd rather be beaten with a spiked belt (yes, I really hate it that bad).
I find that I can't keep my hands off my belly these days. Ever since the 20 week ultrasound, I find that I'm drawn to the baby. I want to touch him or her all the time. It's funny because I almost feel as though the baby needs the comfort...when I understand that it's really me who needs it. I also want Kelly to touch the baby more and more. She's spent more time with her hands on my belly, talking to our child and enjoying the roundness of my tummy. It's new...and it's really cool. It's almost like active parenting - we are engaged with the little life inside of me. We need to start expanding our children's book collection - so that we can read to the little honey. And I should probably start listening to "lighter" music. I"m still prone to crank up the hip hop station and dance while I drive. LOL - our little honey is going to come out rocking...
Not much more to report. I'll write again tomorrow...
12/15/2006
One more thing...
There are no pictures to post today because our scanner at home is being a bitch. I have to figure it out. Rather than deal with that last night (and end up throwing it out the window), I thought I would wait until this weekend...
And...I gained 4 pounds in this last month. So far, total weight gain = 4 pounds!
And...I gained 4 pounds in this last month. So far, total weight gain = 4 pounds!
It all cycles back
Kelly and I were talking last night about how it seems like everything has kind of cycled back to a good spot for us.
At the beginning of this year, I was really struggling. I had had this horrible experience with a co-worker at my previous job that ended in me leaving an organization that I truly loved. I had spent the holidays trying not to worry about not being employed (nobody hires during the holidays). After the New Year, I really got down to business interviewing and eventually took the job that I currently hold. Needless to say, the transition back into the world of a big, corporate law firm after having been at a small, intense non-profit was painful and very, very hard for me. I think that is when I started to really get depressed. It was right around the middle of January when we started taking our Maybe Baby class. The world of children was all around us, but still right out of our reach. We didn't own a home yet. So we got busy, and bought a house in April. We increased our commute by about double, but we loved our house.
The problem was that even though we made all the "right" choices, nothing was working for me. I hated my job. I hated the commute. I resented Kelly for really loving her work while I was barely keeping my head above water. I had some pretty intense (and un-dealt with) anger toward the person who had caused me to have to leave my previous job. I felt locked into a world that I had helped create (we purchased our house on the assumption of my income NOT changing). I couldn't get out of it. I was trapped in this job, in a long-ass commute and I was completely devestated by all of this.
It really wasn't until later that I realized just how depressed I was during that period. I think that my Mom knew, and perhaps my bestest friend A knew. Kelly definately knew. But I didn't. I was superwoman, remember?
Then one day, Kelly suggested that we stop waiting for that elusive "perfect" time to start our family. She took an emotional plunge into some pretty deep water to come find her lost honey who was sinking into a very, very dark place. She gave me the one thing that could have brought me out of my depression. She gave me the answer to my unanswerable question of "why?" Why had we bought a house? Why was I dealing with a 2 1/2 to 3 hour commute every day? Why did I feel so trapped? What was the point of it all?
We started the process right away. And it seemed to fall into place right away. It was almost as if the universe (some may call it God) stepped in and took care of things. We found the perfect donor quickly. We figured out our cycle the first time (thank you, O). We inseminated at the right time, and we got pregnant on our first try. Our little honey came through and we have made it to 20 weeks - where the chances are much, much lower of us having problems. All signs point to a healthy child in approximately 18-22 weeks.
Additionally, my job has come a full 180 degrees. I started out miserable here, but I've found my niche. I'm good at what I am doing, and I have been ripely rewarded. My boss adores me. I've really become her shining star. And it's not so much that I'm rocking my job, as it is that my job is rocking me. I got promoted and my new position is a brand new position in a brand new department. There is endless room to grow and develop professionally. And it is a professional position. I'm not an assistant. I'm going to get to establish much needed procedures and organizational techniques that will make the department run smoother. It's challenging for me, and I love it. I love to feel like I'm doing well, and I love to feel like my work has some meaning.
What an amazing year this has been. Together, my wife and I have built a life that we are in love with. We sat on the couch last night and thought about how far we had come. I realized as I was sitting there last night that there are so many factors I cannot control. I'll never know if the next decision I make will be a good one, or a horrible one. I'll never know how my spirit will react, or how I'll adjust.
