Go Babycakes!

M. and Sacha are well on their way to welcoming their baby boy into their family! We're sending our best, ladies...good luck and enjoy the experience!!!!

As for us, we're just taking it easy and chilling out today. I got another crappy night of sleep last night and am trying to just keep a positive attitude about it. My ticker says 32 more days...that's not long. It could be longer, but not much.

I got my eyebrows and upper lip waxed today in preparation for our maternity photos next weekend. Ouch.

Tonight, I'm going to snuggle up to my baby while she watches basketball and try to steal her attention (it won't work). I'm going to steal tiny sips of her wine while she's watching the games. At some point, I'm going to make dinner. I already did the dishes and am working on a load of laundry.

I'm actually kind of bored.

I was thinking earlier...if Bailey was here, I wouldn't be bored...

But for now, I think she's snug and warm and quite happy inside...where she should be. I'm trying to be patient!

Have a good weekend all...and good luck Sacha and M.!

10 Year Reunion

I mentioned a few days ago that my 10 year high school class reunion is coming up this summer. It's funny because I found out about it by getting an email from one of the class leaders from our senior year. She was asking for my email address so that she could forward me the evite. That alone was strange. I got the evite and immediately decided not to go. It was my first instinct.

High school was not a good time for me. The reality of it is that I was bigger than small town Maine. I didn't do the things that everyone else wanted to do and I didn't want to. I didn't want to get stuck. I didn't want to end up pregnant like most of my friends. I didn't want to be in the same place that I grew up in. I wanted excitement, energy and to be where people didn't care if I wanted to be women or if I wanted to be with men. I just wanted out of what I considered to be my hell.

In retrospect, I can understand that was mostly about me. I did need out. I needed a different life. The people in that small town where just people, after all. There were some who were ignorant and some who were alright. Most of them just didn't care about me - they were busy living their own lives. I had some nasty run-ins, but who didn't in high school?

But I don't want to go back. It's funny - those people may not be the problem, but for me they represent everything that I managed to "escape". I don't want to see them all again. I don't want to feel that yucky insecurity that bubbles up from the bottom of my belly. I don't want to have anything to prove. I don't want for people to come walking over to me and then ask about my brothers. Mostly, I don't want to end up standing by the food table with some alcoholic beverage in my hand and realize that I was forgettable to them. You know?

It's silly. And maybe someday it will stop being such a horrible memory for me. But right now, 10 years isn't enough time away from the hell that high school (and middle school and junior high) were for me. My life is so good...I don't want to have to feel crappy about something that I've managed to successfully put in the past.

So...this June, when all my old classmates gather at the Senator in Augusta, Maine, I'll be here at our little house, nursing our newborn daughter, wrapped up in the arms of the woman who made all of my dreams come true. And I might feel like I'm missing out on something...but then again, I might not.

Jinxed Myself

It appears that I have jinxed myself. Remember me commenting about Kelly's insomnia? Well, it's visited me. Last night I got about 2 hours of broken sleep. I decided this morning to take the day off and rest. I probably could have made it through the day at work, but at this point, why push myself so hard? At some point, I just have to accept that pregnancy is sometimes my job.

So, I hopped back into bed at 5:30 when Kelly left for work determined to sleep until I was rested. Apparently, my body thinks it's rested, even though I've only slept for two more hours. I'm exhausted, but my shoulders and back hurt from laying down on them all night. My retched carpal tunnel in both hands is out of control and they are both completely numb. I'm hungry, and poor Bailey doesn't understand why everything is so different today. Poor girl couldn't get any sleep with her Momma up all night.

I know this is par for the course, I but I can't stand it when things don't run on schedule for no good reason. When they change for a good reason (like a child being born) that's one thing...but honestly. Right now, I should be sleeping.

Plans for today: hang out, pick up, make a grocery list, go grocery shopping, drive in to town this afternoon and pick Kelly up from work. Hopefully, I'll get cupcake (they are celebrating Kelly's birthday late at her job today...and I sure do like a cupcake these days...LOL!)

OH MY!!

Phew...a slight momement of panic for a second...we're going to have a baby in about a month. Insert a deep breath. Okay, I feel a little better. ~Kelly

From My New Office!

I am writing this post from my new office! Prior to about one hour ago, I shared a cubicle with another person. Not a horrible environment, but certainly lacking in privacy.

My new digs come with much more space, a certain level of prestige (because only some people actually get offices) and, most importantly...a LOCKING DOOR!!!!

Why, you might ask, is this so important? Well, because I intend to exclusively breastfeed for the first six months and in order to do that, I will have to pump like mad when I come back to work (they say 3-4 times a day).

I am lucky because my office provides a "mothers room" where I would be able to pump if I were still in my cube...but I would not have access to my email or to answer my phone. In other words, it's a significant time drain for me...and in all honesty, I'd be less likely to stick with it.

However, with my new office, I will be able to close and lock the door three or four times a day and still monitor my emails and telephone calls. In other words, I'll be able to continue my job and my role as mother at the same time!!! (I love multitasking...)

WOOO HOOOO!!!!!

Pre-Dawn

The alarm went off as it usually does at 4:00 AM. I was sound asleep on my back (which is weird, because that's been a no-no position for a while now). The window was open right above my head and the most wonderful breeze was blowing through. It was very cool, but just shy of too cold. Our littlest kitty, Tiny, was curled up on my pillow, her little paws kneeding my hair and she was purring just a loud as possible. Bailey was reeking havock in my tummy, kicking all about and (I think) trying to wake me up. I rolled slightly to get off my back and rubbed my tummy, talking low to her and to Tiny. Bailey settled down and got a really cute case of the hiccups.

I shut my eyes again (a mistake) and listened to the sounds of the birds just waking up. They were twittering loudly outside. I could almost imagine one scolding the other as I listened. The breeze continued to blow and Tiny kept purring and Bailey was wiggling just slightly. As I layed there, I realized that I was beyond content. I was so incredibly warm and fuzzy and safe and happy.

So, I fell back asleep. LOL! I only ended up oversleeping by about 20 minutes, but it caused the morning to be a bit of a rush. No big deal in the end, but it was funny. I must say, it was almost worth it...what a lovely way to wake up.

I hope that Bailey loves the morning as much as I do. I picked it up from my mother and my grandmother - both of whom were up before the sun most mornings of my life. There is a special kind of stillness that happens at that time of the day. The world wakes up slowly, if you are awake to be a part of the rhythms. So many times we are just thrust into our days by loud alarms and a demanding schedule of things that need to get done so that we can get out of the door. But waking up before the sun allows a person to see how the world truly comes out of the night. It's wonderful...and by far, my favorite time of day.

I hope that Bailey will want to share that time with me as she grows...

"Dad Tip" (week 36)

Or should I just start saying "The non-pregnant one in the relationship tip"? Nah, that might take some of the sarcasm out of the tradition.

This weeks tip is that I should start thinking about packing a bag for myself for the hospital. What?! You mean Mikki isn't going to do that for me? I guess the benefit is that I don't have to worry about helping Mikki pack her bag. Thank goodness for that. ~Kelly

Dad Tip Delay

Kelly's in training all day...but has promised to post this week's Dad Tip first thing in the AM tomorrow!

Week 36

The countdown continues! We have made it through 35 weeks of pregnancy (actually, it's only been 33...but the lovely 40-week method gives you those first two for free!). It's been a bumpy ride for me, but I'm really happy to report that it actually seems to be getting easier, rather than harder in these last few weeks.

I have more energy than I've had since before I got pregnant. I'm not sure what that's about. It might have something to do with it being spring, and our flowers are planted. I love walking outside in the morning and seeing the bright Petunias already flowering and smelling the mulch that covers our flower beds. I love waking up with the window open and listening to the sound of the birds rising with the sun. I love the cool air of the morning, the mild crispness that promises warmth and comfort through the day. I love the way that the trees have flowered, the beautiful yellows, whites and pinks of the blossoms. I love the green grass poking up from the dead winter grass and the way that the fat little Robins hop along it digging for worms.

