Water & Guilt

Kelly isn't drinking enough fluid. She has not reached the official dehydration state, but she is getting there. There are two distinct problems. The first is that during the day, she is bloated as all hell. Drinking anything makes her belly feel heavy and puts a lot of pressure on it. Which in turns makes her feel very, very sick. At night, she is afraid to drink a bunch of water because the couple of times that she has done it, she's been up all night peeing. And getting up rapidly in the middle of the night makes her sick. And not getting enough sleep makes her sick.

She's up shit creek without a paddle. And without any shit, either...but that is an entire other story and Kelly has not approved me discussing her bowels and the lack of movement coming from them. Oopps...did I just talk about it???

Water needs to happen, though. She knows it. I know it. If not, she'll be taking water intravenously from a drip in the hospital. I can't imagine that will make her feel any better.

Kelly mentioned last night that she feels badly for all the things that I'm doing for her, for Bailey and for the rest of our life right now. She feels badly, but at the same time she doesn't have the energy to give a shit. She admitted to being self-centered right now.

Not that she needed to admit that. I didn't need an explanation.

Here is the thing. I have a whole new understanding for non-birth partners. Be them male or female, the job of taking care of a pregnant woman and all the rest of life that continues is difficult at best. It's impossible at its worst. I also have developed the utmost contempt for non-birth partners who don't care for their pregnant woman the way that I am caring for Kelly. The idea that a woman would have to suffer through what Kelly is suffering through with the full back up support of another person discusts me. You can bet that I'll have some heated conversation with useless partners that cross my path for the rest of my life.

But that wasn't the point. The point is that I don't need for Kelly to apologize or even acknowledge what I am coping with. The thing is, we are both pregnant. Kelly's entire job right now is to care for, carrying and grow our child. Because of the intensity of this process for her, it's all she can manage to do...and it's the only thing that can be expected of her. You can't just walk away from being pregnant. Kelly never gets a break. Never. She's pregnant every minute, of every day without fail.

And I am too. I am carrying a different load, but it is one that is no less important or meaningful. Without me, Kelly would not be able to do what she is doing with any level of comfort or joy. Her life would be impossible. My contribution right now is not to our child, but to our child's birth mother. And it is a contribution that allows her to continue in this pregnacy. I know that. I don't need her to apologize for what she sees as extra work on my part.

We chose to be pregnant together. While I didn't know what that meant from this perspective, I would certainly never shirk my duties to my wife and our child now. And that is that.

So, Kelly. Stop apologizing. Your job right now is Our Littler Honey. What you have left, give to Bailey. You do not owe me any apology and you certainly should not be feeling badly because I can physically do what you cannot right now. You take care of our child and I'll take care of you. Deal?

And just for the record - I don't feel guilty that you are going through this and I am not. I didn't want to carry another child, and we knew full well that you could have this happen (given your family history). I don't feel guilty that it did. But I do have the expectation of myself that I will work just as hard as you are right now and make things just as easy as I can for you right now. What I am doing is done out of love for you, nothing more and nothing less.