This morning, I put on a pair of my pre-pregnancy pants. I'm not sure why I'm calling them that because I haven't grown out of them at all since I've gotten pregnant. Well this morning, both Kelly and I realized that they look like they are much less snug on me than before. In fact, they look suspiciously like I'm losing weight as opposed to gaining it.
Now, don't get me wrong - after battling my entire life to lose weight, I don't mind that it's happening now. Except for the tiny little fact that I'M PREGNANT!!!! Where is my baby bump?? In fact, all indications still point to a non-pregnant Mikki. I don't really look pregnant (if you ignore my boobs...but most people aren't staring at them).
So, I did a small bit of reading this morning and discovered that being a larger woman it's quite possible that I will not gain ANY WEIGHT at all during my pregnancy. The reasons are quite simple and, in the end, simply mathematic. First, my eating habits and patterns have completely changed. Here is a example. Prior to pregnancy, Kelly and I would to out to Baja Fresh and get bean and cheese burritos. These are served with approximately 25 chips on the side. I would eat my entire burrito (think about a cup of beans and 3/4 of a cup of cheese) plus all of my chips. And usually a soda to top it off. On Saturday, we went to Baja Fresh and ordered our usual. I was only able to eat about 1/3 of the burrito and maybe half of my chips. And I topped it off with lemonaide.
Lately, I can only eat small portions of food and that fills me up for a couple of hours. Then I get hungry again, and I can only eat a small portion of food. In short, I'm eating the way that I'm SUPPOSED to. Small, frequent meals about 6-7 times a day. And the choices I'm making with food are good because what I'm craving is the good stuff - veggies, beans, cheese (and we ALWAYS eat lowfat cheese). I've been craving pasta, but we always eat whole grain pasta.
So, if I were not pregnant, it would stand to reason that I would be losing weight. It seems that the little that I've actually gained in my pregnancy (in the first 4 months, your actually BABY and baby stuff gain is only about 4 pounds) is being netted out by what I'm losing in body fat.
An interesting correlation. And one that, could possibly continue through out my pregnancy.
NOW...just to ease anyone's fears - I'm NOT going to strive for this. I'm pregnant and when the serious hunger does kick in, I'm going to eat. But just like I've been doing since I found out I was pregnant, I'm going to keep making good choices. Everytime I put something in my mouth, I think to myself "Would I give this to my infant?" If the answer is no, then I don't eat it. Because what I eat, my infant eats. I want to put good, heathy, lowfat things into my body so that the little honey growing inside of me gets good healthy food to grow with.
And it seems that my body appreciates this.
10/31/2006
10/30/2006
New Symptom...
How interesting...it seems that while the nausea and the general discomfort has mostly gone away, a lovely migrane has taken it's place. Saturday was shot due to spending it in agony while I waited out a blinding head ache that didn't go away. Sunday was okay. Now I'm back in agony with a splitting headache.
Tylenol is a joke. It doesn't work for shit. Sorry about the foul language. I'm kind of feeling quite foul.
I hope this is one of those fast moving symptoms that disappears in a couple of days. Or minutes.
Tylenol is a joke. It doesn't work for shit. Sorry about the foul language. I'm kind of feeling quite foul.
I hope this is one of those fast moving symptoms that disappears in a couple of days. Or minutes.
10/27/2006
...and some more symptoms
Everyone says that the expectant mothers' partner often feels morning sickness or similar symptoms. Yesterday was not the first time I have had nausea, but it was the first time I've experienced it without having an excuse to the contrary. After every meal I had yesterday, I had to stop eating because I felt sick. It felt like I had guzzled a large glass of tap water infested with too many minerals. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe not. As a numbers kind of girl, I tend to believe that statistics do not lie and I may have just joined the percentage of partners that have experienced sympathy sickness. - Kelly
Nightime Conversation
Last night, while we were laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, I was telling Kelly a couple of the physical ailments that I've been feeling. During the day yesterday, I told her about a dream that I had directly related to childbirth and breastfeeding. She told me that is the kind of stuff that I should be telling all of you! So here goes:
In the last couple of weeks, I've been having some serious pain in the lower region of my body. Pretty much, from below my belly button down to my knees. My hips have hurt the most. I was reading that this pain is probably from early preparation of my body for childbirth and that my syatic (spelling?) nerve is probably being pinched. When I sit for long periods of time, I have to limp for a bit when I start walking again. And of course, I'm having those uterus stretching pains. They have actually been fairly infrequent, but when they do come, it's shocking. One thing that I realized is that I'm just plain not used to pain in that part of my body. I don't regularly get cramps during my monthly cycle and I've never had any problems that would create large amounts of pain. It's interesting (and a little alarming) when they come.
The dream that I had was actually quite funny, I think. Kelly and I were in the labor room and I had just given birth. The doctors put the baby up on my body and were cleaning him (yes, in my dream it was a boy). After they had swadled the baby, they handed him back to me. I was going to breastfeed immediately (which is recommended, or so I've read). So, I went to pull my gown aside and prepare my breast, but I discovered that my boob was so big that I had to use two hands to pull it out of my shirt. I told Kelly to hold the baby and get him ready, and then I began to haul this mammoth thing (that was apparently my breat) from my gown. Once I had gotten it out, it started spewing forth liquid like a fountain. I was yelling for Kelly to get the baby ready and on the count of three to "smoosh his face into my nipple". Kelly was, understandably, struggling with the concept. And I was just trying to hold up this spewing boob.
It was not a pretty dream. And probably indicates that somewhere in my subconcious I'm worried about breastfeeding and my ability to do it well. And, I would suspect, that there is some truth to the whole humungous boob thing. I mean, honestly, my breast disgust me these days. Kelly assures me that they are not as big as they feel to me, but because I'm carrying around these swollen, tender things that just feel absolutely enormous, I have a hard time keeping it in perspective. I can only imagine how I'll feel once they are full of milk. Goodness.
Another interesting perspective that Kelly and I were talking about yesterday is the way the baby is percieved differently by both of us right now. We were having a conversation about protecting my body, and when she talked about it, she talked about "protecting the baby and protecting yourself." When I talked about it, I talked about "protecting myself". Did you catch the difference there? For Kelly, the child growing inside of my uterus is a seperate entity. I am her honey, her lover, her partner, her wife. And I am housing her child. There is a degree of seperation. For me, that hasn't happened yet. I know at some point, I will begin to see the child as a seperate being from me, but since I've gotten pregnant, the baby growing inside of me is still an extention of my body. It's hard for me to seperate myself from my growing child.
Protecting myself is, essentially, protecting my child because there can be no seperation right now. Without me, this child cannot live. Perhaps, when I start to feel movement seperate from my body and I begin to prepare more deeply for the emotional seperation of birth, I'll start to feel differently. Sometimes, though, I wonder. When my brother died, you could see all over my mother that it felt like she was dying too. I wonder if that ownership over and protectionist bond ever goes away. I mean, letting a child grow and become their own person is one thing - but as parents, do we ever stop feeling like our children are not a part of the physical makeup of our bodies?
Already, I cannot imagine a world without this child growing inside of me. Never again will my life exist without me being a Momma. That seems to me to be a forever linking chain to my child that, while not physical forever, will always feel that way.
One more thing - never in my life have I ever felt more like a woman than I do inside of my pregant body. There is something so remarkable and beautiful about being able to house and protect a new life. I love that my body can do this. I feel sexy in a way that I've never felt before. Not really sexy in a sexual way - but sexy in a way that clearly states that I'm a woman. I'm not sure if this is something other women feel, but it's been a nice feeling for me to have.
In the last couple of weeks, I've been having some serious pain in the lower region of my body. Pretty much, from below my belly button down to my knees. My hips have hurt the most. I was reading that this pain is probably from early preparation of my body for childbirth and that my syatic (spelling?) nerve is probably being pinched. When I sit for long periods of time, I have to limp for a bit when I start walking again. And of course, I'm having those uterus stretching pains. They have actually been fairly infrequent, but when they do come, it's shocking. One thing that I realized is that I'm just plain not used to pain in that part of my body. I don't regularly get cramps during my monthly cycle and I've never had any problems that would create large amounts of pain. It's interesting (and a little alarming) when they come.