This is such a wonderful, waking up time of year. It feels like I am coming out from under the drudgery of winter and the barren coldness of the dead landscape. This winter was especially hard for me, having spent the vast majority of it not feeling well.

We have 7 more weeks of pregnancy at the absolute most. If Bailey is not born on her own by the time we finish week 42 (or May 16th), we will induce labor and make her come. I don't think our little love will spend that much time inside of me, though. It's possible, and if that is her choice than I'll attempt to wait it out patiently...but I just don't feel like she's going to take that long. Maybe close to it...but not THAT long!

I think about that time frame. 7 weeks. That's not very long at all. I have dreamed of having a child for years. Literally for years. 7 weeks is nothing compared to that!

This weekend we will finalize everything for Bailey, except the carseat. We'll have our suitcase packed for the hospital and all of her room ready and clothes washed. It will truly be a waiting game at that point. We are very nearly finished the preparations for her.

All that is left is to enjoy the next couple of weeks as a child-less couple (if you can ignore the fact that my belly pretty much gets in the way of everything!!!!). There isn't much time left for us to just enjoy each other, without distraction. This weekend, next weekend...maybe the couple of weekends after. The countdown is on...

Here is what's up for Bailey's development this week:

Fetal development in pregnancy week 36:fetus in ninth month

The countdown continues… and in fetal developments: most of the bones (soft skull aside) in their little body are now completely hardened, providing a solid structure from which they can now make their grand debut. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we are structurally ready for a secure launch. In physical fitness news: their muscle tone has also improved over these past few weeks, and you’ll definitely be impressed by their steel-like Ulnar grasp (a newborn reflex that occurs if you lay your finger in their palm). And in genital development: if you’re having a girl, her labia are now fully developed. Finally, in the fluids/excretion department: the amniotic fluid-to-baby ratio has fallen over these past weeks, although they’re still swallowing fluid (building up even more meconium for that historic first poop), and some vernix caseosa. They will be more than ready to swallow and digest milk after birth. Just in case you didn’t get it quite yet: you’ve got yourself an adorable and hungry 6.5 lbs 20 inch baby—are you ready?

And how's mom doing?

If you haven’t done so already, you’re going to need to take the time to do some baby-proofing. We know you don’t have loads of energy right now, but waiting until your little crawler is getting into the Drain-o or sticking their finger in a light socket just isn’t the safest strategy. There are plenty of articles and check lists to assist you in making sure your home is a safe place for your new explorer (check out sites like: amazon.com’s safety products, and BabyCenter's buying guides (follow link to safety section). Go ahead and fix those broken cupboard latches and window screens. Hide or toss out harmful chemicals, detergents and aerosols as newborns are typically very sensitive to air-born agents and toxic cleaning supplies and if exposed, babies can easily breakout with rashes, have belabored breathing and watery eyes, along with others signs of irritation. Simply thinking about removing all these products can be overwhelming, so start small if necessary. Use vinegar to dust instead of Lysol, and if you’re planning on painting the nursery, try to stay away from the industry-standard synthetic mixes. Also, think about purchasing organic or dermatologist approved cotton comforters and pillows for the crib. It’s a nuisance to think about right now—but trust us: once your child is on the outside, you’re going to have a lot less time to be dealing with baby-proofing.

Horray for Momma!

Not me...MY MOMMA!!!! I found out last night that my sweetheart, my darling, my love, my honey pie (insert gag) had worked out with my Mom a way for her to be here quickly for our birth!!!! The details have been taken care of and all that we need now is to go into labor and Mom will be on her way! Provided that Bailey gives us some time, Mom will be here to witness Bailey's birth into this world...and to provide me with that much needed "mommy-love" during what I suspect will be a very intense time for me.

I couldn't be happier. Honestly.

I truly feel like everything is coming together. I read other people's blogs who are close, and they seem to have so much left to do. I just don't feel that way. We are ready when Bailey is. Her room is ready, although we do need to "pick up" a bit...we've still got some stuff scattered from my baby shower here at work. We don't have the hospital bag packed, but we've made a full list, so if we go into labor before this weekend, we'll be able to pull it all together quickly. I've got our phone list ready and the birth file (with all the medical directives and protections for Kelly) ready to go.

The only thing that isn't ready yet is the car seat. We are having it installed by the state police professionals on the 7th of April. If she comes before then, we'll take it with us to the hospital and have the orderlies help us get it in.

But, I don't think she's coming early. I'm predicting sometime between week 38 and week 39. But she can take as long as wants. I want for her to healthy...and I'm feeling really good these days...

I'm sleeping well and my body is feeling okay. I have minor back aches and hip aches, but all told, I'm feeling better than I have in weeks. Bailey is low, and I can feel myself waddle when I walk. My belly looks different also. She's settled to the right side, and I'm lopsided most of the time. Basically, she's just hanging out. She kicks a lot and moves even more, but nothing that doesn't feel "normal" at this point.

I think that I'm just getting used to this feeling. It's definately like carrying a watermelon around between my legs...but okay. I can do this. The time is truly limited at this point and I'm kind of enjoying the ride.

At least for today.

Monday Again

Here we are...at Monday again. I wish that I could say that we spent the weekend relaxing, but that would be a lie. However, with our collective efforts (and this time, I'm actually not kidding...I did A LOT), we got a ton of stuff checked off our "to-do before Bailey is born" list.

Kelly painted the kitchen. I have to just say that it is the kitchen of my dreams! Kelly went out on a limb and let me pick the color of the kitchen - a bright sunny yellow that is perhaps a shade or two brighter than she would have chosen on her own. However, it's AWESOME! I walk into the kitchen and feel like I've stepped directly into sunshine. It is literally, the kitchen I have dreamed about for years. I love it, love it, love it! Now, the entire downstairs is painted and we are DONE painting for right now...except the trim and doors in the kitchen...but that is minor compared to the walls.

While she was doing that on Saturday, I worked in the garden and started getting the beds ready for our spring planting. I had to move some of the plants to new locations in order to make room for our recently purchased plants. I also tilled some of the ground getting it ready. I also did some other outside maintenance work (like finally cleaning out and putting away the Christmas tree stand...LOL!). Then, I made a grocery list and did some indoor cleaning. After that, Kelly and I went out to dinner and then came home. I treated my sweetie to a long bath, a long massage and then some really good sleep!

Sunday came early, with me grocery and Target shopping before 8 AM. After that, all hell broke loose! Kelly did the second coat of paint in the kitchen while I cleaned the cars. Then we went outside together and did all the spring planting. Kelly did the brunt of this (including tilling the front bed...which is REALLY hard work). All the while, I did laundry and cleaned the house in between breaks.

All in all, we both worked non-stop all weekend until about 6:30 last night. Then we watched Georgetown make it to the final four and then went to bed. Where we both moaned and groaned in pain all night! LOL. BUT...we have the big things done. That's the most important thing of all...

As for Bailey - she's doing well. All the exercise and work this weekend meant that she didn't move around a lot. I think she gets overwhelmed when I'm really active, because she gets bounced around quite a bit. However, every time I would sit down for a minute, she would kick like mad a couple of times and then fall promptly asleep.

I actually feel further away from delivery than I did last week. In fact, I left work on Friday predicting that I would go into labor this weekend...that's how bad I felt. But, I'm feeling pretty good now. Tired, for sure...but not nearly as achy in my body as I was before. I'm not sure why...maybe it's that I'm getting used to the pressure of Bailey on my cervix and down in my pelvis. Maybe I'm just not paying as much attention to it. I also think that I had a bit of an attitude shift this weekend. I don't want Bailey born early...I want her to come when she's ready and healthy. I'm trying to keep my mind focused on that, rather than on my discomfort. She'll be here before we know it, and then this will all be forgotten.

Now it's Monday again...I'm going to focus one day at a time to get through this week. Hopefully it will go quickly...

My Favorite Thing

My favorite thing right now is when Bailey gets all excited about something. She kicks and carries on and my belly looks like there is a small animal trying to get out of it.

I love it. I absolutely adore it. There will be no other time in my life when I will carry this child so close to my heart and be able to feel her every movement. As difficult as this is somedays, I am so blessed to have this time.