But what I do know is that no matter how dark my world gets, Kelly will always be there to pull me back into the light. I know that for the rest of my life, I am going to be someone's Mamma. I know that I am strong enough to get through anything. And I know that when I put that all together, I'm going to be okay.
It's been a long year. I'm sure you'll all get it when I say that I hope next year is a little less eventful...LOL!
At the beginning of this year, I was really struggling. I had had this horrible experience with a co-worker at my previous job that ended in me leaving an organization that I truly loved. I had spent the holidays trying not to worry about not being employed (nobody hires during the holidays). After the New Year, I really got down to business interviewing and eventually took the job that I currently hold. Needless to say, the transition back into the world of a big, corporate law firm after having been at a small, intense non-profit was painful and very, very hard for me. I think that is when I started to really get depressed. It was right around the middle of January when we started taking our Maybe Baby class. The world of children was all around us, but still right out of our reach. We didn't own a home yet. So we got busy, and bought a house in April. We increased our commute by about double, but we loved our house.
The problem was that even though we made all the "right" choices, nothing was working for me. I hated my job. I hated the commute. I resented Kelly for really loving her work while I was barely keeping my head above water. I had some pretty intense (and un-dealt with) anger toward the person who had caused me to have to leave my previous job. I felt locked into a world that I had helped create (we purchased our house on the assumption of my income NOT changing). I couldn't get out of it. I was trapped in this job, in a long-ass commute and I was completely devestated by all of this.
It really wasn't until later that I realized just how depressed I was during that period. I think that my Mom knew, and perhaps my bestest friend A knew. Kelly definately knew. But I didn't. I was superwoman, remember?
Then one day, Kelly suggested that we stop waiting for that elusive "perfect" time to start our family. She took an emotional plunge into some pretty deep water to come find her lost honey who was sinking into a very, very dark place. She gave me the one thing that could have brought me out of my depression. She gave me the answer to my unanswerable question of "why?" Why had we bought a house? Why was I dealing with a 2 1/2 to 3 hour commute every day? Why did I feel so trapped? What was the point of it all?
We started the process right away. And it seemed to fall into place right away. It was almost as if the universe (some may call it God) stepped in and took care of things. We found the perfect donor quickly. We figured out our cycle the first time (thank you, O). We inseminated at the right time, and we got pregnant on our first try. Our little honey came through and we have made it to 20 weeks - where the chances are much, much lower of us having problems. All signs point to a healthy child in approximately 18-22 weeks.
Additionally, my job has come a full 180 degrees. I started out miserable here, but I've found my niche. I'm good at what I am doing, and I have been ripely rewarded. My boss adores me. I've really become her shining star. And it's not so much that I'm rocking my job, as it is that my job is rocking me. I got promoted and my new position is a brand new position in a brand new department. There is endless room to grow and develop professionally. And it is a professional position. I'm not an assistant. I'm going to get to establish much needed procedures and organizational techniques that will make the department run smoother. It's challenging for me, and I love it. I love to feel like I'm doing well, and I love to feel like my work has some meaning.
What an amazing year this has been. Together, my wife and I have built a life that we are in love with. We sat on the couch last night and thought about how far we had come. I realized as I was sitting there last night that there are so many factors I cannot control. I'll never know if the next decision I make will be a good one, or a horrible one. I'll never know how my spirit will react, or how I'll adjust.
But what I do know is that no matter how dark my world gets, Kelly will always be there to pull me back into the light. I know that for the rest of my life, I am going to be someone's Mamma. I know that I am strong enough to get through anything. And I know that when I put that all together, I'm going to be okay.
It's been a long year. I'm sure you'll all get it when I say that I hope next year is a little less eventful...LOL!
12/14/2006
Little Miracles
Yesterday was incredible. There are very few other words that describe it, and that doesn't even really come close.
Our first doctors appointment went quickly and smoothly. We listened to the baby's heartbeat (it was loud and strong at 150 beats per minute). We found out that my arm numbness is pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome (Jill...you were right!). And we were told that no matter how much I, or my job, would like for me to attend a convention in St. Louis during my 7th month of pregnancy, my doctors wouldn't allow it!
After that, it was off to the ultrasound. The big one! There is a little story in there about me and how much fluid I had to drink...but I'm going to let my loving partner embarrass the hell out of me. I'm going to save some of my own pride...LOL!