The dream that I had was actually quite funny, I think. Kelly and I were in the labor room and I had just given birth. The doctors put the baby up on my body and were cleaning him (yes, in my dream it was a boy). After they had swadled the baby, they handed him back to me. I was going to breastfeed immediately (which is recommended, or so I've read). So, I went to pull my gown aside and prepare my breast, but I discovered that my boob was so big that I had to use two hands to pull it out of my shirt. I told Kelly to hold the baby and get him ready, and then I began to haul this mammoth thing (that was apparently my breat) from my gown. Once I had gotten it out, it started spewing forth liquid like a fountain. I was yelling for Kelly to get the baby ready and on the count of three to "smoosh his face into my nipple". Kelly was, understandably, struggling with the concept. And I was just trying to hold up this spewing boob.
It was not a pretty dream. And probably indicates that somewhere in my subconcious I'm worried about breastfeeding and my ability to do it well. And, I would suspect, that there is some truth to the whole humungous boob thing. I mean, honestly, my breast disgust me these days. Kelly assures me that they are not as big as they feel to me, but because I'm carrying around these swollen, tender things that just feel absolutely enormous, I have a hard time keeping it in perspective. I can only imagine how I'll feel once they are full of milk. Goodness.
Another interesting perspective that Kelly and I were talking about yesterday is the way the baby is percieved differently by both of us right now. We were having a conversation about protecting my body, and when she talked about it, she talked about "protecting the baby and protecting yourself." When I talked about it, I talked about "protecting myself". Did you catch the difference there? For Kelly, the child growing inside of my uterus is a seperate entity. I am her honey, her lover, her partner, her wife. And I am housing her child. There is a degree of seperation. For me, that hasn't happened yet. I know at some point, I will begin to see the child as a seperate being from me, but since I've gotten pregnant, the baby growing inside of me is still an extention of my body. It's hard for me to seperate myself from my growing child.
Protecting myself is, essentially, protecting my child because there can be no seperation right now. Without me, this child cannot live. Perhaps, when I start to feel movement seperate from my body and I begin to prepare more deeply for the emotional seperation of birth, I'll start to feel differently. Sometimes, though, I wonder. When my brother died, you could see all over my mother that it felt like she was dying too. I wonder if that ownership over and protectionist bond ever goes away. I mean, letting a child grow and become their own person is one thing - but as parents, do we ever stop feeling like our children are not a part of the physical makeup of our bodies?
Already, I cannot imagine a world without this child growing inside of me. Never again will my life exist without me being a Momma. That seems to me to be a forever linking chain to my child that, while not physical forever, will always feel that way.
One more thing - never in my life have I ever felt more like a woman than I do inside of my pregant body. There is something so remarkable and beautiful about being able to house and protect a new life. I love that my body can do this. I feel sexy in a way that I've never felt before. Not really sexy in a sexual way - but sexy in a way that clearly states that I'm a woman. I'm not sure if this is something other women feel, but it's been a nice feeling for me to have.
10/26/2006
I Believe
Have I mentioned that I love Christmas? We're starting to get Christmas catalouges and in some of the larger stores there are christmas displays. Hell, even Target has their Christmas stuff out. Sometimes, early in the morning, when I'm standing and waiting for the bus, I can smell Christmas on the air. If you've never smelled Christmas, I don't know how to explain it. It's a feeling. A magical feeling that produces a smell.
So, what does all this have to do with my pregnancy?
Well, this year I find myself thinking more and more about tradition and the history of Christmas in my life and in the lives of those around me. I am so excited that I get to be a Momma with the love of my life and that we get to share with our child (children, someday) the magic that is Christmas.
For some this holiday is sad, or lonely or just plain meaningless. Most people have memories of gifts and a tree and some tradition, but not many have the type of memories that I have. My mother made Christmas magical beyond all belief when we were kids. Part of that is simply that I choose to believe in Santa Clause. Yes, that was meant to be present-tense. I buy it all. The flying reindeer, the bowl full of jelly belly, the long white beard, the sneaking down the chimney (or using magic to create a chimney/fireplace). Yep, I buy it all. I WANT to believe it and I always have. And my mom let me. She stoked the fires of my imagination and she made Christmas Eve and Christmas morning the most amazing times in my life.
There are some traditions that I'll carry forward - there will always be a bowl of peanut M&M's put out on Christmas Eve morning and our children will not be limited in how many they eat. The "one gift" on Christmas Eve will always be footy pajamas - even if our kids hate them. Cookies will be left out and carrots for the riendeer.
Some traditions will be new. Kelly and I will always make homemade cards with the kids. We like the idea of selecting one wrapping paper for each person and wrapping all the gifts in that. We'll leave our tree up for a little longer than my family did.
But the magic will stay the same. I want our kids to feel the same wonder that I did. I want them to love, anticipate and wait for the holiday. I want them to start coloring pictures of Christmas trees in September, and to start their holiday letters to Santa in October.
And I, as the believer in our family and as my Momma's Christmas Angel, will do all I can to stoke the flames of their imagination and to keep the fires of belief burning as long as I can. Because what is childhood if you can't believe in something as pure and as wonderful as the magic of Christmas?
Let the holidays begin!
So, what does all this have to do with my pregnancy?
Well, this year I find myself thinking more and more about tradition and the history of Christmas in my life and in the lives of those around me. I am so excited that I get to be a Momma with the love of my life and that we get to share with our child (children, someday) the magic that is Christmas.
For some this holiday is sad, or lonely or just plain meaningless. Most people have memories of gifts and a tree and some tradition, but not many have the type of memories that I have. My mother made Christmas magical beyond all belief when we were kids. Part of that is simply that I choose to believe in Santa Clause. Yes, that was meant to be present-tense. I buy it all. The flying reindeer, the bowl full of jelly belly, the long white beard, the sneaking down the chimney (or using magic to create a chimney/fireplace). Yep, I buy it all. I WANT to believe it and I always have. And my mom let me. She stoked the fires of my imagination and she made Christmas Eve and Christmas morning the most amazing times in my life.
There are some traditions that I'll carry forward - there will always be a bowl of peanut M&M's put out on Christmas Eve morning and our children will not be limited in how many they eat. The "one gift" on Christmas Eve will always be footy pajamas - even if our kids hate them. Cookies will be left out and carrots for the riendeer.
Some traditions will be new. Kelly and I will always make homemade cards with the kids. We like the idea of selecting one wrapping paper for each person and wrapping all the gifts in that. We'll leave our tree up for a little longer than my family did.
But the magic will stay the same. I want our kids to feel the same wonder that I did. I want them to love, anticipate and wait for the holiday. I want them to start coloring pictures of Christmas trees in September, and to start their holiday letters to Santa in October.
And I, as the believer in our family and as my Momma's Christmas Angel, will do all I can to stoke the flames of their imagination and to keep the fires of belief burning as long as I can. Because what is childhood if you can't believe in something as pure and as wonderful as the magic of Christmas?
Let the holidays begin!
10/25/2006
Blacklisted and COLD!
It appears that a small group of us (me, Kelly and a couple of our friends) have been blacklisted by another "friend" of ours. I'm absolutely furious over it and would like to spend hours and hours ranting. However, I will grit my teeth and bite back my frustration and say only this. It seems very, very, VERY strange to me that one person is doing to us exactly what she spent hours and hours complaining about other people doing to her. The only thing that I can think of is that maybe there is some problem with the fact that we are coupled and she is not. Or that we are pregnant and she is no longer the center of the universe. Or some strange version of childish jealousy that makes no sense to me. Call me a vindictive bitch if you'd like, but I haven't got time in my life to be plagued by people who poison and spread ill-will. Best of luck to you, old friend. May your drama be enjoyed by someone else.
Okay, enough of that unpleasantness.