LOL - it's so funny. She's going crazy right now, kicking with both feet 20-30 times every couple of minutes. I just can't help but sit and stare at my belly.

I love you, Bailey...

For You, Love

As sung by Edwin McCain:

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
And emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love`s suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive, and not dead

And tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I`ll be love`s suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

And I dropped out, I burned up, I fought my way back from the dead,I tuned in,I turned on, remembered the thing that you said.

And I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love`s suicide
And I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Insomnia

But...amazingly, it's not mine! Kelly seems to have attracted a nice case of insomnia. She's up constantly, has trouble falling asleep and then can't seem to stay asleep even when she's dog tired, as she is now. This is the third day of this pleasantness, and she's dragging.

Thank god the weekend is here. At least, she can get some rest. Except that we want to plant the garden and she wants to paint the kitchen. Not sure where the "rest" is going to come in, but we'll try.

I'm happy to have nearly made it through another week. I'm struggling through each day, but every day brings me closer to delivery and to some relief from this constant pressure. It will be nice when I'm holding our little honey in my arms, rather than in my uterus.

For now, it's off to shower and get ready for this Friday. I'm praying that it moves quickly...

Lotion on the Belly

As Mikki has described in earlier posts, each night we read to Bailey once we are settled into bed for the night. Every night I put a massive amount of lotion on my miserably dry hands, so Mikki has to hold the book and turn the pages. We alternate reading the pages leaving my hands free so I get to hold my hands on Mikki's belly as we read. This is my favorite time of day. Bailey is usually very active at this time. I like to think it's because she hears both of our voices. We think Bailey has been in a similar position for quite a while because we can feel her movements more in one particular spot, so I always place my hand in that spot. I was commenting to Mikki a couple days ago that her belly is really soft in that spot and she reminded me of my lotion saturated hands being there each night. Funny...I didn't realize I was helping her moisturize. ~Kelly

Perineal Massage and My Dropping Tummy

Last night, Kelly started massaging my perineal in earnest. For those who don't know, this is a type of vagina massage (don't start thinking sexual thoughts here) that conditions the muscles around the vaginal opening. The point is to teach my body how to relax during intense stretching, rather than clench up (which is what is our natural reflex to pain). Clenching the muscles, rather than allowing them to open up and stretch out when the baby's head is pressed up against them can lead to tearing. It should be said that sometimes a person is going to tear no matter what. This is definitely a possibility, but we are hoping that this will help. In any case, it can't hurt.

Given Bailey's potential size, and my sheer determination to do this naturally and without medical intervention, it's become very important that my body be as ready as it can be. We started last night and will continue every night (or at least, for as many nights as possible) until the birth.

The other thing I noticed last night was that my Bailey has definitely dropped in my belly. Check out the Week 32 picture versus the Week 34 picture.

Pretty big difference, isn't it? And she's not even in my pelvis yet (or at least, she wasn't when we had our ultrasound two days ago). She'll drop further.

In the land of feeling incredibly tired and discouraged by this pregnancy, I'm absolutely delighted to start to see signs of her getting herself ready to join us. I know that it's still a long way off, but it's helpful anyway.

Now, off to shower and face another day. Thank god tomorrow is Friday.

Don't Look Back

I have loved this image by Mary Engelbreit for years. I have gotten in in the form of a card a couple of times and I have given it in the form of a card a couple of times. I think it's just very true. At some points in life, you just have to choose a path. And once you do, the rest of the choices that were once so viable are just no longer an option.

There have been so many times in my life when I have found myself at these critical junctures. When I switched colleges and changed my major (and subsequently my entire life focus). When I was faced with deciding to move to DC or not. When it was time for us to decide where we were going to live - Maine or DC.

Some decisions require active decision making. For instance, when I wanted to switch schools and change my major, I had to really think about what I was doing and why. I had to actively decide to stop pursuing a path that I had been on for a while. I had to set aside my fears of leaving behind a "safe" and comfortable existence, for one that scared the shit out of me. And yet, much as this image shows, once I had made the decision to move and to change my life, the other options stopped being viable.

Other decisions are made without my involvement, and yet they too seem to follow this pattern. When I met Kelly and fell madly in love with her is an example. There were lots and lots of reasons for Kelly and I to not love each other. Distance and our age difference (four years is a lot when you're 18 and 22) are just a couple of them...and they were the easy ones to deal with. And yet, my life path was to love her and the option to choose not to love her ceased to exist the day we met.

That's what I'm talking about really. At some point, the other choices stop existing. I can't place my finger on when that happens. I don't know at what point we decide to pack our satchel and accept the path that is our life. I don't know when the choices we could have made just become extinct. I have never been able to locate that elusive moment when what I could have decided turns into what I did decide.

The best part of the image is the jaunty...almost excited...way that the person is walking down their life path. I love the contentment of the picture. It's not about regretting the choices we didn't make...but rather embracing the one that we did.

I'm not sure what's got me waxing philosophical about all of this. Maybe it's that my 10 year high school reunion is this summer. Maybe it's because I'm going to miss a reunion of the Women's Studies program that was so important to me a few years ago. Maybe it's because I found myself daydreaming today about a little cottage in Maine when Kelly and I retire. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, hormonal and emotional. Maybe it's just because my desk calendar that Kelly got me for Christmas has this image on it today.

What I do know is that I feel like I'm walking jauntily along the path that I have chosen, and all other choices have ceased to exist. And...to my great amazement...I feel nothing but contentment and joy and excitement at what is coming up around the next corner. I regret nothing in my life. Every choice I have ever made has led me to this point, and I would relive it all to get back to this place again.

I have no reason to look back. My life is leading me someplace, and with my love by my side and Bailey soon to join us, everything else is no longer an option.

"Dad Tip" week 35

Back to stupid...this weeks tip is to ask the doctor what my role will be during the labor and delivery. No further comments. ~Kelly

Week 35

We've made it this far. At this point, if our honey was born, she would survive and would probably have very few complications. As I said in the previous post, though, she seems to be quite happy inside her Momma's uterus, so I suspect that she will hang out for a bit longer.

My only goal for the next 3 - 8 weeks is to keep my chin up, my attitude positive and my mind focused on the goal of delivering a healthy baby girl, naturally and in her own time. It's going to be an uphill battle and I will take each day individually.

But this is the work I've waited to do my entire life, and I intend to do it to the best of my ability. Here is how our Bailey is going to develop this week:

Weeks Until Bailey is Full Term (37 Weeks): 3
Weeks Until Bailey is Due (40 Weeks): 6
Weeks Until We Eject Bailey (42 Weeks): 8
Weeks Until Maternity Leave: 5 weeks, 3 days
Pounds Gained So Far: 12

Fetal development in pregnancy week 35: fetus in eighth month

Congratulations! You’re now carrying nearly 6 lbs of baby (actually, Bailey is OVER six pounds already) not counting their amniotic fluid, the umbilical cord, or the placenta itself. We’re impressed because that’s a LOT of work non-stop. Are you feeling proud of yourself yet? Well, get to it—you’ve done an amazing job! At this point, your little-grower is almost busting out of the womb size-wise, which make their restricted attempts to move much challenging. Of course, your stubborn little sucker is still trying to move around as if they weren’t in a cramped space. And the accumulating baby fat deposits are starting to level off so your little butter ball will be padded and warm when they head out of their super snug little home.

And how's mom doing?

We’re sure you’ve noted that the contractions are picking up and despite the obvious appeal of getting the pregnancy over with at this point, try not to jump the gun too soon by declaring actual labor. Of course, if it’s getting to the point where you’re having contractions continuously— you’re in labor and yes, it’s time for the "grab your bags we’re gonna have a baby" rush. For the rest of you not yet in labor, your watermelon-betwixt-my-legs waddle is as charming as ever, not to mention the glorious ongoing back pain and fatigue. Hang in there—once you’ve got your miracle baby on the outside—this will all be a dim memory. Catch the cat naps whenever possible and keep yourself hydrated with water and try to imagine how all of this will (hopefully) be much funnier in hindsight.

