Don't Look Back

I have loved this image by Mary Engelbreit for years. I have gotten in in the form of a card a couple of times and I have given it in the form of a card a couple of times. I think it's just very true. At some points in life, you just have to choose a path. And once you do, the rest of the choices that were once so viable are just no longer an option.

There have been so many times in my life when I have found myself at these critical junctures. When I switched colleges and changed my major (and subsequently my entire life focus). When I was faced with deciding to move to DC or not. When it was time for us to decide where we were going to live - Maine or DC.

Some decisions require active decision making. For instance, when I wanted to switch schools and change my major, I had to really think about what I was doing and why. I had to actively decide to stop pursuing a path that I had been on for a while. I had to set aside my fears of leaving behind a "safe" and comfortable existence, for one that scared the shit out of me. And yet, much as this image shows, once I had made the decision to move and to change my life, the other options stopped being viable.

Other decisions are made without my involvement, and yet they too seem to follow this pattern. When I met Kelly and fell madly in love with her is an example. There were lots and lots of reasons for Kelly and I to not love each other. Distance and our age difference (four years is a lot when you're 18 and 22) are just a couple of them...and they were the easy ones to deal with. And yet, my life path was to love her and the option to choose not to love her ceased to exist the day we met.

That's what I'm talking about really. At some point, the other choices stop existing. I can't place my finger on when that happens. I don't know at what point we decide to pack our satchel and accept the path that is our life. I don't know when the choices we could have made just become extinct. I have never been able to locate that elusive moment when what I could have decided turns into what I did decide.

The best part of the image is the jaunty...almost excited...way that the person is walking down their life path. I love the contentment of the picture. It's not about regretting the choices we didn't make...but rather embracing the one that we did.

I'm not sure what's got me waxing philosophical about all of this. Maybe it's that my 10 year high school reunion is this summer. Maybe it's because I'm going to miss a reunion of the Women's Studies program that was so important to me a few years ago. Maybe it's because I found myself daydreaming today about a little cottage in Maine when Kelly and I retire. Maybe it's because I'm pregnant, hormonal and emotional. Maybe it's just because my desk calendar that Kelly got me for Christmas has this image on it today.

What I do know is that I feel like I'm walking jauntily along the path that I have chosen, and all other choices have ceased to exist. And...to my great amazement...I feel nothing but contentment and joy and excitement at what is coming up around the next corner. I regret nothing in my life. Every choice I have ever made has led me to this point, and I would relive it all to get back to this place again.

I have no reason to look back. My life is leading me someplace, and with my love by my side and Bailey soon to join us, everything else is no longer an option.