It's All About Poop

It seems that much of what I post about these days is poop. Or extriment in some form or another. But what can I say? We're knee deep in shit and it just keeps piling.

We attempted panties for a full day on Saturday. Or rather, I attempted. Kelly looked at me like I was a fool when I put them on her. And she looked at me in pity when Bailey pooped in her panties. Then again when she pooped in them a second time 15 minutes later. And then again when she peed a river of urine that splashed off the chair, filled her shoes and covered the carpet. I know it takes time, but I was seriously grossed out. We went back to pull ups on Sunday and Bailey didn't use the potty once. *sigh* We'll try again soon. Maybe next weekend?

Connor is officially sleeping through the night. I can say this because he has gone to bed around 7:30 PM and not woken up until around 5 AM for 9 nights in a row. I think this makes it official. The next step is to move him out of our room. Up until a few weeks ago, we had assumed we would move him into Bailey's room and they would share a room. But given that he goes to bed before she does and that she is NOT quiet (and should not be expected to be), he is getting his own room. Which means that the holding pen for all things baby that are not longer needed that we call the guest room needs to be cleaned out. Which means I need to find new owners for all the things we no longer need and don't have room to store. Seems like I'll be pimping Craig's list for a while. Anyone having babies that needs STUFF? We have stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. And more coming.

Since this is the last baby, we are offloading all the stuff we stored when Bailey grew out of it.

We're okay. Kelly is struggling right now. It seems that one of us struggles at any given moment. We both need a break and our week-long, beach vacation in 2 weeks can't come soon enough. The time is needed. The break is needed. The change of scenery is needed. Seriously. I don't want to talk to much on this subject because 1) there are no solutions and 2) it just makes me feel sad, exhausted and strung out.

That's all for now.

Long Time Coming

I am such a bad, bad blogger these days. My only excuse is...well...there are many of them. Suffice to say that life is a tad busier these days than it has been in recent years. I apologize to the faithful readers out there who have gotten used to my long-winded journeys through my mind and details about our life. It's just been so busy. In any event, hopefully this blog won't disappoint!

We'll start with the youngest...

Connor

Our Connor has taken a turn for all grown up overnight. He went from this little cooing, perfect little baby to a full-on REAL baby overnight it seems! To start, he's sitting up fully. On his own. He sits and plays with his toys all by himself. Every now and then he leans too much to one side to get something and can't right himself. Then he tumbles over face first. Or sometimes he gets so excited he can't help himself and throws his little body backwards. We have pillows propped behind him for just these times. It breaks the fall.

Speaking of all grown up - our baby boy celebrated his 6 month birthday yesterday. I can barely believe it has been 6 months, and yet, as with Bailey, I can't remember a world without Connor. He is so deeply ingrained in the fabric of our lives that it's like he was always there. He had is 6 month check up on Friday. Kelly was heartily congratulated for making it through the first 6 months of breast feeding. She got an "A" from the doctor. He congratulated her in a way that made it seems like he would inevitably stop breastfeeding very soon...which isn't going to happen. Both Connor and Kelly are still very committed, and so it continues. He did advise us strongly that Connor needed a multi-vitamin because he's not getting formula. We just blew it off. Sometimes doctors are stupid. He's eating food regularly, but not a lot - he has a container of fruit in the morning and veggies at night. He loves his food. His 6 month stats - he's 18 pounds, 12 ounces and 27 inches long. He's in the 75th percentile for both. He's a chunky, healthy baby boy!

The final proof that our Connor is growing up? He's slept through the night for the past three nights. He is waking up once, but not until around 3 or 3:30 AM and then back to sleep for a few more hours. Good boy!!!! I like children who sleep...LOL!

Bailey

Bailey B also seems to have taken another leap forward. The kids don't seem to progress in small chunks; rather they burst forward into a new development seemingly overnight. She is talking, talking, talking...and getting all her pronouns right. She gets her tenses right 95% of the time. She fully communicates with her words and it's amazing. She's always been a great talker, but these days, it seems like she is talking so far beyond her age. She uses new words every day - big ones or complex ones...and she uses them correctly. You only have to read or say a word one time and she incorporates it into her vocabulary and uses it correctly moving forward. The only thing that she still does wrong is when I ask her "do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you". Her reponse is "carry you". No matter how many times I correct it, she still says it that way.

Today is big day for her - she starts in pre-preschool in her new room at school! This is a program approved by the Maryland Dept. of Education and had a pretty rigorous schedule and activities. Of course, it's pre-preschool. So it's not like real school. But it's a big deal for her and she is in a new room with new teachers. She was very, very excited to arrive this morning.

Another change in Bailey is her eating habits. She's finally eating sandwhiches and things that are multi-layered. I know that sounds strange, but she would never eat foods that were complicated. She liked bland pastas, or one-flavored items. This weekend she plowed through a grilled cheese and the other day, she ate a PB&J. Her first two-year molar is fully through with the other three coming quickly behind.

Potty training has stalled at home. If we take off her clothes, she will go on the potty when she needs to...but she is expressing a preference for wearing a diaper right now. On Thursday, she only went through one pullup at school, though. She went on the potty every time!!!! She's close. We're still not pushing it. It'll happen when it's time.

The Kids

I have to put this category in now, because this weekend the kids developed a relationship. Up until now, they have been aware of each other and Bailey has commented on Connor. She certainly loves him and knows he is there, but he was never really her focus. Same with Connor. But this weekend, that changed. They actively played together. Bailey cooked and fed him from her very own kitchen. Connor played along - reaching out for her and hanging in while she tormented him. It was super-cute and certainly a glimpse into the future.