Your doctor or midwife should soon start monitoring cervical effacement (thinning of the cervix) and dilation in order to predict labor. If your cervix is already dilated labor is probably not far away—although there are some moms who walk around with a dilated cervix for a couple of days prior to labor. And if you haven’t heard about the joys of discharging the mucus plug (which protects the uterus from infection) along with some spotting, commonly called “bloody show”—both are signs that labor is around the corner. Should you discharge anything unusual in consistency and/or coloration, don’t hesitate to call you health care provider—it’s likely nothing, but you don’t need the extra stress right now.

Let’s talk about pain. Reports on the intensity of pain experienced during labor and childbirth are widely varied from woman to woman. The pain experienced depends on several things including your own natural pain threshold, medication, birthing position, fetal position, previous births, your general health and the actual birthing environment. Of course, there are natural births, cesarean deliveries, spinals, IV’s and other pain medications, all of which also play into how you experience pain during child birth. Ideally, you should attempt to be as relaxed as possible and willing to accept the pain as part of the birthing process. In reality, your experience of the birthing process is unique to your body and how you choose to respond to it. Pain is a two part process: the first part is the physical experience of the pain and the second is your emotional reaction to your experience—and that is the part you have the most control over. Choosing to accept and endure the pain of child-birth (with or without medication) can be an empowering experience for any woman, as well as making the birthing process notably easier for those assisting you.

Weeeellllll....

Today was wonderful and very, very long. It's now 8:20 in the evening and I feel like I have about two seconds worth of energy remaining. I'm tired, in pain (my back is killing me) and I wish that I could sleep for the next 3-8 weeks!

Our first appointment of the day was the ultrasound. Once again, it was absolutely amazing! We did get more 4D pictures of our little girl, and we also confirmed some of the details. First, she is definitely a little girl. We got some cute 4D looks at her butt and little girl parts. Very cute little pictures! Second, she is not so little. This ultrasound was ordered because I've consistently measured larger than I should given Bailey's gestational age. Well, at 33 weeks and 6 days, Bailey measured 6 pounds, 11 ounces. In week terms, that's about 36 weeks, 4 days. In other words, she's about 2-3 weeks bigger than she "should" be at this time.

Now, that's not a problem. It's actually fine. She's just a big girl. She's so freakin' adorable, honestly! She's already got little chubby fat rolls on her arms and legs. Her cheeks are big and round, her belly is perfectly round. She's incredibly sweet, and if born anytime soon would probably not have any issue keeping herself warm! All of her measurements are proportionate to her body...she's just a bit large.

Our doctor is not worried, and neither are we. A bit apprehensive, maybe, but not horribly worried. If she continues to gain weight at the "normal" range of about 1/2 pound a week and we go to 40 weeks, she'll be between 9-10 pounds at birth. Not exactly what I imagined when I imagined my perfect, natural delivery...but we'll take it! She's healthy and she's thriving inside my body. I wouldn't change that for anything.

Our next appointment of the day was our normal prenatal appointment. My blood pressure was perfect again, Bailey's heartbeat was fine and I have actually lost 2 pounds in the last two weeks. My total weight gain for this pregnancy is now 12 pounds! Honestly, I'm not complaining. Bailey is obviously getting what she needs to grow and thrive in my body and I'm not reeking havoc on my organs and limbs by packing on ridiculous amounts of weight. I'm proud of that. I am the one who has to lose it after the baby born, so I'm glad that I've found a way to be moderate and only gain an small amount of weight. It could have just as easily gone in the other direction.

We have one more two week wait. At our 36 week appointment, we will have our first internal exam and the strep B test. Exciting. After that, our appointments are every week. The wait is truly on. We are in the last inning of this big game, and I'm feeling every second of it.

Our final appointment of the day was with the woman who will become Bailey's pediatrician when she's born. We were pretty much entering the meet and greet with the thought that if we didn't hate her, she would become her pediatrician. I mean, there are many options in our area - if we find a doctor we end up not liking, we can just find another.

But we loved her. She was warm, kind, responsive (we only waited 10 minutes), and the facilities were adequate. She had absolutely no issues with us as a gay couple - didn't even bat an eye. She asked all the right questions and answered all of ours the right way. We got a very positive response from her when I indicated that I wanted to breastfeed for 6 months.

All in all, we think that she is going to work out just fine. She's a nice woman and seemed to be what we needed. She's available all the time (we have an after hours pager number that she or her associate carries 24/7) and gave us a good feeling.

So that dilemma is solved!

It was a great day. I'm tired, though, and ready to get this show on the road. Some dark part of me was hoping that I would get put on bed rest for some reason. I get so exhausted commuting back and forth and trying to work for 8 hours at a time. My days are 11-12 hours long, just in commute and work time. That's rough right now.

But, I'll survive. I am strong and our daughter is doing exactly what she needs to do in my body. How could I complain about that? I'll get through the next month or so. LOL - then, I suspect, I'll know what REAL exhaustion feels like...

Will Blog Later

Not much going on this morning. We are both at work until around 11:45 and then we are off to our ultrasound, doctors appointment and meeting with Bailey's pediatrician. I'll blog later and post any pictures that we might have gotten from the ultrasound!

Hey...wait a second...

...I just read what my sweetie wrote in the previous post and it made me feel like a lazy bum. I thought maybe I should also list what I did this weekend while Mikki was doing everything around the house including feeding us. I painted our family room. Sounds simple enough, but everyone who has ever painted knows the amount of work involved. The only thing left to paint downstairs is the kitchen (or chicken as Mikki says). I hope to get that finished before the little one arrives, but I'm having doubts since our weekends are numbered.

We're SO excited to see our little honey at tomorrows ultrasound. I hope she continues to enjoy being the center of attention and puts on a good show for her mommy and momma. Who knows, we might even find out she's a boy! :0 The 20 and 24 week ultrasounds both indicated a girl, but you never really know until s/he's born. We hear those stories all the time. ~Kelly

Wading Through Cold Honey

That is my description for how I feel. I am constantly wading through cold honey. It's sticky, it's heavy, it makes a mess and it's a hell of a lot of work. I'm tired from the slightest thing. My body is only really happy when I'm sitting or resting. I generally am not motivated to do anything, see anyone or interact with anything in anyway. Honestly, if I could just spend the next month reading, I would be happy.

My accomplishments for the weekend: I went grocery shopping, Target shopping and Pet Smart shopping. I made seven full meals - dinner on Friday and then three squares for Kelly and I on Saturday and Sunday. I kept the dishes clean. I did laundry on Sunday. I generally kept thing picked up around the house. And I read over 200 pages of book six of the Harry Potter series. I slept well both Friday and Saturday night.

In general, I did everything that I could do to prepare myself for this week. My time frame is now limited to making it through the week to the next weekend when I can recover and prepare for the week ahead. Lord, I love being pregnant...but I can't wait for Bailey to be born!!! At least, I'll have a number of weeks to recover slightly...

The exciting news of the week is that tomorrow Kelly and I have another ultrasound, another doctors appointment and a meeting with Bailey's pediatrician (we hope). This is our meet and and greet. We're hoping that we like her as much as everyone else seems to...

Now it's off to the shower and then to the bus ride. Remember how much I used to hate the bus ride into town? Not anymore...now it' a time for me to sleep!!!

Happy Birthday, Honey!

Today is the best day in the entire world...it's the day that my honey was born!!!!! I love today above all others, because on this day 32 years ago, my mother-in-law delivered the baby girl who would grow up to be my destiny.

I am so lucky to be loved by and to love this incredible woman who has chosen me to be her wife. For the past 9 years, I have woken up on this day and said a little prayer of thanks to whomever decided to select her soul to put into her body and then chose to bring us together. It feels like a miracle to me that I found such an incredible human being...and that incredible human being loves me as much as I love her.

Celebrate today, wherever you are and whatever you are doing! We're not doing much special - we had cinnamon rolls for breakfast with a birthday candle and Kelly is painting today. I'm hanging out with her growing a baby and keeping her company. We called off the trip to Dover Downs because of me not feeling great this past week - I'm tired and really do just feel better when I rest.