It's finally COLD here! Yes, my friends, it's cold. Many people would like for it to be warmer - but not me. I'm a cold kind of person. I like to shiver. I enjoy feeling like my nose is just a bit too frosty. I detest heat. If the temperature (whether inside or out) is above 65, I'm too hot. And it's finally cold. Kelly and I have got our temperature set to between 67-69 degrees and our house is COLD! I wake up, jump out of bed and shiver. I actually ENJOY putting on my slippers, my sweats and my sweatshirt. I wake up better, I sleep better, I'm less lethargic and overall my state of mind is better.
I love it.
All is good on the pregnancy front. I'm feeling good. Sleeping well, eating well and hopefully growing a healthy baby. We're 13 weeks today, so by all definations, we are finished with our first trimester. Wow...it seems like I just got pregnant and now we're already through the first trimester!
This weekend we finalize the garden and will being planning our Christmas cards. Handmaking christmas cards requires that we start early. In the three years that we've been making them, it has become a priceless holiday tradition and is always the first thing that really kicks off the season! We're starting a little late this year, but that's okay...
Okay, enough of that unpleasantness.
It's finally COLD here! Yes, my friends, it's cold. Many people would like for it to be warmer - but not me. I'm a cold kind of person. I like to shiver. I enjoy feeling like my nose is just a bit too frosty. I detest heat. If the temperature (whether inside or out) is above 65, I'm too hot. And it's finally cold. Kelly and I have got our temperature set to between 67-69 degrees and our house is COLD! I wake up, jump out of bed and shiver. I actually ENJOY putting on my slippers, my sweats and my sweatshirt. I wake up better, I sleep better, I'm less lethargic and overall my state of mind is better.
I love it.
All is good on the pregnancy front. I'm feeling good. Sleeping well, eating well and hopefully growing a healthy baby. We're 13 weeks today, so by all definations, we are finished with our first trimester. Wow...it seems like I just got pregnant and now we're already through the first trimester!
This weekend we finalize the garden and will being planning our Christmas cards. Handmaking christmas cards requires that we start early. In the three years that we've been making them, it has become a priceless holiday tradition and is always the first thing that really kicks off the season! We're starting a little late this year, but that's okay...
10/24/2006
Getting Back To Good
Yep, it's official. The worst of the morning sickness-gonna-vomit-on-the-bus-oh-god-get-me-some-food-right-now has passed! Every day I'm feeling better with more and more energy. I'm still sleeping more than usual, but I can handle that. The dishes are actually getting done. The weekends don't feel like one big blur of sleep. The thought of actually getting out and doing some gardening isn't daunting.
And the horrid, horrid sickness is finally gone. Unless I don't eat. And honestly, that's not been a problem. In fact, at some point during the weekend the extreme hunger seemed to kick in. Yesterday, no matter how many snacks I had, I couldn't stay full. And lunch was like another snack. I finally got home and made us sloppy joes, french fries and brocolli (doesn't sound real healthy, but you figure - it's soy meat...so not AS BAD!). Well, I had my plate piled high. I was gonna eat everything in sight.
15 bites later, I was done. Overstuffed. It was so dissapointing. Like sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner and only being able to eat one round of very small portions. Probably far healthier than eating a super-sized meal...but disappointing anyway.
So, it goes. I'm already loving the second trimester. Other than a mild backache which seems to originate from the bus seats and the hunger, I'm feeling good.
My regular clothes are still fitting, so that's good. LOL - being the frugal person that I am, I have no interest in buying a ton of maternity clothes. I'm not exactly a high-fashion kind of girl, so the couple of pairs of maternity pants that I already have, coupled with a few shirts a bit larger once my belly begins to grow outward and I'm good. I've got no shame in admitting that I'll be wearing the same clothes over and over again...
I'm excited to start showing. The only "problem" with being a larger woman is that it takes longer to "show". Sure, my boobs have ballooned to disgusting proportions, but they were big anyway. I haven't gained any weight (or at least a week ago I hadn't, and over the weekend, I had actually lost weight...LOL!), so my clothes really don't look any different. The ultrasound confirmst that our little honey is growing away, but until he or she gets pretty big, it probably won't show. That is mildly dissapointing.
BUT, I comfort myself with knowing that the less weight I gain (they recommend only 15 pounds TOTAL for someone of my size starting out), the more healthy me and our child will be. And I do want to be healthy. I don't want to eat on a belly just to show the world that I'm pregnant. I don't want gestational diabetes and I don't want birthing complications because of my weight.
So, with all that said - it's a bummer that I'm not one of those cute pregnant women with a little bump, but I am healthy, whole and growing a child inside of my body. Seems like that is all a girl can ask for, right?
And the horrid, horrid sickness is finally gone. Unless I don't eat. And honestly, that's not been a problem. In fact, at some point during the weekend the extreme hunger seemed to kick in. Yesterday, no matter how many snacks I had, I couldn't stay full. And lunch was like another snack. I finally got home and made us sloppy joes, french fries and brocolli (doesn't sound real healthy, but you figure - it's soy meat...so not AS BAD!). Well, I had my plate piled high. I was gonna eat everything in sight.
15 bites later, I was done. Overstuffed. It was so dissapointing. Like sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner and only being able to eat one round of very small portions. Probably far healthier than eating a super-sized meal...but disappointing anyway.
So, it goes. I'm already loving the second trimester. Other than a mild backache which seems to originate from the bus seats and the hunger, I'm feeling good.
My regular clothes are still fitting, so that's good. LOL - being the frugal person that I am, I have no interest in buying a ton of maternity clothes. I'm not exactly a high-fashion kind of girl, so the couple of pairs of maternity pants that I already have, coupled with a few shirts a bit larger once my belly begins to grow outward and I'm good. I've got no shame in admitting that I'll be wearing the same clothes over and over again...
I'm excited to start showing. The only "problem" with being a larger woman is that it takes longer to "show". Sure, my boobs have ballooned to disgusting proportions, but they were big anyway. I haven't gained any weight (or at least a week ago I hadn't, and over the weekend, I had actually lost weight...LOL!), so my clothes really don't look any different. The ultrasound confirmst that our little honey is growing away, but until he or she gets pretty big, it probably won't show. That is mildly dissapointing.
BUT, I comfort myself with knowing that the less weight I gain (they recommend only 15 pounds TOTAL for someone of my size starting out), the more healthy me and our child will be. And I do want to be healthy. I don't want to eat on a belly just to show the world that I'm pregnant. I don't want gestational diabetes and I don't want birthing complications because of my weight.
So, with all that said - it's a bummer that I'm not one of those cute pregnant women with a little bump, but I am healthy, whole and growing a child inside of my body. Seems like that is all a girl can ask for, right?
10/23/2006
Lovely Long Weekend
Me, Kelly and our little honey went to Maine for the weekend! We left very early on Friday morning and flew through some windy rain up to Maine. After getting our car, we drove to Freeport and enjoyed the quaint little town of Freeport. It was kind of drizzly, but it was still fun. The next day (Saturday) was a perfect fall-Maine Day. It was cold - in the low 40's but with bright sunshine. We drove to Hallowell to visit with my Mom and Andrea. While there, we took a walk down the BIG hill to get some wrapping paper and yummy cookies from Slate's Bakery. The wind was blowing, the leaves were skittering all around us and the smell of fall was thick in the air. The walk was the best part of the weekend for me. I truly love the smells of real fall. Here, the leaves turn muted shades of yellow and brown and then fall off. The true fall weather is only occasional and then the illusion is ruined by a 70-degree day. Not real fall.
But walking through through that wonderful, wonderful air, I felt like I had stepped inside paradise. My honey was holding my hand, my momma was beside us and we were enjoying the wonderful day. It was perfect.
After that we went to my grandfather's wedding. It was a lovely ceremony, although at one point it was very emotional for me. I was glad that I was in the back of the room where nobody would see me cry. But then, when they turned around to be presented as husband and wife, Felix blew me a kiss! I was very sweet. The reception was a bit like old-home days with a side of my family that I never see. It was interesting and not to bad.
We left early, though.