Mikki/Momma

I am coming off a four-day sickness that kicked my ass. Seriously. The flu-like symptoms started on Wednesday night. Thursday and Friday were horrid. I started feeling better Friday night and was excited, thinking that I was going to have the weekend. But then, Saturday morning, my head cold kicked in. My nose was plugged solid for two days, finally starting to break up last night. I'm still not feeling great - maybe 60% today. Being a sick mother sucks. SUCKS. Other than that, things are okay. Normal. I'm busy with the above with relatively little time for other things and that's okay for now.

Kelly/Mommy

Kelly is hanging in there too. She is struggling a bit with Connor's weird breast-feeding schedule and trying to keep it all in order. She has also had to carry a lot of the weight the last few days because of my illness. She is gearing up for busy season at work. Other than that, not much is going on in her life that is any thing other than the above!

Us

We're okay. We dropped the kids off to a babysitter on Saturday afternoon. We went out to a Japanese steak house and had a great time. We spent some time wondering around Baby's R Us after. It was a very, very nice break. It's amazing to me how quickly we drift right back into "us" when the kids are not around. We're different people with our children and around our children. When we are alone, there is a power shift, a balance shift that happens. I think, for both of us, it's the most comfortable place for US. It's not how we parent, though, so it's important for us to get back there every now and then. We're keeping up our committement to regular dates and things are okay.

That's all for now!

Really...Not Much

Not much is happening. I'm not feeling well. The kids are fine. All is quite normal.

I promise I'll post more later.

Potty Training

Has moved into "Potty Reality". Bailey is very, very close to all the way there. In fact, if we took the intiative and took her diaper off and put on the panties that she chose this weekend, she would be there. In school, she wears pull ups, but they do the bathroom time every 45 minutes. She always pees on the potty and 99.5% of the time, her pull up is not wet. At home, she takes off her pants and pull up most nights and runs naked. When it's time to pee, she sits on the potty and makes it happen. Sometimes we reward, other times not. Last night, right after dinner, she ran to the potty and pooped. Like a big, adult-sized poop.

Funny the amount of congratulations you give for poop well done. LOL

In any event, we still cling a bit to diapers for ease, but we are there. The real question is when we will suck it up and make the final transition.

Random Friday Thoughts

Before I had children, I thought motherhood would come naturally to me. I envisioned these beautiful transitions into selflessness where the only thing that matter was my children. I imagined my marriage taking a natural back burner and that feeling okay, because it would be punctuated by wild sex and sweet, tender moments. I imagined giggles and hugs and moments of sheer beauty, without any of the other moments. Mostly, I imagined that I would continue to live up to my own impossibly high standards and I imagined that I would have the good grace to forgive myself when I didn't.

Silly me.

Motherhood has not come naturally for me. Mothering has come naturally. Being a mother to my children in their moments of greatest need is easy. Being the boo boo kisser and the crying comforter. Keeping track of their progress and their benchmarks and adjusting around it has come naturally. Being prepared with size 3 diapers when the size two ones don't fit - things like that. That is all natural, and easy. Allowing my children to fold into my heart is easy. Knowing that I would still choose this path is easy.

What isn't easy is the selflessness part. Or the part where I give up my relationship most of the time to be a parent. Sometimes I get so frustrated and I have nobody to vent it out on. Just talking about it isn't always enough - I want to throw a fit and be frustrated loudly. And I have to keep my shit in check, because it's not my kids' fault and it's not my wife's fault. It not anyone's fault...it just is.

We juggle a million things at all times. We really never get a break. I'm not sure that any parent every truly lets go of being a parent, but it sure would be nice to be able to just shut it down for a few. I find msyelf missing the freedom of non-parenting and single life. Even in the same breath, I know that I would never go back. I'm tired. I'm stressed out. I need some time to reconnect with my wife - god, I need her again. It's been over two years since we've really connected on the level that we used to. Sometimes I feel like we're lost completely. Other times, I catch a glimpse of us in passing as we each rush off in different directions. Those rare moments, when that look passes between us and the fire burns bright for a few seconds reminds me that we still have the love that created the life we live.

In my logical brain, I know this is temporary. I know, sooner than we would like to imagine, the kids will be out of these early years and will be more autonomous. I know they won't always keep us up every night. I know that there will come a day when they will play with each other and we'll wonder if we even exist in their worlds. I know this. I do. But it doesn't help right now, because right now is when I need some of the pressure lifted. I feel like a steam cooker, and the steam is just building and building.

We're going to the Outer Banks in September. My brother, his two kids, my mother and my best friend will be joining us. I can't wait. My mother is a goddess and she gets where I'm at. She knows how much we need some down time and our children love and trust her. She has cared for them exclusively (when we were in the hospital and for a week or so after we got home). We can leave them in her hands and walk away. Maybe for only a few hours, but a few hours is enough to reconnect. To find ourselves on the beach, alone, with a setting sun.

Parenting for me is hard work. I envy those who can just enter it without the drama. I wish I were one of those people.

What Can I Say?

I wish I had something positive to say. I don't. Connor has been sick for what feels like forever. We are both having to take way too much time off work to deal with our fucking crazy ass life and it's showing in the way our coworkers are responding to us. Even the most understanding of workplace environments have limits. Connor's not sleeping. Bailey is still in terrible two (although, it's been getting better, actually). And now, I'm sick (or getting there) with whatever nasty cold Connor has had. And, of course, I can't take any time off to get well because I have no time and I've depleted my repository of goodwill.

Life sucks right now. Seriously.