Happy Birthday, love. As I told you this morning, I am forever yours and I cherish every minute that we have spent together. I wish only for many, many more years of loving you...

Quick Trip to Labor and Delivery

Last night, Kelly and I made our first appearance at labor and delivery! It was a nice little dry run for what is going to happen when we actually go because we are in labor!

Remember me talking about headaches and swelling? Well a friend of ours made a link for us to the headaches and sudden swelling with potential high blood pressure concerns. At our last appointment, I was perfect - 124/80. That was a week ago. Well, I was a little worried, so we went to Safeway and used their blood pressure machine. My first reading came back at 154/83. My second reading was 144/94.

So we were worried. I called our doctor and first he gave me all kinds of shit for waiting four days before I called him. In my own defense, I didn't realize that a headache, swelling, achy back and inability to sleep well were anything other than just common third-trimester pregnancy symptoms. I mean, honestly - who doesn't bitch about all of those things when they are pregnant???

He told us to come on down to labor and delivery and get hooked up and have them test my blood pressure. We ate and then left. Two hours later, we were discharged with absolutely no signs of any trouble. Bailey was moving all around and her heartbeat was perfect. My blood pressure checked out twice at 116/68 and then 116/67.

It was a little hospital dry-run!

Two lessons have been learned:
1) The blood pressure machines at Safeway are not accurate.
2) The little TV's in the hospital rooms hurt your neck unless you are laying down.

The McFadden Birth Bill of Rights

I reserve the right:

1. To talk nonstop about having an unmedicated birth, and then change my mind at the last minute.
2. To enjoy the process of creating my dream birth and believe that it can happen just as I've planned it.
3. To choose to ignore you when you tell me what "will" happen when I actually go into labor.
4. To NOT take your advice, even if you mean well and are basing it on your experience.
5. To not allow you to diminish my experience by telling me all about the horrors of your own.
6. To scream, cry, moan and beg for pain relief during the process of labor, without fear that I will looked at as weak.
7. To lean heavily on Kelly and then give her the credit, verbally and emotionally, that she deserves for being my rock.
8. To expect that those who are around me before, during, and after my birth will honor the experience and not try to manage it.
9. To not give your "I told you so" any credence if my labor does not go the way that I've planned.
10. To ask you to leave my presence if you continue to insist that I cannot give birth my way.
11. To withhold any information that I choose to about the details of my birth experience.
12. To share my story, in its full truth, if you ask me.
13. To learn our daughter, in our own way, in our time and without your input.
14. To ask for help when I need it, and to refuse help when I don't.

And most importantly, I reserve the right to exist in this experience fully and completely, without feeling like I have to explain or justify the things that are important to me and to my partner.

Sleep, Glorious Sleep

I am absolutely delighted to report that I slept a lot last night!!! We went to bed around 8:30 and did our little reading/snuggling/talking rituals. I fell asleep in our bed while I was rubbing Kelly to sleep. She fell asleep to, but we were both woken quickly when I started to snore (I think it must sound a little like those redneck trucks with the jacked up exhaust pipes)! So, I rolled over to get out of bed and go to the guest room, but at some point during the roll I fell back asleep! Strange. I woke up again a few minute later and moved. From then on, I remember very little. I slept GREAT! I know I woke up four times - two from extreme thirst, twice from needing to use the restroom (probably because of the aformentioned extreme thirst wakings!).

The end result? I feel like a whole new woman!!!!! Suddenly the world is just a bit happier and easier to take. Ah yes...my back still hurts and Bailey is still using my bladder as her personal tramoline and my ribcage as her monkey bars, but who cares!!! I'm not falling asleep sitting at my computer! I'm not wanting to scream from annoyance and exhuastion!

It's times like this when I have to remember what my Momma always told me growing up - celebrate the little things like they are big things! All is good and right today. Bring on the world!

Surprise!

Well, today I had my baby shower! I say it that way, because it's probably the only official shower that I will have! My co-workers threw it for me and it was spectacular!!! Have I ever mentioned how incredibly sweet and generous they are???

We got all kinds of fabulous stuff - bath stuff, diapers and lotions, our high chair, tons of clothes, a baby organizer (which is PERFECT for me!), some really wonderful picture frames, lots of toys for Bailey and books! Just a ton of stuff. I have lots of thank you notes to write tonight...and we have the perfect stationary to write them on (thanks to my boss's christmas present to me!).

I'm very overwhelmed by it all. It's so much stuff, and their generousity is awesome. It makes me want to cry, but I don't want to look like a weeny. LOL! Damn these pregnancy emotions!!!

Oh...and they got me two cakes - that's right - TWO! One was decadent chocolate (yum) and the other was strawberry cream. And lunch.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my job and where I work??? I'm so lucky...

Week 34

I'm not even sure how to begin this post. I'm tired. I'm happy. I'm moody. I'm sad. I'm exhuasted. I'm excited. I'm a million and one emotions all wrapped up into one. I want this over, but I want to savor every minute. I want this to go on and on, and I want it finished today. I dream of having her out, but yet I dream of her sibling being in there. As many women before me have said, I feel like a pod carrying this new life. It's just not about me. My needs have truly become secondary to this life inside of me.

Last night I didn't fall asleep until 11:30, then woke up every hour or so. I got about 5 hours of broken sleep. Not so bad. I feel better today. My headache is gone. My back hurts, but that's nothing new. I'm actually feeling moderately resigned to the next 4-9 weeks. I'm sure this is another cycle and that I'll cycle back to a more difficult place, but for today, I'll enjoy this period of relative acceptance.

Soon enough, Bailey will be in our arms and our dreams of a creating a family together will have come true. One more check mark on our life list of dreams - only this check mark is the most important one ever. I'm overwhelmed by it all.

Here is what's up for Miss. Bailey's development this week:

Fetal development in pregnancy week 34:fetus in eighth month

Your amazing baby is on the move! They’ve been riding fairly high in your stretched-out womb to this point (while kindly compressing your poor internal organs), but now they’re planning on making the big move to your pelvis this week. If you haven’t already, you’ll be noticing the weight shift that signals they are most likely out of breech position, with their head now resting on your pubic bone. In liver news: although not quite fully formed, your little miracle’s liver is now capable of processing a certain amount of waste. In general, most of your child’s prenatal physical development is pretty much up to snuff and ready for the outside world. Naturally, further weight gain is expected—so you’re still not at maximum capacity despite probably feeling like you definitely are maxed out.

And how's mom doing?

Obviously the big change for you is the notable weight shift (known as “lightening” or “engagement”). Now that your baby is resting deeper in your pelvis, you may find yourself walking as if you're carrying a watermelon between your legs. Yes dear, you’re officially “waddling” these days. Try to comfort yourself with this thought: it’s nearly over. Soon, you’ll just have to carry your adorable little watermelon in your arms. And in a rare spate of good news: this weight shift means you can breathe easier now that your lungs aren’t compressed. The not-so-good news, it’s a trade off: (we’ll wait till you’re back from the restroom) this new position has your poor bladder even more squished than before. We’d recommend writing your bladder little love poems to convince it not to leave you altogether, but unfortunately bladders don’t speak English (only Italian love poems will do).
If you've recently noticed some less-than-appealing itchy red bumps on your belly (and possibly around your thighs and belly), you've got yourself a harmless but not fun round of pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP if your don't have the patience for the full name). If you feel itchy ALL over your body, that's different, and you should call your health care practitioner as this could be a liver problem.
At your next check up you can expect your physician to conduct a Group B Streptococci test (GBS), a common bacteria screening. As long as you have a strong immune system, you’re in the clear (one more reason to eat right and exercise!), but your little one is more susceptible to serious health complications (including meningitis, pneumonia and blood infection) if not diagnosed and treated properly—so the tests are good for some peace of mind. Hang in there momma, you’re a star for making it this far!