Then, Mom, Andrea, Kelly and I went back to Freeport to finish up some shopping. I'm sad to say that I pooped out before we could do LL Bean. I must say that Kelly took the dissapointment well and didn't make me feel guilty. Of couse, I still did, though. But we shopped for lots and lots of baby clothes and we're pretty comfortable that with just a few more items, we'll have everything that we need. Having a May baby is going to be nice, because not many clothes are needed. It's going to be warm, and they won't need much more than a onesey. It's fun to shop for clothes you know your baby is going to wear. It was a good time.
Then back home. We flew in very early yesterday morning and immediately fell asleep for about 2 1/2 hours. LOL - we were wore out! The nap did us good, though, and we got a lot done after.
Now it's back to work. Kelly and I are both going to be completely swamped this week - we are considering it hell week. We'll hopefully get through it without too much stress...but we are already looking forward to the weekend!
:-) Mikki
But walking through through that wonderful, wonderful air, I felt like I had stepped inside paradise. My honey was holding my hand, my momma was beside us and we were enjoying the wonderful day. It was perfect.
After that we went to my grandfather's wedding. It was a lovely ceremony, although at one point it was very emotional for me. I was glad that I was in the back of the room where nobody would see me cry. But then, when they turned around to be presented as husband and wife, Felix blew me a kiss! I was very sweet. The reception was a bit like old-home days with a side of my family that I never see. It was interesting and not to bad.
We left early, though.
Then, Mom, Andrea, Kelly and I went back to Freeport to finish up some shopping. I'm sad to say that I pooped out before we could do LL Bean. I must say that Kelly took the dissapointment well and didn't make me feel guilty. Of couse, I still did, though. But we shopped for lots and lots of baby clothes and we're pretty comfortable that with just a few more items, we'll have everything that we need. Having a May baby is going to be nice, because not many clothes are needed. It's going to be warm, and they won't need much more than a onesey. It's fun to shop for clothes you know your baby is going to wear. It was a good time.
Then back home. We flew in very early yesterday morning and immediately fell asleep for about 2 1/2 hours. LOL - we were wore out! The nap did us good, though, and we got a lot done after.
Now it's back to work. Kelly and I are both going to be completely swamped this week - we are considering it hell week. We'll hopefully get through it without too much stress...but we are already looking forward to the weekend!
:-) Mikki
10/19/2006
As suggested
Mikki reminded me that my process needs to be shared too, so here are my thoughts on our doctor appointment yesterday. We saw the baby instantly when the ultrasound began. Our doctor did not need to explain what we were looking at. In fact, I immediately began asking, "Is that the head...and there the arms....there the legs? Is that brighter white line the spine? The doctor answered yes to all my questions and began laughing about our little honeys activeness. I've been joking saying that our honey is practicing for the synchronized swim team. Honey's actions were so methodical - kick off with "frog legs," bounce with head back to original position. Repeat...repeat...repeat... Okay, so maybe Honey won't win a gold metal for originality, but this mommy-to-be will never be the same again! -Kelly
Introducing...
Our Little Honey at 12 Weeks Old!
The head is pointed down, toward the lower left hand side of the picture. The spine is along the top and the butt is that little pointy thing toward the right side of the shot. Our little honey's legs are the white marks that are dangling down from the rump.
As you can imagine, seeing this was overwhelming and amazing. This shot was caught right before our little honey kicked his/her legs out and pushed off from my uterine wall. She/he would go until his/her head would bounce off the other wall, pushing him or her back to the position you see now. Then, once again s/he would push off! It was incredibly endearing!
10/18/2006
Peppermint Patty Kind of Day...
Just a little aside before I even begin - if there is something that I've been craving in recent weeks it's peppermint patties and junior mints. Something about the sweet-not-so-sweetness of the dark chocolate and firey mint that I really like. So any day that includes peppermint patties is a VERY GOOD day.
And that is exactly the kind of day that today is!
First, I woke up this morning realizing that nine years ago today, my honey came in to my life. I knew, from the second that she typed her way into my world that I had met the reason that I was born. I had found my purpose. For those of you who don't really know me as well as others, I'm quite traditional. Sure, I've lived some crazy stories, but at the core of it all is the most basic need for stability and calm. My one true dream has been to love one person for my entire life and to make a home and be a good wife and mother. Kelly, you've made all of my dreams come true. I look around me and there is nothing I would add and nothing I would take away. For all the cheesiness of this, you complete me. You make me whole and without you I can't imagine my world. I love you - with all my heart, from the very depth of my soul. Happy Anniversary.
Next, we were off to our first prenatal appointment! Let me just say that it was absolutely WONDERFUL!!! The practice is a man and woman team - we met with the woman today and will meet with the man next. They work together, so either one could deliver us. We had a great experience talking to her and sharing my history. There was nothing but warmth and comfort - no weirdness, no strange vibes. Nothing. It was just comfortable.
The first thing they did was weigh me. And, let me just say that today makes 12 weeks and I HAVE GAINED NO WEIGHT!!!!!! I couldn't be happier if I tried. Kelly and I have been really focused on making sure that I eat good foods, in the right amounts and with the right blend of craving-fix and nutrition. It seems to be paying off! I'm the exact same weight I was at 5 weeks, and I am just delighted. I have dreaded the thought of putting on a lot of weight and was very, very nervous about this. So...that was the first good news!
The second good news is that they did an ultrasound!!!!!! It was absolutely amazing. You can really see our little honey in there. S/he was very active. So active, in fact, that Dr. Jones had a hard time getting the measurment. We watched as our little honey waved his/her arms and used his/her little legs to kick off the walls of my uterus. S/he was also doing some side-t0-side twisting (we could tell because the spine kept coming in and out of view!). It was sweet and funny and incredibly moving. I grabbed Kelly's hand and just watched in wonder at this little human being inside my body. What an amazing experience it is to be a woman and get to house this child for now. I feel very lucky, and very blessed.
We did get a picture, and I will post it tonight. I promise not to wait 4 weeks again! LOL!
So, now I'm at work. It's a short half day and I'm looking forward to going home and spending a quite evening with my love. One more day of work and then we're off to Maine to celebrate our anniversary, our move into the second trimester and my grandfather's wedding!
:-) Mikki
And that is exactly the kind of day that today is!
First, I woke up this morning realizing that nine years ago today, my honey came in to my life. I knew, from the second that she typed her way into my world that I had met the reason that I was born. I had found my purpose. For those of you who don't really know me as well as others, I'm quite traditional. Sure, I've lived some crazy stories, but at the core of it all is the most basic need for stability and calm. My one true dream has been to love one person for my entire life and to make a home and be a good wife and mother. Kelly, you've made all of my dreams come true. I look around me and there is nothing I would add and nothing I would take away. For all the cheesiness of this, you complete me. You make me whole and without you I can't imagine my world. I love you - with all my heart, from the very depth of my soul. Happy Anniversary.
Next, we were off to our first prenatal appointment! Let me just say that it was absolutely WONDERFUL!!! The practice is a man and woman team - we met with the woman today and will meet with the man next. They work together, so either one could deliver us. We had a great experience talking to her and sharing my history. There was nothing but warmth and comfort - no weirdness, no strange vibes. Nothing. It was just comfortable.
The first thing they did was weigh me. And, let me just say that today makes 12 weeks and I HAVE GAINED NO WEIGHT!!!!!! I couldn't be happier if I tried. Kelly and I have been really focused on making sure that I eat good foods, in the right amounts and with the right blend of craving-fix and nutrition. It seems to be paying off! I'm the exact same weight I was at 5 weeks, and I am just delighted. I have dreaded the thought of putting on a lot of weight and was very, very nervous about this. So...that was the first good news!
The second good news is that they did an ultrasound!!!!!! It was absolutely amazing. You can really see our little honey in there. S/he was very active. So active, in fact, that Dr. Jones had a hard time getting the measurment. We watched as our little honey waved his/her arms and used his/her little legs to kick off the walls of my uterus. S/he was also doing some side-t0-side twisting (we could tell because the spine kept coming in and out of view!). It was sweet and funny and incredibly moving. I grabbed Kelly's hand and just watched in wonder at this little human being inside my body. What an amazing experience it is to be a woman and get to house this child for now. I feel very lucky, and very blessed.