We got there, though, and waited for about 10 minutes. We finally went in to the room, and our wonderful, wonderful ultrasound technition proceded to spent about an hour showing us our baby and all of our baby's parts. We saw his/her kidneys, bladder, brain, all the bones, the heart - everything. All organs are properly developed for a 20-week old fetus.
The better information, though, is that s/he was moving everywhere! S/he would flip around, kick his/her legs and arms and pretty much make the ultrasound technition's job as difficult as possible. It was so incredibly sweet and endearing. I cried. I couldn't help myself. Kelly just watched in awe, with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on her face. At one point, at the tech was trying to get a profile shot for us, the baby covered his/her face with both hands. I will post the pictures tomorrow - but it was just as cute as could be. His/her little legs were drawn up (classic fetal position) and s/he covered his/her face with one hand and the side of his/her face with the other. We both laughed out loud.
We either have a shy little honey, or we have a little honey with a big personality!
The entire experience was amazing. The report that was run after all the pictures were taken showed that our little honey weighs about 14 ounces (only two ounces shy of a pound!), and that s/he is about 18 cm longs. They "aged" the fetus at 20 weeks, 6 days, so a little bit older than s/he actually is. The best part is that for all of the baby's moving around, the tech was unable to get one very important shot of the spine and we get to go back for another one...and this time they are going to do a 3-D!!!!!
After that experience, we went to lunch. Kelly really named it best when she said that she felt emotionally drained. That was exactly the feeling. It was so incredible, it was exhausting. We both just sat there at lunch staring at each other, lost in our own thoughts and feelings. I cried a lot. It was an intensely emotional experience for me, and being the hormonal pregnany lady that I am, it caused tears. Kelly tried not to giggle at me, as I stuffed pancakes in my mouth and cried. LOL!
I keep thinking - how amazing it is to love someone so intensely when you've never met them. Other parents tell you about this kind of love, but it's not something you understand until it's your child. And the descriptions from other people are meaningless when you compare them to the actually feelings. What an amazing thing it is.
Pictures will be posted tomorrow...
Our first doctors appointment went quickly and smoothly. We listened to the baby's heartbeat (it was loud and strong at 150 beats per minute). We found out that my arm numbness is pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel syndrome (Jill...you were right!). And we were told that no matter how much I, or my job, would like for me to attend a convention in St. Louis during my 7th month of pregnancy, my doctors wouldn't allow it!
After that, it was off to the ultrasound. The big one! There is a little story in there about me and how much fluid I had to drink...but I'm going to let my loving partner embarrass the hell out of me. I'm going to save some of my own pride...LOL!
We got there, though, and waited for about 10 minutes. We finally went in to the room, and our wonderful, wonderful ultrasound technition proceded to spent about an hour showing us our baby and all of our baby's parts. We saw his/her kidneys, bladder, brain, all the bones, the heart - everything. All organs are properly developed for a 20-week old fetus.
The better information, though, is that s/he was moving everywhere! S/he would flip around, kick his/her legs and arms and pretty much make the ultrasound technition's job as difficult as possible. It was so incredibly sweet and endearing. I cried. I couldn't help myself. Kelly just watched in awe, with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen on her face. At one point, at the tech was trying to get a profile shot for us, the baby covered his/her face with both hands. I will post the pictures tomorrow - but it was just as cute as could be. His/her little legs were drawn up (classic fetal position) and s/he covered his/her face with one hand and the side of his/her face with the other. We both laughed out loud.
We either have a shy little honey, or we have a little honey with a big personality!
The entire experience was amazing. The report that was run after all the pictures were taken showed that our little honey weighs about 14 ounces (only two ounces shy of a pound!), and that s/he is about 18 cm longs. They "aged" the fetus at 20 weeks, 6 days, so a little bit older than s/he actually is. The best part is that for all of the baby's moving around, the tech was unable to get one very important shot of the spine and we get to go back for another one...and this time they are going to do a 3-D!!!!!
After that experience, we went to lunch. Kelly really named it best when she said that she felt emotionally drained. That was exactly the feeling. It was so incredible, it was exhausting. We both just sat there at lunch staring at each other, lost in our own thoughts and feelings. I cried a lot. It was an intensely emotional experience for me, and being the hormonal pregnany lady that I am, it caused tears. Kelly tried not to giggle at me, as I stuffed pancakes in my mouth and cried. LOL!