"Dad Tip" for week 34

This weeks tip is to get preregistered at the hospital. Well, we did that back in October. I guess we have this one covered already. In fact, we are planning to take a duplicate registration form with us when we go in to deliver just in case they lost the first one. It's in a pile of other things that we don't want to forget to pack. I guess since I don't have any "real" challenge for the week, I'll go back and help out with previous weeks tips such as pushing the shopping cart and reaching things on high shelves. ~Kelly

Question for Everyone

So, I just need some reassurance that what I'm feeling is normal.

First, I love my job. I really do. I work in a great place, with wonderful women (all of them are women, which is really, really nice) and it's an easy environment. Sure, sometimes it's stressful, but that is rare. The pay is great for the work that I do. I've just been recently promoted. My coworkers are kind and generous with my pregnancy needs.

But honestly, I hate working right now. I am SO not interested in being here. I get frusterated when anyone talks to me. I'm tired constantly. My back hurts. My head is consumed with all things baby and this job is not even remotely near the top of my priority list.

What I want to be able to do is sleep late and then putter about our home. I want to make lunch when I'm hungry and watch TV. I want to relax and prepare myself to be exhausted for months. It's so frusterating, because the concept of 7 or 8 hours of continuous sleep each night is just a thought. I can't sleep that long. I can't stay in one position for that long. I wake up. I'm working on about 4 hours of sleep at night - none of which are continuous. I need naps.

But I can't take them. I have to work. I have to sit and get more sore, so that when I try to go to bed, I just want to cry because my body aches.

I hate working right now. I don't understand why it is that a country that is made up of more women than men can expect women to go through these last few weeks of pregnancy and still work. It doesn't make sense. It's stupid. It's unfair.

Am I just being a baby? Do other pregnant woman feel this way? Is what I'm feeling normal???

Sucky

It's definately official. The last part of pregnancy sucks (for me, anyway). I've still got a throbbing head ache. I'm cranky and hormonal beyond all reasonable levels. My back hurts so bad after 10 minutes in any position that I want to cry. I can't sleep well. I pee constantly. I don't want to work, but I have to. I want to be at home, puttering about and being able to sit and stare off into space until I feel like moving again. I want Kelly near me at every second of the day.

Mostly, I just want our little love to be born.

I'm torn by that, though. Of course, I don't want her to come early. I'm so happy that I can continue to grow her inside of me and that my body is keeping up with the demands I'm putting on it. I am proud of what I've accomplished in the past 33 weeks. I'm just tired. I want a good night's sleep on my belly. I want to not be 25 degrees hotter than everyone else all the time. I want for things like bending over and washing my feet to be easy again. I want to stand up and immediately start walking, instead of standing up and then waiting for everything in my body to adjust and the pain in my hips to subside.

Oh well. I'm just bitchy and cranky and tired and...you get the point.

Nesting???

In between naps today, and periods of sheer torture where my head throbbed at insane levels, I've worked on the nursery. I can't just lay down - my body and our little baby inside me won't tolerate that. It just hurts. I had to get up and do something.

So, into the nursery I went. I've now washed everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) and put it all back together. I've dusted, I've cleaned with mild, baby-friendly cleaner anything that might end up in her mouth. I've put things just so. I've looked at every piece of clothing (and good lord, there is a LOT) and I'm in the process of washing those clothes. Soon, I will be folding and putting everything into her dresser.

Yesterday, our lovely friends M&S came on by (once again) to help us put up the ceiling fan. I say "help us", but what I really mean is that they did it and we watched. The whole electrical thing is not something we are comfortable with. In exchange, I made them dinner and we shared chocolate cake (which I think is the perpetrator of this killer headache). (Thank you SO MUCH, M&S!) Last weekend, Kelly and I put up many of the pictures on the walls and this week, she picked out a couple of new frames for some more.

In other words, my friends, the nursery is damn-near finished! What is missing is the rocking chair that Bailey's Grammy and Andrea have gotten for us. This absolutely gorgeous, hand-made Amish chair is still being built for us. A couple of the picture frames are still empty - to be filled with black and white photos that we will have taken by a photographer on April 4th. We want for Bailey to be surrounded in her room by the love that we have for her, for each other and for this process of bringing her into the world. So...we're going to get photos to document the very-nearly end result of her in my body.

As for what we still absolutely NEED - we need baby wipes (seventh-generation ones...Whole Foods was out last time we checked). Other than that, we have everything that we would need if she came into the world today. There are still some things we want (check out our registry...LOL!), but we have what we need.

Wow. Suddenly it seems so close.

Momma Takes a Day Off

One of the lovely additions to my life during has pregnancy has been infrequent (thank god) migraine headaches. I have no idea why they come on and there doesn't seem to be any one trigger. I've never had them before.

Last night, I woke up at about 12:15 with a horrible headache that progressively got worse. I've taken Tylenol, but it hasn't touched it. I couldn't sleep, because the pain was throbbing down into my shoulders, making every position I was lying in uncomfortable.

It's not 5:45 AM. Kelly is long gone to work, and I am trying to go back to sleep. I laid down for 25 minutes, but my back is killing me, my shoulders ache and my head is throbbing. I'm going to try laying on the couch. I don't know what is going to help.

I'm obviously not at work this morning.

:-(

HYPOCRITE

There are times when I wonder how it is that the Republican Party feels so freakin' strongly about standing on their "moral values". The few good Republicans that I know (my partner's family included) will find this as shameful as I do. What I've discovered is that "moral values" really only counts when you're blowing smoke up the American public's collective ass trying to get votes.

The good, moral people that I know include Republican, Democrats, heterosexuals, homosexuals and every shade and gender in the middle.

Anyone else ready for something other than this bullshit in our politics?


Gingrich acknowledges affair during Clinton impeachment
POSTED: 11:03 p.m. EST, March 8, 2007

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich was having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair, he acknowledged in an interview with a conservative Christian group.

"The honest answer is yes," Gingrich, a potential 2008 Republican presidential candidate, said in an interview with Focus on the Family founder James Dobson to be aired Friday, according to a transcript provided to The Associated Press.

"There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There's certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards."

Gingrich argued in the interview, however, that he should not be viewed as a hypocrite for pursuing Clinton's infidelity.

"The president of the United States got in trouble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge," the former Georgia congressman said of Clinton's 1998 House impeachment on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. (Nice, isn't it, how he tries to change the story at this point in the game? I don't remember him using this argument when he was busy trying to impeach the President. Nope, back then it was all about cum on poor Monica's dress.)

"I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials." (Interesting...it seems that on a "purely personal level" Newt has no problem with infidelity. I wonder how his stance will change when he's running for office and talking about gay marriage and how wonderful and sacred the institution of heterosexual marriage is. Stay tuned for more hypocracy!)

Widely considered a mastermind of the Republican revolution that swept Congress in the 1994 elections, Gingrich remains wildly popular among many conservatives. (Of course he does. How sad that a political party has aligned itself to scum like this. REAL Republicans - hence, those who actually care about traditional REPUBLICAN issues like low taxes and independance from the government, should be ashamed to have him be "wildly popular".) He has repeatedly placed near the top of Republican presidential polls recently, even though he has not formed a campaign.

Gingrich has said he is waiting to see how the Republican field shapes up before deciding in the fall whether to run.

Reports of extramarital affairs have dogged him for years as a result of two messy divorces, but he has refused to discuss them publicly.

Gingrich, who frequently campaigned on family values issues, divorced his second wife, Marianne, in 2000 after his attorneys acknowledged Gingrich's relationship with his current wife, Callista Bisek, a former congressional aide more than 20 years younger than he is. (Wow...there are so many things wrong with this on so many levels.)

His first marriage, to his former high school geometry teacher, Jackie Battley, ended in divorce in 1981. Although Gingrich has said he doesn't remember it, Battley has said Gingrich discussed divorce terms with her while she was recuperating in the hospital from cancer surgery. (Wicked nice guy, huh? He's certainly the person I want claiming moral authority over me.)

Gingrich married Marianne months after the divorce.

"There were times when I was praying and when I felt I was doing things that were wrong. But I was still doing them," he said in the interview. "I look back on those as periods of weakness and periods that I'm ... not proud of." (Nice. When in doubt - or when trying to cover up for being a 100% fuckhead asshole - draw God into the argument and ask for forgiveness. Rather than require a person to actually BE good, we're going to let them off easy with a little prayer. That'll help fix it all. And then next time? Shit...just pray some more.)