We did get a picture, and I will post it tonight. I promise not to wait 4 weeks again! LOL!
So, now I'm at work. It's a short half day and I'm looking forward to going home and spending a quite evening with my love. One more day of work and then we're off to Maine to celebrate our anniversary, our move into the second trimester and my grandfather's wedding!
:-) Mikki
10/17/2006
SPLAT
When I was a kid, my Mom used to read me this book called "No Good, Rotten Day"...or something to that effect.
This is that day.
I hate everything about it and everyone I've come in contact with and all I want to do is alternate between throwing myself on the floor in a fit of extreme tantrums, and laying in my bed with everything buried except my nose. I feel like a vicious viper - ready to snarl, bite and inject my poisonous, pissed-off venon into anyone who comes within 100 feet of me.
I'm lethal today. Kelly's taken the brunt of it so far. Poor girl. All she did was call me.
There is no real reason for this miserable state of being that I find myself in. I can only hope that it goes away sometime between now and when I get home tonight. If not, M&S, you might be getting company (as Kelly quickly grabs her stuff and heads for the hills).
Miserable, rotten, no-good, hell-like day that this is (imagine me kicking and pouting like a little girl).
This isn't a thunder cloud - we are in full-fledge, category five hurricane lock down.
I HATE TODAY!
This is that day.
I hate everything about it and everyone I've come in contact with and all I want to do is alternate between throwing myself on the floor in a fit of extreme tantrums, and laying in my bed with everything buried except my nose. I feel like a vicious viper - ready to snarl, bite and inject my poisonous, pissed-off venon into anyone who comes within 100 feet of me.
I'm lethal today. Kelly's taken the brunt of it so far. Poor girl. All she did was call me.
There is no real reason for this miserable state of being that I find myself in. I can only hope that it goes away sometime between now and when I get home tonight. If not, M&S, you might be getting company (as Kelly quickly grabs her stuff and heads for the hills).
Miserable, rotten, no-good, hell-like day that this is (imagine me kicking and pouting like a little girl).
This isn't a thunder cloud - we are in full-fledge, category five hurricane lock down.
I HATE TODAY!
Moving right along...
...although it feels like we're moving forward as fast as molasses. There are so many opinions and "experts" when it comes to safety and ease of use on baby products. We're currently in the process of trying not to get too overloaded with information, all while wanting the best for our little honey...just like every other parent out there. But it is frustrating trying to find the perfect balance between safety and cost. It's impossible to believe that one dictates the other, so where is the balance? Last night, I got all obsessed with mirrors for the car...you know the ones that go on the back seat so that when you look in the rear view mirrow you can see your infant in the mirror. Apparently they have ones that light up, make noises, glass that won't break, remote controls, and many other options. Ugg!!
- Kelly
- Kelly
10/16/2006
Flat on my back...
Well, actually, not really. See, that's the problem. I can't sleep on my back anymore. Ugg. I'm a back sleeper. Specifically, with one arm thrown up over my head and one leg out from under the covers. This is how I fall asleep. Has been for a long time. But I can't do that anymore. For anyone who hasn't been pregnant, it leaves me with the most nauseated-can't-breath-gonna-puke feeling I've ever had. It's horrible.
So, idiot that I am, I took a nap yesterday afternoon to rejuvinate for a dinner with the Mamas. I fell asleep on the couch, on my back. I woke up feeling absolutely, 100% completely horrible. I thought I was going to pass out, puke and cry all at the same time. It was awful. Kelly took one look at me and made me sit and refused to let me get up until some color came back. We had to cancel our dinner plans and I spent the rest of the evening feeling quite horrible.
NOT the way that I wanted to end what had been an absolutely wonderful weekend!
Kelly's cousin and her partner came up with their daughter for the weekend and we had a marvelous time! K (the daughter) is absolutely adorable, with lots of energy. Kelly and I spent the weekend enjoying the sound of little-girl laughter and enjoying her antics. I think that she was showing off a bit because we're new people in her life. Not that we minded one bit. It was so much fun to have a little girl doing cheers in our family room and drawing sweet pictures and singing songs. We are kid people - it was nice to have a kid around. To make it all the better, the adults had a great time too! We spent Saturday sight seeing downtown and enjoying being in DC.
It was a wonderful weekend...
So...to end it all by being sick was not the way that I wanted it to happen. But oh well.
This is a big week for us. On Wednesday, we have our first real prenatal appoitnment with our OB. Wednesday also marks nine years that we have known and loved each other. We're very excited that we get to share our anniversary with our first prenantal appointment. It seems fitting. On Friday we fly to Maine to enjoy some time together, do some Christmas shopping and attend my grandfather's wedding.
Very exciting...
So, idiot that I am, I took a nap yesterday afternoon to rejuvinate for a dinner with the Mamas. I fell asleep on the couch, on my back. I woke up feeling absolutely, 100% completely horrible. I thought I was going to pass out, puke and cry all at the same time. It was awful. Kelly took one look at me and made me sit and refused to let me get up until some color came back. We had to cancel our dinner plans and I spent the rest of the evening feeling quite horrible.
NOT the way that I wanted to end what had been an absolutely wonderful weekend!
Kelly's cousin and her partner came up with their daughter for the weekend and we had a marvelous time! K (the daughter) is absolutely adorable, with lots of energy. Kelly and I spent the weekend enjoying the sound of little-girl laughter and enjoying her antics. I think that she was showing off a bit because we're new people in her life. Not that we minded one bit. It was so much fun to have a little girl doing cheers in our family room and drawing sweet pictures and singing songs. We are kid people - it was nice to have a kid around. To make it all the better, the adults had a great time too! We spent Saturday sight seeing downtown and enjoying being in DC.
It was a wonderful weekend...
So...to end it all by being sick was not the way that I wanted it to happen. But oh well.
This is a big week for us. On Wednesday, we have our first real prenatal appoitnment with our OB. Wednesday also marks nine years that we have known and loved each other. We're very excited that we get to share our anniversary with our first prenantal appointment. It seems fitting. On Friday we fly to Maine to enjoy some time together, do some Christmas shopping and attend my grandfather's wedding.
Very exciting...
10/13/2006
TGIF!
It seems like I can't say that loudly enough!!!!! THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This week has been particularly challenging on the commuter bus. I have gone back and forth between extreme anger to an almost depression like despair while on the bus. It seems that no matter which bus I get on (and I've been changing my times trying to find good drivers), I am alway on the bus that takes the longest. It should take NO LONGER than an hour and a half door to door to commute. That includes the time it takes me to walk to the bus stop and then drive home once I get dropped off. This week it's taken more like 2 hours each way. I've been getting home around 7 PM, which doesn't leave much time to unwind once I eat and then we go to bed around 8:30. It's been stressful.
But so be it. We love our house and our neighboorhood. For now, we still think that we made the right choice in moving so far out of town. We could lie and pretend to be city girls, but we are not. I need to be in a place where I'm comfortable, and the city isn't it. Neither is Montgomery County. And Virginia isn't an option. So, we are where we belong. Hopefully next week will be easier.
Tonight Kelly's cousin, her partner and their daughter are coming to visit!!! I'm really looking forward to site seeing in the cold fall air tomorrow. I love the fall. It's the best time of the year. And when you're in good company having a good time, it's even better. I'm really looking forward to it!
This week has been particularly challenging on the commuter bus. I have gone back and forth between extreme anger to an almost depression like despair while on the bus. It seems that no matter which bus I get on (and I've been changing my times trying to find good drivers), I am alway on the bus that takes the longest. It should take NO LONGER than an hour and a half door to door to commute. That includes the time it takes me to walk to the bus stop and then drive home once I get dropped off. This week it's taken more like 2 hours each way. I've been getting home around 7 PM, which doesn't leave much time to unwind once I eat and then we go to bed around 8:30. It's been stressful.
But so be it. We love our house and our neighboorhood. For now, we still think that we made the right choice in moving so far out of town. We could lie and pretend to be city girls, but we are not. I need to be in a place where I'm comfortable, and the city isn't it. Neither is Montgomery County. And Virginia isn't an option. So, we are where we belong. Hopefully next week will be easier.