I keep thinking - how amazing it is to love someone so intensely when you've never met them. Other parents tell you about this kind of love, but it's not something you understand until it's your child. And the descriptions from other people are meaningless when you compare them to the actually feelings. What an amazing thing it is.
Pictures will be posted tomorrow...
12/12/2006
Exhuaustion
What is it, really, that causes me to be so tired? Is it REALLY just that I'm growing a baby? I mean, honestly, I feel like I could fall right over and curl up on the sidewalk and sleep. I'm so tired all the time.
Tomorrow is a BIG HUGE day for us. It all begins in the morning, when I will stalk the line at DMV for my new drivers licence in my new name. After that we are off to our regular doctors appointment (wonder how much weight I've gained...). Then, we will be standing in line at the post office trying to get our holiday packages shipped out. Then, it's off to THE ultrasound. The 20 week! We absolutely cannot wait to see the baby again. Then lunch. Then we will spend the afternoon checking out childcare centers and (hopefully) find a couple we like enough to put ourselves on the waiting list. After that, we travel into the city for dinner with my mom and her co-worker.
It's going to be a long...but very, very exciting...day!
Today, the goal is to stay away long enough to do everything that needs to be done here. Uggg.
Tomorrow is a BIG HUGE day for us. It all begins in the morning, when I will stalk the line at DMV for my new drivers licence in my new name. After that we are off to our regular doctors appointment (wonder how much weight I've gained...). Then, we will be standing in line at the post office trying to get our holiday packages shipped out. Then, it's off to THE ultrasound. The 20 week! We absolutely cannot wait to see the baby again. Then lunch. Then we will spend the afternoon checking out childcare centers and (hopefully) find a couple we like enough to put ourselves on the waiting list. After that, we travel into the city for dinner with my mom and her co-worker.
It's going to be a long...but very, very exciting...day!
Today, the goal is to stay away long enough to do everything that needs to be done here. Uggg.
12/11/2006
Momma Time!
I'm one happy girl today. Tonight, I'm picking my Momma up at the hotel that she will be staying at for the next couple of days (for a convention) and bringing her home with with me! Kelly and I will take her out to dinner (Olive Garden) so that we'll have more time to talk and less time making dinner and cleaning up after.
She's gonna get to see and feel my ever-growing baby bump, our Christmas tree and ME! And I"ll get to give her a big huge hug and smell her (smell is very important, and NOBODY smells like my Momma!).
I can't wait. Now...the only question is how do I get through today????
She's gonna get to see and feel my ever-growing baby bump, our Christmas tree and ME! And I"ll get to give her a big huge hug and smell her (smell is very important, and NOBODY smells like my Momma!).
I can't wait. Now...the only question is how do I get through today????
12/08/2006
Splat
There isn't much to say. I woke up in a great mood this morning after having spent a wonderful night sleeping. I didn't wake up until 3:53 AM (only 7 short minutes before my alarm). Which meant that from 8 PM until that time, I slept deeply and soundly without waking up from numb arms or a full bladder.
Blissful.
Perhaps my body heard my desperate need for some normalcy and granted me one night of good rest.
I'll take it.
I'm really excited about next week. On Wednesday, we have our 20 week ultra sound (we really will be 20 weeks that day!). I'm so excited to see the baby again. I've been feeling him/her more and more. It is still mainly vibration-like feelings in my lower tummy. Strange feelings - kind of like the washing machine is on spin cycle in another part of the house, causing me to vibrate slightly. (I know...I said it was strange). Every now and then I feel something more like a "flutter", although that has been extremely rare. Just last night, though, I felt two pronouced baby kicks. I say baby kicks, because they were small. If I hadn't been nearly asleep, I would have missed them. I was laying on my side, rubbing Kelly's back. I had sort of fallen into her and was laying more on my tummy than my side. The baby tolerated that pretty well for a while, but apparently got tired of his/her space being encroached on because s/he gave a kick right at the part of my belly that was laying against the bed. I immediately rolled off my tummy and giggled. Then, the baby kicked me again - as if to say "Mine, Mamma...mine!". I woke Kelly up! It was very exciting.
