Love In The Extreme

Yesterday, as I was driving home from the parking lot where the bus drops me off, I heard a song. It had been a long, long day with a couple of major problems at work. My coworker is leaving and things are crazy. Honestly, work is going to be tough for the next four months.

But as I was driving home, I heard Edwin McCain's "I'll Be." I have posted the lyrics before, and they have always reminded me of Kelly. Her love for me is immense and being loved by her is like stepping out into the warm sun when you're ice cold. She is my heart, my soul...my love.

But as I was singing along to this lyric:

"You're my survival, you're my living proof, that my love is alive...and not dead"

I found myself picturing not Kelly, but our Bailey. Our little love who has taught me the true meaning of love without end, hope without fear, selflessness without selfishness.

She is everything to us. Our whole world is wrapped up in that little girl who made our family complete. Perhaps someday we will bring another child into this world, but for right now, for today, Bailey is the love of our lives.

For anyone who is interested in a written account of post partum depression that very closely mirrors what I went through, read "Down Came The Rain" by Brooke Shields. Kelly got me the book for my birthday, and I cried my way through it as I remembered the experiences of the first six months of Bailey's life. I've shared a lot, but I could never share it all. She does a great job of describing it.

Of course, the written word can never capture the fear, shame, guilt and anger that plagued me. It is, however, a short read that portrays her experience in a way that can be understood by those who haven't gone through post partum depression.

And what a sharp contrast my feelings are now. I'm not sure if the tears I cried when I was reading were because I was remembering or because I was so thankful that I made it through that alive and have come out the other side. I'm not sure it matters.