Tonight Kelly's cousin, her partner and their daughter are coming to visit!!! I'm really looking forward to site seeing in the cold fall air tomorrow. I love the fall. It's the best time of the year. And when you're in good company having a good time, it's even better. I'm really looking forward to it!
10/12/2006
testing...testing...one...two
testing...testing...
The co-owner of this blog...Kelly, she exists! After much anticipation from our wonderful audience, I am finally posting for your reading pleasure.
So what's new since Mikki last posted? Mikki has been feeling great the past sevaral days with the exception of the bus ride home yesterday. For anyone who has ever used a commuter bus for transportation, you understand what I'm talking about. Speaking of the bus, have you heard yet that on Tuesday morning our bus got a flat tire and we were stranded along I-295 for 40 minutes before a "rescue" bus came along. That was great fun, but at least it wasn't raining. After 20 minutes we were beginning to wonder if we could use the "pregnancy card" in any way to improve our current situation - nothing came to mind as a viable option.
Hmm, what else. ..Oh, we picked out our nursery theme...again. Yep, sure enough we changed our minds from the previously reported under the sea theme. This time around, we're going to keep the specifics to ourselves until the master project is complete. We will post pictures once complete. But for those of you who are dying with curiosity...lets just say it's going to be very colorful.
Later gators - Kelly
The co-owner of this blog...Kelly, she exists! After much anticipation from our wonderful audience, I am finally posting for your reading pleasure.
So what's new since Mikki last posted? Mikki has been feeling great the past sevaral days with the exception of the bus ride home yesterday. For anyone who has ever used a commuter bus for transportation, you understand what I'm talking about. Speaking of the bus, have you heard yet that on Tuesday morning our bus got a flat tire and we were stranded along I-295 for 40 minutes before a "rescue" bus came along. That was great fun, but at least it wasn't raining. After 20 minutes we were beginning to wonder if we could use the "pregnancy card" in any way to improve our current situation - nothing came to mind as a viable option.
Hmm, what else. ..Oh, we picked out our nursery theme...again. Yep, sure enough we changed our minds from the previously reported under the sea theme. This time around, we're going to keep the specifics to ourselves until the master project is complete. We will post pictures once complete. But for those of you who are dying with curiosity...lets just say it's going to be very colorful.
Later gators - Kelly
10/11/2006
Well Wishes
I was just reading the blog of a couple of our friends who just got pregnant. So far, for them, no morning sickness and tiredness! I found myself virtually giddy at the thought that they have not yet, and might not, experience the lovely joy of feeling crappy for a good portion of the first couple of months. M&S, I'm seriously praying for you, with all my fingers crossed and my toes too.
Another thing - I've been a bad friend lately to some people who have emailed me! I'm really sorry that I haven't had the chance yet to get back to you! I promise that when things settled down here at work, I'll have more time. The first thing that I do when I get here to work is check my email and then blog. It's the only way that I'd ever have enough time to do it during the day.
So...don't hate me for bad email ettiquette. I promise that it will get better!
We are 11 weeks pregnant today and moving into the final two weeks of our first trimester! Gosh...the time flies...
Another thing - I've been a bad friend lately to some people who have emailed me! I'm really sorry that I haven't had the chance yet to get back to you! I promise that when things settled down here at work, I'll have more time. The first thing that I do when I get here to work is check my email and then blog. It's the only way that I'd ever have enough time to do it during the day.
So...don't hate me for bad email ettiquette. I promise that it will get better!
We are 11 weeks pregnant today and moving into the final two weeks of our first trimester! Gosh...the time flies...
10/10/2006
Feminist Thoughts
So, if you're totally against the whole feminist movement, anti-gay or an ultra-religious conservative, I advise you to stop reading and save yourself the frustration.
Yesterday, as I was riding the very hot bus home and feeling horrid (vomity and just way over heated), I was thinking about the people in this world who believe that Kelly and I shouldn't love each other. More importantly, it seems that those same people believe that we don't have the right to legally protect one another against major fallouts (such as death). I was riding along and thinking about the thousand dollars that we had to spend in order to get some measure of legal protection that would ensure that if she's in the hospital, it's me who makes the decisions about her care (and vice versa). I was remembering a couple of years ago when we were sitting on the couch, close to each other and holding hands. A special news report came on - it was Bush giving a speech. Funny enough, it was a speech about how allowing gay people the right to marry would ruin the fabric of our society. I remember sitting there looking at this incredible woman, who loves me beyond all reason and whom has captivated my heart since the second I laid eyes on her, and wondering how it was that WE were ruining anything.
Here we are. Two people, who have made the most sacred of vows to one another. No, not in a church, not in front of our families (although we haven't ruled that out), and some would say not in the eyes of God. But to each other, we have taken those vows. The promise that no matter what kind of shit life throws at us, we'll survive it together because we believe that our love is stronger than life. We believe that together, we are better than we are apart. We trust each other to make decisions that are good for the "we" rather than the "me". We are married. For whatever that words means to you, we are bound together BY CHOICE, for life. That's a marriage. No matter if you believe in it or not.
So yesterday, as I was riding the bus home, I found myself thinking about all of this. I truly believe that we are at a precipice as a society. We've got to decide if we are going to be inclusive or if we are going to turn our noses up at the real beauty of all the kinds of love around us. I put my hand on my belly and I wondered.
Lots of people say that God (the traditional definition of the Christian male God) will not glorify the union that we have made between us. I can't argue. I don't know him. And I can't confess to believe much of what traditional Christianity puts forth. But what I do know is that a child is a miracle. A gift. And not one that is a purely biological action. Sure, we can talk about the sperm meeting the egg and blah, blah, blah. But anyone with an ounce of spirituality (and I think we all have that - regardless of the picture that spiritually becomes), will believe that being gifted with a child is a miracle of sorts.
If ever I needed any proof that God (or whatever you believe in) glorifies our union, it's here. Growing inside of me is a product of the love that Kelly and I share for each other. Yes, my friends, two women can make a baby. Through determination, committment, passion and love, we have made the kind of life that the keeper of miracles believes will be a good home for a child. If ever I questioned our right to love each other, I don't anymore. Heaven, hell - they are all just words.
I'm going to live my life by what my heart tells me is right. And loving my partner through all of lifes challenges, and raising our children (if we are blessed with more), and being a productive member of this society is my life's calling.
Yesterday, as I was riding the very hot bus home and feeling horrid (vomity and just way over heated), I was thinking about the people in this world who believe that Kelly and I shouldn't love each other. More importantly, it seems that those same people believe that we don't have the right to legally protect one another against major fallouts (such as death). I was riding along and thinking about the thousand dollars that we had to spend in order to get some measure of legal protection that would ensure that if she's in the hospital, it's me who makes the decisions about her care (and vice versa). I was remembering a couple of years ago when we were sitting on the couch, close to each other and holding hands. A special news report came on - it was Bush giving a speech. Funny enough, it was a speech about how allowing gay people the right to marry would ruin the fabric of our society. I remember sitting there looking at this incredible woman, who loves me beyond all reason and whom has captivated my heart since the second I laid eyes on her, and wondering how it was that WE were ruining anything.
Here we are. Two people, who have made the most sacred of vows to one another. No, not in a church, not in front of our families (although we haven't ruled that out), and some would say not in the eyes of God. But to each other, we have taken those vows. The promise that no matter what kind of shit life throws at us, we'll survive it together because we believe that our love is stronger than life. We believe that together, we are better than we are apart. We trust each other to make decisions that are good for the "we" rather than the "me". We are married. For whatever that words means to you, we are bound together BY CHOICE, for life. That's a marriage. No matter if you believe in it or not.
So yesterday, as I was riding the bus home, I found myself thinking about all of this. I truly believe that we are at a precipice as a society. We've got to decide if we are going to be inclusive or if we are going to turn our noses up at the real beauty of all the kinds of love around us. I put my hand on my belly and I wondered.
