I Finally Understand

I finally understand how people's lives can get out from under them. I finally understand how you can move so fast that you miss the little things. I finally get people who never stop to smell the roses. I finally can appreciate why people seem surprised to wake up one day and discover themselves old, their children grown and their relationship all but dead from lack of attention.

Okay, so that is a bit dramatic, but what the hell did you expect?

Honestly, though, it's amazing how quickly life seems to be moving these days. It seems I just woke up. Didn't I just drop Bailey off 20 minutes ago? How can it possibly be 5:15 already? I just started drinking my morning cup of coffee. Dear God, by the time I get home, it'll be 7 PM and I haven't even eaten lunch yet.

See, the pace of my life is insane. Truly insane. It takes an enormous act of will and sheer determination to make it work. Not to mention truly miraculous adaptability and supreme organization skills. I've never in my life been so incredible "on" all the time.

I miss Kelly a lot these days. I thought I missed her while I was on maternity leave and it seemed that our entire relationship was changing (it was) as we adapted to life with Bailey. But I had no idea. None. We barely talk. And it's not for lack of wanting or even trying. We just don't have time. We spend all day, every day, getting shit ready for the next thing - nighttimes are spent getting ready for the next day/next morning and the weekend are spent getting ready for the next week. I can't remember the last time we had a conversation that didn't include some kind of planning for the chess game of our life. Hell, we don't even do the weekend chores together anymore. It's easier to concur and divide.

So anyway. I don't mean to bitch (well, I do...just a little), but I do want to point out that I finally understand. I get how people are slaves to thier schedules instead of participants in their lives. I understand now.