Those are the little moments that I'm living for right now. In the sea of a difficult pregnancy, they are the life rafts that pull me from week to week. And, of course, the loving devotion of my Kelly. It amazes me that one person can be so strong for both of us. If I ever hear anyone say that Kelly has never been through pregnancy, I'll knock 'em out. Kelly's been there. She's been through the worst of this shit with me and she's the reason that I can still smile and enjoy some of it. I think that some partners just let their pregnant partner go through it. They are not there every day asking questions, being involved. They don't wake up in the middle of the night just to ask how I'm feeling because I moved around. They don't eat random food (think soy hotdogs and yogurt for dinner) because their partner can't stand the smell of anything. They don't encourage their partners to sleep, "Woman, nap...you need it", in the middle of a Saturday. They don't do all of the little things that have made this tolerable.
I'm very, very lucky. I'm loved by a woman who trusts me with the most important thing we will ever do. I get to carry our child, and I get to bring him or her into this world. And I get to do this with the love of my life, and the Mommy of my children by my side.
Wow.
Blissful.
Perhaps my body heard my desperate need for some normalcy and granted me one night of good rest.
I'll take it.
I'm really excited about next week. On Wednesday, we have our 20 week ultra sound (we really will be 20 weeks that day!). I'm so excited to see the baby again. I've been feeling him/her more and more. It is still mainly vibration-like feelings in my lower tummy. Strange feelings - kind of like the washing machine is on spin cycle in another part of the house, causing me to vibrate slightly. (I know...I said it was strange). Every now and then I feel something more like a "flutter", although that has been extremely rare. Just last night, though, I felt two pronouced baby kicks. I say baby kicks, because they were small. If I hadn't been nearly asleep, I would have missed them. I was laying on my side, rubbing Kelly's back. I had sort of fallen into her and was laying more on my tummy than my side. The baby tolerated that pretty well for a while, but apparently got tired of his/her space being encroached on because s/he gave a kick right at the part of my belly that was laying against the bed. I immediately rolled off my tummy and giggled. Then, the baby kicked me again - as if to say "Mine, Mamma...mine!". I woke Kelly up! It was very exciting.
Those are the little moments that I'm living for right now. In the sea of a difficult pregnancy, they are the life rafts that pull me from week to week. And, of course, the loving devotion of my Kelly. It amazes me that one person can be so strong for both of us. If I ever hear anyone say that Kelly has never been through pregnancy, I'll knock 'em out. Kelly's been there. She's been through the worst of this shit with me and she's the reason that I can still smile and enjoy some of it. I think that some partners just let their pregnant partner go through it. They are not there every day asking questions, being involved. They don't wake up in the middle of the night just to ask how I'm feeling because I moved around. They don't eat random food (think soy hotdogs and yogurt for dinner) because their partner can't stand the smell of anything. They don't encourage their partners to sleep, "Woman, nap...you need it", in the middle of a Saturday. They don't do all of the little things that have made this tolerable.
I'm very, very lucky. I'm loved by a woman who trusts me with the most important thing we will ever do. I get to carry our child, and I get to bring him or her into this world. And I get to do this with the love of my life, and the Mommy of my children by my side.
Wow.
12/07/2006
Sleepin' In
This morning, I slept late! Or sort of late. I slept until 5:30 in the morning and then wasted a bunch of time until around 7 when I finally got into the shower. I made it work around 9 and was STILL the first one to arrive.
I love that.
All is good. I'm tired of making a baby most days, but as I've said before I wouldn't change it. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with the realities of this - the constant sicknes (that is still pervasive), the tummy pains, the numb arms, the back aches, my inability to sleep in any position that is comfortable. It feels like my entire life is all about working, commuting and being pregnant. And I don't get to forget pregnancy while I'm at work or commuting. As Kelly pointed out in a much earlier post - spending 2+ hours a day on a commuter bus that smells like a porta potty, crammed into a seat with another person while I get nauseus is not exactly fun for me.
Day to day, I'm good. It's the fact that I've been living day to day like this for slightly over four months now that is exhausting. I'd love to just escape into a glass (bottle...hell...bottle or two) of deep red wine. I'd like to put on some Nora Jones and wrap myself in a wine fog with nobody but me, Kelly and Nora. I'd love, for just one day, to feel "normal" whatever that means.
I know that this is all part of it, and I accept it. In fact, I even love it. I'm just tired, emotional and wanting some time off from this. At least, as a parent to a child outside of my womb, I will able to walk away for moments. This is one hundred percent me, all the time, with no breaks at all.
