To Be Needed

The funny part about my job is that I'm needed. A lot. All the time. By a lot of people. Usually, I come in 2-3 hours before my start time, just to have a couple of hours to catch up and organize my day and be ready for the contant onslaught of needs and requests for the five people that I support. It's not a problem for me - I'm a very good administrative assistant and I'm paid well to do my job. I even enjoy it most of the time.

But this morning, I was sick and so tired that I had to go back to bed. I got up 4 AM (per my usual routine) and by 4:45 had climbed back in bed with the alarm reset for 7 AM. There was just no way that I could keep my eyes open. By the time I got to work (only 15 minutes later than my scheduled time in the office), the folks I support were certain something horrible had happened and that I wasn't coming in.

When I got here, I fielded a bunch of questions. "How are you feeling?" "Where were you?" "Are you doing okay?" I assured everyone that I was fine, and was just about to answer their questions when I realized that they didn't really care about how I was feeling. What they cared about was that I wasn't here exactly when they needed me.

More importantly, I get this feeling that everyone is watching me with slight suspicion. They are all wondering if my energy level, my willingness and ability to work at 150 miles per hour for 10 hours a day, and my constant smile will falter now that I'm carrying a child.

I have managed to keep up the illusion thus far. The work load isn't so terrible, and as I've mentioned, I'm good at my job. I'm blessed with an amazing partner who has picked up the household duties and is carrying them like a champion. I come home to cooked meals and a lap to rest my head on and fall sound asleep. So right now, work can get what little energy I have left after making a baby.

But I laugh to myself while I rub my tummy in my down time. This won't always be the case. As our baby gets bigger, and my energy level decreases more, work will get less of me. I chuckle at their pointed questions, because at some point, they will realize that I'm human, as opposed to a bionic super-assistant.

And in the end, nothing is more important to me than the little life inside of me. Nothing.