Gingrich's congressional career ended in 1998 when he abruptly resigned from Congress after poor showings from Republicans in elections and after being reprimanded by the House ethics panel over charges that he used tax-exempt funding to advance his political goals. (It appears that his shit-headedness doesn't only apply to "family" and "moral" values. He's screwing those with less money than him too. Go Newt 2008!)

Blog-Worthy

A couple of blog worthy developments that I forgot to mention in the last post.

1) This morning, Bailey woke up at around 2:30 AM. She kicked and carried on so hard that she woke me up. My belly was rocking back and forth, almost as if she was squirming from side to side. At one point, she kicked me so hard that our kitty (who was curled up to my belly) jumped up and turned and stared at my belly. I laughed out loud! It was very cute. It's not happened yet. All of our babies have felt Bailey move in my belly, but it's not been startling for them. It was very, very funny to watch our kitty react that way.

2) We got a new matress. In order to prevent our backs from aching, we splurged and got a Tempurpedic mattress. You know - the kind that is "NASA approved". Well, needless to say, it is completely worth it!!! The bed is absolutely fabulous. You think that it's going to be hard an uncomfortable, but then you just start to sink. And you sink into the matress in all the right ways. For those of you who are pregnant reading this, the mattress conformed PERFECTLY to the side of my body (including my belly). I didn't need any support from any pillow because the matress wrapped itself up around and gave me the support I needed. It was AWESOME!!!

Energy

I feel a strange and intense energy this morning. Around the start of spring, I start to feel this way. I've always loved it when spring finally pops into existance. When I lived in Maine, I'd wait for that first mild breeze that signaled that the flowers would soon come and I'd be able to once again sit outside in the mornings. To this day, there is still nothing better than a cup of coffee, a cigarette (even though I no longer smoke) and the sun rising on a cool, crisp early April morning in Maine.

Here in Maryland, it happens a bit earlier. Next week, the weather will be in the high 50's and low 60's. That's the start for me. The weather begins it's change. The grass starts to turn green. The buds on the trees start to show themselves.

Kelly and I just recently placed an order for a bunch of flowers for our front yard. They will arrive soon.

And to really make the whole "new life" thing more pronouced this year - Bailey will be born probably sometime next month...or very early in May. It's this incredible convergence of new life, new development, new changes.

It makes me feel anxious to start it all, and nostalgic for the times in my life that were just a little slower. I'm so happy to be able to spend this summer focusing all my energy and time on caring for our daughter, our home, my partner, our birds and our kitties. The things that truly matter to me...

It's funny...it seems like so far away. But it's not. Bailey is not far from being born. I have goosebumps thinking about it!!!! Goodness...it's all so exciting...

Baby Growing

That's what I do right now. I grow a baby. When I'm not 100% focused on that, I try not to fall too far behind in my work, I try to sleep and I try to love and take care of my partner (although, she really is doing the majority of the taking care of me right now...).

It's amazing how consuming this is. Honestly, I've never in my life spent so much time focused on one thing for such a long period of time. The baby is EVERYTHING in our world right now.

Here's an example - last night, I wanted to take a bath. Bailey likes the heat and it's a sure way to get her to drop out of the top of my uterus (and consequently, my rib cage!). I asked Kelly if she would be joining me upstairs. Now, I wasn't trying to be sexual or anything like that - but I was hoping that she'd want to come up and spend some time with me talking and all that. Her response back to me was "Yep, I'm going to come up and talk to Bailey." LOL - there you have it. We are consumed.

Worst case scenario - we are looking at 10 weeks left of being pregnant. Best case, we have five. Anything sooner than that, and we'll be very worried about our little honey. I'm focusing on five. If we get to that point and Bailey isn't coming yet, I'll focus week by week.

Right now, it's five weeks to go...

Week 33

Today was yet another doctors appointment and marks the completion of 32 weeks of pregnancy for us! Bailey is extremely active today...almost as if she is celebrating this milestone!

The doctors appointment went well. I've gained one more pound, for a total weight gain of 14 pounds in 32 weeks of pregnancy. Her heartbeat was hovering around 145. My blood pressure was fabulous (124/80) and there was no protein or sugar in my urine. The only little thing is that Bailey went through another growth spurt in the last couple of weeks. She measured at 35 centimeters (or what they would expect at 35 weeks). Our doctor is not worried at all, because this is consistent with her previous patterns of growth. However, we are lucky enough to get to have another ultrasound...just to be safe! So, we'll schedule this one for two weeks from now, and get another look at our little girl. We're both pretty happy...

So far, it seems that I'm doing well being pregnant! Bailey is fine, my body is certainly responding well. I'm really happy with my weight gain.

Here is what is on tap for the upcoming week of development!

Weeks Until Due Date (May 2nd): 8
Weeks Until Full Term (37 weeks): 5
Total Weight Gain: 14 Pounds

Fetal development in pregnancy week 33: fetus in eighth month

For all the weight and bulk you’re lugging around these days, you’d think your little champ should weigh much more than a mere 5 lbs and measly 7 inches in height, but nope, that’s about the average size for a baby in its thirty-third week. In terms of appearances, they’re getting cuter and pudgier every minute—just piling on the baby fat and those adorable little wrist rolls and chubby toes. And as we’re sure you’ve already noticed they’re getting stronger with every passing day. Nowadays, it’s possible to observe a well-placed kick just by watching your belly—but you already knew that didn’t you? Although they’re getting stronger, your bigger-by-the-day baby is losing space to move around, so the actual rate of movement will drop off in the last few weeks, despite that powerful drop-kick they’ve been working on. Did you know you’ll continue feeling their movements even during labor?

And how's mom doing?

Here’s a good way to deal with your mounting impatience: map out your plan of action for the big day. It’s an important and necessary step that’s also pretty soothing and fun. So, get out a piece of paper and pen. If you think about it, planning all the details now can be a real saving grace once the chaos and pain of labor starts up. This would include having a packed bag with a change of comfortable clothes, reading material, maybe an i-pod and your camera or camcorder (whichever you decide, if any at all). Know your driving route to the health center. Or if you’re delivering at home, make sure you have the delivery room prepared (equipped with your most favorite soothing music), and all necessary instruments and materials ready for use. Of course, get your doctor or midwife on speed-dial. Massaging the perineum (the area around the vagina) can reduce your chance of it tearing during delivery and there’s no time like the present to start. Be mentally on your toes (not literally of course)—conceivably you might have to spring into action any day!

"Dad Tip" (week 33)

Home safety preparation is the theme of the week for "dad"...making sure things are baby proof. Hmm, I wonder if having three cats gives us a head start. Maybe not in all instances, but I feel certain it helps with some things. For instance, I worry about the strings on mini blinds all the time...they could hang themselves! Same threat for babies/toddlers, and we have already taken care of that problem. However, our cats have never shown any interest in the electrical outlets like our Bailey probably will. That's something we will need to take care of. We also need to get safety gates for the stairs. Oh dear...it looks like this is another good "dad tip." But why is this completely dads worry though. Hey, is this a double standard? ~Kelly

Two Proud Aunts!

Well, here she is! Matt and Aarica were finally able to make it out of the house and get the cable they needed to upload the pictures of Miss. Kendall! Kendall is my second niece!

I think this one is particularly cute...and probably a pretty realistic description of what it feels like to be pushed from your warm, safe home in Mommy!

Finally - here is the photo that captures the best of everything! This is Kendall's big brother Elijah holding her!!! Let me just brag for a minute and say that Elijah is quite possibly the sweetest, most compassionate and kind little five year old I've ever known! (Can you tell that I love my neice and nephew???)

The Most Beautiful Sound

The most beautiful sound I have ever heard is the warmth and love in Kelly's voice when she's talking to our daughter. At night, we lay in bed and read to Bailey. Kelly puts her hands on my belly and talks to her about the story. Bailey kicks and wiggles, moves and shakes. It's very funny. She responds to Kelly's voice even more than mine. I think maybe it's because my voice is very familiar to her at this point. Kelly's is too, but it comes from a different place. Bailey hears me all the time, all day long.

