Sleepin' In

This morning, I slept late! Or sort of late. I slept until 5:30 in the morning and then wasted a bunch of time until around 7 when I finally got into the shower. I made it work around 9 and was STILL the first one to arrive.

I love that.

All is good. I'm tired of making a baby most days, but as I've said before I wouldn't change it. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with the realities of this - the constant sicknes (that is still pervasive), the tummy pains, the numb arms, the back aches, my inability to sleep in any position that is comfortable. It feels like my entire life is all about working, commuting and being pregnant. And I don't get to forget pregnancy while I'm at work or commuting. As Kelly pointed out in a much earlier post - spending 2+ hours a day on a commuter bus that smells like a porta potty, crammed into a seat with another person while I get nauseus is not exactly fun for me.

Day to day, I'm good. It's the fact that I've been living day to day like this for slightly over four months now that is exhausting. I'd love to just escape into a glass (bottle...hell...bottle or two) of deep red wine. I'd like to put on some Nora Jones and wrap myself in a wine fog with nobody but me, Kelly and Nora. I'd love, for just one day, to feel "normal" whatever that means.

I know that this is all part of it, and I accept it. In fact, I even love it. I'm just tired, emotional and wanting some time off from this. At least, as a parent to a child outside of my womb, I will able to walk away for moments. This is one hundred percent me, all the time, with no breaks at all.

But, I will make it through - just as millions of mothers before me have. Sooner rather than later, I will be holding our little honey and will forget this part. Hell, I may find myself wondering where the time went. I know that I will come through this.