But, I will make it through - just as millions of mothers before me have. Sooner rather than later, I will be holding our little honey and will forget this part. Hell, I may find myself wondering where the time went. I know that I will come through this.
I love that.
All is good. I'm tired of making a baby most days, but as I've said before I wouldn't change it. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with the realities of this - the constant sicknes (that is still pervasive), the tummy pains, the numb arms, the back aches, my inability to sleep in any position that is comfortable. It feels like my entire life is all about working, commuting and being pregnant. And I don't get to forget pregnancy while I'm at work or commuting. As Kelly pointed out in a much earlier post - spending 2+ hours a day on a commuter bus that smells like a porta potty, crammed into a seat with another person while I get nauseus is not exactly fun for me.
Day to day, I'm good. It's the fact that I've been living day to day like this for slightly over four months now that is exhausting. I'd love to just escape into a glass (bottle...hell...bottle or two) of deep red wine. I'd like to put on some Nora Jones and wrap myself in a wine fog with nobody but me, Kelly and Nora. I'd love, for just one day, to feel "normal" whatever that means.
I know that this is all part of it, and I accept it. In fact, I even love it. I'm just tired, emotional and wanting some time off from this. At least, as a parent to a child outside of my womb, I will able to walk away for moments. This is one hundred percent me, all the time, with no breaks at all.
But, I will make it through - just as millions of mothers before me have. Sooner rather than later, I will be holding our little honey and will forget this part. Hell, I may find myself wondering where the time went. I know that I will come through this.
12/06/2006
19 Week Baby Bump
Well, here I am. For the first time in my life, my boobs actually look small. LOL! Somewhere in there Our Little Honey is growing like a weed. I hope, anyway!
Early Christmas Present
Good news! I have officially been promoted! I am now the MCLE and Professional Development Coordinator at my law firm! The job comes with a good salary increase and a major decrease in the amount of work I'll be doing. Additionally, it's more flexible and much more of a career path.
I'm way excited!
For all those moms out there who read this - I have been getting some serious numbness in my arms. I'm going to talk to our doctor about this (next Wednesday is our next appointment), but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It's weird.
I'm way excited!
For all those moms out there who read this - I have been getting some serious numbness in my arms. I'm going to talk to our doctor about this (next Wednesday is our next appointment), but I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this? It's weird.
12/05/2006
Excited about Labor
The last couple of days, I've found myself really excited to start the process of actively preparing for labor. Kelly and I will be signing up for a labor and delivery class shortly (to be taken in February when I'm about 7 months pregnant), but I'm already excited!
This has certainly been an interesting process for me. I suspect that my next pregnancy won't be quite so eventful - at least, I'll have been through it once. My expectations have completely changed, and so has my laundry list of needs. I'm feeling much more fluid and relaxed about it all.
My only "fear" is that my Mom won't make it in time for the delivery. She's gonna try like hell, and the only thing that will prevent her from being here is fate itself. But it will suck if she's not there. I can't imagine approaching something so intense without knowing that my partner and my mother will be by my side.
So, I'm sending out "long labor" vibes. LOL - based on all previous expectations of pregnancy, this should mean that I'll have a 45 minute labor and delivery. But, I'm hoping. I'll be the one saying "fly little plane, fly...and bring me my Momma so that I can become a Mamma."
A - pictures are on the way. I'll post them tomorrow!
This has certainly been an interesting process for me. I suspect that my next pregnancy won't be quite so eventful - at least, I'll have been through it once. My expectations have completely changed, and so has my laundry list of needs. I'm feeling much more fluid and relaxed about it all.
My only "fear" is that my Mom won't make it in time for the delivery. She's gonna try like hell, and the only thing that will prevent her from being here is fate itself. But it will suck if she's not there. I can't imagine approaching something so intense without knowing that my partner and my mother will be by my side.
So, I'm sending out "long labor" vibes. LOL - based on all previous expectations of pregnancy, this should mean that I'll have a 45 minute labor and delivery. But, I'm hoping. I'll be the one saying "fly little plane, fly...and bring me my Momma so that I can become a Mamma."
A - pictures are on the way. I'll post them tomorrow!
12/04/2006
Monday Again
Here we are! It's Monday. This morning, I woke up at 3:00 AM. Yep, 3 AM. And what's worse is that I was wide awake. Definately not going back to sleep. Ugg. So, I was up at 3. Which means that I'll be in bed tonight by 8. Early to rise, early to bed. What a wonderfully boring life I lead.
