First Full Day

Yesterday was actually my first full day of maternity leave. I'm going to call all this time off (from now until I go back to work after Bailey's birth) maternity leave, but it's actually paid out of two different pots of money. I'm very lucky, and for just one second, I need to send out some props to my big, corporate machine of a company. There are lots and lots of things wrong with the medical system in American and with the way that workers are treated. We need one giant Union to come along and force those "with" to help those "without". It's hard to be a mother in America. There just isn't much in the way of support - at least, not the kind that we really need - like financial support. Parenting is a commodity in this country.

But sometimes...and it's rare...but sometimes a company gets it right. In the age of fewer benefits, less health care options, fewer days off and lower pay...my big law firm has really come through for it's workers. We were given a whole new leave policy just a couple of months ago that has enabled me to walk away from my job for up to 4 months without ever seeing my pay decreased at all. Everything continues just as it would if I were going to work every day...but I'm not. Four months isn't long, and I'd love for it to be longer. But four months is a hell of a lot longer than most new mothers get in this country. Full pay is certainly better than the limited pay or no pay that most mothers get. I'm lucky. Very, very lucky...and I want to not forget that as I'm spending this time at home.

Now...with that out of the way...PHEW!!!! In one day, I feel like an entire new person. Holy shit. That's all I have to say. Yesterday, as Kelly and were driving to get the car seat installed (yep, it actually happened yesterday!), I was singing and giggling and "dancing" in the car. This sounds like not much...but it was a regular occurrence when I wasn't pregnant and before I started feeling so crappy. I'm generally a silly person - with lots of stupid little things that I do to make my honey giggle. Lately, I just haven't had the energy. But knowing that I have some time off, I feel re-energized. Honestly, I'm not sure how I've continued going to work these past couple of weeks.

Last night, I slept like shit. But I'm going to go back to bed for a couple of hours this morning. Because I can. Because it's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing right now. I'm also going to putter around the house - get some of the accumulated junk cleaned up and put away and the garbages emptied and other little stuff that just continues to build. I'm going to take it slow and easy and just be peaceful. I'm going to take my time making dinner, and tonight I'm going to go to bed early and rest more.

I'm hoping that all of my resting will prompt Bailey to move down into my pelvis and start getting ready to come on out. That may be wishful thinking, but I do know that when she is ready, I'm going to be prepared.

One thing from our appointment yesterday - I came back Strep B positive. It means I'll be on IV antibiotics during labor. I'm not yet sure how this will change my labor - I had wanted to wait for as long as possible before doing in...but if they need to start antibiotics, I may need to go in earlier. I'm doing my very best to not project my frustrations or fears out into the labor. My goal is to know what I want and then focus on being flexible and ready to handle anything. If I have to labor in bed, hooked up to a million monitors, I need to find a way to be okay with that. Kelly and I have worked out our focal points and our meditations. We know what we will be thinking about and how she is going to support me through it. We've done what we can to be ready, and I just have to trust that no matter what happens, we will get through it and Bailey will come out a healthy baby girl with a healthy Momma and Mommy.