Lots of people say that God (the traditional definition of the Christian male God) will not glorify the union that we have made between us. I can't argue. I don't know him. And I can't confess to believe much of what traditional Christianity puts forth. But what I do know is that a child is a miracle. A gift. And not one that is a purely biological action. Sure, we can talk about the sperm meeting the egg and blah, blah, blah. But anyone with an ounce of spirituality (and I think we all have that - regardless of the picture that spiritually becomes), will believe that being gifted with a child is a miracle of sorts.
If ever I needed any proof that God (or whatever you believe in) glorifies our union, it's here. Growing inside of me is a product of the love that Kelly and I share for each other. Yes, my friends, two women can make a baby. Through determination, committment, passion and love, we have made the kind of life that the keeper of miracles believes will be a good home for a child. If ever I questioned our right to love each other, I don't anymore. Heaven, hell - they are all just words.
I'm going to live my life by what my heart tells me is right. And loving my partner through all of lifes challenges, and raising our children (if we are blessed with more), and being a productive member of this society is my life's calling.
10/09/2006
Missing Her
I don't talk very often about having lost one of my very best friends in the world to people outside of my immediate circle. It happened quite a while ago and one would think that I would have gotten over it by now. It's funny, because she's not dead, she's not even very far away from my life. She just decided at some point (I'm not sure when) that she didn't want me in her life.
Through the last couple of years, I've rationalized it, fought it, greived it and been so angry I could spit nails over it. Today, I'm just kind of sad. This whole journey into motherhood is something that I fully expected to share with her. She's a mother already - in fact, gave her daughter my name (the middle one!). I was so looking forward to talking to her through all of these feelings, emotions and daily changes. I never imagined my world without her. From the second we became friends, I expected that were unbreakable.
I was proven wrong. In many ways, this was the first time in my life that I was completely wrong about a person. I would have laid down in front of a fast moving train with the complete confidence that she would have pulled me out of the way. I trusted her with my life - beyond question and without any doubt. It was shocking when she told me (via email) that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Shocking and strange.
I guess part of being an adult is coming to grips with the fact that people make decisions that you don't understand and will act in ways that just don't make sense to me. Because I don't have a choice, I'll let her walk away. I emailed her when I found out that I was pregnant, and she didn't email me back.
I wonder if that will ever stop hurting?
Through the last couple of years, I've rationalized it, fought it, greived it and been so angry I could spit nails over it. Today, I'm just kind of sad. This whole journey into motherhood is something that I fully expected to share with her. She's a mother already - in fact, gave her daughter my name (the middle one!). I was so looking forward to talking to her through all of these feelings, emotions and daily changes. I never imagined my world without her. From the second we became friends, I expected that were unbreakable.
I was proven wrong. In many ways, this was the first time in my life that I was completely wrong about a person. I would have laid down in front of a fast moving train with the complete confidence that she would have pulled me out of the way. I trusted her with my life - beyond question and without any doubt. It was shocking when she told me (via email) that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. Shocking and strange.
I guess part of being an adult is coming to grips with the fact that people make decisions that you don't understand and will act in ways that just don't make sense to me. Because I don't have a choice, I'll let her walk away. I emailed her when I found out that I was pregnant, and she didn't email me back.
I wonder if that will ever stop hurting?
So begins another week. The weekend was incredible. The weather was perfect, my tummy cooperated, I got good sleep and Kelly and I had a wonderful time together. Of course, she is at home today (for whatever reason, Law Firms don't celebrate Columbus Day!!!). She's got herself a huge long list of chores. LOL - she never just relaxes anymore...
Yesterday, I managed to get a ton of stuff done. I was actually feeling energetic after my afternoon power nap. I worked from about 2 in the afternoon until about 8 in the evening without stopping (except for dinner). I was so happy. It's so incredibly nice to feel like I'm getting something done and not just a bump on the couch while Kelly holds our home together.
Not that I mind that...but honestly - it's hard for me to feel so tired all the time...
I'm hoping that my good feelings hold through the week and next weekend...
Yesterday, I managed to get a ton of stuff done. I was actually feeling energetic after my afternoon power nap. I worked from about 2 in the afternoon until about 8 in the evening without stopping (except for dinner). I was so happy. It's so incredibly nice to feel like I'm getting something done and not just a bump on the couch while Kelly holds our home together.
Not that I mind that...but honestly - it's hard for me to feel so tired all the time...
I'm hoping that my good feelings hold through the week and next weekend...
10/08/2006
Chores
After another good day yesterday, I'm feeling rested and ready to tackle the grocery shopping and Target shopping and PetSmart shopping that is our Sunday. I've made a menu for next week in hopes to keep us from eating out so much (it seems that since I got pregnant, neither of us wants to cook...). Then, I've got to go to the laundry mat and get our big comforter cleaned. It smells like campfire and camping from last weekend.
After that it's football and cooking time!
Exta-fun excitment for a Sunday.
After that it's football and cooking time!
Exta-fun excitment for a Sunday.
10/07/2006
Simple
This morning has been perfect! It started out with a perfect, cozy night with my honey last night. We watched a movie in the family room, with the fireplace blazing. We ate fettachini alfredo for dinner (which sat VERY well). We giggled, and snuggled and talked and enjoyed each other's company. Kelly is my most comfortable pair of slippers, the warmest and most relaxing place I know to go when I get overwhelmed. She's my very best friend, and the one person I know will always face my worst fears with me. Nights like last night remind me of how lucky I am. And how nice it is to be able to just let go of my stress and dissolve in the arms of someone who really does know how to take it all away and make me smile again.
I slept blissfully. And woke up rested. Hungry, but not sick. I ate and then fell back asleep on the couch by the fireplace. I woke up an hour or so later to Kelly getting up. We made breakfast and watched another movie.
The day seems full of possibility. We're going out...not sure where, though. I think that we'll go to the mall for a little bit. Then maybe to Lowes or Walmart. We don't really need anything, but we love to get out.
Goodness. I love simple, easy days in the company of my honey. How perfect...
I slept blissfully. And woke up rested. Hungry, but not sick. I ate and then fell back asleep on the couch by the fireplace. I woke up an hour or so later to Kelly getting up. We made breakfast and watched another movie.
The day seems full of possibility. We're going out...not sure where, though. I think that we'll go to the mall for a little bit. Then maybe to Lowes or Walmart. We don't really need anything, but we love to get out.
Goodness. I love simple, easy days in the company of my honey. How perfect...
10/06/2006
Baby Nation
If you are following the stories of some of our friends on the blogs listed to the left, you'll know that M&S are PREGNANT!!!!! I cannot begin to express how happy this makes us. It's hard to have people that you care about go through something as tough of not getting pregnant when you know that they are ready and will be such amazing parents. After sending all my prayers, fertility dances and best energy their way, we are so happy to be able to share in their joy!!! Congratulations, M & S! And consider this our promise - dinner is on us at your convenience! Just name the date and place and we're there!
Perhaps the Mama group should all go out to the Melting Pot (fancy, huh??) and celebrate our universal fertility...hmmmm...
So, I'm feeling marginally better today. I'm at work and while I'm mildly queasy, I have a ton of work and that helps me stay focused and keeps my mind off this pukey feeling. I'm looking forward to the cold, rainy weekend in store for us. We were going to do yard work, but as it's supposed to rain all weekend, it doesn't look likely. We'll probably work on the baby's room for a while and watch movies. I might try to convince my honey to take me to see the Gaurdian...
We found out that Kelly's cousin, her partner and their daughter will be coming (probably) to spend next weekend with us. I'm SOOOO excited. I love entertaining, but most importantly, these are two women who have been amazingly supportive through this whole process. We're looking forward to spending the weekend playing and enjoying our time together. I'm going to do some cooking (Kelly's been wanting a pumpkin cheesecake) and hopefully we'll get into some good fun with their daughter. Best of all, there is no one in the world who makes me laugh quite as hard at the mundane as S (the partner of Kelly's cousin). And old friend from way back, it promises to be a jolly good time!