We're ready to be Mommy and Momma. We were wondering the other day if it's possible to fall in love with other people's babies. We are facinated by Angele and Stacey's daughter, Riley. We look every day for new pictures or videos. LOL - she's a beautiful child and we get all excited about seeing her grow. We are anxiously waiting the first pictures of Matt and Aarica's new baby for the same reason. Now, Maveric Mama has her baby. Soon (although the exact time is yet to be determined) Kelly's sister will be giving birth to their daughter.

Everyone is getting babies, and WE ARE READY FOR OURS!!!!!

LOL - it's a struggle. I both want her in and I want her out. I know that she needs to be inside of me right now. She needs to continue growing and her lungs need to continue to develop. She needs to be stronger before she is born. But my goodness...we really want to meet her. We're ready to learn her expressions, her moods, her rhythms. Our lives are already consumed by her, so now, we'd like to have her here to kiss and hug and hold.

It's classic. I'm no different than any other pregnant woman in my eighth month. I'm ready for our baby...and our baby is going to wait just a bit longer before she joins us.

It's a test of my patience...

Another Monday

Two problems have arisen this weekend. First, my feet swelled to mamouth proportions, rendering my previously worn shoes obsolete and requiring that Kelly and I run around in search of shoes that fit. NOT an easy task, given that my feet are wide on a good day.

I finally ended up finding a pair of black slides in a size 10 that I could get on. They are about an inch too long, so the goal is going to be not tripping for the next 5-10 weeks. However, I can wear them to work and (most importantly) they don't require me to wear socks...which no longer fit me, no matter how much I stretch them.

Second, my back began aching on Friday night and has not stopped. It's horribly painful. Ever position I'm in hurts it, sleeping is difficult and the Tylenol doesn't touch it. I'm thinking that it's going to be hurting this way on and off until Bailey is born...so we are praying for an early delivery (anytime after 37 weeks).

In better news, we revisited our hospital last night. I've been having a bit of a difficult time accepting that I'll be in a hospital for our delivery. Revisiting was a way for me to get comfortable again, and I am happy to say that it helped a whole bunch. I just like Civista. The nurses are just ordinary people. It's not really clinical feeling. They listen and are open to hearing different ideas.

I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm going to be okay giving birth in a hospital. LOL - it's almost funny - so many other people would worry in the other direction...but not me. Oh well...

Full on, third trimester yuckiness is here. I'm hoping that it goes away a little, but if not, it's going to be a tough next 5-10 weeks...

Kendall Has Arrived!

Kendall arrived very, very early on March 3 at 12:32 AM. She weighed in at 8 pounds, 10 ounces (OUCH) and was delivered naturally. When I asked Matt at 2:00 AM on Saturday morning how long she was was, he jokingly told me "about 2 1/2 feet." LOL - a 30 inch baby, huh??

We found out later that she actually measured in at 19 inches. Far more reasonable...

Aarica is doing alright - she is recovering nicely from a long labor and a strenuous delivery. According to Matt, she was a trooper and did a wonderful job making this first baby happen!

Kendall's big brother, Elijah, is by all accounts very happy and delighted with his baby sister's arrival. At five years old, he is such a sweet, loving child. Matt has done an amazing job raising him and he is warm, empathic and compassionate. From what Matt reports, he didn't want to put Kendall down, and when they finally did put her in the crib, he kept walking over and touching her cheek.

Pictures will be posted soon. Matt, Aarica and Kendall are still in the hospital, and due to come home tomorrow (Monday). Matt promises to send pictures as soon as he can! If he and Aarica allow, I will post them when we get them!

"Dad Tip" (week 32)

I did not post this one yesterday because it was actually a reasonable tip...surprise! This weeks dad tip was to begin organizing telephone numbers to be prepared for the big day. Mikki and I have most numbers in our cell phones already, but we do have a couple more numbers to get in order. We need to be sure to have the hospitals number, our doctors emergency number, and our pediatrician. We also need to confirm which numbers (home, cell, work) are best to reach family members on. There are probably some others, but I can't think of them right now. Finally...a "dad tip" that is useful. ~Kelly

Again...The First of Three!

Okay - this is a follow up to my earlier "First of Three" post. My baby brother and his fiance, Aarica, are on their way to the hospital right now to be induced. I just got off the phone with them and other than a little bit of nervousness, they are holding up well. Matt promises to keep me updated as things progress, and I will let you all know when baby Kendall has made her debut!

Send happy birthing energy their way!!

TGIF

Can I say that again? Thank God it's Friday! It's been a long, tiring week for me. I'm exhausted, I could sleep for hours and hours more than I have been, and I just want to be with Kelly.

Ever had one of those weeks where just about everyone in the world pisses you off? That's the kind of week I've had. I really just want to go to my little house, snuggle up on my comfy sofa, with my head in my love's lap and forget that anything exists beyond our locked and alarmed doors.

I intend to do just that tonight.

This weekend is going to be busy. Kelly and I have hair appointments on Saturday and we're meeting one of my coworkers for lunch that day to give her the stereo we no longer have room for. Then we have to run a couple of errands while we're on that side of town. Sunday we are touring the birthing center again where we will be delivering Bailey. Now that I know what to ask and what to look for, I want to go back and check it out again! Not that it will change anything, but still.

Of course, at some point the laundry, cleaning and shopping needs to get done.

Sigh. It feels like we're not going to have much of a weekend at all...

Oh well...such is life. At least I can sleep late tomorrow morning...

All is well with Bailey. She's been unusually quiet this morning. I figure she's just worn herself out. She was thrashing about last night for quiet a while, and then we took a bath and calmed her down. I also drank some Tension Tamer tea...that usually calms her for a while. Maybe she's still just sleeping. LOL - I know I am!

Anyway - everyone have a happy weekend! M&S - enjoy your time at the B&B and Happy Birthday, S!!!

As Requested

Laura - a dad tip is on the way tomorrow! We read it, as we do each Tuesday night, but it was actually an okay tip, so it didn't stick in our brains. We'll refresh our memory, though, and Kelly will post tomorrow!

About Matt - his fiance Aarica was experiencing a classic case of false labor. The contractions sped up to about 4 minutes apart, but she never dilated past her original 2 centimeters. The contractions eventually slowed and then stopped.

Since then, there hasn't been anything.

However, tomorrow morning at 7:00 AM, they will be in the hospital for their planned induction!!! Needless to say, they are very, very excited to be having this baby! We know that she is a little girl and that her name will be Kendall. Other than that, we are waiting for the details!

I will post as soon as I know anything tomorrow and will share photos (as long as they agree to let me post photos of their new baby!) when I get them!

Thanks for the interest...and sorry to drop the ball!

Trying Again

Well, apparently my earlier post (which I've now removed) caused someone some issues. I don't know who, because their comments came from "anonymous". Needless to say, I don't publish anonymous comments...

Now, with that said - the post was about wanting to get away from here. I woke up this morning thinking about an old trip that we took to Ireland a couple years back with a group of people. It was truly a wonderful experience - one that I have never forgotten.

For Kelly and I, it was magical. And someday, we'll go back to Ireland. Not soon - we have a million other places in this world we want to see - but someday.

I love this experience, but it hasn't slipped my mind that everything is about to change. For the past 9+ years, Kelly and I have had the freedom to do what we want, to go where we want, to explore and play. The only limitations have been our financial situation (through college, we had to be more thrifty). Now, though, we have a whole new limitation...or addition...depending on how you look at it.

I would never, ever change our life and the choices we have made - but it does lend itself to a certain level of restraint. Bailey has needs that go beyond a simple hotel room. She won't be able to just travel for a good many years. And when her sibling(s) come along, we will be even further limited.

It's all worth it, but this morning, I woke up nostalgic for the times we've just taken off and played in this wide, wide world.

When we retire, we'll play again...until then...it's family friendly trips for us! At least, until the kids are old enough to stay with Nana or Grammy, while we escape for a few days!