We spent the weekend finalizing our Christmas to-do list. We made our cards, then addressed and signed them all - they are out the door. We are finished Christmas shopping for the most part; there are only a couple of gift cards left to purchase. We've done our wrapping. Our holiday shipping will take place on the 13th - we'll be the ones standing in line at the post office trying to get our gifts out to our loved ones on time!
But...for the most part - we are done. It's like this every year. We really enjoy this holiday, so it doesn't feel like work for us. Both of us really get into it. But it's funny - we go out and we see a completely different response to it. Our friendly little town (it really is) has turned into a seething mass of unhappy, hurried shoppers. They drive fast, blow by you in the store without a care and take no time to smile or enjoy the simple little moments of the season. It's amazing to me. I can't help it - I'm happy during this time of year. I just feel full. Full of love and joy and hope. This really is a time of renewal and starting over for me. It's the best time of the year.
So, I smile (and laugh sometimes) as the antics of those around me who just find stress in this holiday. I wish that I could pass on some of my love of it. I wish that it was as magical for everyone as it is for me and Kelly. At least, I'll keep smiling.
So, if you pass a glowing pregnant woman in a bright red sweater with Christmas snowmen all over it, humming carols and smiling at everyone, you might have passed me! I'll be out there trying to spread some Christmas cheer, and finding the joy in the little parts of this wonderful, wonderful time of year!
We spent the weekend finalizing our Christmas to-do list. We made our cards, then addressed and signed them all - they are out the door. We are finished Christmas shopping for the most part; there are only a couple of gift cards left to purchase. We've done our wrapping. Our holiday shipping will take place on the 13th - we'll be the ones standing in line at the post office trying to get our gifts out to our loved ones on time!
But...for the most part - we are done. It's like this every year. We really enjoy this holiday, so it doesn't feel like work for us. Both of us really get into it. But it's funny - we go out and we see a completely different response to it. Our friendly little town (it really is) has turned into a seething mass of unhappy, hurried shoppers. They drive fast, blow by you in the store without a care and take no time to smile or enjoy the simple little moments of the season. It's amazing to me. I can't help it - I'm happy during this time of year. I just feel full. Full of love and joy and hope. This really is a time of renewal and starting over for me. It's the best time of the year.
So, I smile (and laugh sometimes) as the antics of those around me who just find stress in this holiday. I wish that I could pass on some of my love of it. I wish that it was as magical for everyone as it is for me and Kelly. At least, I'll keep smiling.
So, if you pass a glowing pregnant woman in a bright red sweater with Christmas snowmen all over it, humming carols and smiling at everyone, you might have passed me! I'll be out there trying to spread some Christmas cheer, and finding the joy in the little parts of this wonderful, wonderful time of year!
12/01/2006
Back to the Land of the Living
Ah yes, I love pregnancy. It seems that all I need to do is breath one spore of "bad" air that is contaminated with a virus, and I get sick. That's me. Sick girl. It sucks. Really.
I am back to work today, and back to feeling useful. I hate not working. I hate being sick. I hate sitting around and feeling lazy, even though it hurts to move. I hate sleeping so much. I just plain hate it. I have high expectations of myself and I can't stand it when my body doesn't cooperate. And it hasn't been recently.
But, enough of the bitching. I took care of myself and I am apparently better. Lots to do and not much time to do it in, but what's new?
We broke through 18 weeks. We're working on 19. I'm loving it. I want this baby here sooner rather than later. May still seems awfully far away, but maybe we'll give birth in April. That doesn't seem so far away.
Enough rambling. Time to work.
I am back to work today, and back to feeling useful. I hate not working. I hate being sick. I hate sitting around and feeling lazy, even though it hurts to move. I hate sleeping so much. I just plain hate it. I have high expectations of myself and I can't stand it when my body doesn't cooperate. And it hasn't been recently.
But, enough of the bitching. I took care of myself and I am apparently better. Lots to do and not much time to do it in, but what's new?
We broke through 18 weeks. We're working on 19. I'm loving it. I want this baby here sooner rather than later. May still seems awfully far away, but maybe we'll give birth in April. That doesn't seem so far away.
Enough rambling. Time to work.
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