All of which has put me in a wonderful mood. To hell with queasiness - I'm going to enjoy this cold, rainy weekend come hell or high water (or splashing vomit...LOL!).
Perhaps the Mama group should all go out to the Melting Pot (fancy, huh??) and celebrate our universal fertility...hmmmm...
So, I'm feeling marginally better today. I'm at work and while I'm mildly queasy, I have a ton of work and that helps me stay focused and keeps my mind off this pukey feeling. I'm looking forward to the cold, rainy weekend in store for us. We were going to do yard work, but as it's supposed to rain all weekend, it doesn't look likely. We'll probably work on the baby's room for a while and watch movies. I might try to convince my honey to take me to see the Gaurdian...
We found out that Kelly's cousin, her partner and their daughter will be coming (probably) to spend next weekend with us. I'm SOOOO excited. I love entertaining, but most importantly, these are two women who have been amazingly supportive through this whole process. We're looking forward to spending the weekend playing and enjoying our time together. I'm going to do some cooking (Kelly's been wanting a pumpkin cheesecake) and hopefully we'll get into some good fun with their daughter. Best of all, there is no one in the world who makes me laugh quite as hard at the mundane as S (the partner of Kelly's cousin). And old friend from way back, it promises to be a jolly good time!
All of which has put me in a wonderful mood. To hell with queasiness - I'm going to enjoy this cold, rainy weekend come hell or high water (or splashing vomit...LOL!).
10/05/2006
Gross
Sometimes being pregnant is gross. This morning, I woke up knowing that it was going to be a queasy day. After eating, I vomited so hard in to the toilet that it splashed back up at me. At that point, I just decided to call this day wasted. I called into work and have been in bed (or on the couch) ever since.
Food is touch and go right now, but I'm going to try to make something stick. And I'm going to take a bath. Then, I'm going back to bed...
I'll write more tomorrow...
Food is touch and go right now, but I'm going to try to make something stick. And I'm going to take a bath. Then, I'm going back to bed...
I'll write more tomorrow...
10/04/2006
Patience
Patience is one of those things that I struggle to have. Really, in most aspects of my life, I'm not a very patient person. When I've really wanted something, or when I've been truly committeed to something, I can be patient. But when I feel like I'm being jerked around on a string by someone who I really don't need in my life, well, then my patience runs out.
Most importantly, I'm not someone who is going to take much time to think through my response. Pretty much, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Either you're in my life in a good way, or you're not welcome in it at all. Period. End of discussion.
So anyway - today is actually starting out much better than yesterday. I had plenty of time this morning and slept wonderfully all through the night last night. I'm craving coffee this morning for some strange reason. Really - it's bizarre. I don't drink much coffee any more. It's hump day and I'm REALLY looking forward to this week starting to come to a close. I'm needing a weekend at home with my honey. We've got a lot to do...
Most importantly, I'm not someone who is going to take much time to think through my response. Pretty much, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. Either you're in my life in a good way, or you're not welcome in it at all. Period. End of discussion.
So anyway - today is actually starting out much better than yesterday. I had plenty of time this morning and slept wonderfully all through the night last night. I'm craving coffee this morning for some strange reason. Really - it's bizarre. I don't drink much coffee any more. It's hump day and I'm REALLY looking forward to this week starting to come to a close. I'm needing a weekend at home with my honey. We've got a lot to do...
10/03/2006
Some days are tougher than others...
This morning, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. While rushing around trying to get lunches ready, I failed to eat quickly enough. So now, what started as mild queasiness when I woke up has blossemed into full on sickness. My head is pounding and I'm just overall annoyed.
So then, I get myself to work and it's just a madhouse here. There are a million things to do and my willingness or desire to do any of them is at complete zero. I want to just cross my arms and tell everyone to F-off. Not exactly an option.
So here I am. Annoyed, sick and tired of being sick and tired, and totally not in the mood to deal with all of this.
Anyway. The one bright spot today is that M & S get to test today. I woke up thinking about them and I've been thinking about them ever since. We're hoping for you, ladies...
So then, I get myself to work and it's just a madhouse here. There are a million things to do and my willingness or desire to do any of them is at complete zero. I want to just cross my arms and tell everyone to F-off. Not exactly an option.
So here I am. Annoyed, sick and tired of being sick and tired, and totally not in the mood to deal with all of this.
Anyway. The one bright spot today is that M & S get to test today. I woke up thinking about them and I've been thinking about them ever since. We're hoping for you, ladies...
10/02/2006
Changin'
I think the best part of being pregnant for me right now is how much better my alone time with Kelly has become. Not that we didn't have a great time together before, but it's become so much sweeter since we found out we are pregnant. I think the reason is that we now how much life is going to change once our little honey comes home with us.
Yesterday, after we got back from camping, Kelly and I sat down to watch the Redskins game. I love football - but I was also completely tired and needed to shut my eyes for a few minutes. I laid my head on Kelly's lap and promptly feel sound asleep. When I woke up about an hour later, I found myself thinking how wonderful it was to be able to do that without a second thought.
And I know that will change once our baby is born. It makes each little stolen moment so sweet and each extra hour of sleep that much better and each lingering cup of coffee or tea that much more satisfying.
I'm so excited for the birth of our child, but in those precious moments, I'm glad that there are still some months before it happens...
Yesterday, after we got back from camping, Kelly and I sat down to watch the Redskins game. I love football - but I was also completely tired and needed to shut my eyes for a few minutes. I laid my head on Kelly's lap and promptly feel sound asleep. When I woke up about an hour later, I found myself thinking how wonderful it was to be able to do that without a second thought.
And I know that will change once our baby is born. It makes each little stolen moment so sweet and each extra hour of sleep that much better and each lingering cup of coffee or tea that much more satisfying.
I'm so excited for the birth of our child, but in those precious moments, I'm glad that there are still some months before it happens...
10/01/2006
Wonderful Weekend
For the first time since my pregnancy began, I spent a weekend that felt like it was totally my own.
Kelly and I went camping with another couple and had the most wonderful time. M&S are the most perfect people to have around while camping because they are laid back, chill and REALLY good at making fire and food and conversation. There is nothing - and I mean nothing - more relaxing to me than sitting with Kelly and talking to good friends. And when that it accompanied by a warm camp fire and cool air with no meaningful sickness to speak of...well, lets just say that for me it was a wonderfully magical weekend.
I had not realized how quickly being pregnant had consumed me. I felt like this weekend was more about being a wife and a friend, than it was about being a soon-t0-be mother. It's a distinction that I didn't really understand until I got home and realized how truly relaxed I felt.
To make it all even better, Kelly and I slept SOOOO well last night. It was cool - but not freezing like it was on Friday night. It rained all night long (and our tent was well protected by a tarp, so we didn't get even a drop on us). And we slept like rocks all bundled up together. If there is anything cozier, I don't know what it is.
So, thank you M&S for being a part of such a wonderful (and much needed) weekend for us. And thank you O for bringing yourself and your cocoa along on Saturday.
This mama feels like a woman again - and rested and ready for another week at the grind!
Kelly and I went camping with another couple and had the most wonderful time. M&S are the most perfect people to have around while camping because they are laid back, chill and REALLY good at making fire and food and conversation. There is nothing - and I mean nothing - more relaxing to me than sitting with Kelly and talking to good friends. And when that it accompanied by a warm camp fire and cool air with no meaningful sickness to speak of...well, lets just say that for me it was a wonderfully magical weekend.
I had not realized how quickly being pregnant had consumed me. I felt like this weekend was more about being a wife and a friend, than it was about being a soon-t0-be mother. It's a distinction that I didn't really understand until I got home and realized how truly relaxed I felt.
To make it all even better, Kelly and I slept SOOOO well last night. It was cool - but not freezing like it was on Friday night. It rained all night long (and our tent was well protected by a tarp, so we didn't get even a drop on us). And we slept like rocks all bundled up together. If there is anything cozier, I don't know what it is.
So, thank you M&S for being a part of such a wonderful (and much needed) weekend for us. And thank you O for bringing yourself and your cocoa along on Saturday.
This mama feels like a woman again - and rested and ready for another week at the grind!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
