Happy

I woke up this morning happy. Not just run-of-the-mill happy, but really happy. The sort of happiness that I haven't felt in almost six months. Some of you may know that I had been battling a bit of a rough case of the very bluesy blues before I got pregnant. Pregnancy has definately helped, and given me something to focus on and look forward to, but it hasn't really brought me back to the place where I was before I got in my mild depression.

Today, I feel normal. The way that I always feel. I feel hopeful, excited, energized...renewed almost.

There are actually reasons that I can point to. A little aside here - I believe in naming what makes me happy. I guess this goes back to my deep belief that happiness is, in fact, chosen. We choose the life that we live, and then we get to choose whether or not we are going to be happy within that life. For me, it's a way of accepting that sometimes (and even a lot of the time) life is just difficult. So when something comes along that lifts you off the ground with joy, it deserves to be given a name and some air time. Rather than just accept it and let it pass, I choose to celebrate those moments as the diamonds in the rough of my life. And, oddly enough, this philosophy has allowed me to see that my life is more diamond than rough most of the time.

So today, I'm happy for a couple of reasons. First, it's finally Fall. As I was standing outside this morning, waiting for the bus, I was freezing cold. I've never been so happy to get on a warm bus in my life. For me, hot weather is oppressive. It makes me feel lathargic and horrible. I just hate it. When the weather turns, it's like being lifted a hundred feet up in the air for me. I stop feeling so yucky, and start to feel good, energized and excited. There is just something about Fall...

Another reason is that last night I got another interview. This is for a position that is actually an option. It's with the charles county public schools, but it's in the HR department. I would essentially be managing the entire subsitute teacher program - from ensuring that the openings are covered, to data entry, to planning the training and orientation for them. It's a meaty role, with lots for me to learn and care about. Best of all, it's 20 minutes from our house and the hours are 6:30 am - 2:30 pm. Perfect hours for raising babies, as far as I'm concerned. The salary is comprable. I want this job. I'm not getting my hopes up, but I'm going to go in tomorrow and give it my very best. If it's meant to be, it will be.

Finally - I'm pregnant. For those of you who didn't know. LOL! Honestly, though, so much of pregnancy seems to be focused on getting through the hard stuff. It's easy for me to forget the wonder of it all while I'm fighting constant nausea. Last night, while I was laying there trying to drift off to sleep and rubbing Kelly's head, I thought, "Our dream is coming true." It may not seem quite as profound to you as it did to me, but wow. We've dreamed this dream for years. It's not about the hard work it took to get ready, or the luck of getting pregnant on the first try. It's about the realization that whatever higher power exists out there, believes strongly enough in what Kelly and I share, to gift us with this child. It's our dream. And now it's our reality.

Amazing really.